The Beach Trip Pt. 02: Love Lingers

I huffed an even deeper downhearted breath through my nose.

"I want you to know that I didn't tell on you just because I wanted you guys to get in trouble... I know you think that and were so upset that you wouldn't even look at me or talk to me. I couldn't stand when you gave me the cold shoulder at our last gathering and especially five minutes ago." Her voice choked up this time.

"It hurts." She admitted, her hand covering her mouth as her voice cracked, her eyes gleamed and welled up. My vision immediately snapped up to her. In that moment, I could feel how it affected her. The entire time I thought she either didn't care or just felt the same towards me. But I also didn't grant her the chance to reconcile as I never looked her in the eye since the beach and she decided to give me space in response. I wondered if I should have changed how I reacted during the Holidays.

"And just the entire time, it was such a miserable week for me," she sobbed, sniffling as the sun reflected off her eyes like raindrops. I blinked away any hint of water from my own. My eyebrows pulled closer together. Her surprising explanation drew out expressions of concern and empathy.

"I invited Jess to the beach and she just talked to Dan the whole time. As you probably know by now, Kiara and Lana were together and I was just the 5th wheel. It's like I didn't even exist, like I was nothing." Her free right hand helped explain the intensity of how she felt while her left hand hung on the steering wheel as she fully let loose.

"And Brad broke up with me four days before we left. I took some time for myself but nobody wanted to talk to me. Just the parents and I went there for you guys! And then I heard something from the next room over and I just couldn't take it anymore. I opened it... and saw you three in the bedroom." She said, crying as her voice choked up again. Her pure raw emotions tugged at my heartstrings as I pictured myself in her shoes.

"And it fucking broke my heart, seeing my little cousin, the same one I used to walk along the beach with when you were little. Doing... that with my sister and Kiara. What they did with you was not okay! You were too young!"

"I wasn't that young, Ashley." I said softly.

"What they did with you was inappropriate. They're older than you and you're technically still a teenager! How can you think that's okay?"

"You're starting to sound just like my mom... I know you're concerned and I appreciate that, but it's fine. I'm past it now." I said, knowing full well in my heart that I partially lied.

She wiped her eyes, sniffling again. Her nose and cheeks flushed a bit when she got upset. I reached out to touch her shoulder. I sympathized with how deeply the incident affected her, no longer solely concerned for myself.

"I'm sorry, Ashley." I apologized, now seeing clearly and understanding her side. Part of me felt shame despite her unintentional affliction. "I didn't know you were going through such a hard time and that it felt like we were excluding you. I would have talked to you had I..."

I paused, blinking away the blur from my eyes that crept up on me. The tragic memory returned, fresh after the dream I just experienced last night.

"Last Holiday gathering, Uncle Mark just shot me this disapproving look and it made me feel as if we just left off from the trip. It brought back those terrible feelings of getting shamed, yelled at and talked down to. And then my family looked at me differently, a couple of them didn't even acknowledge me. I've never felt so worthless in my life." The tears successfully breached past my eyelids at this point and rolled down my cheeks. I wiped them away and sniffled.

I couldn't forget the look Kiara gave me on the couch while my family tore into us, her eyes full of tears and sorrow. A joined moment that silenced their scrutinizing voices. All that we could think of was each other and if we would ever see each other again.

"And I now realize you needed what I would have in that moment. So that makes two of us. I'm sorry." I continued. She looked longingly at me before providing the slightest hint of an approving smile.

"I'm sorry too. I know how my parents can be and it's not fun, believe me I've been on the receiving end of it. And Lana... she nearly got kicked out of the house for it. I had to convince my dad out of going through with it. Now I've seen that your mom can act just as harshly. I hope we can forgive each other. You must have been that upset. I just wish you would've talked to me. It's painful to feel rejected by the ones you love."

"Yes. It is." I agreed, looking into her eyes with a dash of an understanding smile.

"Thank you for picking me up and talking it out with me. This means a lot." I said heartfeltly to her.

She vocalized a cordial and happy huff.

"Anyway we're here, let's go in and have a seat."

