The Choices We Make

She rarely called me 'Daddy' nowadays, only when she was making a point. Pulling her tighter, her head against my shoulder, I contemplated the question. "She's my best friend, Zara. She's been by my side longer than anyone else I know. I've helped her through more than one relationship breakdown. Broke the nose of a former boyfriend who got rough with her. Decked the shit out of the guy who thought cheating on her was a good idea."

"Sounds like love, Daddy."

"Your mother took the love I had for granted with the decision she made. Emily has never done that. We've never been together in a relationship. Never been intimate. But there is one person on this planet I knew I could rely on more than anyone else and it is her. Your mother knew this too. I know Emily warned her that if she broke my heart, she'd be the one to mend the pieces and that she might just take the plunge and want to be with me."

"But you're having fun for now?"

"Emily is more than aware of everything I'm doing. Hell, she even encourages me!"

"That's what friends are for, Dad. But I'll be delighted when you marry her."

"Hang on, what? Has she mentioned something?"

"No, but you deserve to be happy, and Mum hasn't done that since the day night she made the request. Are you going to divorce her anytime soon?"

"No, there isn't really any need. She's living her life, I'm living my life. When you two kids are out of the house, then I'll ensure we're divorced as soon as possible."

Emily popped over on Tuesday night and, if I didn't know any better, my daughter was busy playing matchmaker the entire time. My son was a little too oblivious, but I gave my daughter more than one pointed look during the meal and afterwards. By the time they headed off to bed, Emily was curled up against me, my arm wrapped around her, sitting in comfortable silence. That lasted until she started to giggle.

"Your daughter wasn't subtle tonight, Mark," she whispered.

"No, but we've been talking a lot lately. She wants us to get married."

Emily snuggled into me, ensuring my arm was wrapped tightly around her. "And what do you think of that idea?"

"Need to get divorced first."

"Do you love me, Mark?"

"The only people I love more are my children."

"Not Louise?"

"I don't love her anymore, Emily."

"So, apart from the children, you love me the most?"

"There was a time I loved Louise more. That's a given. I dated her. I married her. Hell, you supported our relationship and made sure our wedding day was a success. We had kids, raised them, built a home together. And now here we are."

"Have you ever wondered..." She trailed off but I knew what the question would be.

"While I was married, no, because I didn't allow myself, plus you were my best friend, except for my wife. I was a happily married man. But now? I think about it quite a lot. The one thing I can always be thankful to Louise for is the fact I'm a father and I have two fantastic children."

Emily stayed with me that night. Nothing physical happened as I don't think either of us were ready. I wore a t-shirt and shorts, and she wore pretty much the same thing. But when she snuggled into me, feeling her warm breath against my skin as her arm looped over my chest, turning my head to leave a soft kiss on her lips.

"Mark?"

"Yeah, Em?"

"Are you having fun?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Good. Want to tell me dirty stories?"

"Seriously?"

"I'll just close my eyes and imagine it's me."

"You know... I'll break it off with all of them..."

She left a soft kiss on my cheek. "No," she whispered, "I see how happy you are dating around for the time being. You genuinely like all four of them. I'll let you know when I'm ready."

"Are you sure?"

"I've waited thirty-five years, Mark. What's a few more months?"

Turning onto my side, I could see her eyes moving in the darkness. Pulling her tighter towards me, I felt her thigh rest on top of mine, her breasts gently pressing into my chest. I kissed her with all the love I had for her and she responded immediately. I have no idea how long we kissed for, making out like a pair of horny teenagers. But her hand eventually ended up on my chest.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be sorry, Mark. That was the best kiss of my life!"

"Want to keep kissing?"

"Though I'd love to, if you kiss me like that again, I'm going to end up naked and wanting to do a lot more, but I'm not ready for that yet." She snuggled into me. "Because once that happens, Mark, that's it. We're together from that moment on. I'm not sleeping with you and then you go off and have more fun. My heart won't be able to handle that. When you're ready, I want you to commit to me completely."

"Em... I'd do that right now..."

"No. You can't divorce her yet. Keep this going. At least you're with your kids all the time. Better than being a part-time father, right? And it's not like what Louise is doing actually affects you now, right?"

