The Camgirl Pt. 27

XXVII: I Don't Know What I Feel

Liam

Liam flinched when he heard the main door to Marie's dorm open. His heart began to pound in his chest again. Over the past few hours, he'd alternated between pacing around the small room and sitting on the bed, head in his hands. When Blake had first told him, everything around Liam had fuzzed, not really existing to him anymore. He couldn't even remember what had run through his mind at that point. Once he came back to reality, Liam's instinct had been to go back to his dorm. There, at least, he could distract himself with video games or composing if he tried hard enough. Instead, he had shut himself in Marie's room, forcing himself to remain there save for the few minutes when he'd stepped out to use the restroom and then showered when he caught a whiff of himself. He'd left his phone on her nightstand and made sure not to touch it. He didn't want talk to anyone else until he had a chance to talk to Marie about this in person. He knew he had a tendency to overshare sometimes, and If this was all just a misunderstanding, he didn't want color Marie in a bad light to any of his friends.

Liam had wanted to believe that it was just a misunderstanding, and it had taken him an hour to stop deluding himself.

Blake wasn't the type of person to make something like that up, and he had seen how worried she had been when telling him...Hell, she had looked frightened of him. That had hurt just as much as her words.

Even after over three hours, Liam still didn't entirely know what to think. On the one hand, Marie had had sex with someone else, and she hadn't told him about it. On the other hand, that someone was a girl, and it was Blake.

The betrayal of his trust made Liam feel angry, but the who...that just made Liam confused. His mind had drifted back more than a few times to the night a few weeks back where Marie and Blake had showered together. Blake hadn't mentioned that, but had it started then? Had they done something else?

Despite his best efforts, fantasies of Blake still slipped into his thoughts now and then. It had been so easy to push those back once he'd had gotten to know her. He'd just felt weird about it, regardless of how she loved to tease him and how incredible she always managed to look. He had stopped watching her shows soon after they had met, and avoided any media posted about her online. After she and Marie had showered together, however...to say it had been difficult to keep her out of his thoughts would be an enormous understatement. Marie hadn't exactly helped that night. If anything, she'd seemed to like the idea, of which he now had copious confirmation.

Imagining her and Blake together, knowing that it had actually happened, made Liam far more aroused than angry, yet it made him feel guilty. He wasn't supposed to think of Blake that way. It had been just common decency at first, but after they'd talked, Liam had resolved to never be the one to make her feel ashamed of what she did, or like he was looking at her as something less than a person.

As he listened to Marie make her way through the apartment toward her room, Liam tried to think of something to say, but when she opened the door, he had nothing. He just looked up at her.

Marie smiled at him as she came into the dimly lit room, and Liam could tell by her smile and her walk that she was a little buzzed. Less than ideal for what needed to happen but putting it off would only make things worse.

Marie's smile disappeared immediately when she met his eyes, robbing him of the choice to delay.

"Liam, what's wrong?" She closed the door behind her and crossed the room to take his head in her hands, "What happened?"

Swallowing, Liam stood and met his girlfriend's gaze, "I know you had sex with Blake, Marie."

Marie flinched as if he had slapped her. She took a step back, but didn't deny it, so Liam continued, "Blake told me what happened, but I want to hear your side of it."

Tears welled in Marie's eyes, and she dropped to her knees, "I'm so sorry, Liam. I meant to tell you--I was just so afraid. Things have been going so well, and I fucked up. I was so embarrassed and mad at myself for letting it happen and you're so sweet, I didn't want to hurt you."

The words came out between sniffles at first, then between sobs, until Marie's head hung, hands wiping at her face.

Liam let out a heavy sigh. He hadn't expected Marie to just devolve into tears. Crouching down, Liam took one of her hands in his own and wiped tears from her cheeks with the other. She choked back a sob as she looked up at him, eyes black with running and smudged mascara. Liam's stomach twisted at the mix of shame, pain, fear and so many other terrible things in Marie's wide eyes as she looked up at him.

Liam didn't know what she saw in his own, but his heart still pounded, and the rest of his body still felt tight despite a slight shakiness in his hands.

She had cheated on him. That was bad.

But with a girl. Did that make it better?

Blake...

Liam forced his blue-haired friend from his thoughts. He would deal with her later, but for now he needed to deal with Marie.

Taking Marie by her upper arms, Liam lifted her up and moved her onto the edge of the mattress. She looked up at him in confusion.

"I'm--" he began, then sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair, "I don't exactly know what I'm feeling right now, but I want to talk about this. Can you please just tell me what happened? Why it happened."

Sniffling, Marie nodded, still doe-eyed, and moved back against the headboard to curl up, knees pulled up to her chin. Her hands gripped her arms tight as she clutched her legs to her chest.

Liam remained standing but walked over to grab the tissue box from where it sat on Marie's nightstand out of arm's reach.

"Thank you," she managed when he set the box down at her feet. She looked down at her knees for a moment, then took a deep breath and pulled a tissue out of the box.

