The Sectret Love of the Other Man

She broke the silence that seemed to fill the office, it was like Adam's presence had stolen away people's tongues. He knew that deep down, it was because all they wanted to do was talk about him, but none of them had the balls to do so when he was there. "Adam, we're ready for you."

"Do I get to stay?" He was eager to find out.

She repeated herself and nodded as if to further assert her point. "We're ready for you." She then set off to the meeting room, wanting to distance herself from the man.

Adam walked to the room, then paused before entering, he took a breath, he felt like a man about to be convicted of a crime... or sentenced. He eventually mustered the courage to enter, pushing the door he looked at the now complete trio and told them he was ready to hear it; he took a seat.

"Adam, I know that it must be difficult for you to be in such a backwards and forwards situation, I do, but sometimes that's the nature of the beast." Karen began, it was not promising. "I must say I told them what you had to say, they listened, so don't feel like you're points are falling on deaf ears."

He knew they were, and he was getting even more tired of their hollow comments and answers. "Just tell me, cut the filler."

"Adam, based on the implications of what you have done, both long and short term, it has been decided that the decision will stand. Now you don't have to accept the pay out, you don't have to sign the non-disclosure. But know if you don't, you get nothing and still lose your job. Please just take it, you can't win this one."

Adam thought, he truly had nothing to say at all, he had been defeated. He knew he could take the argument above them, he could argue legally, but Karen was right. He'd never win. He knew what he to do. It damaged his pride, it took him away from Angelika for good, it would probably damage his career, but the money would do for now. Anything is better than nothing.

He just nodded. "Fine... I don't have the energy, I'll sign what you want and I'll pretend I'm the evil villain, if it keeps you happy and helps you all sleep at night."

The others could see his defeat and though they attempted to show some sort of sympathy, deep down they didn't care. Like he had already thought, to them he wasn't a person, he was just another goal for them to Achieve. 'Get rid of him without a hassle.'

"Thankyou Adam, we'll get the paperwork for you and sort everything out for you."

He nodded in response; he didn't care anymore. He'd do his part, get his money and then move on with his life.... After a small break down.

Der Verschwindende akt

3 months had passed since when Adam had been cast out by everyone and he had not heard a peep from Angelika. Typically, they'd both tease the idea with each other, like typing on snapchat and WhatsApp and then not sending the message so the other got the notification. This time neither of them played those games, they both felt too betrayed by the other person. For the first two weeks he thought about her constantly, he couldn't function without her. Sleep? NO. Eat? No. Relax? No. Get any jobs done? No. But then it began to fade and 3 months later he felt like he was a new man, he felt glad that he'd got through those times. Adam would never have guessed that those hard times would eventually pay off.

He had left the corporate life behind and was finally free; the life of a manager was a financially rewarding one and money can buy almost everything. But when that money comes from a job, it can not buy freedom. His new job as a personal trainer had bought him freedom, he could sleep in until 11 if he wanted or pull himself up at 6 and both were great, because they were on his terms.

He'd also worked on developing on his character and his personality. He'd spent so long suppressing his anger at times, his job demanded it, that he'd occasionally snap with friends or family. He would almost immediately feel horrible, but now he just didn't snap and cut the cycle. He'd reconnected with friends and family his job had taken him away from, one of whom was his mom; who'd he'd never told about Angelika but now told about everything. He felt more confident, it became less of an act and more of second nature to him, he was comfortable and that made him able to be himself. He also stopped ignoring flaws, before he was so busy and consumed that he'd ignore worries, now he just got on with it.

Adam was working at a local gym, the same one he used to train at. In training others, who suffered with not only their weight but also their minds, it helped him. In teaching others, he himself learnt and was quickly on his way to a new world.

