Still liking the content quite a bit, but this chapter especially is in serious need of an editor. It got really hard at times to follow what happened, due to the many errors.
Compulsive writer desperately trying to get all of the idea out from his mind. Please feel free to message me directly, I love to hear constructive feedback, I'm very aware that anything can always be better, but that sometimes it just needs to be done. Just be brave enough ...