The Perfect Beginning Ch. 02

Why else would I dress the way I do?

Over time, he accepted it as part of his sexual identity. Far worse was how obvious it was.

Can other women see it? Can they tell? Of course they can, I dress like a sexy little boy.

Though incredibly aroused, he did feel real fear while playing this wonderful game. She might happily wrestle him into submission, thoroughly enjoying his "struggles" as she subdued him with her strong, young body.

He'd weakly beg while she smilingly carried on. She did not know how to wrestle, but over time, she found a few positions she could use to incapacitate him. Usually, to prolong the titillation they both enjoyed, she'd let him escape so she could hunt him down again.

The sense of being hunted and eventually "over powered" always took his breath away. Even when he was a little scared, his cock was invariably rock hard and he always looked forward to it. He loved the struggle just as much as she did, but eventually, he needed that spanking.

Michele so loved subduing him. She loved to ride his struggle, luxuriating in the grinding friction as his body writhed helplessly against her own. How she loved to stalk him! She'd laugh and taunt him as she took his kisses.

Occasionally, she just let anger run through and out of her as she hunted her boy.

That signified to Tim that he'd better not put up too much more of a fight. She toyed with him until she was ready to force him over her knee.

If he resisted enough, she loved a reason to slap some additional fear into her boy, though she never needed a reason to slap Tim while playing and slapped liberally. She especially enjoyed slapping him when he was backing away from her, "trying to get away."

It was delicious and always made her hunger for more! It infused her with the energy and excitement of the sexual predator. Almost always, she slapped him a few times when she got him in a school boy pin. It was so fun to see and feel him go slack in defeat as she looked down at him and slapped the fight out of him.

For her, the thrill was in the hunt. She edged herself by letting it go on and on until she exhausted him and bent him over her knee. As eager as she was to position him for the taking, she was more eager to prolong the build up, enjoying in full the thrill of what lay just beyond the claiming of his soul.

Often her tone reflected the pleasure and joy inherent in a date spanking. Laughing, giggling and smiling at his resistance always sustained a bit of genuine fear in the boy and a tremendous sense of helplessness. He was her sport. Raping him was just sporting fun for the girl.

"Come on, pretty boy, you know you want this!" She smiled with the satisfaction born from creating her own justice to his unintended misstep. In her mind, Tim was the prototypical tease. He was the Kimberly who wanted all of her attention but did not want to put out.

Throughout this ritual, he was peppered with accusations about being "nothing but a tease," and she'd cite the many "naughty" things he'd done to ask for his spanking. "Come on, silly boy, you've been practically begging for this all night."

And what she said was true. Since he'd been in her house, he'd been trying almost desperately to get her attention with his bottom. He'd taken to sashaying his hips, slightly pushing out his bottom and standing with his hands on his bottom all in an effort to entice Michele.

He'd wanted to think he was just being cute. After all, he knew boys should be cute around special women whom they wanted to impress.

Yet as she called it for what it was, he knew she was right. He might not have been emotionally ready to go all the way, he absolutely wanted her to see him as the boy she'd like to take there...eventually.

But that comes with commitment! Only sluts give it up!

It was fun! In this realm, he loved being Kimberly the conflicted and confused coquet, the tease that got more than she bargained for.

As she spanked, she'd laughingly tell him this was what he was all along, he was nothing but a spank slut who had this coming to him. She remembered from film and literature all the things the man said to justify his behavior as he raped the woman. The victim always "had it coming", was always "asking for it." She let him know that he had this coming because of how he acted, how he dressed, what his body communicated to her, how it betrayed him. "You know with an ass like that, you need this. Stop pretending."

And Tim passionately reciprocated with plenty of breathy rebukes. "Please, no! Please don't do this to me!...I'm sorry...I did not mean to lead you on. Please!" She was channeling her inner Happy Bitch and nothing aroused him more. He came to know that Michele was a strong, healthy girl who had needs and loved to indulge in sport and play.

"You do know that once a boy is taken like this, he can never go back. You're going to need this like all the time. Soon you'll be on your knees begging for it like a spanking whore."

