The Choices We Make

The house wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. In fact, I felt a weight off my shoulders, a release of tension as I had finally made a decision. As for Louise, I knew she was upset, but she put up a brave front. Zara did tell me more than once that she overhead a conversation that Louise had with Tom and told him she needed a little time as she made him aware of what happened.

Louise disappeared the day I moved out, taking Matthew with her as she was heading over to her parents. They were aware of everything, including our divorce. She'd signed the paperwork and it was now a case of it going through the courts and waiting for the final decree that dissolved our marriage. Emily came around as I packed up everything I would take to her place, which wasn't all that much, if I was honest.

Upon her arrival, I greeted her with the sort of kiss that we had been sharing far more frequently, pulling her tight to my body and giving her pert little bottom a gentle squeeze. She was a tiny thing compared to me. After packing boxes and a couple of suitcases onto my ute, her car also carried a couple of smaller boxes as she insisted her house would become our home and she wanted signs that we were living there together.

I won't lie. I left the house for the final time with a heavy heart. Officially, I'd been married for over twenty years. We didn't celebrate that anniversary, of course. There was no point as we both knew the score regarding our marriage. But it had been a warm, inviting home for most its life. There were a million and one good memories. Before leaving, I wrote Louise a short letter, one I hoped would make her smile. I felt no hatred or bitterness any long. I was moving with my life, and it was now the time for Louise to move on with hers.

Arriving at my new home, we carried most of our things in and left them in one of the two spare bedrooms, while he ensured most of my clothes were in what was now our bedroom. As soon as we were finished, she leapt on me, carrying her to the lounge room, sitting down so she could straddle my lap. We made out for a few minutes before we finally came up for air.

"I went for some tests, Mark," she whispered, "I'm still capable of having children." That made me lean back as I felt the smile form on my face. "I know it's something we've only discussed in passing, and I know you have two grown children now..."

"We can definitely discuss it."

She kissed me again as I wrapped my arms around her. Another few minutes of kissing followed before we needed to breathe again. "I love you, Mark," she stated softly, caressing my cheek, "And I've fallen in love with you over the past few months."

"Emily, you've been my best friend most of my life. Trust me, I feel the same way now."

"When were you last with anyone?"

"It's been a couple of months, Emily. I was always safe in regard to my sexual health, but I knew you'd want to know, so I got tested once I'd had my final time with Cindy. I got a clean bill of health."

"Good because my boyfriend isn't wearing a condom for his first time with me."

"When were you last with someone?" She immediately turned shy and blushed. "Been a while?"

"Just waiting for you to start divorce proceedings, Mark. I knew I couldn't wait until it was official."

She cooked dinner for us that night, sitting at the small table by candlelight, sharing a bottle of wine, amazed at how easily the conversation flowed between us. There was no adjourning to the living room or the backyard afterwards. We loaded the dishwasher, turned it on, then she took my hand and led me to her bedroom.

Emily was nothing like my wife. Shorter. Slimmer. Her breasts were not as large. She kept herself completely shaved, something that did raise an eyebrow, her reply as to why almost making me blush. I learned very quickly that she loved to suck my cock, letting me know it would be something she'd always do for her future husband. I returned the favour, savouring the taste of my future wife, loving the little moans and squeaks she made as I made her orgasm more than once.

We gazed into each other's eyes as I slid inside her for the first time. I couldn't believe how tight she was, needing to stop for a moment as I worried that I'd cum far too quickly. I'd enjoyed every single time with the four women I'd been with, but I'd never say we'd made love. Sure, it had been intimate at times, but I hadn't loved any of them.

This meant something a whole lot more. Emily wrapped her legs around me, resting her hands on my back, as we moved our bodies in unison, our mouths meeting as we both moaned softly. When I finally came inside her a few minutes later, I rested my head next to hers as she clutched me as tightly as possible, hearing her cry softly to herself. I knew it was a big moment for her. "I love you," I whispered into her ear, earning a soft kiss on my cheek in reply.

Two months later, a month after our divorce was granted and I'd received the final paperwork, I proposed to Emily after we'd shared a wonderful dinner by the harbour. She leapt on me as soon as I had the engagement ring on her finger, and when we arrived home, my fiancée went out of her way to thank her fiancé for making her so happy.

I had to tell the kids, of course. Zara was delighted as she absolutely adored Emily. Matthew was happy though I knew my son well. I think he always had hope that his parents would one day reconcile. I didn't tell Louise as, to be honest, we were keeping our distance after I'd moved out and during the divorce process. It had all been handled without needing to see each other in person.

