The Perfect Beginning Ch. 02

That all changed with Tim. She now accepted and enjoyed just who she was. She liked her little curves and her small, ever erect buds and she moved confidently into the world. She now knew that when she was fully developed, that would be great too.

It's all going to work out!

****

Dearest Me,

I love myself. And that means I love my body. That is so cool to say and it kinda blows my mind a little.

I used to really not feel that way at all. It's not like I hated my body or anything terrible like that, but things about it made me uncomfortable.

Actually, it was not my body, it was the world around me. People or men began to treat me differently. Assholes. I guess, I just did not have any confidence or, maybe it was that my body did not give me any confidence.

And I could not stand the way men looked at me and my friends.

We wear our colors! We are off limits!

I hate the way men view women.

I like that they are into us. Like I enjoy the way they are turned on by us. That part is good.

I just hate the way they show it. And it is more than that. I get the feeling that a lot of guys see us like we are assorted candy in a box and like they can just reach out and take which ever one they want. Like if they could, they'd just rape us any old time they felt like it. Like they want to take a bite out of the candy and then throw it away or something. Or like they just want to try one of us on for size and then ... whatever.

And that is just because I'm a woman. It's because of the way I look and because I'm not as big and strong as they are. It's all wrong. It's SO wrong!

That's how I've seen it and that has not changed.

But now there is more to it...I'm very happy to say. Starting to think that some men are not men at all. They are boys. And boys can be controlled. Oh my god, that's so beautiful!

As long as I am smart and careful and strong, I can use my wonderful, little body to control him. His wanting makes him weak.

I feel like I'm putting a leash or better yet, a harness on his desire. Goodness gracious, SPECIAL! If I can put a harness on a man's desire, then I can put a harness on him! OMG, wouldn't it be so neat if I could put like a little yoke on his big hard dick? Ha-ha! Too funny.

Funny yes, but as I sit with that idea... also makes me kinda...somehow...even more special! Mmmmm!

Well anyway, that's kind of what I've done to Tim. I'm so much stronger than him and I love that. But it's also the way I look, it's my body too. He loves it. I have what he needs. Now I love my body!

*

Dearest Me,

Slapping.

OMG, what an amazing thing! It seems there are several ways to appreciate a good slapping (as long as I'm always the slapper...like duh.)

Two ways I slap are for play and pleasure. So like, I TOTALLY love to slap Tim when we are playing Spank-Rape.

God, totally hope I read over all this some day. I know that when I'm like in my late 900s and totally old, I'll read back on this and see a reference to Spank-Rape and I'll totally blush.

Anyway, so love to slap him into the right frame of mind when I know I'm going to SR my boy. It can be part of that exciting rush I get when I pretend I'm hunting him. I can see the fear on his face and that's always super important and way hot. But I can see it break his spirit to fight and resist. He gets this combination or frightened and like full-on docile, meek and timid (and YES, I know they all mean the same thing, but I just LOVE those words to describe my boy,) and at the same time he gets all hard.

To sum up, he gets scared, docile and horny. Perfect score! That's just how my boy should be all the time.

Then there is the other kinda intimate way we use slapping. Like we are making out or he's making me feel real good and suddenly I just want to slap him. And just because it is super loving and very sweet does not mean I don't slap hard. Sometimes a girl needs to slap hard.

Oh, pop! Wanna do it now just writing about it! And sometimes it's gentler, I guess. When I do slap him, even when it's super sharp, his eyes go all half mast and he looks like he's going to have a little boy accident in his pants. Totally hot!

Other times I do it because I'm displeased with him and I feel I need to get his attention. Like maybe he's not paying attention when I'm speaking to him. Unacceptable. This is when it's always hard and he knows I'm displeased with him.

Really love the word "displeased" cuz it sounds so grown up and in control. A good warm slap to my boy's face and that's all taken care of. He is scared and attentive. Just how I like my boy. Bing!

A good slap is a pretty special thing. For one thing, it feels soooooooooo goooooooooood! Like, oh my god, so good! Like for reals, just on my hand, it feels so good.

