The Light Between the Trees Ch. 15

"You're allowed," he murmurs, stroking my head, "Whatever you want."

His words trigger a flood of unexpected relief. I realise that I need his permission, that it's ingrained in me, that he could rescind it at any point and I would stop, even if I was on the cusp of my climax. I have given my body to a man who is capable of using me like a toy. From being a woman who wouldn't ever countenance not getting her orgasm when making love, I'm foregoing it on his command because he wants me to.

My pussy lips brush against his shin, sending little bursts of pleasure through me. I stretch out, pressing myself against the top of his foot, feeling my labia parting to expose the hardened nub of my clit to the friction. I shiver, and he can sense that. He doesn't have to tell me what to do, because I curb myself, rubbing slowly, teasing myself in the way he would want me to. My lips work their way back up his shaft, kissing the little nook on the underside of his head, making him groan.

Hearing the sound of his pleasure thrills me at least as much as my crotch slowly working over his skin. He's debased me completely, relegating my pleasure to humping his foot. No, that's not right. I'm debasing myself, showing him how low I will sink to receive pleasure from him. I can't demand to be penetrated: it's a privilege I know I'm no longer permitted to request. I need to enjoy what I'm allowed.

I purse my lips over his tip and then take him into my mouth, sucking greedily as I grind my clit against him, trying to control my passion as I bob up and down on his rigid shaft. He shifts his foot slightly, and I can feel his toes between my legs. I tilt my hips carefully, positioning my sopping entrance over his big toe and begin to fuck myself on it, moving in tiny, controlled movements.

It feels electric to be penetrated, but at the same time so degrading. I've gone from straining to admit Travis' monster cock to getting myself off on Covalent's toe, and for some unfathomable reason, this feels better. I'm dimly aware of my body building itself up to orgasm, regardless, and my humiliation dissipates, replaced with something else that I can't explain. I fill my mouth with him, applying suction, teasing him with my tongue, feeling him pulse in response. I feel my thoughts evaporating as I lose myself in the exquisite intimacy of sharing the moment with him.

He pulls me up, breaking the spell, withdrawing his foot, and I feel crushed, hollow. I look up at him with questioning eyes, trying to work out if I did something wrong, something to make him rescind my privileges to his body. He's smiling though; he rummages through his clothes. When he looks back at me, his smile has faded, replaced with a melancholy, earnest expression that conjures up a reciprocating feeling in me. He's holding up a condom packet.

"Your choice."

My heart begins to pound, like I'm having a seizure, every inch of my body tingling. There's a strange metallic taste in my mouth and suddenly everything's sharper, hyper-real. I can't tear my eyes away from the little packet and what it means. It's my guilt, the darkness that's been driving me all this time to further extremes, weighing me down until I can't support it anymore. It's his secret, too big to be contained and too risky to be shared. We are monsters together with no way out. Time stops.

"You were right," I hear myself saying, "It's perfect."

I take the packet from him and tear it open, rolling the condom down his shaft. I sit back on my haunches, waiting, unable to move. I'm not frozen with fear; there is an acceptance that he asked the question, and I've answered it. He reaches into his pack and takes out a coil of rope. I watch mutely as he stands up and ties it around his waist, then secures the other end to the tree behind him. He tests the knots, and when he's satisfied, he extends a hand to me.

I feel myself getting to my feet and being drawn towards him. His eyes are full of compassion, and I fold my body around his, accepting my fate. Covalent steps forward, making me retreat until I'm balancing on the edge of the rock with the void beneath me. I look up into his eyes and he kisses me again, deeply, ferociously.

He crouches down a little and I feel him pressing at my entrance as he wraps his arms tightly around my body. He leans forward, pushing me out over the drop, and slides into me. I gasp, feeling myself feathering around his shaft. I can barely breathe, filled by him, kissed by him, held by him, and all the time the deep, sucking void opens up below me. I clutch him feverishly, letting him bear the weight of both our bodies on the anchor rope.

Covalent begins to thrust up into me, slowly, softly, and a strange mewling sound escapes my lips. I can't think anymore. I'm completely overwhelmed, surrendering and feeling the sheer, pure relief of finally abandoning myself to my fate. He slides into me and I'm lost on the waves of ecstasy. My mind is free to wander, like I'm looking at myself from above, like I'm unanchored from the present moment, able to move back and forth in time, through my life.

I see my friends, my parents, my lovers, all the while feeling his irresistible motions bringing me up to climax. I see the café, Kaylee kneeling terrified next to me, feel the gun in my mouth, experience the white flare and the percussion of the stun grenades. It all blends into one, moving faster and faster as he begins to pound into me, stilling my memories into blissful silence as the world goes white and I come harder than I ever have before, erased finally in endless towering waves of orgasm that sweep me away.

My body relaxes and I let myself fall. It doesn't hurt. I'm unafraid. It's like coming home.

When I open my eyes, he's there, his powerful arms locked around my body, bearing all my weight. I'm suspended out over the drop, my body pressed tightly against him. I can feel him straining with the effort of holding me up, but he isn't going to release me.

"Just let me go," I breathe, "It's okay."

"I can't."

I wrap myself around him, feeling him still inside me, as he twists us back around to set my feet back on the rock.

I crumple to my knees. I can't stop shaking. I can't stop staring, but all I can see is him.

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[Next chapter: Chloe comes face to face with the light between the trees.

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