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Her lower region gently trembled, thinking of how his warm skin felt on her lips, the way she kissed him as his blissful breaths escaped his lungs. How he cried out in the night as they embraced each other, his hands clasping onto her red hair, her hands pulling back on his long brown hair, the lovely way they used to kiss. Nothing could replace that kind of untamed passionate intimacy. It was so pure, true and it was real.
***
Ashley pulled up to my suburban house with the rocky exterior in front that surrounded a spacious arch window, reminiscent of the beach house a year ago. We unloaded my things and brought them to my room.
"Okay! Is that everything?" Ashley asked.
"Yeah! That's the whole trunk." I replied.
She spread her arms and I hugged her tightly. We embraced for many moments.
"Thank you so much for doing this." I said as we broke away. I looked sincerely into her eyes. "Seriously, I love you."
"I love you too," she said smiling, pinching my cheek, "have fun with the whole house to yourself you little stinker."
I responded with an endearing giggle.
"I will! Drive safe, Ashley!"
"See ya, Chris." She said as she walked out the door.
I ventured into my room looking at all the bins and unpacked things piled on top of each other.
"I'll worry about that later." I said, "time for a much needed break."
I texted my mom telling her I got home safe, also seeing just two hours ago she told me Ashley was coming to pick me up. Super late response, I know.
I laid on the couch in the living room and switched the flat-screen on. I watched halfway through an episode when my phone rang again. An unknown number.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey you." A familiar voice said. Not Ashley's this time.
"Hi." I said shyly.
"Had to use a different number. What're you up to right now?"
"Nothing, Ashley dropped me off so I just got home." I said.
"I heard. So your mom's in Virginia?"
"Yeah..."
"Hm. Can I talk to you?"
"Isn't that what we're doing right now?"
"No. In person, dummy."
"I mean, I guess! If you want." I answered, sounding obnoxiously unsure on purpose.
"You're such an ass."
"You can come on over," I said, smirking at her comment, "I'm just watching TV."
"I'll be over there in like 20 minutes, okay?"
"Okaaay!" I said, mocking her tone.
"Shut up, Chris. 20 minutes." She laughed.
30 minutes later, someone knocked on the door. I checked the eyehole, then opened it. I smelled cherry blossom perfume before I seeing her standing at the front.
"Hi."
"Hi." I responded, letting her in. She stepped inside, unzipping her navy blue hoodie and removing it, revealing her tanned shoulders through a black spaghetti top. Her black haired ponytail whipped and fell between her shoulder blades.
"God, it's kinda chilly out there. Whoo." She said.
"Yeah, not ready for shorts just yet." I said.
"You're wearing them right now." She obviously pointed out.
"I'm inside, you dummy." I teased.
"Ha ha," she laughed disingenuously, "come here."
She wrapped her arms around me, pressing her cheek tightly into mine as she squeezed. Her chest warmed my body.
"How are you?"
"I'm okay. What about you?"
"Better now," she said as she released, looking into my eyes as her hands rested on my elbows.
"I missed you." She whispered.
"I missed you too," I replied.
She slowly dragged her arms off before turning down the hall towards the glowing living room. Her black short shorts clung to her round glutes, bouncing as she walked. She plopped down in the good spot where I had just been sitting.
"Oooh, nice and warm!" She said, bouncing and settling in as the leather cushions rubbed on each other. Her spaghetti top didn't reveal too much of her cleavage but the glow from the screen provided extra definition to their rounded shape. Her thick thighs contrasted with the dark leather.
"Really? Get out of my spot." I said.
"It's my spot now," she smirked at me annoyingly, "come, sit."
She gently patted the corner chaise near her. I laid down onto it, the cushions supported my weight generously.
"Did you have a good year?"
"Yeah I had a lot of fun."
"You meet anyone?"
"No. I'm kinda past it. Just not the right time."
"Fair. It's been a while since I've gotten to talk to you, alone. Just the two of us. Tell me about your year at Bridgerton." She said, leaning on her arm.
***
Lana listened to him, absorbing everything he was saying until she glanced at the shorts that gave away the obvious imprint.
She attempted to sneak looks. She tried preening her hair to hide the quick takes from her eyes. Then she desired longer looks instead of short glances.
"No underwear," she thought, "just the way I like it."
