The Long and Winding Road

"Sorry," she said. "I mean, it's nice to meet you Kyle, I'm Jazabel, but everyone calls me Jaz." She put out her hand and I had to mentally slap myself to remind me to take it and shake it. Kadie had always said she hated that name, saying that it was too close to Jezebel and that anyone named that would be teased for literally being named after one of the most famous whores in the history of the world; we'd fight about it all the time whenever we'd discussed having kids of our own. So, why on God's green Earth would she have named her daughter the name I'd always wanted to use for my own?

"A pleasure, Jazabel," I said as I shook her hand and tried to not explode with the millions of questions I had for her. "But, to get back to the trouble you were having with your mother," I said, causing a brief frown to cloud her face. "Might I offer some advice?" She nodded. "I don't know the reasons your mother had for telling you everything that she did. Maybe, it was to help her cope with the fact that she was raped and that to allow you to have a 'normal' childhood she told you about who she wished had been your father. Maybe she's a great actress and it was all a lie that she decided she couldn't or wouldn't live anymore. Maybe it's both, I don't know. But what I do know is that she deserves the chance to be able to come clean about it all, in her own time and without you getting angry at her prematurely. What she has to say may make you upset-no screw that, it will make you upset-but you need to have that discussion together. She's probably dreaded telling you this since before you were born, and her doing so was an admission (however consciously) that she sees you as an adult and ready to be trusted with adult issues."

Jazabel had tears in her eyes, and a look of humbled pride on her face as she took in my words. Throwing her arms around me, she whispered into my ear the most heartfelt 'Thank you' I'd heard since I'd told Kadie I'd admit to raping her. I was just about to put an arm around her in a hug when she pulled back. "Sorry, that-that just got really emotional for a second. I'm sorry for throwing all this at you, but thank you for your kind words." We took a few moments to just embrace the awkward but strangely comfortable intimacy. Jazabel caught the barman's eye and ordered me another round silently. Once it was set down, she turned to me and said, "But enough of my baggage. What about you Kyle, what sorrows are you trying to drown? You said I looked like your old friend, is she what's got you so upset?"

Giving a laugh at how understanding she was being considering everything, I shook my head. "No, she's not really why I'm here. At least, not here in the bar." I let that hang in the air for a moment as I took a drink of my refill. "Don't feel bad, but my mother just passed away. Her funeral was last week and I just moved here to get a change of scenery."

Bringing a hand to her mouth she said, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Kyle." And then she was leaning in and giving me a hug again. This time, I felt the full swell of her chest pushing against me. It had been a while, but they seemed to be about the same size as her mother's, if a little bigger, and sent delightfully inappropriate tingles shooting to my groin. I wasn't sure if I was happy or not when she let me go. The sad look on her face got a spontaneous and brilliant smile as she got a look of naughty playfulness that had my blood pumping more steadily south. "Well, if you want to brighten up, take a look at the sexy face of your old flame and remember all the sinful things that you did together."

I gave a snort of a laugh, if she only knew. "Again I ask, what's a good Christian girl like you doing in a place like this?" Giving her a wry smile of my own, "You're kinda tempting me a bit too much, with that sexy face and dressed the way you are. What would your mother say to you if she saw and heard you talking to a man you just met like that?"

Blushing up a storm, she said, "Yo-You think I'm sexy?" Blushing deeper as she shied away from my gaze, she continued, "My mother would be mortified if she saw me here. I'd be grounded until I moved out if she heard me saying those things to you." She smiled at me conspiratorially, before blushing again and taking another sip of her drink and gagging on the alcohol.

Laughing, I said, "You really need to get better at drinking. Pretty girl like you, how have you never been to a party and gotten a taste for alcohol?"

Frowning childishly at me she said, "I'm a good Christian girl, and wanted to stay that way." She giggled to show that she wasn't really mad at me before continuing. "Mom was a little over protective; which given what she just told me, makes sense. I still would've like to have gone to a few parties, but I'm too much of a bookworm to have really cared."

"Felecia," I said, using Kadie's middle name, "the friend you remind me of, she was a little Hermione wannabe, too."