"Not at all. I have no idea what she's doing. And, hell, I've actually had the house to myself with my kids most of the time."

My daughter was delighted to have Emily with us at breakfast the next morning. My son didn't seem to be all that bothered one way or the other. I was aware he kept in contact with his mother far more than his sister did. He'd told me about his mother's apology and promises that were made a couple of months back. She had been present in the house a little more often since then. He also let me know his mother would take him out for dinner, a standing invite for her daughter that was never accepted.

Walking Emily outside to her car mid-morning, she turned towards me as we shared another kiss like we both enjoyed the night before. When we finally pulled apart, she rested her hands on my chest. "I'd like to stay the night again," she said softly, "I think it's okay for me because we don't have sex. That's one of the rules, right?"

"It is, and I've stuck by it too." Kissing her again, she moulded herself into my body, my hand running down to cup her arse. She smiled while kissing me, which had me smiling, then we both started chuckling. "Are you sure about this, Em? I mean continuing to wait."

"Yes, I'm sure. And don't ask me again." Kissing my cheek, she whispered, "I do want to hear more naughty stories about these girls you're seeing."

"I'll do my best to make them as dirty as possible."

Louise returned home on Wednesday. I could see she was hopeful about the four of us sitting down for a family meal for the first time in months. Too bad for her that I had a date with Cindy planned. To my surprise, she got up and begged me to stay as I walked towards the front door. I turned around and returned a neutral look.

"Please stay, Mark. We haven't had..."

"Not my fault, Louise."

"But we can..."

"I have plans tonight. Our children were aware of that fact. They were not expecting me to be having dinner with them tonight. They were also aware I might not be home and would see them tomorrow after school."

"Can't you stay, please? For me?"

I gave her a look, then just turned and walked out the door. I knew Cindy was waiting for me at a nearby pub, no doubt wearing the sort of dress that would show off her legs, provide a hint of cleavage, she'd spent a couple of hours turning me on, then we'd return to her apartment where I'd spend the rest of the night bringing her to as many orgasms as possible.

I wasn't going to tell my wife that, of course. She didn't need to know, and it was none of her concern.

*****

Louise

"He hates me," I murmured as I cuddled into Tom, enjoying the warmth of his body. I now slept alone at home whenever I was there. I savoured these moments with Tom, usually up to three times a week. I hadn't found a second permanent lover yet, but I wasn't sleeping around anywhere near as much. "I think it's all over, Tom."

"Do you have any idea what he's doing?"

I couldn't stop the scoff that escaped me. "Oh, my daughter takes great pleasure in telling me about all the women he's apparently dating. And she's flat out told me that she hopes he divorces me and marries Emily."

"His best friend?"

"Yeah."

"And these other women?"

"They've visited the house as Mark loves to cook them dinner. Apparently, he's become quite the dab hand in the kitchen. He used to cook for me, but our daughter..."

"I take it she's not happy with you?"

"Honestly, I think she's taking great delight in the collapse of our marriage. She blames me for everything."

"Daddy's girl?"

I waited a few seconds to keep my emotions in control. "I broke his heart, Tom. He's shut himself off from me completely, but our daughter obviously knows what he's thinking and feeling."

"So what are you going to do?"

"To be honest, I think my daughter is right. I'm not sure how I'm going to save our marriage as Mark still won't sit down and talk to me. The only communication I have with him is either about the kids or something to do with our finances. I send him messages constantly about how much I miss him and love him, but I get nothing back. I don't even bother trying to ring him because I know he won't pick up."

Tom made me feel better by making love to me. His eyes rarely left mine as I loved the feeling of his cock gently thrusting into me. He was no larger or thicker than Mark, he was just a different kind of lover. I'd spent months being fucked like a slut, and I won't lie, I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of it, but it gets old rather quickly. If I couldn't have my husband back, then Tom was someone I enjoyed my time with. There was another man, Daniel, who was interested in me. Similar age to my husband, he was single himself but unsure of being in an intimate relationship with a married woman, despite my assurances about my likely failed marriage.

