The Choices We Make

"I'm feeling fitter than I have in a while. And when I'm working the bag..."

"Imagining her or the myriad of faceless boyfriends?"

"Would I sound awful if I admitted I saw her occasionally?"

"As long as you don't actually hit her... When did you last even speak to each other?"

"Last week when she was home for dinner one evening. The only topic I will discuss with her is about the kids. She barely seems to notice what's going on anyway. Spent the entire time on her phone. When she was in the shower, I had a look. Three dating apps, and there must be messages from a few dozen men. I have no idea who or how many she is fucking." I paused before adding, "And the thing is, I find myself really not caring as she's my wife in name only nowadays."

"Absolute fucking slut," my sister muttered. I agreed but I didn't really see the point in verbalising it. Wasted energy. I had more important things to worry about nowadays.

In addition to my sister, Emily was the one I relied on most. The kids already adored 'Auntie' Emily, but as their mother seemed to slowly disappear from their lives, they came to appreciate it whenever Emily was around, particularly my daughter. Emily never stayed the night, but we had more than one evening sitting together on the couch, usually sharing a couple of drinks. Sitting together did turn into snuggling, but I didn't let it go further. At least not yet...

"Dad, why are you tolerating it?" my daughter finally asked over dinner one evening. My wife still managed to come home at least a couple of times a week for dinner, and she still slept in the marital bed, probably not noticing I'd moved most of my things out of it by now.

"Yeah, the kids at school tried teasing us about it but we actually agreed with what they were calling Mum," my son added, "Seems we're not the only kids of parents who are divorced or who have weird relationships."

Sighing to myself, I glanced at Emily. She gave me a pointed look before I glanced back at my kids. "Did you mother ever tell you what was going on?"

"Not really. Just said things might be changing in the future," my daughter replied.

"Dad, we're not young children. We know shit from the internet. Just tell us what's going on," my son stated, "We're certainly not going to judge you. At least you're here. I can't remember the last time Mum said three words to me."

My daughter wiped her cheeks, and I knew she was missing that positive female influence. Emily was up and cuddling her in seconds. "I won't go into details, kids. You don't need to know. But your mother forced on me a change in our relationship. The only reason I agreed was because, if I didn't, I'd just end up losing the house and you guys."

"Do you still love her?" my daughter asked.

"No," I replied bluntly, "My love for her mostly died the night she made the request. It was completely snuffed out the night she returned home late the first time after she had her first date with a man other than her husband."

"Does she even love us anymore?" my daughter asked, barely keeping it together. Emily hugged her even tighter and glared at me.

"Of course she loves you," I replied, but I felt like I was lying to her.

"Funny way of showing it, Dad," my son stated sarcastically.

Sighing, I knew this was partially my fault. "Look, kids, all I can do is continue to be the father I've always been. I'm doing my best to not let what she's doing affect our little unit here. I will always be here for you to rely on, I can promise you that. My sister is also helping."

"And I'm not going anywhere either," Emily added, "If you'd like me to hang around..."

When my daughter hugged her tightly, Emily glanced my way, and I noticed her eyes were glistening. She'd wanted children with her previous husband but, for whatever reason, it just never happened. "We like you, Emily," my son said with a grin, "And we know you make Dad happy too. He's smiling again."

My son made me blush. Emily smiled at me, that sort of smile a woman has for a man where she's letting him know how she feels.

A few months passed rather quickly in the grand scheme of things and our lives had changed. I'd built an extension on the house and turned it into my own personal area. It was a bedroom, office and living space, all in one. The kids loved it as we could all game together. When I worked from home, my kids would happily sit on the couch and keep me company. And when Emily visited, we had our own private space while the kids were in the other living room.

I rarely saw my wife, avoiding her whenever she was at home, and the only communication was now purely through messaging. I had no idea what she was doing and found that I didn't really care. Part of her wage still went into the joint account, so all the bills were still covered. I'd slowly started eliminating her from parts of my life though, ensuring she was no longer a beneficiary regarding things such as life insurance. Only my children would benefit. Same with my will, as I intended to be divorced by the time I dropped dead.