"Felecia, huh?" Jazabel asked me, seeming to judge me and all that I'd said about my friend who was in fact her mother. "That's weird, that's my mom's middle name." Giving a laugh that almost seemed fake, she asked in a tone that was meant to point out the irony of all this, "How weird would be if my mom was your lost friend? We do look a lot alike that strangers always think she's my older sister rather than my mom."

"It would be like, super weird," I said in a mock teenager girl accent, complete with hand gestures, causing us both to laugh.

But as we continued to laugh, her expression got slightly more serious. "But if she was, that would probably make you her rapist," she said as she looked at me with slight fear for the first time. "You implied that you moved here because of your friend. My mother's family has had property here for years, and a rapist who's constantly worried about exposure would follow his victim to ensure that their identity remains hidden. She told me she doesn't know who attacked her."

Not wanting her to think me a rapist, I held my hand up to try and have her stop talking. "Jazabel," I said, looking her in the eyes. "I've had sex all of twice in my life. Both times with the same woman. I've never raped anyone in my life, and that includes your mother." This was all true, even if it wasn't the most honest. "I did move here because of Felecia; she did have property up here, and she brought me to it when we dated back in high school. Subconsciously, I may have moved here in the hopes of seeing her again, but I'm terrified of how she would react to seeing me again. We had a bad break up that was entirely my fault, and I'm not sure if she's forgiven me for that." Still all true, if not the full truth. "If it will ease your mind, you could call your mom now to come pick you up. You never know, she might be my friend from high school and know who I am. And if I don't recognize her, you'll know that we're just two people who came together in a fated coincidence."

I think that my smile helped calm her at this, so that she wasn't thinking I was her mother's rapist. "Fated coincidence?" she asked with mock curiosity. "Bit of an oxymoron, isn't it? In fact, I'm pretty sure that those two words are antitheses of each other."

"You'd think a wannabe writer would know that," I added, throwing myself under the bus as it were. "Perhaps happy accident is a better metaphor."

"You're a writer?" she asked, a look of surprise on her face.

"Why the tone of surprise? You don't even know me," I said, trying to defend my ego.

"No! It's not like that," she said. "It's just...that's what my mom said my dad wanted to be. Or, at least, that's what Henry Doodlez wanted to be. And I've never really told anyone this, but I've always wanted to be an author too; so, you know, I could feel closer to him, maybe even write some of his stories that he never got to finish."

Jazabel looked away in embarrassment, and I'm glad she did because it gave me a chance to take a sip of my drink while stealthily wiping my eyes. The urge to hug her was so overwhelming. "If and when I have kids, I hope that they're like you, Jazabel. And even if this Henry Doodlez is just a figment of your mother's imagination to help her deal with her trauma, I think he'd be proud and overjoyed to hear you say that." I couldn't not say anything to that, and hoped that my sincerity would be heard in my voice and seen in my eyes.

"Thanks Kyle," she said, "that's very sweet of you to say." She leaned into me again and gave me another hug, which I happily returned. Looking around the bar after releasing me from the hug, she said, "I took a cab here after the fight and don't have any money left. Would it be too much for me to ask for you to give me a ride home? I'm still a little mad at my mom and don't want to have to deal with her picking me up from here."

I nodded but held up my hand. "Knowing how mothers are, won't she be waiting for you to come home? How exactly are you going to explain to her some guy giving you a ride home, especially after what she just told you? I don't want to cause you any more problems than you already have. Not to mention, while I'm not drunk, I am over the limit. I'd need at least half an hour to get sober enough to drive. But sure, I'll give you a lift home."

Biting her lip, she nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate that you're being so understanding with all this, Kyle." I nodded my acknowledgement of this, as she seemed to take a deep breath in preparation of what she was about to say. "We don't have to go straight to my house, do we?"

A chill simultaneously ran down my spine as my dick leapt to half mast at that comment. I stared at her, surprised by the comment and having her say it out of nowhere. Wasn't she supposed to be a good Christian girl? Kadie had never gotten over the fact that her first experience with sex was her being raped and had become extremely repressed because of it; and from what she'd said, Jazabel was just like her mother, if a little more interested in being 'popular' for want of a better word meaning average teenage girl. I turned away from her as I took a long pull from my drink, adding more time until I could drive safely again.