I loved spending time with Tom as he always made me feel special, our relationship not only about sex. He would take me out on dates. We'd spend entire weekends together where sex was the last thing on our minds. We could sit and talk for hours about any old topic that came to mind. We tried not to talk about our other partners, but as they were important parts of our lives, they did slip into conversation every so often.

We were in bed a couple of months later, lying back to catch my breath as he'd had his head between my legs for at least an hour, when he pulled me close. "I have a question to ask."

"Anything, Tom."

"How would you like to start coming away on trips with me? I'm constantly doing business in the States and in Europe. Having a beautiful woman on my arm would make it not seem so lonely sometimes."

"What about your wife?"

He chuckled to himself. "Far too busy to join me on things like this. And I want you to come with me, Louise."

I met his eyes before asking, "You do?"

"I love spending time with you, and I'd love to have you company while I'm away."

"How long would I be gone at a time?"

"A couple of weeks to maybe a month. Depends on what deals I'm trying to conclude."

"I'll need to tell the kids, at least."

"Of course. I know my request would impact on your ability to spend time with them, but I know your daughter is now seventeen, your son is fifteen... How was her birthday?"

"Awkward as hell. Both families obviously know by now. And I was left thinking she didn't really want me there, but I have a feeling Mark actually insisted on me being there, perhaps a small sign that, somewhere deep inside, there's still some love. He knows my relationship with our daughter is broken, but he knows our son still loves and adores me. I hear from him nearly every day, and I try and call him every night if I'm not at home. When do you need to know?"

"As soon as you can. I'm flying out to the States on Thursday."

Heading home on Monday, there was no sign of any other guests. Mark was cooking dinner with Zara, both glancing in my direction as I appeared in the doorway. "Are you here for dinner?" Mark asked.

"I am. Is that okay?"

"Sure. It's still your home, Louise."

I almost burst into tears. It was probably the nicest thing he'd said to me since the day I made that request. Matthew noticed me from his position on the couch in his father's room, walking out and giving me a hug. I almost gasped as he was still growing taller. He'd soon be as tall as his father. Not quite a broad yet, though.

For the first time I could remember, the four of us sat down for dinner. There wasn't exactly a lot of conversation, but I couldn't stop smiling as I found myself gazing at my husband. I would still call him that until the day we divorced, and part of me still hoped we'd somehow manage to save our marriage.

When dinner was finished, Mark served dessert. Nothing more than ice cream with some chocolate sauce, but everyone around the table relaxed. I knew I was going to ruin the mood with what I said.

"Mark, I know you don't want to hear about anything I'm doing, but... Tom has made a request of me, and it will involve me not being around for a couple of weeks to a month at a time."

"If it affects our kids, I'll hear it, Louise."

"He's a businessman, and he's asked me to accompany him on business trips going forward. His, um, wife lives elsewhere and has no interest in going, so he's asked if I'd like to go with him. That means I won't be here as much as I'd like to be, but..."

"It's okay, Mum," Matthew stated, "Where will you be going?"

"He's mentioned trips to the United States and Europe."

Zara said nothing and kept her face blank. I was left thinking she didn't care one way or the other. Then I looked at Mark. He looked back at me, and I couldn't read him either, until he asked a question I didn't expect.

"Do you love him?"

"I love you, Mark," I replied softly, "No matter what, I'm still your wife, and you're still my husband."

"I didn't ask that, Louise. I asked, 'Do you love him'?"

"I... I don't know. I enjoy his company." I looked away for a moment before I looked back at him. "Do you love anyone you're with?"

He gazed at me for a few seconds before he simply smirked at me, rising to his feet to collect all our bowls and utensils. Zara stood up to help her father clear up. Realising I wasn't going to get a response from him, and any sort of conversation was over, I moved to the living room, somewhat relieved that Matthew came to join me and keep me company.

I was in bed later that night when the bedroom door opened, and a warm body soon held me in their arms. It took me a few seconds to realise it wasn't my husband. "I'm sorry, Mum," he whispered.

