The Interview

It took you out of the moment.

Kind of, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, there's no real way around it, in my experience. For a while, I used to tell guys ahead of time, like, by the way...

Brace yourself?

[laughs] Just like, give them a head's up. Try to give them some sort of warning.

But that's even weirder, right?

Yes! Definitely weird, it always felt like I was bragging or something. So now I just let it happen.

Once I got over the shock, I was really turned on, and excited. I mean, I'd never seen a dick even close to that big. But if we were going to fuck, then maybe it would have been a different set of emotions -

You didn't want to go all the way with me?

Well, I don't generally fuck guys on a first date. I am a lady.

[laughs]

But, if there was any doubt in my mind, seeing how big it was ruled out fucking.

See, that's what I'm getting at. It might surprise people that my size prevents me from having sex just as much as it helps. A lot of guys take one look and say, "Nope. No way."

What about bottoming? Do you bottom?

I do bottom, but it's rare. It's not really my thing. I think I'm probably naturally more of a top. But it's hard to separate out the dick, I think it does interfere. When it comes out, people just expect me to top. Or maybe I just attract more bottomy guys, or maybe guys who otherwise would want to top me get intimidated... I don't know. But it's rare that I find a guy who wants to top me.

I love a big-dicked bottom. In porn, at least. It's so hot.

Would you have wanted to top me when we hooked up? I mean, aside from your no fucking on the first date rule?

[laughs] Oh honey, I'm not a top.

Well, then.

Have you ever been with someone bigger than you?

Once. In my 20s. We met at a bar, and he took me back to his hotel room. I was really drunk, and he pushed me down and pulled out his dick. I couldn't believe how big it was, and he was trying to like, force it down my throat, I was gagging and almost puking, it was horrible. Then he tried to fuck me but it was too painful and I made him stop. Finally he just came on my face and then told me to leave.

Yikes, that sounds pretty awful.

It was pretty awful, and it made me realize that I could really hurt someone with my dick.

Speaking of anal, when did you first start fucking?

Well, the first guy I fucked was this adorable, beautiful swimmer, [redacted]... I met him during my third year of college, at the gym. By then, I was a lot more comfortable in my body, I was working out a lot, and I saw him in the showers.

So you got over your shower phobia.

[laughs] Yeah, in fact, I started to really enjoy the showers at school.

You really are a walking erotic story, aren't you?

I mean, come on. I was twenty. I was feeling my oats. Is that what the kids say?

You were living large.

[laughs] Come on. Life is shitty so much of the time, please don't begrudge me my blissful, sex-filled youth.

Honestly, I'm just happy you're so open about it. So back to the swimmer.

OK, so picture it... I finish my workout, and I head to the locker room. I strip out of my gym clothes, and I'm standing there in my sweaty jock. I hear a locker clink shut behind me. I turn.

Now you're playing it up for dramatic effect.

[laughs] This is fun. I like talking to you. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but it's all true, I swear. I like that you're into it. You're enjoying this too, right?

Go on.

OK, so I turn, and I see this gorgeous creature... this beautiful blond twink with just the most perfect little bubble butt on a tight, swimmer's body. I see him bending over, taking off his speedo, and I'm instantly getting hard.

You're trying to turn me on, aren't you?

[laughs] I follow him into the showers. There are a couple of other guys in there, and the swimmer goes to a shower head in the back the corner, facing away from everyone. I take a shower head a few down from him, along the back wall. I'm watching him, trying not to get a full-on boner, but the longer I'm in there with him, the bigger my erection is getting. The other guys are gone now, it's just him and me. And I can tell he's purposefully not looking at me, but I'm turned toward him, watching him lather himself up.

You came a long way from not wanting to be naked around anyone.

I think for a while there I was turning into something of an exhibitionist. It's like, the longer you repress yourself, the harder you fly out of the restraints, you know? Anyway, finally, he turns and looks at me, and I see him register my dick, which is standing straight out at this point. Then he looks at my face. He flashes me the most incredible look, like, a little scared, a little intrigued. And I see that his dick, like, leaps to attention. He tries to cover it up, and he turns away from me. And then he finishes up really fast and leaves the shower. I follow him out, and introduce myself when we were both getting dressed.

Kinda creepy.