Looking to her again, I gave her a long look up and down. God, how she looked like her mother. "I don't think you know what you're saying, or if you do, how wrong it is you're saying it. We can go sit in my car, and once I'm sober we can drive around town until you're ready to go home, if you want. But please don't suggest such things again because, right now, you are all manner of tempting and I don't want your mother to rip my balls off for my giving in to said temptations."

Jazabel got a look of hurt on her face as I gently rejected her. But after a moment, it lessened and she shocked me yet again with her next words. "By covenants of faith, oaths of blood and bonds of love, I swear I didn't mean that to come off as forward as it did."

I was glad that I had nothing in my mouth because I would've done a spit take if I had, at hearing those words. If I had any doubt that this was Kadie's child, they were all gone now. "I'm sorry, but what did you just say?"

"It's just something that my mom and me say to each other to show that we're being completely honest with each other. She says that it's something my father would say to her whenever he promised her something, and that nothing short of death, would keep him from keeping it."

"Did she tell you about how I broke said vow when I tried to have the school turn on her by making them think she was much kinkier than any sane person would ever believe of her? Or how about the time that she said that those words meant nothing to her when, after she'd had me arrested for raping her, I invoked them to prove that while I didn't rape her, I would still take whatever punishment she saw fit to give me, without complaint? Did your mother tell you about the last time I said those words to her, on that Christmas when you were 5 and she took my virginity, when I swore that I'd love her until the end of time and that she didn't have to sleep with me, if she would only tell me who had really raped her so that I could find him and kill him?" I couldn't pretend anymore. Not only did I owe it to Kadie to not lie to her daughter, a daughter she'd raised to believe me to be her father, but I couldn't lie to Jazabel and have her think that I was anything but the man her mother told her about.

I sat and waited for her to say something, anything, to this confession. It wasn't until over a minute had passed in silence that I dared to glance her way. It broke my heart to see the tears in her eyes. But for as sad and heartbroken as she looked, there was this glimmer of happiness that seemed to shine through the watery depths of her eyes. And before I could say anything else, she flung her arms around my chest and started to silently weep against me. Tears started to fall down my cheeks as well as I wrapped my arms around her and gently rocked us side to side, gently cooing soothingly in her ear.

It felt like an eternity that I held her there, but at the same time, it seemed barely ten seconds before she pushed her head off my chest and looked into my eyes. "Hey Dad," she whispered.

Panicked and elated at hearing her call me that, I simply said, "Jazabel...I'm no-"

She cut me off by shaking her head and giving me a gentle smile. "Yes, you are," she said softly as she nuzzled her head back into my chest. Dreading the ending of this moment as much as I feared it continuing, I just continued to hold this would-be daughter to myself as we seemed to cry silently for a few more minutes. When she finally pried herself from me she took my hand into hers and said, "Mom's waiting for us, we should head home." And she led me out of the bar and into the night air.

In a daze, I led us over to my car and opened the door for her. Pangs of guilt wracked my brain as the sight of her legs in that uniform skirt sent a tingle down my spine and into my cock. As she leaned forward and her button up shirt was slightly strained by her breasts, I couldn't help myself from getting the true beginnings of a boner in my pants. Letting her close the door, I rushed around to the driver's side to get myself out of the cool night, adjusting myself so that I wasn't displaying how aroused I'd become by her getting in my car the moment I sat down.

Once inside, I closed my eyes and took a bit of a breather. Not only to expedite my sobriety and wilting of my cock, but also to calm my nerves. It'd been over five years since I'd seen Kadie, and to be showing up on her doorstep being brought in by her daughter, was nerve-wracking to say the least. Jazabel reached over and placed her hand on mine, before giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm scared too, Daddy," she said quietly.

"I don't really have the right to be called that," I replied to this. She started to shake her head, so I elaborated, "It makes me feel uncomfortable when you call me that. I appreciate the sentiment, but having someone half my age who's wanting me to be her father figure, while also calling me such a sexually loaded term, is sending me mixed signals. I know you're trying to be sincere and affectionate just like a daughter would be, and I greatly appreciate that; but maybe it's best if you stick to either Kyle or Dad, for now." At some point, I'd placed my other hand on top of the one that she'd reached out to me with in an attempt to alleviate both our fears.