Turning around, I hugged him tightly and wept, no doubt my son not emotionally equipped to deal with his mother falling apart on him, but he rubbed my back and whispered I was his mother and that he loved me, no matter what. That made me feel better, snuggling against him. "Thank you, baby," I whispered,

I made sure I was home the next two nights before leaving with Tom on our first trip together. Mark and Zara were as polite as they could be, but otherwise ignored my presence if they were not in the same room. Matthew was rather affectionate, seeming to realise I was feeling rather lonely. I knew he wasn't upset at his father or sister, understanding what was going on, and I did my best to talk him through everything.

"Dad has always insisted that we should maintain our relationship with you," he told me, and that just made me smile. He might not have any love for me, but he knew I would always love our children.

I'd already organised with work that I would be working remotely while away, so I packed my things on Thursday morning, ready for Tom to pick me up from the house. Mark was already off to work by the time I headed downstairs, only the kids still at the table, eating breakfast before they headed off to university and school.

Zara barely said two words to me, something I expected and tried to not let it get to me. I did stand up as she was leaving and asked if I could have a hug from my daughter. It must have been something in my tone as she softened slightly and did hug for a few seconds.

"I do love you, Zara," I whispered, "You're my first-born daughter."

She let me go and couldn't meet my eyes, mumbling that she hoped I would have a good time before disappearing out the door. I was the last one to leave, Matthew hugging the life out of me, asking me to take lots of pictures if I did any sightseeing, before he walked out the door. Tom arrived a few minutes later to pick me up.

For the next few months, I was away with Tom more often than I expected. We travelled to North and South America, parts of Asia, and spent a lot of time in Europe. While he would be working, he'd ensure we spent time sight-seeing, and he also made sure that I barely had to pay a thing. I was always introduced as his partner or girlfriend. Whether the people we were meeting knew he had a wife, I wasn't sure and certainly didn't ask.

I also knew that I was falling for him. He was incredibly romantic and generous, and the sex was sometimes phenomenal. I guess when your boyfriend takes you halfway around the world to a romantic hotspot, you're going to get swept away with a myriad of thoughts and feelings.

It was while I was away one time that I was checking social media and I realised what I was missing otherwise. Mark hadn't blocked me and did use it, primarily so his family and friends knew what he as up to. When a new story popped up about him taking the kids away for a holiday to New Zealand, I wasn't sure whether to be angry or upset. Most of the photos were of the kids having a fantastic time.

Mark hadn't mentioned it to me at any stage whenever I was home. Nor had the two kids. The fact Matthew hadn't mentioned it did hurt more than anything.

I didn't miss the fact Emily appeared in many of the photos as well. Tom arrived back to our hotel room that afternoon to find me crying on the bed. He didn't ask what was wrong, simply joining me after he'd kicked off his shoes and held me in his arms. Taking my phone, he checked what had made me so upset before he left a soft kiss on my lips.

"Feels like I should shoulder some of the blame," he said, "You are spending a lot of time with me now."

"It just feels like I'm already divorced and he's just doing things with the kids during his time."

"Do you want to stop coming with me for a little while?"

"Maybe we could, I don't know, spend some time at home and you can meet the kids?"

"Are you sure about that, Louise?" I met his eyes as he smiled at me. "I simply ask because..." He sighed and kissed my forehead. "I do love you, Louise." That made me smile. We expressed our love for each other during our very first trip away. "But I still love my wife and I can't envision a time when I'll leave her. Introducing your kids to me would be... I'm not sure, to be honest. I wouldn't want to raise any expectations."

Arriving home a week later, I tried to spend as much time as I could at our home while also spending time with Tom. Trying to corner Mark was quite difficult as he seemed to know where I was at all times, but I finally got hold of him one evening when he was at home alone.

"You went to New Zealand with the kids," I said, "Why?"

"I was treating our kids to some time away. They hadn't been away on holiday for a couple of years."

"Why did you exclude me?"

"Because you were away with your boyfriend at the time," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"I would have cancelled..."

He turned to look at me. "I'm not going to fake being a happy family just to suit your needs, Louise. I wanted to take our children on holiday. You're far too busy globetrotting with your boyfriend."

"And Emily just so happened to go along with you?"

"Emily is my best friend and has been my anchor and support since day one of this bullshit arrangement that you insisted on having. I invited her for company while the children were off having a grand old time."