Emily had stayed the night though we hadn't been intimate. But she would happily walk in the front door on Friday night and only leave when going to work on Monday morning. We even shared the same bed, but she realised I wasn't ready just yet. I was still wearing my ring as, although our marriage was a joke, I still thought of myself as married and a husband. Thankfully, Emily was not pressuring me not in any rush. She loved to just cuddle me, whispering that she loved me, and that she would wait as long as I needed.

"Frankly, she's a fool," she whispered one night, "She has no idea what she's thrown away. And you still need to go out and date around too. I'm a patient woman, Mark."

The kiss we shared next was the most passionate I could remember. I hadn't shared a kiss like that with my wife in months. When we finally pulled apart, I wondered what the future held for all of us.

*****

Louise

I'll admit that I probably went a little crazy once I was off the leash, so to speak. I'd been an ever-faithful wife and mother, but I'd given nearly twenty years so my life to my family. It was time for me to live my life a little. I felt like I was owed it for sacrificing so much.

Yes, I can hear you now, stating my husband had done the same thing. Well, he was also in an open relationship and could take advantage of that fact. Whether he did or not was up to him. Simple fact is that he agreed to it. He could have said no. While we might have argued, I would have understood his reasons and accepted it in the end. I may have been left a little angered, but I know in my heart I would never have cheated on him.

But as I said, I guess I did go a little crazy. There were the young men at the office who were ever so willing to fuck me. Then there were the Tinder dates. Not all of them were successful, but there were plenty of young men ready and willing to take me to a hotel room and fuck my brains out. Occasionally, I'd end up sharing a room with Janet or one of my other friends and we'd even swap partners.

Time passes quickly when I was burning the candle at both ends. Going out on the weekends quickly turned into going out one or two nights of the week. I didn't forget about my family. I made sure my share of the bills was paid, and I did ensure I stayed in contact with the kids. I didn't receive much in the way of communication from my husband, and whenever I was home, he avoided me like I had the plague. When I had a quiet moment and thought about it, I was left thinking as to the last time we'd even slept in the same bed or had a deep and meaningful conversation. Though I resolved to change that, I would soon find myself distracted by an offer to go out for an evening, or a young man would let it be known that he'd want to fuck me.

It was actually returning home properly to spend a weekend with the kids, and perhaps even my husband, that I realised how much had changed, and how much I'd actually missed in the past few months since I got what I wanted. Aware that my husband wasn't happy with me, I generally stuck to the living room, kitchen and the bedroom, as trying to talk to him was like talking to a brick wall. The only topic he'd discuss was our children. State of our marriage? He'd just give me a look like I was a complete idiot.

Despite that, I missed him. I missed our children. Part of me wanted to slowly bring all this to a stop, but there was also that part of me which was having far too much fun to bring things to a halt. Far too many young men who were interested in a woman of my age.

"Hello!" I called out, walking through the front door, "I'm home."

Lights were on but no-one called out to me. Dumping my handbag on the chair, I walked through towards the kitchen, where I found my husband and two kids sitting down for dinner. The surprise was that Emily was there. I knew her well, aware that she'd been friends with my husband since they were kids. Walking towards my husband, I stopped in my tracks at the look he threw my way. I knew he still wasn't happy but would have thought his feelings would have thawed. I realised rather quickly they hadn't. In fact, he looked at me like I was nothing more than dirt on his shoe.

"What are you doing here?" our daughter finally asked. Her tone spoke volumes.

"What do you mean? I'm here to spend time with my family."

She scoffed at that sentence, meeting my eyes and smirking, like she knew something I didn't. As for our son, he looked at me, practically sneered, before he turned and spoke to Emily. "Is there a place for me?" I asked my husband.

"No," he replied. That's all he said, his voice without any emotion whatsoever.

That's when I looked around and noticed the changes. Walking back into the living room, it looked more like a museum rather than an area that was lived in. The kitchen had been painted and photos that had once hung up had been removed. When I looked even closer, I recognised there were no photos of my husband and me. A couple of me and the kids, but our wedding photo, that had once taken pride of place, was gone.

