The Connection

"Dallas. Why did you have to ruin everything?"

When Clarissa regained her composure, she went out her door and started her work day. Driving towards the front of the apartment community made her breathe fast. She knew exactly where Dallas lived and didn't want to see him. She feared he'd be outside with Loco and have to pass by him like they were complete strangers. She held her breath as she drove her utility van by his apartment. Then the grassy area where they played. His car was there, but neither man or faithful companion were outside.

Her day at work went as expected. The jobs were time consuming, and just what she needed to ease her thoughts. When the day was over, she returned home. Her evening was beginning to feel like her morning. She didn't want to risk running into him. But she wasn't about to delay being home just to avoid him. She drove past his place and sighed in relief that his car was gone. Where ever he was, it was best he wasn't around her.

Clarissa spent her Saturday evening like usual. She cleaned out the van. Scrubbed any of her equipment that was dirty. Cleaned herself if it was needed. Made herself a simple meal. Watched tv until her eyes couldn't stay open. And finally made her way to bed. That night she got some sleep. It wasn't the best ever. But it was better than having none.

SUNDAY

The young woman got to sleep in. Something she liked if it ever did happen. When she woke up she made herself some breakfast. Afterwards she vegged on the couch, watching whatever was on the tv that held her interest. Yet it didn't matter what was playing. Something felt off. Disconnected. Clarissa knew what the problem was but wasn't sure if or when it would be possible to deal with it. Being curious, she reached for her phone. There was another message.

*Please talk to me. Please*

Clarissa tossed the phone to the other side of the couch. Something in her bones told her if she didn't speak with him, he wouldn't stop until he got what he asked for. She didn't want it to become irritating, or confrontational. But she knew in her heart it was best to get it out of the way.

Because it was Sunday, Clarissa had her routine for the work week to come. She made the decision to speak with Dallas on the way out. Clarissa got off the couch and started preparing for the day ahead of her. The young woman showered, got dressed, steadied her nerves, and exited her apartment. Normally she could be finished getting ready and out the door within an hour. This time it took three. She honestly wasn't in a hurry.

She drove slowly towards Dallas's apartment. Her nerves were unraveling with each passing second. When she reached his apartment, she gasped in surprise. Parked just outside his door was a rented moving truck. He was leaving.

Clarissa's mind raced. Her resolve to speak with him was now broken. She had to make a choice. She could ignore his request and leave to handle her business. Because he was moving, surely he wouldn't pester her each day with text messages begging to speak with her. On the other hand, she knew she was better than that. She couldn't just ignore him. Clarissa hated leaving things left unsettled. Things between her and her exgirlfriend weren't even solved yet which was bothering her after many months. Knowing what she had to do, she took a deep breath and pulled her car over next to the moving truck.

She spotted Dallas coming out of his apartment with a few items and stepped out of her vehicle. Dallas saw her approaching and moved quickly to pack the truck. Free of his belongings he walked towards her and started to speak.

"Hi."

Clarissa could easily tell he was nervous.

"Hey." she replied.

"Listen, I'm really sor-"

"Dallas, stop. Just stop. I don't want your apology. I don't want to hear your apology. You're sorry, I know you're sorry. Every time you've breathed for the last two days, you've probably said 'I'm sorry' without even realizing it. Saying sorry doesn't fix what you did. I want you to tell me why you did it."

"I don't underst-"

"Yes, you do understand. You know I'm into women. Not men. I've come to terms with that ever since I was a teenager. Regardless of having a short relationship with a guy I knew from high school. I have no interest in dating guys. You know this. So why did you kiss me?"

"Because I care about you!" he shouted, his tone startled her. "After all this time I thought you figured that out. There is something between us. Some sort of connection. Even you have brought it up before. Something made us drawn to each other... and a part of me truly felt there was more to it than just being friends."

"Yes! I have brought that up but that's all I'm wanting! Just friends! I have no interest in being with a guy and you cannot ask me to do that!"