We pulled up to the diner. A very classic look between the bronco typeface style logo, the metallic exterior which dazzled passersby and the gray inactive neon lights that lined the building. We entered through the glass doors. Classic Frank Sinatra era music rang from the inside. Instantly we smelled fresh coffee and toast. Rows of stools lined the long counter and booths sat against the wall. Pictures of the 1950s scattered across the wall with mirrors at the far end, giving the illusion of containing more space and patrons. Other families from the college must have had the same idea, eating and drinking coffee together.

We sat at the booth and a nice waitress greeted us then poured us some hot steaming coffee. She ordered eggs and toast while I requested eggs and pancakes.

"So how was your first year?" She asked, pouring sugar into her mug.

"It was fun! I did well in my classes and made some friends that I stuck with for a bit so it was a good time."

"That's great! Have you met anyone interesting?"

I took a sip and placed the mug down.

"Eh. Not really. I feel like everybody's just living in the moment. I've tried a couple times but it's just not the right time or environment for me."

"That's kinda how it is. It varies depending where you go or who you know but you should live it up! You won't get to do this forever, four years go by really fast."

"Yeah," I sighed, "I just... I know what I want by this time. You know I 'dated' a couple girls here and there but they weren't really in it for the long run. And that's kind of what I need right now."

"You don't 'need' someone, Chris." She laughed, "You need to be complete with yourself before being with someone else. Believe me, when Brad and I were together I thought the same thing. Then after two years of dating, meeting each other's families, going places together, it just-"

Snap

"Ended just like that. It crushed me. I felt depressed for a long time after but I realized I don't really need someone else to feel happy. Once I'm happy being by myself, that's when I'll be ready to date again. But until then, it's just me trying to find a job so I can get away from my parents and finally be on my own."

I smiled, looking at the steaming coffee in front of me.

"Yeah. You're right. That is the challenge isn't it? Being happy yourself before pursuing what you want."

"Chris, you deserve to be happy. You're a kind soul. I've seen how cold you can be when you're very upset but beyond that, you're a good person." She reached out to touch my hand, partially to ensure I was paying attention.

"Thank you. I try to be the best that I can. But you're a good person too, Ashley. Especially if you drove all this way to pick me up, talk with me and treat me to breakfast. Seriously, I needed this. And I'm glad we could reconcile things together."

Her eyes looked dreamy as she smiled pleasantly at me.

"Even if I 'ruined your summer' as you said?"

"Even if you ruined my summer." I said, huffing the once harbored negativity away. "Like I said, I understand now. It's in the past and I just want to move on. From the moment, I mean."

"From the moment?" She asked.

"Yeah, just most of it." I said, allowing the vagueness to slip out. She noticed.

"What do you mean just most of it?" She asked.

"I just... I don't know. Nevermind." I deflected, knowing very well she would just challenge me again.

"No, Chris, seriously. What did you mean?"

My defenses raised again.

"Ashley, I don't want to have this discussion if you're just going to shame me just like uncle-"

"Chris, stop it. Stop. It's okay I'm not going to shame you. I just want to know what you're thinking. I'm not going to judge you."

I paused, dreading but knowing there was no other way to say it.

"I just can't stop thinking about her..." I admitted.

"Who? My sister?" She said, raising her eyebrows at me.

I looked at her, tilting my head as if saying "really?"

"No?" She asked.

I continued to stare.

"Ohhh. Yes, her." She leaned back against the red booth placing her fingers under her chin.

I deeply exhaled, my fingers met my forehead as I nodded. She leaned forward with her head over her now light caramel colored coffee.

"Do you love her?"

I removed my hands and opened my mouth, nearly speaking before I thought.

"Haha, ummm. I mean..." I paused, waiting for my brain to start turning the gears as I blankly stared at the steaming black coffee once again.

"I haven't seen or talked to her in a year... I don't know if she's even thought of me si-"

"Chris. Do you love her?"

The staged expression on my face faded. My eyelashes fluttered, reminiscing my true feelings.

"I do." I admitted.

"Oh God, Chris," she said, putting her hand on her head.

"You said you wouldn't judge!"

"You were young and she was much older than you."

"Ashley, I was 18... 18's not young and she was 20."