"It was last Friday night," she said, dabbing under her eyes, not meeting his, "I still wanted to go out and figured I would ask Blake if she would come with me. We'd been talking more and getting closer, but we'd never really gone out to do anything together. When she said yes I was so happy, and we went out and had fun getting some girls to buy us drinks--we went to a gay club--and we had fun acting like we were together when someone would hit on one of us, and it led to us kissing at one point. We left pretty soon after that and showered when we got back--"

"Together?" Liam asked trying as hard as he could to keep his voice neutral, "Like you did after Blake and I talked in the bathroom?"

Marie's cheeks burned red and she tried to hide her face in her knees.

"Yeah," she said, voice small, "After that, we were laying on her bed talking and she let slip that she was horny, and I was still a little tipsy, so I told her to just take care of it. That was when I started thinking that I should do something nice for you since you've been so wonderful lately, and I thought of how I liked kissing Blake, and I thought 'what guy doesn't want a threesome with another girl?' so I asked Blake if she wanted me to help her out, just to see if she would be receptive to the idea and whether or not I would like more than just kissing and--" Marie cut off with a strangled sob, "And we just kept going and I didn't stop, and I'm so sorry Liam. I know I fucked up. I promise it will never happen again unless you want it to. Can you--do you--" Her words dissolved into sniffles for a minute before she collected herself, "Is there any way you think you can forgive me? I'll do anything you want."

Liam sighed.

For a moment, he just stared at Marie, trying to think of the best way to articulate his thoughts. Apparently, Marie took that as anger, because she started crying again, "Please, Liam. I know I don't deserve you, especially not after this, but I can do better. Please just tell me how to make it up to you."

Liam chose his words carefully, "You can make it up to me by showing me I can trust you. I am hurt. And mad. And a little I-don't-know-what-else. I would still feel this way if you had told me right after it happened, but I don't think it would be as bad."

Liam studied Marie for a bit longer, then walked to the edge of the bed and sat down next to her. He still had a lot of feelings to sort out and deal with, but as far as he could tell, Marie genuinely felt terrible about what she had done. Liam knew that shutting Marie down after one mistake like this could hurt her more in the long run than that mistake had hurt him. He rested a hand on her shoulder and waited until she met his gaze, "Just promise me you won't do it again, okay?"

Marie nodded, tears still drawing black trails down her cheeks as she threw herself at Liam and hugged him close. Liam hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should be a bit harder on her to make sure she would keep her promise, but he felt her shaking against him as she sobbed and the dampness of her tears on his shirt. He put one arm around her, hugging her close, and pet her hair with his free hand.

"I promise," she sobbed, "I promise I won't betray your trust like that again. I promise."

She leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. He let her but didn't make any move to return the gesture. When Marie pulled back, looking up at him with concern in her wide eyes, he sighed, "We'll be okay, Marie. I just need a little time and a good night's sleep."

"I understand," she nodded, but her voice was small, "I know it's probably the last thing you want, but could you please stay with me tonight? I don't want to sleep alone. Not after this."

Liam nodded. Sleeping alone wouldn't be good for him either. An strange impulse popped into his mind then--the idea that the best way to make sure that Marie never did this again was to kiss her and hold her and make her feel so incredible that the thought of needing to go to anyone else for that never even crossed her mind. Whether or not that would actually work was a mystery to him, but he wasn't up for that at the moment. What he could do was hold Marie and comfort her and make her remember all the other reasons aside from sex why she was with him. He knew there was likely something he could do better. No one did things like this unless there was some sort of deficiency in their relationship or themselves. This could just be on Marie, or it could be on him as well, if just in a much smaller amount.

"Liam?"

Liam blinked, looking down at Marie.

"Thank you," she breathed, gazing up at him, "Thank you for being so wonderful even though I don't deserve it."

Liam let the corners of his mouth curl into a faint smile, then leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. He ignored the faint sob that came from Marie as his lips brushed against her skin.

"Do you want me to start the shower for you?" he asked when he pulled back.

Marie choked out something he thought was halfway between a sob and a laugh, but nodded, "Yes, please. You--you can join if you want."

Liam bit his lip as he mulled it over, "Maybe. Leave the door unlocked when you go in."

She nodded, and Liam squeezed her hand before rising from the bed and going to the door. Once he was out in the main room, he shut the door behind him, then closed his eyes, massaging his temples. His brain was a mess, wondering if he was being too harsh on Marie or not harsh enough. He didn't think he would really know the answer to that for some time.

As he crossed the apartment to the bathroom, Liam looked up and stopped, eyes fixed on Blake's door. It was shut, but his mind raced with thoughts of the blue-haired girl. Was she crying? Beating herself up? Did she know how much she had hurt him? That her betrayal of his trust somehow hurt more than Marie's making everything even more difficult for him to figure out.

Liam took a step toward that door, wanting to fling it open and have it out with Blake, but he knew that wouldn't do any good. He started back toward the bathroom. For now, he would focus on Marie--once he had that at least somewhat figured out...then he would deal with Blake.

A/N: Did that seem too easy? What do you think? Was Marie's apology genuine enough? How do you think Liam will "deal" with Blake?