All Comments on 'The Fallen'

I wish Annarette hadn't died, I was so enthralled in this story. Continue writing, make this story into a book

B4 you posted this story did you read it? All it? Out loud? It's a great idea but this is three rough drafts back from being posted. It read as if it was a made-up bedtime story. You repeated yourself then recapped a repeating. I thought I read your work before, maybe I didn't. Either way get a beta reader, and if you have one, get a new one, please. Give your idea some justice.