"I'm not asking you to have an interest in a guy. I'm asking you to have an interest in me. I have plenty of friends, some I'm even trying to get rid of. I didn't want to be just another friend. I wanted more. To be more. I wanted... I want to be with you. Be in a relationship with you. Pamper you. Cuddle with you. All that romantic bullshit we joke about on a regular basis and I want that with you. I told you weeks ago you were the ideal woman for a guy like me to be with. Do you remember that?"

Clarissa could feel the tears trying to form in her eyes. She had to breathe and blink just right to keep them from running down her cheeks.

"Yes, I remember. And I felt bad for you then just like I do now. You said it was your rotten luck about the situation, even though it was my life choices that are keeping us from being together. I can't change who or what I am and honestly, I don't want to just to make someone else happy. It's taken me years to come to terms with it all just so I could be comfortable in my own skin. And even now I struggle because someone I loved rejected me. That's why I'm here, living in this place."

"That's also why we met." Dallas muttered.

"So that's what you think? That I had to lose someone important in my life just so you and I could cross paths with each other?"

"Maybe," he paused "I have this reasoning... a way of thinking that has gotten me through a number of my relationship problems."

"Oh Jesus Christ," she rolled her eyes "and what sage advice do you have to give me this time? What words of wisdom can you possibly put in my head that will make me feel better about this whole situation?"

She saw the frustration spreading on Dallas's face. She was getting to him. Upsetting him. It wasn't intentional, she had to remind herself. He was just another guy who was into her, another guy who couldn't have her. It wasn't his fault he was a man. But it was his fault for what he did to her.

"Our lives are a lot like novels... and the people we meet are there to move the plot forward. Some are only present for a few chapters. Others are there for most of the story. Some are there from the beginning, and some are meant to be there at the end."

His philosophy was accurate, Clarissa thought to herself. Dallas always had a unique way of making his points. Sometimes they were long winded, but the points were always made none the less.

"I'm sick and tired of my story being lonely with no one special in my life. At times I don't even feel like I'm the hero of my own story. I've had setbacks and let downs, one after another. And it's truly made me question the type of man I am. Hero or villain? Then for whatever reason you want to call it, I met you. I know it's only be a couple of months but you've become important to me. I've grown to care about you. And for once in long time, I really feel like I met someone who is going to be an important part of my story. Maybe all the way to the end."

His words affected her. The tears formed in her eyes once more. This time she couldn't fight them back. They rolled down her cheeks and gathered at her jawline. Dallas saw them and slowly reached for her. Clarissa saw the hand approaching her face. She quickly swatted it away and took a few steps back. Her eyes looked at the moving truck, then back into his.

"Then maybe this is the end of our story," she sobbed "you're moving away and-"

"I'm only moving up the road. I'm not leaving town. Hell, you could walk from this place to my home in about thirty minutes."

"It doesn't matter, Dallas. Moving or not, what you did was wrong and I... I don't think I can forgive you for that."

Dallas lowered his head and kicked a few of the pebbles under his shoes. Whatever he was about to say needed to be the end of the conversation. Clarissa had to leave. Personal issues with others be damned, she still had her own life to contend with. She heard him inhale and felt another need to roll her eyes. She couldn't deal with another speech.

"You said you can't change who you are. Well neither can I. I know the type of man I am and how I feel about you. I can't just change that. I'm in love with you, Clarissa."

Those words made her blood run cold. He was in love with her. Not attracted to. Not interested in. Not wanting to sleep with. No. In love with. The last person who told her that was the woman she was with for nearly half a decade. In the months after the breakup, Clarissa hoped the same woman would say those words to her again. If not her, then another woman who would earn her heart. Instead, it was Dallas. Her new best friend. She couldn't deal with it anymore and knew she had to leave.

"You're gonna' have to, Dallas. You're leaving." she gestured toward the truck "and there's nothing left for you here. Not your old home, this 'neighborhood'... not even me."

Clarissa turned her back on him and quickly walked towards her car. That should have been the end of it but she felt like something was left unsaid. She didn't want her very last words with him to be hurtful. She wasn't that type of person. Just before she got in her car, she looked back and spoke.

"I hope you enjoy your new home."