Checking our bedroom, it was obvious the room hadn't been used by my husband in a long time. Returning to the kitchen, that's when I noticed the major difference. Distracted as I was by everything else going on in my life, I simply hadn't taken any notice. Walking towards the dual doors, I opened them to see it was an enormous living space, with a sleeping area, a couple of lovely couches, and a large entertainment area. "What is this?" I asked.

"My area of the house," Mark replied. Again, there was nothing to his tone, simply stating a fact.

"And why have you built it? Why didn't you tell me?"

He just looked at me, keeping silent, but his eyes spoke volumes. Glancing at my kids, they were both smirking. The only one who remained silent, giving nothing away, was Emily. But I noticed the fact she was holding his hand under the table.

"Why are you here, Mum?" our daughter finally asked, "Shouldn't you be out with one of your boyfriends?"

I whirled around on my husband. "They know? You told our children about our arrangement?"

"They asked where you were after all these months. I told them. I'm not going to lie to our children to cover for you. It was your decision."

"You've barely been home in a couple of months anyway," our son added, "I'm surprised you're even here."

"Why are you here?" our daughter asked again, "We were having a nice dinner until you showed up and made it awkward."

I glanced at my husband. "Are you going to correct our children's attitude, Mark?"

"No," he replied, not even looking my way, turning to glance at Emily, who'd remained silent, but she was obviously watching with interest, "Our children are both teenagers and are entitled to their opinions. Do you even know how old they are?"

"You missed my birthday," our daughter stated.

"And you missed seeing my team play and win the grand final," our son added.

They'd finished eating, and without a word, Emily stood up and suggested they head to the other room so I could speak to my husband. I'm fairly sure I stood there, my mouth opening and closing, as Mark stood up and retrieved a beer from the fridge. Leaning back against the counter, he sipped at the bottle for a minute or two, before he finally asked, "Why are you here, Louise?"

"I wanted to spend time with my family this weekend. My children and my husband."

He looked away for a few seconds before he nodded. "Good luck with that. I'm busy this evening and this weekend. As for the kids, well, you can always ask them."

"I was hoping..."

He stopped and turned to face me. "Remember the agreements, Louise. I have no idea what you're doing nowadays, and I no longer care. I stopped caring the day you made me agree to this. But you can try and talk to our children if you want. I wouldn't hold your breath though."

Within five minutes of talking to both of them, I knew neither wanted nothing to do with me that night or the weekend. Sighing in defeat, I returned to the bedroom and felt alone in my own house. "Fine," I muttered, "If that's the way it is, I might as well just leave again."

"See you later. Probably not," our daughter replied sarcastically.

I grabbed my handbag and rushed out of the house to my car. Slamming the door, I hit the steering wheel a couple of times with my palms as I felt completely stupid, unable to stop the tears that flowed as I found myself blaming my husband for everything until I remembered the look in his eyes the night I made the request, then those same eyes the night I returned home from my first date. But it was the look in his eyes that evening which chilled me. There was absolutely nothing for me nowadays. No love. But no hate either. Just complete indifference. I was almost a stranger to him now.

Sagging back into the seat, I could only wonder if I'd destroyed everything that truly mattered to me? Had he been right originally? Had my friends led me down the garden path? Maybe their husbands would tolerate such an agreement, but Mark had always been a proud man.

Then I remembered part of the agreement we made, and it all suddenly made sense to me, and that just made me cry even more. He'd completely switched himself off from me. According to him, we were married in name only, and I suddenly wasn't sure if we'd ever get back to where we were.

I knew I couldn't go and see any of my friends because, frankly, I would end up blaming them for the collapse of my marriage. Driving around aimlessly for a while, I ended up parking at a bar I knew rather well. Heading inside, I took a seat and ordered a drink, which soon turned into two and three, as I did my best to keep the tears at bay.

"Is this seat taken?" a kind voice asked, glancing to see a man looking at me.

"No, it's not," I replied, sniffing a couple of times, "Though I'm not sure I'll be great company."

"Maybe it's company you need. It's not a good thing to see a woman sitting by herself, looking rather lonely and upset."