Her tongue pressed inside of her cheek, working its way along her lips. She salivated thinking about the fruity taste of him, fresh in her memory from a year ago. She was determined to get what she wanted. The longer time went on, the more she yearned for him. Unbeknownst to her, her free hand frantically rubbed her body the entire time.
Lana wanted nothing more than to feel what she did a year ago. Nothing could compare to it. She thought doing it once with him would rid her of the urge but she was sadly mistaken. And this time she had him all to herself. The real question: "Would he still do it?"
"Doesn't matter," she thought, "if this is going to work, I'll need to take it slowly just like last time. Too fast and he'll run."
***
I walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.
The cold water cooled my mouth. I found some leftover fresh cutup pineapple in a bin and bit into the citrus sweet flavor. It refreshed my body as I stretched from sitting in the car all morning.
Lana bent over to the refrigerator, the inside light beamed around her concave bottom. She looked around the produce section and pushed aside the vegetables and milk. She stood up looking at me as the fridge light casted a light yellow outline around her side silhouette.
"You gonna share some of that?" She asked me.
"Sorry," I said, popping the last piece into my mouth, "I just ate it."
Her eyes squinted at me as she looked irked. She leaned onto the quartz counter, her busty chest displaying between her arms and faintly reflecting off the surface.
"You want anything else?" I asked, "There's almond milk, some blueberries, gr-"
"Pineapple."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"I just told you, I ate the last piece." I explained, holding up the container as it sloshed a little bit of juice.
"I know what you told me." She snarked.
"So what do you want?"
"I just told you."
She tilted her head, resting her chin onto her hand as she blinked her long eyelashes, whether in irritation or a forced polite manner. The corners of her lips widened. Her brown irises looked at me.
"Okay, well maybe we can go out to the store and-"
"I'm not going anywhere." She interrupted. Her hand turned into a fist underneath her chin.
"I can go g-"
"Chris, stop. Just stop." She interjected again, walking around the counter as her torso reflected on the countertop in parallel with her body. Her fingernails slowly dragged off the top as she walked closer, she cutely tilted her head aside as she began her approach. Her voice proved quite intimidating as I took a deep breath.
"Look at me," she said, causing all other sounds to fall silent. I felt the warmness of her breath draw nearer. Her brown irises dimly glowed in the depth of her eyes. My heart raced as my breaths rushed to catch up. Before I noticed, the quartz countertop pushed into my back. Lana's shorts touched mine as she looked up at me.
"Do you ever think about it?" She asked.
"Think about what?" I asked coyly in response.
"Stop pretending you forget. The beach. Us. Come on, you can tell me. It's okay if you have. There's no shame in it."
I furiously debated that in my head, delaying my response until it finally left my lips, albeit missing a couple thoughts I originally put into it. Emotions swam in and out as I pondered. Her nails gently traced on my chest, disrupting my mind.
"Sometimes." I whispered, eyes trailing aside and away from her, my lips parted to maintain my breathing.
She silently huffed, as if quietly laughing.
"Are you thinking about it right now?" Her tongue appeared for a split second to lick her lips. Her voice sent a nervous tingle down the nape of my neck, my eyelids reflexively blinked.
"No..." I whispered, shaking my head as a flimsy defense.
"Aww, Chris," she cooed into my ear, sending bumps down my skin, "try and remember. Let me remind you."
She kissed my ear down to my cheek and jawline whilst her fingers explored my skin. Her warm cheek soothed me with its touch. My lips parted as my eyelashes fluttered. I breathed but I could not speak, my mind had no words prepared for her. I allowed a shuddering deep breath to escape.
Her brown eyes gazed deeply into mine as her pointed nose and pink lips faced me. She allowed her cleavage to display in the background luminescence, her concave bosoms pushed upwards, the light provided them with perfect spherical shading.
"I remember very vividly," she said, biting her tongue as she rubbed the counter with her fingers, "I can't deny I've been thinking about you ever since. How you tasted. How you felt."
She leaned closer to me, allowing her breasts to squish onto my chest. Her hand wandered toward my lower abdomen, nervous and ready to shift away if she ventured too far. I froze and shivered unnoticeably at her words.
"Don't you remember how that felt?" She whispered, "What I did to you in bed. Tell me what that felt like."
"I. I don't know." I modestly lied, stunned by her question, "it felt nice."
Her fingers peeled at the hem of my shirt and touched my sensitive skin underneath.