Angelika's world was not so peachy, rather than finding new beginnings in her life she was finding harsh conclusions. Damien had messaged her at work and told her that he knew she was at Adam's that ended everything for him; his final request was that was she chose who she wanted. That was an answer. So that was the end, the grand finale of their perfect relationship. There was one word that terrified her, because of how real it made everything: divorce. Filed and pending. She'd moved out of her house, for now, and was living with her sister. Her neo-conservative parents were disappointed, ashamed that she'd "Ruined the sanctity of her marriage". People at her work thought she was a disloyal cunt. She had lost everything she'd cared about or was proud about; she'd worked to fulfil the upper middle class dream of a nice house, with a husband, in a nice area, with a job (with good benefits and pay), with nice co-workers who invite you to their house warming parties and with the prospects of a child to also fulfil the middle class fantasy (which they'd been trying for with no success). One by one they'd collapsed away from her and now she was back to square one in the game of life. And it all started when Damien said it was done.

So, she did what any person whose life goals had been taken away would do and moped. Damien was still staying at his parents and had no intentions of returning to that place (every step into that house made him think of Angelika's toes curling up and eyes rolling back, as she gasped on Adam's throbbing cock). Angelika had agreed she'd stay and pay the bills, but both would pay the mortgage and then would split the money from the sale equally. Although the thought of selling the epitome of her middleclass class life killed her. She needed to get away too, rather than thinking of Damien she thought about her losing. She went to stay with her sister, Charlotte, for a while to clear her head.

Her sister happily accepted her beloved sibling into her home, as much as Angelika had messed up, she didn't blame her. She hated Adam, she felt as if he had committed a greater moral crime in chasing a married woman; neglecting that Angelika had 'pushed back'. At her sister's she just pined, she lived in a state of limbo, just like Adam had for all those times. What a reversal of roles. She'd laid under her blanket watching rom-coms and reality tv shows and wishing her life was as cliché as them. As per usual she felt she was the sole victim and barely thought about Adam, when she thought about Damien, she was sad and uncertain. But even she didn't know if it was because she'd lost out or because she loved him.

Like any living organism, she craved homeostasis, balance. No matter how much she hated Damien, when she was with him; she constantly wanted ways to get away from him and see Adam or just be alone, she now wanted her husband back. Now that he was gone, she longed for the stability he gave her, she never had to question what she'd do on an evening or weekend. She'd lost desire for spontaneity, she wanted consistency and routine. Not only did she want that consistency, but she could also probably gain that quickly with someone like Adam, she wanted all the ground she had with Damien. They were tied with years of finance, love, and socialising... and years can't be gained in months. So, she had to think: How do I get what I want? What path do I take?

She knew what she had to do, so she called Damien and begged; that was her only chance. She had to fully submit to him, to allow him to feel in control and safe. But buried in that, she was in control, she knew what his weakness was: his power complex. She begged to him, telling him she was wrong, she had gone to Adam because she was ashamed to tell anyone else about it and needed someone. She also took the opportunity to shame him slightly, how he had run away and left her alone (making her feel like she needed someone to confide). She said how she'd felt like they'd moved apart and needed a chance to reconnect, that their time apart had made her feel like she loved him more. She said she'd be prepared to do anything to get him back, she would no longer argue with him; she'd listen. She said she missed seeing him after work and talking about their days, she missed him loving her (but it was all a lie to get what she needed in life). Maybe it was conditioning, to only chase those basic goals and disregard everything and everyone else. She needed emotional support and he could give it to her. But Damien was smarter than that, or more set in his ways. He allowed her to speak but didn't care, his answer was still no. He knew she would use her silver tongue to speak sweet lies and get him on side. He couldn't take the hassle again. So, he said no.

