The Addams Family

The drinks were gone in two sips, and Kat did her thing. Rubbing against me and kissing me from my face, and started down my neck. I pushed her behind the backdrop of the bar area, then told the male bartender, "You haven't seen us, but let me know when twenty minutes are up, cool?" He just grinned and winked at me.

I ran up to Kat with my finger to my lips and had her follow me behind the supplies they brought with them. Just as he promised, her brother opened the sliding door to his panel truck. I lifted Kat into it, hopped in, and closed the door. Fifteen minutes later, we were getting dropped off at our house. We thanked Elliot and made our way to the front door. Kat started to freak out that both had no clothes until I pulled a chain around my neck with a key hanging.

As soon as we got inside, we began taking off our robes and hanging them in the front closet so they were safe. Then, after all the drapes were pulled and all locks doubled-checked. My wife and I christened every room in the house and most surfaces. I will have pleasant memories of the kitchen table for many years, while Kat would say her favorite was in front of a raging fireplace and a large bowl of ice.

Kat had stocked up on food, drink, and the usual necessities. It's just after three and a half weeks; our stomach wants food, but our bodies are tired of cleaning up afterward. So, we caved. We went out with sunglasses until our eyes adjusted to that big yellow thing in the sky that's honestly way too bright for us vampires. But we made it into the restaurant. Kat orders first, then my stomach growls very loudly, so with a red face, I order the butterfly shrimp. Kat smiled, saying shrimp is good for the libido, so I called the waitress to make it two orders now and two when we leave.

When we returned home, Mom sat on the porch waiting for us to arrive. "Everybody knows you finally made a showing into the world of the living," She laughed, "You were both spotted driving to the restaurant," She gave Kat a kiss and a hug first. "Welcome to the family, dear!" then I got a quick half-hug and a smile, "Don't mess this up, stud!" I busted out laughing and kissed her cheek.

Then she saw the bag on the seat, "You went to ReMondo's! Were you nice enough to get me anything? OMG! Thank you both. I love their shrimp!" I felt like Fate had set me up on this one. "By the way, the bag on the porch has all the items you both left at the wedding."

I grabbed the bag as Kat opened the door, "Does ReMondo's deliver?" I asked her.

Four months later...

===================

Kat's Birthday was in five months, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to know! So, I ordered 2 of those online DNA testing kits and had them sent to my new office at the plant. I grabbed the 'large size' kit, walked to Elliot's office, and placed it on his desk. I walked out, telling his secretary to make sure he got that. Then I looked him up and found him working out the bugs of joining old styles to the new techniques we were now putting out.

The expansion of the carriage house was completed in five and a half weeks with a bit of overtime involved., well OK... a lot of overtime. Elliot damn near lived at the warehouse or our house until Kat and I came up with the idea of clearing out the showroom and the old offices there, extending it out, and building his family a living and play area in its place.

Everyone loved it, so Elliot sold his house and used the proceeds to home-school his children. "Hey, Elliot! It's quitting time, so give it a rest, my man!" I joked, "Besides, the package is on your desk, and I need you to take care of that before I leave. I bought them as a set and need to return them like that to get the discount.

"Sorry, John, lost track of time wanting to get this just right." he said, "be right back! He returned a half hour later, "Here you go, my man. This will be the perfect present for Kat, you know."

I took the kit from him and dropped it. I knelt to get it and noticed something under this side of the form. I asked if he could raise it for a minute and pulled out a 'gummi bear.' I told him to let it back down easy, and everything slipped into place! I just looked at him as I handed him a gummi bear smashed into a flexible fifty-cent piece-sized disc by the bottom form. "Don't judge. They help keep me from grinding my teeth when I'm frustrated." I just grinned and walked away!

I returned to my office, pulled out his kit, and laid it all out. Then, I ran upstairs, got the hair I needed from her hairbrush, and returned to my office. The kits were from two different companies. I needed to be sure. I put the hair I got from his lab coat and one from Kat and sealed it up, then took an empty vial and again placed a hair from Elliot and Kat inside the vials and sealed that kit up. Kat wasn't due for another hour and a half, so I went to ship them off and came back to cook dinner.