Emily didn't want a large wedding. All she wanted was a wedding ring on her finger, a chance to wear a white dress, and to share the vows that would make us husband and wife. My second wedding was a small, intimate affair, six months after I'd proposed. Only close family and friends invited. Both my children attended, slightly surprised Matthew did eventually accept the invitation, thinking he might want to show some loyalty to his mother. I didn't invite Louise as I knew it would hurt her too much. By this stage, we were talking again, inviting her around to our home more than once. Emily had no problem with Louise. I'm not sure how Louise felt in return, but Emily suggested after one visit that my ex-wife lived with a lot of regrets.

Emily was also five months pregnant the day we married. She was absolutely radiant and looking forward to being a mother. I couldn't wait to be a father again too.

*****

Epilogue - Louise

Mark got his happily ever after the day he married Emily. I wasn't invited and, to be honest, if he had done, I probably wouldn't have attended. I was happy for both of them. After everything that happened, I was pleased my ex-husband was happy, and I knew Emily had waited for her moment. I saw the photos on social media, and she looked so beautiful. I'll admit to hating her for a little while after he'd moved out, but I simply couldn't hold those feelings for long, not after she invited me around and we had more than one conversation about everything that happened.

It should have been my happily ever after. The day I married Mark was the best day of my life, only equalled by the birth of our children. I regret the day I made that request, and definitely regret the next day when I followed through on it. I knew that was the day my husband stopped loving me, stopped trusting me, and it was the start of the end of everything.

My relationship with Tom slowed down in the months after my divorce. Although I loved the man, I knew he'd never leave his wife, as he'd told me more than once. Realising I needed to move on in more ways than one, he invited me around for dinner one evening and I told him how I felt. He understood my reasons and, though sad, he also knew that relationships like the one we shared did eventually end. I certainly didn't blame him for anything to do with my relationship. That fault was only my own.

That left me alone in a large house with only my son for company as Zara moved out not long after her father, choosing to share an apartment with a couple of friends while attending university. I knew she was happy about our divorce though she never expressed her feelings in too many words, but she still blamed me for everything that happened. I was thankful that she still talked to me and would visit at least every other weekend. I knew it would take time for our relationship to completely mend.

When it came to finding love again, I realised there were very few men like Mark, and if I was honest, very few men like Tom. I'd thrown away a wonderful marriage with Mark, while Tom had been a genuine kind-hearted man, but the small sliver of hope that he might want to be with me permanently was never going to come to fruition.

I found myself dating from time to time. Some men seemed genuine, but most were not worth my time. Many were men who had gone through bitter divorces. I was always honest about why I'd divorced, and I was called a slut and other names more than once. Others were of the opinion that I'd easily put out for them.

Took a couple of years until I met who I thought was a decent man. His name was John, he was a couple of years older than I was. Good job. Own apartment. And he seemed to like me quite a lot. We dated for a few weeks before I finally decided to sleep with him. He was a good enough lover, considerate enough that he ensured I enjoyed an orgasm, but there was none of the feelings I'd felt with when I was with Tom, and certainly none of the fireworks I'd enjoyed with Mark. But I figured that would be my life going forward. The love of my life was gone. Now it was just finding a good enough man I could grow old with.

But even that was a false dawn. It was on Christmas Day I learned the truth. Heading over to his apartment, there was no sign of him though we'd discussed plans in the weeks leading up to it. Checking around his apartment, I looked for anything that might tell me where he was. I eventually found paperwork, an itemised bill, that listed another address. Confused as to why, I took it with me and drove over to it.

The house was in the suburbs. Pulling up at the kerb, his car was in the driveway, alongside another car I didn't recognise. I felt that knot in my stomach tighten as I got out of the car and walked towards the front door. Ringing the bell, I waited a few seconds until the door opened, greeted by the face of a woman I didn't recognise.

"Hello, may I help you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for John."

"And who are you?"

"I'm not going to give you my name, but I'm assuming you're his wife?"

"I am."

"Well, that makes me his mistress then. I'm really sorry, I had no idea you existed."

"You're..." Her eyes turned dark for a few seconds. "You didn't know he was married?"

"Trust me, I've been in an open marriage and was the main reason for its failure and have the scars to prove it. John never mentioned anything about being married." I held up my left hand. "Never had a ring on his finger."