And just like that, it was over. They had their conversation. Things between them were settled and it was time for her to get on with her day. She knew she had a long week ahead of her and she needed to be as ready as possible.

Instead of being busy, she found herself wasting time. Driving around the city and listening to music often helped her during difficult days. But the constantly rising prices for gas caused her to stop doing that for some time. Today she ignored that issue. The longer she stayed out of her home, the better. It was needed.

Burning through the gas in the tank, Clarissa was forced to fill up at the nearest station. After filling up, she started to leave when something caught her attention within the convenance store. She stopped and gazed inside. What she spotted caused the tears to return: a guy and a girl at the Icee machine filling up their cups, holding each other's hands as they took turns cycling through the flavors. Clarissa slammed her foot into the gas pedal, desperate to escape anything that would remind her of him.

She lost track of time as the sun started to set. Knowing what she needed to get done, as well as the supplies necessary to get through the work week, Clarissa rushed to get everything taken care of. By the time she finished, the sun had already set by almost two hours. She couldn't keep avoiding going home. Pulling into the apartment community made her heart hurt. The rental truck was not at the apartment and his car was missing. Dallas was gone. The plot was still moving forward, but a character in her life story was no longer a part of it. Just like he said.

The following week was a living hell. Clarissa couldn't concentrate on her work. Her attention was so broken she nearly caused more issues to the vehicles than actually repairing them. She didn't sleep at all Monday or Tuesday night. On Wednesday she got an hour of sleep from a forced power nap. Thursday and Friday weren't any better. Keeping an eye on the weather, she learned a terrible storm was supposed to pass through the area Saturday evening and last the whole night.

The weather was never that predictable and Clarissa had to cancel her Saturday afternoon appointments. The repair job that morning went completely horrible, in which she damaged the vehicle she was trying to fix. She told her customer she could repair the damages and wouldn't charge for her services. But she couldn't complete her work that day. It was for the best, otherwise she could cause more harm than good. The owner; a long-term customer of hers, agreed and suggested they talk later about rescheduling. The decision was mutual and soon Clarissa left. The job was unfinished. An unfortunate first for her after all the years of working for herself. With that she returned home, upset with her unprofessionalism.

It was a little past noon and Clarissa felt out of her norm. She wasn't herself. And she certainly wasn't happy. Instead, she felt disconnected. Or more accurately, isolated. Lonely. She'd been through it before when Beth kicked her out. It was a terrible feeling.

A thought burned through her skull in an instant. Beth was the cause of all of it. Because of Beth she lost her home. Because of Beth, she was living in that crappy apartment. Because of Beth, she was having to work harder than before to support herself. And yes, because of Beth, she never would have met Dallas. Everything was linked back to her, and yet she never knew why things ended between them. She needed answers.

Clarissa pulled out her phone and searched through her contacts. Tapping the screen, her phone dialed up her exgirlfriend. She honestly expected it to go straight to voicemail. Though they'd sent a few messages to each other after Clarissa was kicked out, they had not heard each other's voices in several months. The ringing stopped and someone on the other end answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Beth, it's me."

"I know it's you. What do you want?"

"Can we talk?"

"We'll have to make this quick, my battery is about to d-"

"No, no" Clarissa interrupted "I mean in person. I... I need to see you."

"Why?"

"It's been months since we broke up. And a few things have happened since then. But you and I... we... listen, I just need closure about some things and I prefer we do it in person. Can we please talk."

There was a pause over the phone. She sensed it was hesitation or a time buying tactic to find an excuse to say no.

"Okay, sure. Where do you want to meet?"

Clarissa gave the name of a local bar that opened early in Saturdays. She was quite familiar with it from the great assortment of college aged eye candy roaming within. Beth agreed and the two met up an hour later. It felt tense being near each other. A grand awkwardness that could no longer continue on without things being settled between them. Clarissa was nervous. She was known for being rather blunt when it came to saying things or wanting to know stuff from other people. She knew if she pushed too hard, Beth would leave, and all the effort to bring them together would have been for nothing. They ordered their drinks, and Clarissa was the first to strike.

"So how have you been doing?" she asked.

"I've been doing pretty good, actually." Beth relied.