I took all the trash in the house to the trash cans first to cover my tracks. Then I made 'chicken cor-don-bleu' for dinner with a small sweet potato and a small cup of hickory smoked baked beans with bacon crumbled into it.

It took me thirty days to get my answer because I called ahead and paid to have it tested twice. I wanted to leave no doubt whatsoever on this! As I read the emailed results, two emails from the two companies showed each test's results, and all four told me the same thing. I had little time to find a gift for my beloved wife. That night at dinner, I was rather testy at times, and Kat called me on it.

"What's wrong, my love? Why such a sour mood tonight?" She asked me.

"Having a problem finding your present," I said honestly. Then I took her hands and kissed them both, her right and left. It hit me like a sledgehammer! I had the perfect gift for her! She told me she had a problem at her work and needed the day to set everything right again. She offered me an executive position at her business, and again, I refused her, saying I was enjoying what I was doing with 'team Elliot.'

Then words came tumbling out of my mouth, "As a matter of fact, I have to correct something about ourselves tomorrow, too. The thing is, I don't know how long ours will last."

Kat came up behind me and pressed her hot body against mine, wrapping her arms around me, and nibbled my ear. "No more business. I want to talk banking!"

"I'll tell you that talking about our businesses isn't sexy, but why banking?" I grinned.

"Because I have a couple of accounts that you need to make a 'deposit' into before the bank forecloses!" She grinned and pulled me onto the bed!

I waited until Kat was gone before I backed out of our drive and left work. I asked a few jewelers who would have the most beautiful yet unique design for wedding rings, and his name was always mentioned! So I was on my way to my mystery jeweler. He sounded funny on the phone when I set up our meeting, so I had my friend clipped at my back.

When I pulled up, it reminded me more of a small house than a place of business, so inside, I went. I heard a buzzer go off in the back, and a female voice called, "Give me a moment, please." After about fifteen seconds, a raven-haired beauty came out of the back. "You're not Goth or a stripper... what can I do for you?" she asked.

"My name is John, and I have spoken to a guy named 'Lar,' so if yo...I stopped talking as I watched her bury her face in her hands, and she turned the brightest shade of red I had ever seen.

"Can I go in the back and come out again? My GOD! I screwed the pooch on this one! She looked up, and her red eyes seemed surprised I was still waiting.

I smiled and asked again, "Lar?"

"OK, not only did I just totally disrespect you, but I lied too." she went back to the door to the back and kicked out the doorstop. The door showed a poster of a large, muscled man wrapped in wolfskin and armor. "This is Lar."

"I have to hear about this. Do you have a chair?" I joked.

"My name is Rosie, and I own and run 'Ezmerelda's,' It's just that nobody takes a woman who does what I do seriously, so two years ago, I became 'Lar' to everyone on the phone and the company blog. Guess what? Sales up by 26%!" She smiled, "What do you think about that?"

I hesitated momentarily, "I think that you should divorce the cheating 'Lar,' and in a messy divorce, all you got was around 50k and 'Ezmerelda's.' That way, you present yourself doing that 'I'm a pissed off female business owner, Fuck with me, and you're tomorrow's lunch!' persona." and grinned back at her, "And still sell to the strippers and the goth people, after hours."

"I like the way you think, and I could remodel the showroom and make it a bit more classy out here. I'm going to use that. Thank you!" and 'Lar' went into the trash basket. "So what can I show you, honey?" I replied, 'Wedding rings,'

and she lost some of her energy, "Figures,"

I saw the ring I wanted right off! The band around the finger was black coral set in white gold, and right beside that was a same-sized band of plain white gold. The design was a circle of white gold with coral around a setting for a two-karat diamond. I didn't plan to buy another, so I splurged on this. I pointed at it and told her, "If that is a size 7, you made a sale."

Rosie smiled, "She finally found a home. She was a special order til just before the wedding, they both went to the same party where both cheated on each other. They didn't want her anymore. The ring comes in two parts, here, let me show you." I chuckled when she totaled up the sale, "... discounted price, minus 10% for being my divorce lawyer over Lar, and the total is... a night with me unless you already are....", I gave her a 'sorry' look, "Damn! OK, 5% for being my lawyer then." We both laughed at that one.