Where does that leave me? The man who could tick almost all the boxes, all the important ones for now, had said no. Her work friends looked down on her for playing her manager, for her own gain. She was terrified of talking to her parents, as if their unspoken judgement would cripple her pride even more. Although her sister was physically there and was not judging her aloud, she knew she didn't want to hear it. So, she kept her worries to herself, letting them fester and growing into a bitter mental gangrene, that was slowly killing her. Who to turn to? She knew there was one person who had always preached absolute loyalty and had always returned like a well-trained pup. A man who could, for now help ease her pain like an opioid, Adam. She knew that he could help and just like she did with Damien, she began to convince herself she needed him and wanted him; the lies came easier and were hidden under true sentiments.

Back on Adam's side he was still moving forwards. However, the wound that his love for Angelika had left within his psyche and soul could not heal overnight and the scar would last forever. He wasn't ready for love; he didn't want it. What he did want was sex, someone to throw around and pleasure. It would do many things. In pleasuring someone, knowing that nothing was faked, her orgasm sending shudders -- showing his proficiencies at his art. His ego would be stroked, and something else. He'd also be able to feel dominant, he could control her physically and emotionally (taking away the pain of what Angelika had done). And in that moment of pure pleasure, nothing else existed, in pure euphoria, no worries flood you... that's what he craved, forgetting for a minute. He was happy with his occasional partner and running into new grounds, exploring new options. He wanted to move away gradually and hoped that the occasional thought of Angelika would become a distant memory. He prayed he could continue down this path.

With his new partners, some of which he played his little games with him more often and he slowly explored new realms. Angelika had always had the personality of the girl next door, a plane jane. She was very reserved and was very self-conscious about things, that went of the window with his new choices. That was no mistake. He could lick anywhere, enjoying the taste of their sweaty assholes and they would happily equally repay him. They had no inhibitions and it led to exploring new options, a labyrinth with hundreds of new possibilities, he wanted to try everything to see how it felt. He wanted to separate sex with Angelika and sex with everyone else, he wanted to separate the boring existence he'd fallen into, from his new life. He'd fuck people next to their windows, hoping their neighbours would see the true sluts they were. Degrading them in a way he never even wished to do with someone he loved. He knew that every move he made, pushed him more away from the person he was - the person who needed Angelika.

On Angelika's side, she was beginning to break, every straw came closer to caving in the camel's back. Part of her did miss Adam. Similar to Adam, if she couldn't have who she wanted, she'd go to the opposite side of the spectrum. She'd be with someone who could tear her insides up and still would care about her and would stare into her eyes and focus solely on what she said and meant. She went for it: hook, line and sinker.

Her message was so subtly beautiful, like a Jackson Pollock, so little yet so much. "Hi." It forced Adam to reply, he had tried to pretend she didn't exist and was doing quite well, the occasional little thing would flood his mind with all the memories. A song would come on a playlist, that would take him back to laying in bed with her cuddling. The same car she drove, would go bye and he'd wish it was her, just for a glance. He'd scroll through streaming sights and on tv and her favourite film would be there, it would take him to the times they chatted about nothingness. With a simple hi, he was hooked, he knew that she hadn't said enough to leave it. She'd said something that told him nothing, but that was enough for him.

He bit softly, still uncertain as to where she wanted to take the conversation. "Hi, are you alright?" He was still trying to keep detached, he did not want to be cruel or make assumptions or even say her name, it was the same that he'd reply to a stranger.

Angelika always knew when he was off, or trying to be cold, he loved her and, in that love, he was honest and open.... vulnerable. To a normal partner that was amazing, but Angelika could take it as the beautiful thing it was or could use it as a tool. That is how she knew he was off; he'd always be chatty and would try to insinuate a greater conversation. That was almost dismissive, she needed to capture him back. She'd show some vulnerability of her own and some desire, "You know Adam I can not get you out of mind."

"Angelika, I really can't lie to you and doing that has never got me anywhere. So I'll tell you. I can't get you out of mind and I want you. But what do you want?" This was a further example of how he'd changed, he no longer pretended like he didn't want her, he didn't want her to think he was only in it for the game and to lie.