And I've come to really love that crack/pop sound when I get a good shot in.

LOVE the look on his face after a good slap. He always looks thunderstruck (guess he kinda is.)

And it always makes me feel special and not just in the sex way. Like I feel privileged to get to do this. Like, obviously I'm above him, but it's more than that. I proudly get to do with my boy what nobody is supposed to do.

But then their is the sex kind of special too. Like major turn on. Like super MAJOR turn on. Like I could be a little irritated and slap my cute, misbehaved, little Timmy and I could instantly make things more intimate. I think that's because I do it so much when we are intimate. That's good.

I like getting to put him in his place and it make me feel Special. I'd much rather feel a little special than to feel irritation. Feeling special is one of the greatest feelings their is.

But I like to keep things all business after one of these slap downs. I don't want to confuse him and make him want to irritate me. Yet a lot of times I will carry around that feeling of being turned on and it's only a matter of time before we do get intimate. Mmmmmm love is beautiful.

****

Though he was in love with Michele, it was not as though the relationship was easy. Aside from the embarrassment of dating one so young, perhaps worse was how she controlled him. It totally went against every idea he had about what a man was.

Obeying Michele was totally humiliating. And it was soooooo much worse because of her age. Not only was he bossed around by a girl, he was bossed around by somebody so damn young!

He knew too that it went way beyond being bossed around. He could not make sense out of why he let her command him and found it difficult to even think about. He let her spank him! After so long, it was still mind blowing. He did not know which was worse, that he let her spank him or that he liked it. That was not fair, he loved it.

And then there were the punishments, real punishments! He got so scared of her! Every time he thought about this, he felt so much shame, he had to think about something else.

Since he could not think too much about what was going on with Michele, and he could never speak of it, he just passively accepted her authority. Deep down, he knew at least some part of him loved it, but that was beyond his ability to face.

****

Dearest Me,

Today's question: To slap or to spank? Like if I had to pick just one?

Hmmmmmm this is not an easy one. First of all, I love both. LOVE both. Mmmmmmmm it makes me feel sooooooo good to think about doing either to my boy. And both are really important. For reals! Either for fun or for sending a real message to my little Timmy. It's true, communication is so important in a healthy relationship and slapping and spanking are super effective communication tools.

Slapping is so...in his face. Smiles Like duh! So it totally gets his attention and it's great because it doesn't take any time at all. (Unless I want to have some fun and really draw it out with a whole bunch of slaps...omg, getting so special!) Like if I need to (and trust me, sometimes I NEED to), I can just do it and he gets it. Like he really Gets It. It's really like magic. It's incredibly satisfying. And I could never go without it...at least not with Tim.

And Tim really does need it. He is a good boyfriend, really. But sometimes it's like he forgets what's important, he doesn't do something right and he needs to learn.

It does not always have to be a huge, hard, dramatic slap either. None of them are soft, but sometimes it's just a quick, snappy little slap to get his attention. Always works. Every single time.

And even when it's just for fun, it's still important because it is ceremonial. Like spanking, it demonstrates and reenforces who each of us is in this relationship.

Butt if I had to choose, I'd take spanking. Soooooooo glad I don't have to choose. Happy!

The thing about spanking is that it's just as good for teaching him a lesson, but it takes so much longer and with him over my knee, I don't know, I just think it's more loving and romantic...and yes, even when it is punishment. Even when his cute, little tush is like totally on fire and he's begging me to stop, it still just feels so good and loving. It's real caring and it's real love. I love being there for my boy.

God, he'd be so lost without me.

I really love that I get to kind of make him into what I want him to be and spanking is part of that. Like a lot goes into it, but spanking is definitely an important part of shaping him into the ideal boyfriend. I guess I'm still sort of boyfriending him. Come to think of it, I am.

Real relationships are a process. I've done the reading and it's true. So we are always working on our relationship so boyfriending is an ongoing process. This is the kind of work I can get with. Happy!

I really think a lot of girls are blowing it. Oh well, nothing I can do about that. Night-night

****

Having Tim at school with her in the morning was great, but her favorite time of all was when they were alone in her house together. She felt so sexy in her tiny shorts and sweats and she just liked being with her guy.