"Look I know 18 is legal but it's still a very young age. What they did with you was very inappropriate. Chris, I understand you feel that way but she is much older and she shouldn't have been doing that with you. And now you've developed serious feelings for her. I just don't want you to get hurt."

I greatly appreciated her concern for me but I had to tell her the truth.

"I don't want you to think I was manipulated or taken advantage of. It was all consensual. I know what I want by now, because I've felt it with her. It was genuine and I know that. She made me feel loved."

"Tell me the truth, Chris. Is that what you really feel?"

"Yes, I do." I told her truthfully.

She sat back, still uneasy from the response but eventually she grew somewhat amicable about it.

"Did you tell her that?"

"I never got to." I said, disappointingly.

"You should tell her next time you see her." She said softly, "she'd be really happy to hear that from you."

"What if she doesn't like me anymore? She's probably moved on by now."

"She probably thinks the exact same way about you. But hard to say, how would you know? You haven't talked to her in a year." She sipped her coffee.

The waitress brought the food out, filling my nose with the delicious aroma of hot food. Both of our eyes lit up as we grabbed our forks immediately. The plate hitting the table was enough to make me salivate. I poured a generous amount of maple syrup onto the caramel brown pancakes and sniffed the aroma before diving into that delicious goodness and sinking my teeth into it.

The taste was heavenly, equally to the hopeful thoughts that ran through my head as I contemplated doing what I should have done a year ago.

We closed out and got back on the road. I scanned across the pretty green expansive landscape as the sun flickered behind the pine trees.

"Promise me one thing, okay?" She asked.

"Yeah? What is it?" I asked casually.

"Promise me that you won't... do anything with Lana anymore."

My eyes squinted, putting on a protective front to indicate I was baffled by the suggestion.

"I... what? What do you mean?"

"You know what I'm talking about..."

"Why would we do anything?"

"Chris. Come on." She said softly but fully serious, not buying it.

"Why would she tell you that we-"

"It doesn't matter if she did or not, Chris. She's my sister. We tell each other everything. I'm not mad at you but please, it cannot happen again."

She used you. Just like Kiara used you. They wanted you and you gave yourself to them.

"But she wouldn't do that if she didn't care about me right?"

"There are just some things you don't understand... Lana needs to find a partner that is her age to explore things in a safe manner and so do you. This isn't good for both of your emotional health. You need to maintain a family relationship with her and a separate loving relationship with someone else. These things matter, and they should matter to you, otherwise you're going to get confused and possibly blur your other relationships. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it does." I agreed. Lana always treated me nicely but now I could see her point about the importance of maintaining a strict line when it comes to close relationships.

"Good. Just... I don't want to know all the details. Just please tell me you won't let it happen again."

"I don't foresee that happening again," I replied, "Like I said, now I can see the importance of keeping a healthy distance between that area. If she tries anything, I will stop her."

She smiled politely and kept her eyes on the road.

***

"Mmmm!" Heather moaned, legs thrown back as her fair ass arched into the air marked with fading rose red marks in the shape of handprints.

"Mmmm," Kiara hummed, drawing in cursive with her tongue as Heather gasped, her thighs shook when she passed over the sweet spot. Indigo light streamed in from the window casting a blue tint onto their naked bodies. Kiara's middle and ring fingers plunged inside quickly and repeatedly as Heather shuddered from the pistoning motions inside of her.

"Ohh my God! Kiara! Hunnh," Heather moaned, looking back towards the wall ruffling through her partner's beautiful curly locks of auburn hair, wet with sweat. Her tongue constantly kept her on the edge, building her pleasure like a tall tower trying not to topple. Their bodies warmed from their connections. Kiara reached down to stroke through Heather's strawberry blonde hair.

"Ohhh!" She yelped, grabbing the sheets as they bunched up into wrinkles and her knuckles whitened. She hyperventilated on the bed as Kiara kept her going for as long as she could, curling those fingers under the right areas. Heather's toes curled and her feet shook from the long lasting rush. Minutes passed and they started to calm down, leaving Heather laying near the edge of the bed as her chest rose and fell deeply. Her lovely pink nipples stuck out, catching the light as she came down from her fierce stimulations.

Kiara climbed on top, connecting their smooth sweaty bodies and kissed her. They made out for a long time, passionately exchanging tongues with Kiara pressing the action.