I suppose, but I just had to know who he was, to talk to him. I remember that when I introduced myself he turned bright red, like his whole body. He had a towel around his waist, but there were these bright red splotches that appeared on his chest and arms. We chatted a little bit, he told me he was a swimmer on the University team. I asked if he wanted to hang out some time. I gave him my AIM handle.

Oh my god, you really are a millennial aren't you?

[laughs] This was before people really had cell phones. We all just AIM-ed each other. It was a magical time.

OK, love the meet cute, but my question was about fucking.

Wow, OK. Well, fast forward, I guess. This kid is a gay virgin before me, never even kissed a guy. But we caught up real quick, and it was getting, you know, kind of serious. We fell for each other. Or at least I fell for him. I stopped fooling around with other guys, he was just the sweetest, kindest, most genuine guy, and all I wanted was be with him.

Tick tock. This interview isn't going to last forever.

OK OK! It comes time, after a few weeks of puppy dog stuff, making out, blowjobs, et cetera, that we want to take it to the next level. We're sucking each other off, and, like, naturally, fingers will drift... and mine had been drifting to his butt, pushing on his hole. I felt more and more drawn to it, like, the need to, like, own him make him mine, you know, because I was in love with him and I wanted to completely possess him... his entire body. And one night, he was on top of me - I'm kind of a big guy and he was a lot smaller than me - and we're face to face and his ass is spread and my dick head is, like lodged against his hole. We're both sweating, and he's rock hard, too, and it's like, we both just know that it's time, that we're going to fuck. And he says, "fuck me, [redacted]". So I start to push my dick into him.

No condom?

No, we were young and stupid. [laughs] I don't think we even thought about it. I mean, we were both anal virgins but it was still stupid. I was also stupid enough to think that precum was enough lube to fuck him with. My dick was leaking like crazy and his hole was all slippery, so I just tried to just stick my dick into him.

What, just like that?

Yeah. And surprise, surprise, nothing happens. I can't get it in at all, he's too tight.

Well, it's not exactly his fault, is it? It'd be like trying to shove a two by four into his ass.

[laughs]

So what did you do?

Well, when it was clear that nothing was happening, I poked some fingers in him, tried to loosen him up a bit, and then I got on top of him and just kept pushing. And then... I mean, I cringe just thinking about it. My dick just all of a sudden busts into him, it went in really deep all at once. And he screams.

Oh no.

It was horrible, I pulled out immediately of course.

Was he OK?

I mean, not really. Thank god he wasn't bleeding or anything. That's the absolute worst. But yeah, he was in a lot of pain. And he's crying, and I'm crying and then he doesn't want me to touch him, and he gets dressed and hobbles home.

[laughs] Oh god, I'm sorry for laughing. It's not funny.

I mean, kind of funny in retrospect. At the time I just remember being really sad. The whole shine went off of it, the thing we had going. He stopped wanting to hook up or hang out. I felt like my dick had ruined everything.

That sucks, cause you could have just taken it slow, worked up to it.

Yeah, but honestly how were we supposed to know what to do? It's like... you need an experienced hand to guide you through that, and we were just clueless virgins.

Bummer.

He got a new boyfriend almost overnight. Oh god, he was so beautiful, and I thought I was in love, you know? I was a mess for months.

I'm sorry again for laughing.

Please don't worry about it. Everyone has those early awful sex stories. And everyone gets their heart broken, right? We were all young and stupid. I suppose one positive thing, though, about that experience, since your question was originally about fucking, was that he broke my aversion to butts. After that swimmer, fuck...

You had hole fever?

Hole fever. [laughs] Yes. Ass, ass, and more ass. I was obsessed with ass. In the aftermath of that breakup, if you can call it a breakup, I hooked up with a guy who showed me the ropes. He was a size queen and a real pro. Go slow, lots of lube, work up to a few fingers, use a dildo to get things going before the main event.

Man, fucking you sounds like quite a time commitment.

[laughs] I suppose it can be, yeah.

You've had relationships since then?

I've had a handful of longer-term relationships. Monogamous relationships, open relationships, both. I'm not sure a relationship is for me, honestly. Nothing has stuck for more than a year, year and a half, so far. In my 30s, I've been happiest when I'm not in a relationship, for what it's worth. I'm not sure if that's how I'm wired, or if I just haven't found the right person, yet.

Do you think your size has affected your relationships at all?