He took a seat, bought himself a drink and offered to buy me one. Once the glass was in front of me, he held his glass up to clink. "Need a stranger's ear to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure you'll want to hear my story."

"Is it that bad?"

"The more I sit here and think about it, the more I'm left to wonder if I haven't ruined everything."

Her offered his hand. "I'm Tom. And you are?"

Looking at his hand, I finally grasped it. "I'm Louise."

"And now we're no longer strangers. I'm now a friendly ear. And a beautiful woman like yourself near enough crying by herself in a bar would suggest that something or someone has broken your heart."

"Are you sure you want to hear about it?"

"I'm not in a rush to go anywhere."

Taking a deep breath, I turned to him first and got a good look at him. I was left thinking he was incredibly handsome, but unlike every other lover I had, he was older than myself, perhaps even close to his fifties. I told him the basics of what was going on, and apart from maybe one or two questions, he'd usually just nod his head in understanding. When I finished my story, he'd ordered another drink for us.

"I guess the question is about wanting to keep the arrangement going, Louise."

"To be honest, at this point, I might as well as I'm not sure my husband will ever find it in his heart for our relationship to return to what it was. He's just angry at me all the time."

"But he did agree to it, hasn't discussed it with you since, and has simply let his anger and resentment build. How can anything be fixed if he won't talk to you?"

"I just want my husband to love me again," I whispered, "All these other men don't love me. It's just sex and good fun. I'm not expecting much from them."

After another couple of drinks, I wasn't capable of driving. Tom asked where I was going to sleep that night. Suggesting I'd just get a hotel, as I didn't particularly want to head home, he asked if going home with him would be okay. "I live alone and have spare bedrooms," he added, "I'm not expecting anything else, Louise."

I agreed immediately, Tom calling a taxi to pick us up while I headed to my car to get the overnight bag that I always carried with me. He lived on the opposite side of the city to where I called home with my family. Leading me inside, he showed me around first, including the bedroom I'd call my own that night. Asking if I wanted a nightcap, I took the offer, and we enjoyed a glass of something strong as we sat close to each other on the couch.

"You are a beautiful woman, Louise," he said softly, resting a hand on my thigh, "Have you thought that instead of having numerous lovers, you find one or two lovers that will make you feel as special as you deserve?"

"I don't want to fall in love with anyone else," I replied softly.

"You do know you can love more than one person," he replied. I met his eyes and I couldn't help smile as he was rather handsome. Best part was that he wasn't anything like my husband. "I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, Louise. You barely know anything about me..."

Waking up the next morning, I put on the spare set of clothes I had and met him in the kitchen. Greeting me with a kiss on the cheek, we ate breakfast at the counter as we got to know each other. What I didn't expect to hear was he had the same relationship as myself.

"I'm always honest with any woman I meet. I don't wear my wedding ring while my wife isn't with me as it is usually off-putting, but I always tell a woman before we sleep together. My wife lives elsewhere, and we only see each other once a month."

"Do you have kids?"

"They're grown and out of the house with their studies. They live with my wife otherwise."

"Do you have... many lovers?"

"In the early days of our open relationship, I admittedly slept with any woman who showed a sniff of interest in me. Now that I'm older and wiser, I prefer to have an actual relationship. Sex is important, of course, but I prefer to get to know the woman I'm seeing." Sipping at his coffee, he finally asked, "What are your plans this weekend, Louise?"

"I don't have any now."

"Would you like to spend it with me?" He leaned forward to grab my hand. "You're an attractive woman, Louise, and I'll confess that I sat down next to you last night for two reasons. One is that I saw a beautiful woman who was incredibly upset, and I wanted to comfort her. The second reason is that I wanted to get to know this beautiful woman and, well, I was left hoping she might be interested in me in return."

I felt the smile form as I squeezed his hand in return. "I think you might have been the right man in the right place, Tom. I'd love to spend the weekend with you."

I was left thinking Tom was what we'd call 'well to do'. The house he lived in must have cost a small fortune. His luxury car was something I knew my husband and I could never afford, even with two wages. And after spending a day together, the restaurant he took me to was one of the finest in the city, and it was obvious he was trying to wine and dine me.