To mock his theatrical protest, she brought hands to prayer position and in a baby voice, "Oh dear me, please please spank my hot, naughty bottom. Oh please, please, Miss. Need it like so bad!"

He already new that if it came to it, he'd do it now.

And after a certain point in the spanking, he let go and accept who she knew he was on the inside. After struggling and protesting, after she'd sufficiently warmed him up, he gave in to his inner-whore and accepted the spanking like the needy slut she knew him to be.

He moaned and chirped in a clearly aroused and desirous way as he pushed up his bottom and writhed gently on her lap. He showed her she was right all along. He was a spanking slut and was now her spanking whore.

Michele loved his resistance and struggle. It made their play more thrilling. And she loved when he signaled his total surrender and became her boy. "Well look at you! You like this don't you?"

"Yes," he breathed.

"You more than like this. You need this, don't you, boy?" She continued spanking gently and let the conversation happen during the pauses.

This was when he got very emotional. "Yes." He had to fight back the tears. They were just playing so he hated himself for being a crybaby.

"Yes you do. Of course you do. This is who you are. I told you. So say it. Admit it."

spank spank spank...

"Oh my god, I like...totally need it! I love it! I need it like so bad! Please spank me more. Please always spank me!"

"Now that's more like it!" she encouraged. "Show me how your hot little bottom begs for it."

"Please don't stop."

His mind and body were all desire and shame as he arched his back and thrust his slutty little bottom up for Michele's attention.

She laughed at him and the spanking continued.

*

Since they were channeling very strong and very real emotion, it was easy to get deep into the role. Although Tim was unaware of it, there was a bit of Stockholm Syndrome running through their relationship such that he was well familiar with the perspective and feelings of the victim.

Other times Michele enjoyed spank raping Tim with a far more intense energy; she was channeling the Mean Bitch.

They both LOVED spanking. Tim, bottom up over Michele's knee became their missionary position. In this way, they became one.

****

Dear Diary,

Funny thing about spanking my sweet, sweet boy. A lot of the time, like when it is just for fun, it's when I feel my most affection for him. Like I might be totally talking down to him, really scolding him hard and maybe really getting into making his cute little butt like catch on fire, but I just care so much about him.

Even when he's taking a hard spanking and I've just said the meanest thing...and I still totally adore him. I think that part of it is that in this special, special, intimate way, I'm caring for him.

Spanking is love, affection and care for a sweet, gentle boy who needs my care. Spanking is very clearly the right thing for us. Sleepy-Time Night-Night

****

One day while sitting on the living room couch perusing fashion magazines, Michele saw Tim was finishing up some dusting and called him over. After straightening his apron, he sat next to her and she cozied into him so they could look at the magazines together.

At first Tim thought she just wanted the warmth of his proximity and he enjoyed it as an innocent intimacy. He liked to imagine that as she watched him clean her home, she found him more attractive, more desirable.

Yet Michele positioned the magazine to make clear she was sharing the pages with him. Of course the women were gorgeous but he was grateful just to put his arm around Michele's waist.

After several moments of turning the pages, Michele happened on a bathing-suite expose'. "What do you think of her?"

Considering all there was of the girl was her appearance, "She's very pretty."

"Yeah, but look at her body."

He looked. Her body was amazing.

"Do you see it?"

"See what?"

"Her tummy." Michele's tone suggested some sort of obvious criticism of the girl's stomach, but Tim saw only perfection. "Don't you see that slight swell?"

"Yeah?" Tim was confused as the girl's stomach looked made to order.

Turning the page, "Ah, now see, look at her. She has the right stomach." She flipped the page back and forth for the comparison.

Tim could see it as it was obvious. The girls had two different types of perfect stomachs. One had the very slightest curve that was so tiny it was more the suggestion of a curve while the other model had a completely flat six pack. Both struck Tim as perfect...until Michele said something.

In the spirit of Michele's critique, "Yeah, I get it. In the moment, it seemed entirely reasonable to fully adopt Michele's point of view.