"Oh, Chris. You loved it and I know you did. The way you moaned in that room, the way you trembled on the bed." She smiled devilishly tilting her chin at me, pulling closer to my ear. I felt soft fingers wrap around the back of my neck. Her body pinned me against the counter.
"I want to hear you say it." She whispered, sending a tingle down my neck as bumps raised on my skin. My mouth hung open as my eyes darted back and forth between her pupils.
"You loved it, didn't you?" She asked.
"Yeah," I admitted softly.
"Hmmn," she smiled, biting her bottom lip and cutely swaying her shoulders, "Awww, I loved it too."
She grinned, uncaring about touching hip to hip while she focused on me.
"Were you okay with it though?" She asked, curling her lower lip hoping I would answer truthfully.
I closed my eyes for a second to recollect, then looked her in the eye.
"It was an experience for us. Yes, I feel like we all genuinely wanted each other and I don't look back on it in a negative light, you know?"
"Right, mmhmm," she nodded at me.
"I liked it. A lot." I answered truthfully, initially afraid of the shame that came with it, "It's unfortunate what we had to go through afterwards but... that was the first time in my life where I felt something. Like the essence of it was pure and beautiful."
"Like you felt alive again." She added, the dark ring gleamed in the faded blue light. It distracted me long enough for her to sneak within a couple inches
"Yes. It changes you forever." I said.
"It's one of the highest feelings you'll get to embrace. Surrendering yourself to someone who you can trust to take care of you."
Her fingers pressed lightly as if to prevent me from looking anywhere other than her eyes. She leaned and darted in front of me, thwarting any nervous attempts to look away as our noses touched lightly, our eyes locked onto each other.
"You know I'd take good care of you, right?" She whispered, her nose now pushing against mine. Just one small motion and our lips would touch.
Deep down inside, the truth that I wanted her was present. But I remembered what Ashley told me. I needed to remain strong and halt her advances.
"Lana, we shouldn't be doing this..."
"Are you sure? That's not what you really think." She gave me a sly smirk.
"I know but... I just think we should have a healthy relationship."
"Shhh, trust me. I've always done a lot for you haven't I?"
"Except pick me up from school." I snarked.
"You are such an ass," she said.
She inched even closer to my face, then softly kissed me on the cheek.
"You know why I couldn't go. There's no shame, Chris. We want each other, desperately more than anything. Isn't that enough? Why shouldn't we? You wouldn't have let me come over if no part of you wanted this. Let me show you what you've been missing."
She waited for the right angle to present itself. The moment I raised my chin she trapped me, closed her eyes, pulled me into her and kissed me. Both her hands now caressed my cheeks, inviting me to follow along. I couldn't lie to myself, she was an addictive kisser and her lips were the perfect size.
"Awh, God you're such a good kisser," she said before quickly snapping back into action, clasping my lips with hers. She also pecked my neck and cheeks. Trigger happy neurons fired off in my body before she furiously wrapped my lower lip in hers.
Our mouths meshed again and I reflexively reciprocated. She wouldn't let me close my eyes, she urged me to gaze directly into hers. A wet velvet feeling invited my tongue to play with it.
"Hunnnhh," I breathed deeply into her mouth, she took it as a sign and turned rougher with me.
"Mmmm," she moaned in satisfaction, cupping my swelling bulge and squeezing me. She rubbed her finger along my urethra. Her sweet tongue glided along and twisted as if trying to tie a cherry stem. Her knee pushed into my thigh, pinning me further into the cabinet with her powerful curvy legs.
"My mouth waters just thinking about what I'm going to do to you. I loved how you used to let me play with it." She said, reaching for my waistband and sliding her hand through, touching my bare skin as her fingers slowly curled around, lightly stroking me. The sensation sent a stimulating spark to my brain, a bright light flashed my vision for a split second.
Then she said something that unexpectedly caused my emotional strength to slowly collapse.
"I loved the way she did it to you too."
And it happened again. My mind reverted to the last time we did this. I could look over to seek the comfort from another certain person and lean on them for support in my trance of nervousness. They would smile at me, let me know everything is okay before kissing me. Only they weren't here this time.
God that bright smile lingers in my head. How she made sure everything was okay and treated me so warmly. She made me feel so comfortable that I would have done anything for her. Her blue eyes gazed at me with humility and genuine fondness, taking her time before I was ready to meet her halfway. Her absence emerged like a ghost from the past.