"Can I ask who the lucky girl is?" I pulled out my phone and then showed her Kat's picture. Rosie's jaw dropped. That's...," and then she did that fish face thing they do.

"My wife Katrina, we got married this year." Then I became concerned, so I poked her shoulder with my finger, "... Hello, Rosie?"

Her body jumped as her mind started working again, like a skipping record, finally hitting it hard enough that the needle pounced to the next groove. "You married her. She's been missing for over two years, and you waltz in here and tell me you married her."

"Want to see the wedding photos?" I teased her a bit more. I showed her the altar picture with the both of us visible, as well as a few after-our-vows shots that were taken. "She needed privacy while she dealt with some personal issues. Now she's back and 'ready to rumble,' as it were." I then had an idea and gave her my business card and showed her pictures of the carriage house going through its phases, "Perhaps we could help you out with your 'remodeling' your showroom.

I walked out with the ring and a receipt for $5,000, plus a new client. Elliot and Karl would be over in three days with our catalogs to pick from showcasing our product, with work to start the day after. If this keeps up, I will have to tap the mother company for a loan again pretty soon.

I got back to work with a couple of hours to spare. My secretary gave me a look that seemed like a frown, so I looked right at her, and before she could say anything, I told her, "My office, now!" and walked right past her. (the look on her face... PRICELESS!) I walked in and sat at my desk, looking as proper as possible.

Tina poked her head in, "What you need, Bossman?"

I looked down and shook my head, "Did I say I wanted to see your head in my office or to see you in here?" I let a little bit of 'rumble' into my voice. This was payback for so many jibes and pokes she gave me until we figured each other out! The rest of her body slowly came into the office. "Can you close the door and then take a seat? Poking my finger to the chair where I wanted her to sit. She needed to hurry because I was about to burst.

I could see the worry in Tina's eyes because I was acting so out of character. as she sat down. "Tina, how long have you worked here?" I asked.

"Since last year," she said quietly.

"And in our short time together, do you think I've come to value your opinion here?"

"I would like to think so," her voice trailed off.

"I'm sure. Then tell me, Tina, in your opinion, do you think my wife will like this?" and showed her the ring.

I believe she started drooling as she looked at the ring. "It's as unique as she is. She'll love it! Where did an asshole like you find something like this?" I gave her one of Rosie's cards.

"Is Elliot on the floor or in his office?" I asked her.

"He's been back and forth working on some secret project of yours, he said." Tina punched me in my arm. "that's for messing with me." My laughter could be heard down on the first floor.

I found Elliot on the floor, finishing up the special box I asked him for. "This is a strange box for a ring, John," He looked at me strangely, so I told him there was another part of the present that didn't pan out, so I was thinking of a prominent picture of us dancing at our wedding to go with the ring. "That would be cool. Blow it up and hang it over your fireplace."

======= Happy Birthday Kat! =======

Her house staff handled the arrangements. Our job was to keep her busy and away from the house while they got everything ready. They laughed at me because they always had a hard time with it in the past. I snickered and said, "Watch this one, boys!" I walked up behind Kat, wrapping my arms around her tightly. "Baby, I have a nail on my left foot driving me nuts!" I leaned in and asked, "Do you think one of those places that do feet would let a man do it? I saw a billboard out by the airport..." Her face lit up, saying men do it too, but she trusts one place and would be happy to have one with me.

As she got ready, I asked if she could help me pick out a couple of fancy suits so I could look good next to her when we go out because I'm not sure about that either. "I'm sorry, baby. I should have thought about that before this. After we get our feet and nails done, I'll take you to a tailor I know."

I leaned into her housekeeper, "You were saying?"

"Freaking beginners luck!" as she turned back to the kitchen.

While doing our feet and nails, Kat asked me where I would like to go for lunch. I wondered about the tailor, and she laughed, "My staff doesn't need that much time to prepare the house, so we'll just have a long lunch." We had a good laugh about her knowing.