That's a good question. I'm not sure. I did have one boyfriend whose kink was telling guys at bars that I had a big dick. He would fish around for guys that were into that, and then we'd bring the guy home, and my boyfriend would get off watching me fuck the guy, I'd play the role of the big dumb stud, and it really was kind of all about my dick, you know? And that was fun for a while, maybe, but once the novelty of that wore off, like any relationship, you're left with the reality of being with someone in a way that's not about sex. And there wasn't a whole lot else there, at least with that guy. And... I guess, my most recent boyfriend, he was a through and through bottom, loved getting fucked, but we never really found a way to do it that wasn't painful for him. And I think, once again, the size of me got in the way of us having a powerful sexual connection, you know? Maybe when I'm older and sex is less important, I'll find someone who isn't all that interested in fucking. But for now, it's like, I'm still young enough and sexual enough that I want to fuck, you know? If I have a boyfriend, I want to fuck him, like, all the time.

Well, I wish you luck in your quest.

Thank you.

So, if you could impart one last piece of data about you, in terms of what it's like having a gargantuan cock, what would it be?

Hmm. I suppose I would say that every penis is attached to a living, feeling human being. I love it when my size is a bonus, like I said, when someone sees it as an extension of me, as just one part of the total package, so to speak. When I am just a big cock to somebody, it's like... just get a dildo at that point, if that's what you want to fixate on. I'd like to think that I'm more than just a big dick. But sometimes when I get down on myself, I feel like it's the only thing that people are interested in about me.

Surely you must have friends outside of the people you hook up with?

Some. But honestly, most of my friendships as an adult have come through people I've had sex with.

What about the other parts of your life, family? Work?

I'm an only child, and my parents and extended family are all back in [redacted]. And I'm not exactly in love with my work. [laughs] I should have spent more time studying and less time chasing boys in college. You know about my job. It's not the world's most interesting or engaging work.

I guess I'm sorry to hear that. I hope this interview doesn't reinforce the idea that you're only interesting because of your dick.

[sighs] I don't want to paint myself as a sad sack. I worry that's the impression I'm giving you. If I'm absolutely honest, sometimes I like being objectified as just a dumb, big-dicked stud, and sometimes I let my dick do the heavy lifting.

What do you mean?

OK, let's say it's been a while, I'm super horny, and I just want to hook up, fuck, or whatever. Last week, I found this guy on the apps, super hot. Like, Greek god hot. He seemed like a total douche, though. I didn't want to go on a date with him or listen to him talk. [laughs] So I send him a dick pic, and he's over at my place an hour later. Ready to fuck. He has this look in his eyes when I open the door, he doesn't say anything, he just gets on his knees, in the front hall of my apartment, pulls my pants down, and starts sucking my dick. You should have seen this guy. He had the most beautiful black, curly hair, red lips.

A cock-sucking Snow White.

[laughs] Shit.

[laughs] So you're saying your dick pic cut through all the nonsense of having to seduce this guy or whatever.

Yeah. He had a butt plug in when he came over, and he was like, primed, ready to go. He sat right on my dick, no elaborate preparation required. So yeah, I mean, in that respect, I suppose I do have kind of a superpower. I'm pulling guys I would never get if I didn't have the penis I have.

Aw come on. You're a good-looking guy.

Thanks, but really, you should have seen this guy. He must be a model or something. We fucked for like two hours. He had an ass like... goddamn. Two perfect, jiggling butt cheeks, thighs to match. Fit, but thick, you know? He took it like a champ. I came, like, three times. He came, hands free, just from me fucking him. He had these, like, repeated, shaking, intense orgasms just from me hitting his prostate. It was like he was having a seizure or something.

That's really hot. I love hearing you talk about your sex life.

Is it turning you on? It's turning me on.

It's impressive, really. You say you were really repressed, from a religious background, and yet here you are, in my living room, discussing your sexual escapades so openly.

Yeah. But I asked if it was turning you on.

I mean, I told myself I wasn't going to make an elephant in the room joke, but it is hard to ignore the fact that your dick is poking half way down your pant leg.

I was hoping you'd notice, and that you might want to do something about it.

Well, I think we've covered what I want to for this interview. Maybe we can move to phase two.

Inspection?

Yeah.

I was hoping you'd want to go another round with me.

We're still not fucking.

We'll see.

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