"Adam, I have had a lot of time to think. I am sure you have heard Damien and I have split up and we are currently formalising it. I want to really try, leave the past behind and wipe the slate clean."

He hated messaging, she'd either send tiny replies or paragraphs and the paragraphs would say so much and mean so little. He couldn't indulge it, his love hadn't faded, but he wasn't in love and so he had less patience. "I need to see you, let's meet somewhere near yours. You pick, tell me and I'll be there. Let's wait until then to chat again."

She replied about the place and the time; she sent the address of a café near hers, but far enough that she would be comfortable. He didn't reply, she still knew that he would be there. They were attracted to each other, like they were bound by destiny. Although Adam didn't believe in it, their paths always seemed to be linked. Whether it was self-fulfilled destiny or something else, he didn't care, he just rode the wave.

The time was set, and it was a few hours away, usually it would take all of his willpower to ignore her, or at least not message her when she clearly craved conversation. But just as he'd thought before, he loved her but wasn't in love. That meant he could take it or leave it, he knew that his resolve would probably fade, or completely crumble, when he saw her in person. Her beautiful eyes, they always caught him off guard, they pulled his focus to her aura, from her beautiful flowing hair to her makeup that served to accentuate her beauty rather than creating it. He was relying on the fact that she'd be just as enticed by him, as he was by her, or be even more stunned. As much as he wanted to be honest with her, he also wanted her to be honest with him, that took bending some of his newfound morals and using slight manipulation, that being him he demanded she met him in person. 3 months apart, he thought had weakened their bond, but it only served to make him need her more. The saying was true, as corny as he knew it was, that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Angelika saw the man, he was an anomaly to her, he was the first man in 3 months that she even would consider getting intimate with. Whether that was making love, rough sex or letting him be the first person that she was willing to let help her, one she knew really cared. She'd been so paralysed by the trauma of Damien finally giving up on her and leaving abruptly, that she'd socially regressed and hadn't even considered trying to find another man. She didn't need the sexual gratification of a partner, she was happy pleasing herself, it was unproblematic. She was also used to her partners not truly satisfying her, orgasms were few and far between if she didn't step up, that was one reason that her relationship with Damien had failed. This meant Adam was like a breath of fresh wind, he represented adventure and the future, for now. She was flooded with emotions upon seeing him, she thought to herself. There were so many emotions she didn't understand and didn't need to, she felt so much for him but there was a still a conflict about what she'd done. That she blamed him for. But right now, the love and lust were winning the battle... the war was yet to be decided.

They ordered coffees and took and seat opposite each other and just sat for a second, both needed to process what was happening. Adam knew that every second he sat in her presence he weakened, he would find it harder not to beg and he really didn't want to beg. All it did was gave Angelika free reign to act with impunity, torturing him. He had thought about the prospect of a relationship, which she'd suggested over message, and knew he'd want it to start on good terms. Terms where he wasn't a plaything and could hold sway over her. He knew he needed to give the situation some momentum and get the ball rolling.

"Angelika, I can't be arsed with small talk, so; you clearly have something to say, go for it."

"Well like I said I cannot get you out of my mind and it keeps making me wonder, why? I have not even thought about trying to hook-up with someone else now that Damien is gone. Because I was so damaged and because I wanted... no needed... you."

"You've said that, but what does it mean? I'm not a plaything Angelika, I'm a human being with feelings and a life. You can't mess with me like I don't actually exist, for once think about the consequences."

"I always do think about them Adam."

Adam rolled his eyes. "Of course, think extra hard this time."

"You been on my mind means I want you; I want you inside me and I want you by my side. I want to really put all the past behind me. What choice do I have? I have to move on, and I might as well do it with you."

"I can't be a secret; I need to you to be loyal and trusting. Not like before when you ran back to Damien and when you accused me of lying."

"Adam, Damien has made it expressly clear he does not want me and like I said, I want a new beginning with someone who can work with me as a team, something Damien did not do and I do not think anyone else could."