All Comments on 'The Crush Pt. 03'

Well, this was a significant step down in quality. Well, as a gay man this was already not usually what I read in the first place, but the first two parts were reasonably good and even a little hot if a bit common in this section. This part, tho, was something else entirely, the problem is that I'm certain that making me laugh wasn't the intention.

I wish there was a way to thread comments and get more information from commentators. I always find myself analyzing what the readers like and are receptive to, how stories are rated and favorited. So I am really genuinely curious about what made this part so significantly worse. I can see that the anonymous commenter isn't alone in his opinion, since the ratings on this part of the story are so much lower than on the first two. How was this part so different from the first two? Which parts made you laugh? I think there were certain parts that would be ok to laugh at. If anyone else comes across this comment and would like to help me out with what made this part "a significant step down," I'd love to hear it. So that I can hopefully avoid taking another step down with part 4, which is currently in progress.

Can't speak for anyone other than myself, but the "strong, independent woman" line was a little funny (I mentally completed "who needs no man"). I'll say that maybe the second half of this chapter seemed a little less concerned with the characters, their relationship or the erotica than with twitter style takes.

Don't know if that's a step down and, again, can only speak for myself. Certainly not what I was expecting to read in the noncon section of Literotica of all places.

I don't think this was a step down in quality, I think you're making the relationship build up in a way that makes sense and balancing the plot and sex pretty well. Don't get too hung up on negative anons, for some reason people love to categories that aren't their taste and bash stories in them. I don't go into the gay sex categories and talk about how much I'm not into it.

After this line “ He wished he had more excuses to actually punish her” I was expecting the request for sex at the party to go down the refusal / punishment path. Bathroom sex isn’t my thing to begin with. What bothers me about it here though is you establish that Del is fighting for respect and status at work pretty much constantly. I feel like Chris’ request for sex at a company function would be in direct conflict with Del’s professional goals and should have been more of a conflict between them.

Thank you all, I do appreciate the commentary and feedback. I can see how it's pulling away from the non-con category a bit in this section, especially towards the end. Yeah, I can see how the bathroom sex and the strong woman lines are a bit cliche. And @Metadi, you're right a bit more conflict and refusal could have served as a good reason for punishment, I missed the mark there. Ok. Hopefully, you guys will come back for part 4. I'll try to make it up to you ;-)

I got what you were going for in this and it does add to the story arch. I guess it gets hard when something starts in one category then starts to change. Still enjoying this story but agree that perhaps some punishment element could have added to it and (if gone too far, pushing boundaries) could have bought it back into the category and added something.

Honest have enjoyed all of your writing though so keep it up! Thank you. Also respect the fact you are willing to take on feedback so will try to make more comments from now on.

Quote:

No, he wasn't threatened, Chris thought to himself, but the idea that this smart, feisty woman who took no shit from any other guy handed over all the control to him was the sexiest thing he could think of.

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Okay, this is a sentiment that we can both agree on. But it loses power when you consider that she didn't actually arrive there on her own. She was forced into the relationship. She wanted Chris so badly that she was willing to do anything to have some kind of a closer relationship with him. She has chosen to be this way under duress. That makes it less sexy. Had he been kinder instead of having the asshole attitude of take it or get nothing, then I could get invested in your story.

Chris is a filthy selfish asshole piece of shit. 4/5