When we pulled back into the driveway, I reached over and held her. "I hope your birthday today is one for the stars!" and then kissed her with such passion, and she said if it wasn't for her brother's kids, we would be at a Hotel right now and then returned my kiss to me.

The party was on the back lawn, and team Elliot was running and playing, especially on the swingset Kat had installed for them when they were here. I smiled as they alerted Kat like she was blood and not just a friend. The time for presents came, and I brought a chair from the living room for her to be comfortable. She got so many handmade gifts made from the heart, it made her cry, like at our wedding.

When all the presents were given and unwrapped, her lovely crying face I could see the question in her eyes as she looked at me. I stood up and asked if everyone was present, and they were. I asked for total quiet until I was done.

"My love, You completed me with your love and passion for life. You have filled my spirit to overflowing, like a raging river, and I swore to do the same for you one day... well, that day is today! My love for you comes in two parts. Please open the box." everyone watched as she pulled the lid back. I reached around and pulled out the two halves of her ring, telling her not to touch the paper yet.

Then I got down on one knee, "I have married you twice, and still you have no ring, until now." I slipped the first part on her finger, "you came to me looking and even gave me a concussion to make sure I knew your feelings for me." Then I slipped the second part on her finger, twisting it until I felt it click. "Now you have something of me that will be with you always!" I said to her. I got up and gave an envelope to Elliot as well, "Kat, I'm giving back the love you've given me but with a little more.

Then I told Kat and Elliot to read what I had given them. I walked behind Kat's chair and told her I loved her. The silence that followed was deafening! Then Kat looked at Elliot, then at me again. I smiled and nodded my head. Elliot broke down crying, and Kat was a blubbering mess. They just lunged at each other, hugging and crying. I picked up both sets of papers and the box that went flying when Kat launched herself out of the chair.

Elliot's wife, Becky, looked at them like they were having an affair and stopped trying to hide it suddenly until I handed her Elliot's paper. "I always knew there was something between them." She laughed, but you could tell she was relaxed about things now.

Mom gave me a big kiss on the cheek and asked me how I could pull this one out of my ass--given the fact that those records were sealed.

I know more about computers than I told you, Mommy dearest." I gave her a large grin, "I noticed while I was sniffing around that their programs weren't made for what they were doing with them. Put everyone in a circle, then a hundred say they're looking for someone. The program pulls the hundred out of the circle and keeps 'looker' against the remaining nine hundred and all new entries. It automatically stops at nine hundred instead of nine hundred AND ninety-nine. Katrina and Elliot were in the looking group, so they never got tested against each other. The system never tested them, but I did."

"Why are you still smiling? What else have you done?" She knew me too well.

"Remember when you showed that footage of me getting run over by Kat? Remember what I told you I would do?" My smile got bigger!

"Not really," Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Short version: You forgot to pay your taxes on the property for last year, and you are four days late with this year's so far. So I paid it up to date for you. I didn't know they put it up for a tax sale, in essence... I made a trust for the company. The trust went into effect the day before I paid the taxes, making it a part of the trust. So sorry, Mother, but you'll have to move." I did that shoulder shrug with a little head-dunking motion.

"So where will I move to now, Mr. Businessman?" Mom didn't look too happy.

"Well, it just so happens that we don't need the carriage house as a showroom anymore. I thought about you getting together with Elliot and making that your new place to live. You've said you didn't need all the house's space, and the company will build it however you want it to be. I'll even make it roof accessible, so you can suntan nude if you want to!"

"Put a three-person hot tub up there as well, and we have a deal!" she grinned.

"Deal!" and we shook hands.

She stopped a second later, "You caved too easy. What's the catch?"

"No, I was hoping you could stay healthy, especially during our nights out with Elliot and his wife. You'll have the pleasure of babysitting all the kids, and by the look on Kat's face, some of ours will soon be here as well... Grandmother!"

The picture I took of her face when the idea hit her was worth the wait. Posting this to the rest of the family on the 'The Addams Family' website I created will be fun. Truth be known, I had arranged for the entire party to be recorded. This was a significant birthday for the family to enjoy only once.

Kat and I did end up having children of our own. The first was a son, the second was a girl, but her third pregnancy was triplets, two girls and one boy.

But that's another story...