"Oh really, do tell."

"Well, I met someone not too long after you left."

"You mean after you kicked me out." Clarissa corrected.

"Semantics. Point is they make me happy, and that's what I want."

"Are you saying I didn't make you happy?"

"I'm not saying you didn't," Beth answered "but I will say things changed between us that hurt our relationship."

"And you blame me for that."

"Someone had to be at fault." Beth spoke, her tone snarky.

Clarissa leaned in close to her exgirlfriend, staring through her eyes and trying to burn her soul with imaginary heat vision.

"Now you listen to me. I did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I was always honest. I was always faithful. I never cheated on you. Nobody in the whole world mattered more to me than you. And then one day you just flipped a switch, acted like a bitch and the next thing I know, you kicked me out."

"You deserved it."

"For what? What did I do to make you break up with me and made me damn near homeless?"

"Oh quit being so dramatic, Clarissa. You had the utility van; you could have slept in that."

Clarissa gripped the glass she was holding very tightly with both hands. If one were free, she would have slapped the taste from her ex's mouth for that remark. She still needed answers and had to press on.

"What. Did. I. Do. Wrong?"

"If you haven't figured it out then you're hopeless."

"Stop teasing me; Beth, and tell me."

"Awe, but you used to like me teasing you."

"Yeah, let's talk about that then. From what I recall, it was me always doing for you. Flirting. Teasing. Pleasing. I did everything for you. And if it wasn't the sexual stuff, it certainly was the relationship stuff."

Clarissa noticed in the corner of her eye two college boys suddenly listening to the conversation. Naturally their perverse ears picked up the words "sexual stuff" being spoken between two attractive women. She shot them a look in their direction, the kind that clearly told them to mind their own fucking business. The two young boys got up and walked away from the bar. Clarissa and Beth were alone again.

"Is there a point to this, Clarissa?" Beth inquired.

"I gave you everything I had. Even more than that. And then one day you ended it. I want to know why."

Beth looked her over. It annoyed Clarissa to the core. All she wanted were answers and the former love of her life was dicking with her. She started to believe confronting her was getting her nowhere.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"God dammit, yes. I want to know why you broke up with me!"

"You want to know why?"

"Yes!"

"Do you really want to know why?"

"Are you going to keep fucking with me? Yes, I want to know why! Now dammit, tell me!

"Because deep down you wanted to be like me." Beth snarled.

The answer took Clarissa by surprise. Beth could see it as well and continued to answer her question.

"Yeah, you gave me everything you had, and more. You were wonderful as a partner, and you were fucking great in bed. But in the end, you wanted to be like me."

"What do you mean?"

"Jesus, Clarissa. Do I need to write it in crayon?" Beth slammed her fist on the bar counter, she was lucky not to shatter the glass mug an inch away from her hand. "Listen to what I'm saying. I'm not a bad person. I'm not a toxic person. But I AM a taker. I thrive off the attention others give me. I take it all in and it makes me feel really good about myself. It's not in my nature to be the giving type. That includes romance and intimacy, or just sex for that matter. When it's all about me, I'm happy."

Clarissa listened to every word spewing out of the woman's mouth, waiting to hear the mystery behind the explanation.

"You; however, are the giving type. That's what I loved about you. You gave and gave and gave until there was almost nothing left to give. You gave me happiness. Security. And sure; for every pervert who wants to hear this, some of the best orgasms I ever had in my life."

That last comment caused a few glass mugs nearby to slip and shatter on the ground. People were definitely listening in. It even made Clarissa's skin color change. Somewhere between blushing and furious.

"But then one day I realized something about you. Something you obviously never figured out for yourself. That you want to be like me. Or at least as close as you can be. You want someone to give you the kind of attention and love and romance and intimacy that you were giving me. And that's where things went wrong between us."

"Because you're a taker." Clarissa spoke, lip quivering with each word.

"Exactly. It's not in my nature to do for others what they have done for me. It's why you did so much in the relationship. From making the meals, to making me cum. Face it, Clarissa. Between the two of us, you wore the pants in our relationship, as well as the strap-on."