All Comments on 'The Magician Pt. 01'

This is an interesting story, but it could use some editing.

The grammar seems like it’s in the third person alot it’s off putting

Not the usual mind control riff. I Liked it as it's positive and uplifting.Quite a change from the usual get power, use people, and abuse people theme most stories here seem to follow. Well done. Thanks for sharing your work.

Very enjoyable read with engaging theme, plot and characters. Looking forward to you next installment. Thanks!

This was such an unusual type of story, both with the way our protagonist uses his power and how he goes about getting where he wants to be in life. He isn’t arrogant or cruel, in fact he is the exact opposite and tries to help out anyone and everyone knowing and planning on how it will benefit him as well as others which kinda goes against like 93% of mind control stories. The fact that he wanted to wait to engage in any sexual intercourse would normally be a mind blower but your setup and explanations made it crystal clear why he was doing this and how he was achieving it. I must admit that this story totally caught me by surprise which in fact made it even better. You managed to hit a bullseye 🎯 in what is apparently one of those story niches that I was unaware I had and yet this is one of my favorite stories of the year if not even higher in my opinion. Thank you so much for your time, effort and imagination in the creation of this story and also in the high standards you put out for all your pieces of work. Thank you also for posting this so everyone has the opportunity to enjoy it hopefully as much as I have. I look forward to getting into the next chapter.

J.D.

Interesting idea, but the narration is pretty hard to get into. Instead of "show, don't tell", this story is "tell the reader 'I did this, then I did that, and I did this'" which is the opposite of immersive. Even in the rare moments we get an actual scene, the narration is pretty rushed.

The author seems pretty smart, and the idea has a lot of potential, but the execution needs a lot of work.