Michele tore the page out of the mag, tore it again removing the model's head and handed the compartmentalized cut out to Tim. "Go put this in your backpack and when you get home, pin it to your wall."

Though confused, he complied.

Once or twice a week, this episode repeated. The very next time they sat together, Michele found the girl with the perfect butt. "Oh my god, look at her butt! Doesn't it look amazing?"

"Yes."

"Now look at hers. Not so much. Do you see the diff?"

"Oh yes, her's is a little bigger and a little rounder. The other one's does not look quite as firm."

"Exactly! God, look at that booty-pop!"

Not wanting to sound too enthusiastic about another woman's body, but agreeing with Michele completely, "Yeah, it's pretty."

"Don't you wish you had a butt like that?"

"Um, I don't know. I've never thought about it." He'd never considered if he'd prefer any butt other than his own, least of all, a woman's. Do women prefer women's butts? He knew he did and thought it more than reasonable that this consideration may be so.

"God, I wish your butt looked like that. You'd be getting spanked a whole lot more," Michele said wistfully. This absolutely rattled Tim. She might as well have said, "If your butt looked like this, I'd love you more."

Michele's attention and approval had become essential to Tim's self worth and greatly affected his sense of wellbeing. Tim masturbated nightly while thinking about the spanky Michele had given him that day. The idea that his bottom was not quite enticing enough or somehow disappointed Michele was disturbing to the boy.

Michele smiled through her keen observation of his reaction. She maintained her smile as she tore out the page and handed it to Tim. She could not have been more pleased that he took it without question.

A few days later she instructed him to idealize another example of a perfect female butt that was perfectly rounded and magnificently firm, but much small than the first bottom she'd drawn his attention to.

Soon Tim had the composite of the perfect body pinned to his bedroom wall. He'd seen the same shrine to beauty on Tiff's bedroom wall. He studied these women and marveled at their form.

All the images were headless. Michele selected or cropped the images this way intentionally as she did not want them to become people he lusted for.

She did not want to confuse him. She wanted her message to be simple: this is the perfect body you should want for yourself. It was not about breasts. It was all hips, stomachs, bottoms and legs.

Yet even the idea of perfection was elusive. In one sitting, Michele would identify the perfect legs. The girl had long, very athletic and muscular thighs and calves. Her hamstrings swelled as a counter-balance to her athletic bottom. She had the legs of a professional tennis player or college volleyball player.

Tim then understood what perfect legs looked like and he internalized this image. This is what Michele valued, therefore it was important.

Sometime later, once again while they sat on the couch, she discovered the "perfect" legs.

The image she cut from the magazine, the image that would soon be pinned to Tim's bedroom wall, depicted the long, rangy legs of a girl model who looked all of 15. Her legs were thin and coltish as she held a provocative "little girl pose" decked out in a teeny-tiny skirt.

Once more, Tim internalized this very different notion of perfect.

He did not try to reconcile that each woman had the very best possible set of legs. He simply pinned the image up on the other side of his growing collage.

Michele was thoughtful to repeat this with each body part that she wanted Tim to study. Often there was included some comment about how she wished he had the legs, hips, stomach or bottom like what she identified as perfect.

Sometimes she "felt bad" for him because she knew he wished for a body like what she drew his attention to. It drove him crazy.

It did not take long before he began to feel bad for himself. As insane as it would have sounded prior to babysitting Michele, he felt defective because he did not possess the big, firm, high and tight, muscular bottom of an 18 year old, female fitness model.

Later in the same day, he might be forlorn that he did not have the perfect, high and tight, little berry bottom of a 18 year old skinny girl, model.

He never got depressed, but his self doubt was either on his mind or more likely just around the corner, waiting for him.

Though unaware of the change, slowly over time, Tim began to relate differently to his own body. It almost became its own entity in a way, yet ironically became central to his identity and sense of self worth.

First and foremost was a profound sense of insecurity that propelled an ongoing consideration of his own body and profound doubts about how it looked, how it looked to women and specifically to Michele. He began to obsess about his shape and proportions and could not seem to resist the draw of any mirror he happened to pass.