"He stopped wearing his long ago. Claimed it was due to work..." I could feel the anger radiating off her. "Tell me what you can."

"Who is it, sweetheart?" his voice echoed from further within the house.

"Just someone looking for a street, honey. I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

I told her what I could, particularly details that only I could know if I'd been intimate with him. I gave her the details of the apartment he kept. Details of our relationship, when we would meet, how often. I could see her mind working it all over and she eventually sighed. "I can't thank you for this, whoever you are."

John then appeared next to her, and I heard him whisper, "Oh shit."

"You're an arsehole, John. If I'd known you were married, I would never have gotten involved with you," I spat, "I'm really sorry..."

"Diane," his wife told me as I met her eyes again.

"I'm really sorry, Diane. I've been through all this shit once. I had no idea..." I looked back at John. "You're such a fucking idiot. And we're done, by the way. I never lied about anything about my past and why I'm divorced. I know I fucked up. You're just a cheating piece of shit."

Getting back into my car, I wasn't going to cry over that piece of human trash. I felt sorry for Diane, though. I could only hope they didn't have kids, and if they did, were grown so they wouldn't be affected by a divorce. No doubt he'd claim I was crazy or lying, but I knew intimate details about the man that only a wife should know.

Driving around aimlessly, I had no real idea of where to go. The kids were with Emily and Mark and their respective families. I didn't want to intrude, though I did have a standing invite from both of them. I pulled up outside the house I'd kept after the divorce but couldn't face heading inside and spending Christmas Day alone.

Sighing to myself, I put the car back into gear and drove across the city towards where my ex-husband now called home. Pulling up, I walked up towards the door and knocked. Mark answered the door within a few seconds, took one look at me, opened the door wider and held me as I cried.

"I keep messing things up," I sobbed into his chest. What I didn't expect next was to feel another person hugging me.

"Stay with us," Emily said, "You're still family, Louise. Mark?"

"You were always invited to join us, Louise. Our kids are here. And you can spend time with our daughter too. Can introduce you as Auntie Louise."

I leaned back and looked at his handsome face. He'd barely changed in the five years since our divorce. Looked as happy as he did during our early years of marriage. "Are you sure it's okay?"

Both took a hand of mine each. "We're sure," Mark replied, "It's Christmas. A time for family. A time to be thankful. But also a time of forgiveness. I've already forgiven you, Louise. I think it's time you forgive yourself."

My daughter grinned and hugged me as I held my grandchild in my arms, Zara having given birth earlier in the year. Mark's parents were friendly with me as always, introduced to Emily's parents, who were polite and friendly. Matthew hugged me for what felt like hours, my son now a young, strong, broad man.

Spending an entire day with such a loving family finally put a smile on my face. Zara, her husband and child departed late afternoon, Matthew taking off not long after, hoping to spend time with his girlfriend. Both sets of parents had departed earlier, leaving me with Mark, Emily and their three-year-old daughter.

I explained what happened as we sipped at glasses of wine. Both were sympathetic and understanding. Mark offered to go knock his block off, which made me smile. I couldn't stay with them all night, and as I stood up to go, Emily was the first one to offer a place to stay for the night.

"I'm going to sell the house," I told them, "It's a big place that I no longer need. I'm going to find an apartment or something."

"Please stay tonight, Louise," Mark added, "We managed to live together for nearly two years when everything was going wrong. Now that we're friends, you don't have to leave on our account."

"Are you sure?"

I noticed them share a glance and then smile. "Go grab your things, Louise. You'll always be welcome in our home," Emily replied.

Enjoying a long shower, I watched from the doorway as Mark read a story for their daughter. I had to stop myself from crying more than once, a reminder of him doing the same thing for our daughter so long ago. Heading to the guest room that Emily had quickly prepared for me, Mark hugged me before Emily did the same thing.

"I hope we can be good friends going forward," she told me softly.

"If it means I can see him more often."

"You still love him?" The question made me nod, barely stopping myself from crying. "I am sorry, Louise. I hope you realise that I mean that."

"I'm sorry too."

I heard their bedroom door shut as I shut the door to my bedroom. Getting into bed, I hated the fact I was alone, but it was better than any alternative other than being with Mark. As I lay in thought, I did wonder about my life and where it was headed. Maybe I should just give up on dating, focus on what was left of my career and my grandchildren. Emily didn't have a jealous bone in her body. She had the man she wanted, and I certainly wasn't a threat. Maybe I could just be her friend.

Tomorrow was but another day. I'd figure it out in the end.