A lot of the time, their relationship resembled any other young romance. They talked about themselves and each other, their friends and things like music and current topics. Michele referred to Tim as a sissy, but the truth was that he was anything but. She probably would not have been with a sissy. Michele could and did exert overt control any time she felt like it. Yet Tim was not a wimp. As Michele saw it, he was just her sissy.

He's a sissy for me!

When not responding to her demands and general expectations, he was a strong, opinionated and competitive guy. She relished her power over him all the more because of this. It was when they were intimate that things really became unique. And certainly when Michele exerted her will, Tim yielded.

****

Every aspect of their relationship felt so natural to Michele and she recognized that it was the consequence of following her desire and her instinct. She vowed never to let social norms prevent her from doing what she really wanted to do with Tim and she was slowly coming to the conclusion that she could do almost anything she wanted with her good, little boy. She decided that in certain personal and private ways, it was okay not to be normal, to be a little different.

It was this way of thinking that propelled her actions one afternoon as she lovingly spanked Tim's bottom as a little bit of very normal but very exciting, play spanking.

Since Michele so enjoyed the emotional element of a spanking, she often liked to have a "reason" for the spanking on which all scolding was focused. She'd either focus her ire on some little thing Tim had done (that did not really upset her), or she'd simply fabricate a reason. She'd go into prim, stern, conservative adult babysitter/teacher mode. She simply loved to scold and brow beat her boy as he became so emotional for her. She so got off on how her moods overwhelmed him, almost seemed to cast a spell on him.

****

Dearest Me,

Topic: Scolding!

So I've written about spanking and punishment and slapping and all that, but I've left something super important out. You guessed it: scolding.

It's like ultra-important. It sets the mood and it provides the lesson that Tim needs to learn. And it totally reenforces who's boss, Cute, Li'l Me. When I think about it, if I did not scold Tim, you know, tell him what he needed to change, how naughty he'd been or did not explain the lesson he needed to focus on, help him know he was not doing it well enough for me or make him feel bad about himself, it would just totally be abuse. You know, like just hitting him. That would be just wrong and I could never do that. Then it would not be about love and care.

I want always to do this with love and care. When I spank him, I want us to know why and want it to come out of love. Even when it's real punishment, it's done with love and care. I might still be boyfriending him, but I'm not sure I'd love him if he did not know how to behave and do as he's told.

And to feel a certain way about himself. When he's drowning in self doubt and intense shame, he's adorable and just better as a boyfriend. And to know I did that to him, Mmmmmmm, feels better than anything! Shaping how another person sees themselves is an amazing amount of power.

There always needs to be a message. I'm nurturing him. This has to be about helping Tim and about love. Spanking is always an expression of love and that makes it so sweet and pretty. Even a really hard punishment spanking is sweet and pretty.

And spanking wouldn't be nearly as fun or loving without the scolding. It just so happens that something happens to Tim when I scold him that I totally LOVE...like totally! It is an important form of humiliation therapy and he gets fully hard from it. Fully! Like Boing! Ha- Ha! So funny!

Therapy, humiliation-therapy is like one of the most important things in his life. Scolding is about the lesson and my displeasure but it also plays into the humiliation therapy. It changes the way he sees himself and that's really important and makes me feel sooooooo good. So love that it excites us so much!

When I'm spanking him, I can tell that he tries soooooo hard to listen and understand every single thing I say. I'd say that feels like power. Wouldn't you agree? Smiles!

While he listens so closely, he experiences so much shame and humiliation. This is the most important thing and makes it so healthy and therapeutic for him. God, that makes me so incredibly special! It would not turn me on so much if it was not good for him.

Anyway, one of the things that totally makes scolding him effective and fun is using all the little kid language with him. Like just for example, when I call him "naughty." Who uses a word like that? It's totally little kid language. But it is Purrrrrfect for spanking! Love it because when I speak this way to him, it's even more humiliating for him. As though the spanking itself was not enough!

