All Comments on 'The Island'

kimberly or francesca?

come on, one paragraph apart.

just sloppy.

His name is previously stated as 'Demetrius' and hers as 'Francesca' -

Para 11 - "Nodding his head, "indeed, Kimberly, it has been a long time since I have had the delights of a good meal" - from where did Kimberley come?

Para 13 - "mmm" he let my enjoyment fill the small hut, "so sweet. Thank you" - "He" let "My" enjoyment?

"It is just I who made it out in safety." Really? We're supposed to believe someone speaks this formally in this setting? How about, "I'm the only one who made it," for example. Or, "There were seven of us, I think I'm the only one who survived."

People once did talk that way and this is clearly a period story, not modern times. The dialogue enhanced the romance between the two, dripping with tease and innuendo.

Dont write any more crap