All Comments on 'The Decision'

The wife "cheating" with the man who it turns out is really her husband.

Two big problems: You have her "saying" that her husband's been gone for a year. Yeah, in hindsight that's part of the fantasy, but it makes the twist at the end into a cheat.

Then, it's been eleven months since her husband "left." Did he die? Desert her? In the service? The first two, she's entitled, the last, she's a cheater. It makes a difference in how we view her.

Umm... what happened?

I mean, I know what HAPPENED, obviously.

But what happened before that?

Who are these people?

Surprise ending

Decent story, but the ending was simply too stupid. Her whole thought pattern was way out of line for it to have been her hubby. Sorry, "trick" didn't work.

I had to think long and hard after the ending, but I finally got it... I think. Arousing. 😉

so why did he leave and why after this time all isOK to reconnect in a sexual way? Sort of the usual twist story but so many unanswered questions.

...5 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

Leaves a lot of questions in the reader's mind, but a fine, fun story overall.

Thanks for writing!

Confused about the obvious gaps but very nice and satisfying.

I don't mind the story, it is OK... but mind reading is not my forte.

Don't take it the wrong way, but having story without start or end is just a great way to get craped on in a big way.

Good read. Enjoyed it a lot.

A little different, but good twist at the end. Where has Jim been? What could keep him away from that for eleven months?

If hubby has been working away for 11 months, why has "Jim" stopped at a pub close to home, just a short drive away? There is no clue that he told "Jess" that he would be at that bar, he admitted to her he wasn’t expecting to meet anyone, just working away and heading home, only he's not heading home but watching a game on the TV. Do they keep a special bourbon that he can get nowhere else that he misses more than he misses the missus? Or they don't have cable at home? If neither are expecting to see each other, has she gone out fully intending to pick up some stray? "They were silent on the way home and she wondered if she would go through with it" makes no sense if this is her husband, unless she's not admitting to us that she's pissed he'd rather watch a sport and drink alone rather than come home? If they have been legally separated for this long 11 months, and she knows he frequents this bar, and wants to initiate restitution through seduction, than where are the clues to this 11-month marital hiatus? To get max stars for a twister like this in a flash story, there have to be pointers which appear insignificant on first reading that immediately clarifies the twist when it is finally revealed, like the punchline of a good joke. This twist just fails on too many points.

Unless I've totally misread this, Jim IS her husband, the whole thing is a fantasy role/play.

You tried so hard to hide the relationship, that you made the eventual reveal nonsense:

She didn't recognize anyone but she was still relatively new to the area.

Startled he said, "No, not expecting anyone."

"You a local?" She asked.

"No, just visiting. Been doing some travelling for work and heading back home."

Excellent, she thought, no strings. The night was looking up and her temperature started to rise.

The dialogue could be fantasy play, but why would you convey her thoughts to the reader that are nonsense? Its her fucking husband! Who she's been missing to the point of desperation for 11 months! No strings?

If they are divorced then the last line is a lie, he's not her husband. If they are still married then the entire previous thoughts and actions become ridiculous.

A good plot idea, poor executed. Thanks for the effort. Improve the technique.

Sorry, but JW’s penultimate sentence took this out of the LW category! Agree with ‘like to say’ ANON and SBrooks on all their points! Besides, bars don’t often come in singles ... several are usually around in areas that have any. Unless most of Sweetie’s thoughts were, at best, deceitful!

This story would have been so much hotter if he was a stranger.

All these assholes that never wrote a story, telling someone that had the guts to write one, how to write a story. But they have the guts to criticize a story that someone wrote. Heres an idea if you dont like the story, just move on. Ive come across stories that are written by persons that English is not their native language, I just try to get through it move on.

Great twist at the end. Feel-good supreme!

Good story, well written. Kept me interested right to the end. Good twist at the end. Enough sex to make the story, without pouring it on with a shovel. Thank you for sharing. Hope to see more of your writing. Marie.

Okay. Where it was heading was a bit too obvious. Three stars.