With this obsession, he lost all sense of judgment and dimension. He'd put his hands on his hips and slowly pivot in some sort of effort to determine if his legs, hips, waist and especially his "bottom," looked proportionate and suitably attractive.

On occasion, he walked away thinking he looked "almost good enough", but all too often he shot off to his next errand with a nearly overwhelming sense of inadequacy. He was certain that he did not look quite good enough for Michele.

It was confusing in that sometimes he looked in the mirror and wished desperately that he had a slightly larger and more sumptuous, inviting and even "succulent" butt.

Other times he looked at it and was convinced it was obscenely large and wanted only to cover it somehow. He took to tying sweatshirts around his waist in his effort to hide his shame. He was haunted by doubt and all of it started with the date spanking and all of Michele's loving commentary about his body.

He absolutely needed to look good enough for Michele to want to spank and always wondered if he did. He was desperate for Michele to want to keep spank-raping him. He needed it.

His constant doubt was troubling because he knew he was nothing without her.

The very worst thought of all, one he really worked not to obsess about was whether or not Michele might prefer spanking someone else.

Gaslighting her boy into a state of body dysmorphia was not her conscious goal. She just wanted him to have a Kimberly experience so he could view the world and his place in it, the same way girls did. The process she put him on occurred to her as the most obvious thing to do and they took to it naturally.

She saw immediately what it was doing to him and enjoyed it fully. Following her instincts helped them find their natural course. Michele was most pleased with the end product.

****

Occasionally, though not often, she'd find the need to genuinely punish Tim.

Punishment spankings could be severe and frightened Tim terribly. When she announced his pending punishment, he became terrified and nearly paralyzed with fear.

He hated the punishments and hated his own fear of Michele.

Yet as she lowered his jeans, one troubling counter-thought always intruded. In the middle of his fear came the very clear question of how his body looked.

Does it look good? Does my bottom look good? Does she like it?

And then it was burned away by the fire storm. He hated that he thought what he eventually came to think of as Kimberly thoughts.

What the fuck!

Michele always thought it was both funny and wonderful how frightened he would become of her. At his most frightened, she could see that he wanted to run, but instead, he'd just become extra docile. He knew she was serious and the last thing he wanted to do was upset her more by giving her attitude or resistance. Prompt, docile obedience was expected any time she intended discipline or punishment.

It's for my own good...It's for my own good.

She'd told this to him so many times, he felt obligated to internalize the message.

At these times she thought about what her science teacher once told the class about the tarantula hawk. She explained to the class about how sometimes a tarantula, a formidable animal would allow itself to be poked at and inspected by the smaller wasp to determine if it was the right prey for the wasp. Once it was decided, the wasp stung, paralyzed and laid its eggs on the spider.

She did not think what she had with Tim was at all creepy, but the comparison was interesting. She loved what her little self could force upon the older, stronger boy.

She also had another ironically strange feeling about it all. It felt natural to her, all of it, from the condescending scolding right down to the spanking. It even felt wholesome, emotionally healthy for them both, and as though it was just supposed to be this way.

It helps to heal the damage in our relationship.

She was supposed to dominate a larger boy and Tim in particular. It puts things right. He was just the right prey.

Besides, he needs it.

She smiled when she thought of herself as the Wasp. She knew then that if she ever got a tattoo, it would be a cute, pretty, little wasp...with a big stinger!

At any rate, Michele did not have to administer real punishment all that often.

She was stronger and did not hesitate to guide him to her pleasure. Besides, most of the time he seemed to really want to do what she said.

Beyond that however, there was fear; fear of a spanking was never too far away. If Tim demonstrated unwillingness, stubbornness, laziness, bad attitude, rebelliousness or bad manners (and Michele exacted very good manners from Tim) there was always the prospect of a spanking.

All Michele had to do was offer up the most gentle suggestion and it almost always evoked a complete turn around in Tim.

****

Dear Me,

My relationship with Tim is really great...but complicated too.

So here we are, so very just like any other couple, with the one exception that I'm in control of it all and it's all just super normal and we are talking and doing stuff and then suddenly Tim's earned himself a spanking.