"You're so good at that, babe." Heather looked up at her with those shiny aquamarine eyes, caressing her cheek.

"I only do that for you," Kiara whispered, kissing her again. Heather just smirked and hummed, a mild response compared to what she expected from such a heartfelt expression.

They embraced and cuddled on the bed throughout the night. Heather drifted off to sleep in her arms while Kiara laid there, still awake.

"I love you," Kiara whispered.

"Hmmm," Heather smiled, pinching Kiara's sunkissed cheek.

"Come on, say it back. Say iiiit," Kiara egged her on. Heather just giggled in response, still caressing her cheek.

"You too." She said, staring up at her. Kiara smooched her once more and resumed cuddling until they grew hot under the blankets.

Heather turned over in response fast asleep as Kiara loosened her grip, now separated from each other.

Kiara stared at the dark blue ceiling, seemingly unfulfilled as if she expected more. An unexpected loneliness arose from within.

A light illuminated the wall closest to her. She turned over to grab her phone off the nightstand and check it.

1 unread message

She opened it. It was from a number she recognized. The screen casted a glimmer on her oceanic blue eyes.

Unknown: hey

Kiara: Hi

Unknown: how r u

Kiara: Good. U?

Unknown: same.

Unknown: i miss u.

Kiara tilted her head to glance over her shoulder, Heather faced the opposite wall. The blanket rose and fell with her breathing.

Kiara: Aww :)

Unknown: been thinking about u lately

Kiara's lip curled into a light smile. She pondered it for a moment, then rode along with the moment.

Kiara: really?

Unknown: really.

Unknown: come over

Kiara: I can't

Unknown: sure u can

Kiara: I'm with someone now

The dotted bubble appeared, indicating the other contact typing. It disappeared. Then reappeared 10 seconds later.

Unknown: chris comes home this weekend

Kiara's heart fluttered as her eyes fully opened from her squint and her lips parted slightly. Just his name stimulated her attention like jumper cables. She respired deeply to catch up with her beating heart. She tilted her head to check once again, Heather was still fast asleep. She turned back to the screen.

Kiara: now why would you bring him up just to make me come out? You know that's a low blow...

Vehemence brewed from her feverish body as her emotions matched her racing heart.

Kiara: I don't appreciate you using him to try and interrupt my relationship. You shouldn't do that.

Unknown: im sorry, that wasnt my intention

Unknown: i just want to see u

Kiara: he's your cousin, don't you care about him?

Kiara: go away. Don't talk to me.

Kiara roughly set her phone face down onto the nightstand and exhaled deeply. Her face heated up as she placed her palms into her forehead and laid on her back.

She had pushed the memory of him far into the back of her mind to protect herself from wanting the sacred intimacy she once felt but could not have. Now it crept back into her thoughts fresher than a ripe fruit and the want returned.

Those honey colored irises were brought forth to her mind from deep within her subconscious. His concave nose turned up towards the sky showing his beautiful bright smile. The way he genuinely gazed into her eyes under the dreamy sunlight that caused those pools of honey to glow. A pleasant memory in the moment that cascaded into a sorrowful end due to his waning absence.

She breathed deeply, shutting her eyes, slowly and painfully pushing away the sadness. Then his laugh, his joyous giggle replayed in her mind, rebounding against her repellent mind. His adoring inviting smile drifted right back into color. The brightness of the white sheets covering their bodies flapped and undulated in the window breeze.

Her eyes shut tightly as she pursed her lips, biting to keep them closed. She concealed the stutter in her breathing to keep from waking Heather. She inhaled through her mouth as her nose felt stuffy, preventing it from sniffling. The recollection brought the illusion of fragrant sea salt, caressing their noses as they stood on the boardwalk.

The evening sun glowed a bright sunset orange, casting tangerine beams of light around the clouds that passed in front. Beachfront wind carried their hair through the air.

Some time had passed since she last shed tears over him. That streak had just been broken the moment she wiped away the wetness from her eyes and controlled her respirations. She ceased fighting her emotions and gave in, allowing the memory to pour in fresh as the mist of sea salt. She cried to herself as the endearment for him, once thought to be forgotten, reignited as a small spark.