All Comments on 'The Ride Ch. 01'

if there is a red line under it you have to check it

This tale, where we follow two women talk about sex with the writer, who doesn't understand them, doesn't really do much for me.

On the your writing ability... I would get someone else to help you edit. Your efforts aren't paying off.

It would be very difficult to write a story where the writer is in the dark about what is being said because then the readers are totally in the dark as well. Your device is a way around that, but it's very distracting to keep switching languages. It completely interrupts the flow of the story.

Sorry, I had to bail before I finished it. Not sure what you changed to post it again, but I skimmed it and it is still difficult to read for the reasons I stated.

No mas! "translations". Really slowed down this story. Coulda been a contenda!

If you're going to write a story where Spanish is an important part of the story, then you need to learn a LOT more Spanish. Using word-for-word translation is bad enough but you don't even get those words right ('puto', for example, is not a verb - it means either a male prostitute, or sometimes an easy homo 'catcher' !)

On another level, it is tricky for even experienced authors to rely mostly on conversation to convey a story comfortably, and just as difficult to use third-person exposition while maintaining interest. Your stories are, IMHO, much too dependent on conversation.

Thanks, Stalking-Anon, I thought this might have been another story under BigCarl's name, but didn't see it in his pub-list, so now I have made essentially the same comments for the same story in two places!

I am already in the car on the way to Carmen's place watching a seduction unfold. The sex will be there, however you unfold it, to bring this coupling to it's suspected conclusion. The proverbial cumming climax scene, then to some other stage in this sex drama. The up-cumin language barrier, actions speaking for words, translations by touch and feel. Ah! the tension, will they or won't they, the meat of your endeavor so far, please continue.

No wonder there is no ch. 2.

HA

BigCarl is a 113 pound teenage girl, based on her writing.

We can only hope Carmen and Carlos have a car accident on the way to her house and both become paralyzed as well. Perhaps then they'll develop some empathy for her husband's situation.

Being in a wheelchair is so seldom sexy.

11 years unfinished gets an automatic 1 in hopes enough people will score it low that people won't waste their time reading an unfinished story.

Really liked it. Looking forward to next part. Hoping there are many more parts.