She started to nod before something else took over her face. With one of the sluttiest smiles I'd ever seen, she said to me in a husky whisper, "You can spank me later, Daddy."

"Jazabel!" I said in a horrified voice, my cock getting harder as the seconds ticked away.

Giggling at my reaction, she quickly calmed herself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't resist an opening like that," she apologized through her giggles. "I'm sorry Kyle."

Looking at her in bafflement, I just shook my head. More to myself than to Jazabel, I asked under my breath, "How the hell did your mother raise you to be that much my daughter?"

"I've asked her to tell me everything about you that she was willing to since I was able to string a sentence together; I don't think she ever lied about anything but your name and supposed death. Seeing and hearing how much she loved and missed you, I tried to give her solace by adopting everything she told me about you, hoping it would let me feel closer to you and make her happy."

I hadn't really expected her to answer to my utter befuddlement at how much Jazabel seemed to be my daughter. Upon hearing it though, I dropped my keys that I was about to put in the ignition and swung my arms around to pull this girl tight to me. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had said to me in my entire life and I hoped that my embracing her so tightly (and the manly tears that fell from my eyes as I did) exhibited that fact to her. Jazabel rubbed my back as I forced myself to not cry anymore (before I saw Kadie again) for five minutes before I pulled myself out of her embrace and wiped the stray tears. "I think the last time I felt like that, your mother had just told me she loved me the night of my fifteenth birthday." Wanting to see Kadie now more than nearly anything, I faced forward once again and felt around for the keys at my feet. Starting the car, I asked, "Where to, sweetheart?"

Jazabel blushed with a genuinely happy smile, as she replied, "48 James Street west."

Slightly shocked that she and her mother lived only two streets east of me, I took a moment to put the car in gear before she gave me a slightly confused look. Once I got us moving, I said, "Sorry, I didn't realize that we lived so close. I purposefully got a place as far from your cottage as I could. I didn't want to run into your mother if I was out walking one day and causing her to panic and causing a bit of a scene. But it seems Fate did want us to be in each others lives if we were living so close together without even knowing it."

"A 'fated coincidence' you mean?" Jazabel asked with a mocking smile.

Trying to turn the tables as I pulled onto the road that led to James Street, I asked in a mocking tone of my own, "Do you have another way of saying that God wanted me back in your and your mother's lives, miss wannabe writer?"

The happy smile she'd gave me a minute ago seemed to be all but forgotten as she got this look on her face that if I didn't know better, I'd say was my sister giving me a death glare like back when we were in high school and I'd teased her about her latest boyfriend in front of our parents. And with a look that just screamed both 'I am a grownup and will not fall prey to your childishness' and also 'I'm sticking my tongue out at you and making neener-neener sounds' she said, "The Ineffable Plan."

I was going to start laughing at her face, but her quoting one of my favourite books stopped me and concede that she'd outsmarted me. Giving a shrug at her besting me which caused her to smile victoriously and give a small dramatic fist pump (God, she really was my daughter!), I pulled onto James Street as we both seemed to realize that our childish game would have to wait. "It's the small blue one on the right, just a couple houses up," Jaz said as nerves seemed to settle into her once again. "But don't pull into the driveway; we don't want her to see you before I've prepped her. It's barely been an hour since we fought and it's not even ten yet. At this point she shouldn't be too worried about where I am and will have probably figured I just went to a friend's house to try and sort this out. She's probably sitting in the-"

"The kitchen, fighting the urge to wash the dishes by hand in order to clear her mind," I finished. Seeing the raised eyebrow that Jazabel gave at hearing this, I explained, "Kadie's had the same solution to dealing with her anxiety since we were tweens." Passing by their blue house, I pulled the car onto the other side of the road three houses down before turning the engine off. This is where my own anxieties kicked in. The last time I'd seen Kadie was nearly six years ago, and that had concluded our deal. From Jazabel's words, she still seemed to at least care about me, but that affection wasn't present in her eyes that day when we'd had sex at the prison; hell, she'd barely been able to look me in the eye that day.