It's so humiliating for him when he becomes my little boy, someone so much younger than him. Like, I'm only 123. Hot! I know he does not want to be spoken to like that. But then his big dick gets all hard and it must be so confusing for him! Oh my god, the fun and pure joy I have when spanking him and speaking this way to him is amazing! nighty-night

****

At last she wanted to see his bare bottom as she spanked him. When she spanked Tim, she liked to use words like bottom or "naughty", the sort of terms a parent used with a young child when implementing discipline. Intuitively, she understood the psychological effects it had on both of them.

At any rate, she imagined that his bottom turned quite red, but she wanted to see it with her own eyes. She pulled the waistband of his boxers down below his smooth, hairless and muscular butt cheeks as he lay over her knee.

Throughout the spanking she scolded masterfully and made several threats to leave Tim if he did not learn his lesson. "Maybe I need to find a new boy to babysit, one who learns his lessons?"

Although Tim knew her scolding was play and aroused him as few things could, it also played on his greatest fear: abandonment. He was deep down terrified Michele might leave him.

As she often did, after the spanking she stood him before her as she praised him for taking his spanking well or chastised him for some little thing, depending on her mood.

Leaving the boxers down in the back, she realized how obscene he looked in the front. The waistband of his boxers were low in the back but hooked on his erection in the front. He made the most indecent and ridiculous spectacle. Michele had seen his erection through his boxers on a daily basis, but she'd never felt like saying anything and to Tim's great relief, almost seemed to pretend not to see it at all.

But this was different, he looked so lewd and perverted. His face burned fiercely as she laughed at him and pointed at his throbbing, wet erection. "Oh my god, turn around, I want to see if your face is as red as your butt."

As Tim turned around, she was able to appreciate just how licentious and silly Tim looked. "I think your face is even redder than your cute, little-boy bottom. By the way, I love the new 'look'. I can't believe how much you love getting spanked by a little girl." Michele did not think of herself as a little girl and at 123 years old, was a legal adult, but she knew how to add fuel to the fire.

"I don't," Tim blurted out defensively.

"Oh, I think your little thingy would disagree. God, the way you like being spanked is soooooo perverse."

"That's not fair, you make me get all..."

"Make you get all what, Timmothy?" Her voice was suddenly razor sharp with anger and accusation. Michele was always ready and eager to put down even a hint of rebellion or attitude.

His stomach sank as he realized he'd summoned the Mean Bitch.

Oh no!

It was nobody's fault but his own.

"Make you like being spanked? Really?" Pointing at his erection and with complete incredulity, "This is my fault? Your little penis gets all hard when I spank you because you like it! You like getting spanked by a girl! Ha ha."

She saw the truth of her words provoke emotion in her little boy. She took a moment to appreciate the emotional contortions his face was going through. And then, completely relaxing into the moment, into the opportunity, "What's wong, Mr. SpankyPants, you gonna cwy?" she said in her mocking baby voice.

Tim wanted to cry, but he almost came instead. Due to the spanking and threats about leaving him, he was in a heightened emotional state. Here he was being mocked and laughed at by his very, very, way too young girlfriend, right after she spanked him over her knee and his only defense was to almost cry and cum in his boxers.

"Your widdle, bitty dickie gets all hard when I spank you, but you want to tell me you don't like it, like you are not totally into it? You are too funny. Was Mr. SpankyPants telling a funny?" she asked again in her degrading baby voice.

And then he did cum.

Though Michele had never seen a boy cum before, she knew what was happening as creamy goo started pushing up through his boxers at the very tip of his cock. She'd read about this, it was called a premature ejaculation and something more befitting a boy than a man. Sexually, it represented a complete lack of control.

"Oh......My......God!" Then in a voice positively dripping with the most excited distain, "You're having a premature ejaculation! I'm not even touching you! I'm making fun of you and you're cuming like a little boy! Like...a...little...boy!" she exploded with glee. Michele began laughing hysterically. "Oh my god, I can't wait to tell Tanya!"

Emotionally, Tim didn't know where to go or what to do and he was frozen with panic. Now there was no denying it, he was a pervert, a little boy pervert and Michele knew it too. Then he was sure Michele really would leave him.