Every ounce of my body urged and ached for her. I knew my instincts would take ahold of me, trumping my mind and my heart which would inevitably hurt in response afterward. I needed to protect myself from descending into territory I knew would cause me heartache. Any moment, she would begin dirty talking again, lulling me into giving her what she wanted and I wouldn't be able to stop.
"Lana please, I-I'm sorry... we have to stop..." I said, turning my head away. Her face remained unchanged.
"Why?" She pleaded, leaning back causing me to turn away in response. Her eyes gleamed, wanting me to stay.
"I just... I can't... I'm so sorry..." I said shamefully as I pulled my shorts back up. My eyes blurred once again.
"Sure you can. Don't worry, no one knows I'm here. Let me taste you." She whispered, closing her eyes and leaning back in.
"It's not that..."
"Come here." She said as we rubbed foreheads and she tried to get underneath me.
"Lana, stop. Please."
"You want me to stop? Go ahead. Stop me." She teased, touching back down onto my lips and reaching for my cock.
"STOP!" I said, pushing gently on her shoulders separating us. The water broke free from my eyelids and streamed down my cheeks.
She stared into me, her eyes darted back and forth between mine. The light outside projected cool gray illumination onto the side of her face.
"Chris..." she whispered, her eyebrows curved upwards as sadness took over her eyes.
"I'm sorry Lana, I can't do this. There's too much hurt and I just... I'm struggling to feel."
"Come on Chris, why are you being this way? You don't have to think about it. Just relax, let me help you."
"Please stop pressuring me." I implored her.
She paused, awestruck and dejected from my response.
"You... love her don't you?" She asked me.
"What?"
Her chest loosened up, allowing me to breath. She stepped back once, clearly dejected.
"You love her. That's why you can't. As soon as I mentioned her, the pain in your heart ached. You can't stop thinking about her."
I could help but stare at her as desolation shrouded me, her image softened and obfuscated. I blinked it away.
"Chris... you have to stop fixating on this. She's with somebody else now. You have to move on for yourself."
Her words couldn't phase my mysteriously driven irrational love for her but they strangely made me feel angry.
"You're just saying that because you don't want me to love her... you just want me all to yourself..."
She stood there, taken aback.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed." She put her hands up to her eyes and leaned against the kitchen island. The dim light shining in from outside set a gloomy scene, perfectly describing both of our desolated emotions.
I stepped forward and gently clasped her hands.
"Lana I'm sorry... Please don't feel like-"
"God I feel so fucking stupid." She tore away, walking towards the door, head in her hands in sheer embarrassment.
"Lana please, don't leave like this." I walked after her.
She turned around at the hallway, extremely upset, tears already smearing the eyeliner on her face as her cheeks glistened from the vanishing daylight outside.
"Do you love her?" She asked adamantly again.
I froze, standing there in front of her as the inevitable truth had incubated for far too long, ready as ever to depart from my own mouth.
"I do." I admitted.
She handed me her phone.
"Then you need to tell her."
I thought about it, then she pressed the green call button without my approval and held it up on speaker.
Calling... Kiara
"Lana, stop..."
I tried to snatch it from her hands but she slapped my hand and pulled the phone away. My eyes widened as time slowed down. The dial tone started to ring, silencing all other sounds.
"Hello?" A soft voice sounded, my heartbeat suddenly steadied allowing me to hear. I raised it to my ear. All other noises fell silent once again.
Lana motioned for me to talk.
"Hi, umm. Hey." I said, nervously and awkwardly.
"Hey." The voice acknowledged, familiar this time.
"Uhh... yeah It's me. You know, umm, Chris. I-"
"Hey!"
The excited tone brightly lit the word up like Times Square. Buckingham Palace may as well have welcomed me.
"Hi." I smiled, giving a breathy nervous laugh. She did the same.
"Hey, Kiara." Lana interjected.
"Hi." She said hesitantly.
"Chris has something to tell you." She forcibly propositioned.
I opened my eyes, gasping at her. She just stared authoritatively at me, crossing her arms.
"Kiara?"
"Yes?"
I honestly couldn't recall what rendered me so amicable with telling Kiara the truth. Looking back, I pointed out three possibilities: I was nervous and Lana made me do it, I was too scared to hang up, and I genuinely did want her to know.
But in the moment I thought there was no other way to say it. It doesn't matter what the response is. If she felt the same, she would tell me. If she didn't, my heart would shatter into a million pieces. Whether I asked or not is irrelevant as I thought the only pathways lead to these two outcomes.
