All Comments on 'The Diary of Jewel Delacroix Ch. 31'

you wanted to develop a realistic society that could produce a mmh story. I loved the idea at the start. but then you ruined it in the last 3 chapters. you tore the realism out of it by introducing magic (hypnosis). the lip biting tic should have been the extent of the hypnosis.

also, where was the vengeance? we were willing to endure the horror if we knew there would be catharsis, but there was none. a good guy was kidnapped and raped over the course of 5 years, his body being mutilated and made benign, for what?

one last thing: the beginning doesn't match the story when the linear timeline catches up. Leanne was there close to the 5 year mark. the things that were said in the beginning didn't match the setting in the end.

final last thing: a little too much superfluous info. why did we meet the counts daughter? why was a lady bodyguard so important that you named her? why did the other countess need to learn about Jewel's situation? Why include the "bimbo lottery" dude at the funeral? there are a million other "whys" that just made the story more confusing.

overall the story was very well done and I could tell you put a lot effort in, you really created a world. I was glued to the first 27-28 chapters, it just fell apart for me when the hypnosis became unrealistic and Jules gave up.

If you can stand continuing the love story of Jewel and Donna, I’d love to read of their escapades.

Yes, I did "screw up" with Leanne there...unless I go back and mention that she was just there for Jewel and Jean Claude's 5th anniversary...but a mistake is a mistake and I'll just have to own up to it.

"you wanted to develop a realistic society that could produce a mmh story. I loved the idea at the start. but then you ruined it in the last 3 chapters. you tore the realism out of it by introducing magic (hypnosis). the lip biting tic should have been the extent of the hypnosis."

The hypnotherapy was mentioned in multiple chapters over the course of Jewel's ordeal. The Hypnotherapist was described as practicing with leading edge techniques. I don't consider it "magic" so much as persistence and the weight of the therapy working against her. Don't forget the toe-tapping tic as well :)

"also, where was the vengeance? we were willing to endure the horror if we knew there would be catharsis, but there was none. a good guy was kidnapped and raped over the course of 5 years, his body being mutilated and made benign, for what?"

I posted similar comments in the original stories by Rik when he posted his MMH chapters. I later realized that that was likely part of the world in which the story was set...You can't fight city hall. I tried to stay consistent to this premise.

"final last thing: a little too much superfluous info. why did we meet the counts daughter? why was a lady bodyguard so important that you named her? why did the other countess need to learn about Jewel's situation? Why include the "bimbo lottery" dude at the funeral? there are a million other "whys" that just made the story more confusing."

Some details were window dressing to elaborate on the story, like the step daughter. The female bodyguard detail was just to mention how little Jewel cared to find out anything about the people around her. Realistic behavior for Jewel in the moment but a poor decision for Jewel in hindsight. The Bimbo Lottery was another story by Rik that I wanted to incorporate into this universe as a means to show how dystopian the society really was. (The nobles are CORRUPT! Absolute power and all that...)

"overall the story was very well done and I could tell you put a lot effort in, you really created a world. I was glued to the first 27-28 chapters, it just fell apart for me when the hypnosis became unrealistic and Jules gave up."

In the final chapters Jewel was beginning to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome as well as succumbing to her physical and hypnotic conditioning. And Jewel will likely suffer from PTSD as well, after the Counts death. I thought that these details would reflect realism in the mind set of the character.

One final note...Donna doesn't know about Jewel's hypnotic conditioning...She is observant and will notice something is different but will not know why. Just laying the groundwork for a future 2nd story if I ever have time to revisit this story universe.

Let me also say I really appreciate the feedback that "anonymous" is providing, and would encourage you to send feedback and allow for email communication so as to grow and develop as an author. I would love to engage with readers with ideas to share.

R/

Barbara Jean

This was a well-crafted, comprehensively told story. Very enjoyable.

Once I read chapter 22 I knew something bad was going to happen, I saw Jules start to give up and even want to be preferred as Jewel, I decide to read the last chapter and I'm utterly disappointed. After so muchhh building story character development, Jules just give up because some hypnosiss?? He should by then, and the way you describe him, knew that he smart enough to know that he was controlled by the therapist! He can notice he was given hormone, make plan, even convincing and do some disgusting act but can't realize that the therapy session is what has been messing his mind?? Even after he knew that something out of his control is happening in his mind, not consistent. He also have his diary, it can make him remember who he was and make the hypnosis roll off. Also, I thought the publish of the diary would be the climax where he expose the cruelty of his marriage by the way you introduce the story at the beginning, and Jules eventually got what he deserve, a revenge or at least a real escape, now I feel so naive to believe that could happen, those moment is for nothing, it's like GOT with the sign and everything and then completely abandon it. This bring no justice at all to story build you made. Whyyyyyy... I'm so mad for Jules, I was expecting 'real' escape, not this way. Now I'm sad again knowing that another dissapointing story. It seems all forced feminization story ended up like this even though it doesn't make any sense, and if you make movie the audience will left with feeling of anger, sadness, and disappointment, I can assure you. Or maybe that's how all people think a forced feminization? I don't know and I think it should not be that way. It's too fuck up to think that all forced fem story should end this way, it's too much of a fantasy.

The way you narrate the story is really good tho, my advice is that be more realistic, don't force a story, be consistent with the allure of the story, give the conclusion that the story deserve, don't make such radical turn that cannot be justify, you can make a twist, but be reasonable. That's all, I really enjoyed it thoroughly until I found out how the story would end. Thank you.

I wish she could get revenge

The ending is completely disappointing

I disagree with the commenters saying your story is unrealistic or forced, since the entire premise of the story is "unrealistic" and I think you Progressed things at a reasonable pace.

I enjoyed the way you played with time at the beginning of the story, I think at the end everything was too chronological, but I think some dates to tie into the diary idea would make it an easier read.

I don't understand why jewel is not considered trans. If she has surgeries, drugs, voice training and uses a female name and pronouns then she has transitioned, whether she wanted to or not.

I won't lie this series was a tough read. I read the whole thing over a few days. There are many things just wrong with the whole forced situation and the continued rape made me angry. Jewel quickly became a person I cared about, I wanted her to survive and revenge would have been a big cherry. In one episode she says that she had no weapons- I disagree anything can be a weapon. I hope to think I would have bit his cock off rather than submit to his abuse. (Perhaps I am lucky that I have friends that have taught me how to defend myself) The

count would have bled out within a few minutes. A broken mirror and a slashed femoral artery/ carotid, or something just heavy to smash his face and head. I could think of several accidents he could have had, but that wouldn't be the story would it? I see there is another series after the death, I plan to read this next. The story was well written. I didn't find it erotic in any sense. The only thing that kept me engaged was "what happens to Jewel".