The Seventh Wheel

"This is Katey and Tom. We all left together." She laughed she was looking for Beth. "The whole team is in Cali now. Let's get out of here I need to smoke." She took Megan's hand and walked in front of me, in search of Beth and Max. I stood still, I watched them walk away from me, I was confused.

Everyone was so far ahead, I was the last one to get to the Jeep. Beth was already in the front seat. Lula was already yelling at me. "Come on, get in, I'm not sitting back there." Max took the bag from me and helped me into the back, the bench, I was next to Katey and Tom whoever they were. I was officially the seventh wheel again.

*

I wanted to know why Megan was with her, why she was in Argentina and why was it a secret. I felt I was staring at the back of their heads way too intensively. Why wouldn't they explain themselves, I was feeling they weren't being nice to me, or truthful. I finally asked, I needed to know.

"What? I met her the same day as you, remember? I have been seeing both of you. If you paid attention you would know. Who do you think comes to the socials with the Antonellis? Beth?" And she laughed, she shook her head like I was insane to ask her such a stupid question. "Oh and Marion called me, she told me you two went out to eat with them."

The Jeep got a tiny bit quiet after that.

The couple next to me talked on their own. I listened to Lula. I listened to Megan, I could tell they were together, I could hear that neither of them cared I was behind them. Even Max seemed to be ignoring me, I guess the four months were up, over, and done. I was just the diversion he needed with his real girlfriend on the other side of the world.

We dropped off Megan first. Lula got out and I helped with the bags, it wasn't that easy with my long nails.

"For years I have been trying to get you to do tips. Maybe you needed a different stylist." Megan was holding my hand looking at my nails, they have never looked better I had them on for almost three months.

"Mmm." I started thinking maybe I needed a different friend too. Why didn't she just tell me she was in Argentina, what was the big deal. Why did she lie to me for the last four months? Why wouldn't she tell me she was seeing Lula? I decided I would never talk to her again. I didn't even say goodbye.

I went to get back in the Jeep but Lula didn't move.

"Where's mine?"

"Your what?" I was confused she looked annoyed.

"My bag I'm staying here with Megan. I'm sure Beth needs a break from me, I need one from her that's for fucking sure."

She laughed and Beth gave her the finger.

"You're not coming to the apartment?"

"No, bring all my stuff tomorrow. I'm staying with Megan, you do what you want." She turned she was done with me too, but I was okay with it. I just wish she was happier to see me, happier to see me go. It was weird, it was unexpected.

I had to get into the back seat by myself the others took the middle bench. No one talked to me, Beth monopolized the conversation just like when she was at the socials with her friends. She was in charge, she was the one with the feminine energy in the Jeep.

I was just little fake Sabrina, hiding in the back, hiding by herself.

*

We dropped off Tom and Katey and then we passed by Nicole and Nickolaus's house, I was wishing they were outside. I wouldn't have made Max stop, I would have lept out of the Jeep, I would of let Nicole and her brother teach me to ride a bicycle. I would have excused myself and cried behind one of the big trees. I would of let Beth and Max go back to the house without me.

He pulled the Jeep into the garage next to the violet car, I would miss it, I would miss him. He smiled at me as he took her bags into the house. I let his hands graze my shoulder and arms. I stood outside as they closed the front door, it was getting dark, I waved to the neighbors, I pet one of the dogs. I didn't want to go into the house by myself. I didn't want to start sleeping by myself, I was finally used to sleeping next to a big hairy man.

*

I put on my new back nightie, it had spaghetti straps, very sheer, very short. I put on stockings and my seven-inch black heels, they had a two-inch platform, they were sexy as fuck. "Fuck." I whispered. I slipped on my bracelets, they were big and thick, I wanted to play with them on my arm, I wanted my own distraction. I put on a little bit of perfume on my wrists.

The washer and dryer had been going non-stop since we came home from the airport. I didn't hear Max or Beth at all, and I figured they were in bed getting to know each other all over again. I put on music and lightly sang as I brushed my hair. It was late, I needed to hear a voice.

Briiiiing. "Hi, Amber?"

"Yes, hi Sabrina, how much are you loving your new hair?" I was so glad I called, I needed to hear the voice of someone who liked me. Someone who would never ignore me, make me feel uncomfortable.

"I love it, thank you for everything." I started to cry, I had to put the phone down. "I'm sorry, things aren't working out like I thought they would."

"Things with Lula and Beth?"

"And Max." I sniffed.

"I wish I was in Malibu, I would be over, we could have gotten drunk, watched old movies. I'm sorry baby. Wait hold on." And then her husband got on the phone, Ray, he had a deep voice, he could rattle my room if he was on speaker.

"Sabrina, hi, are you okay, do you need me to talk to someone?"

"No, thank you anyway."

"Maybe we should get you. You could spend the rest of the week with us."

I giggled, I missed the two of them. "No, don't be silly, but I would love to be sleeping in between you two, I would love the company." I talked to Amber again, I said good night, I told them to have fun and for god's sake don't worry about me. Amber laughed and I felt so much better. Fuck Megan and Lula and Beth. Fuck Max too.

*

I read some of Tiffany's book. It was nice, but after a couple of pages I actually started loving it, I could see why she loved reading it over and over. I slipped under the covers, I kept on my heels, I was a gorgeous crossdresser sleeping in her nightgown, hose, and heels, reading about princesses. I would do this all the time from now on. If I was going to be by myself then I was going to sleep the way I wanted. Everyone else could go eff themselves.

I was out, two hours later or so, my phone buzzed.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sabrina, can I come lay with you?" Max was calling, he wanted to lay with me? What the fuck.

"When now?"

"Are you okay? I want to see you before I leave, I'm leaving in the morning." So I told him to come over. I tried to fall asleep, I wanted him to see I didn't care, I couldn't even stay up to see him.

I heard him, all the lights were off. I heard my door. He walked around the bed, he laid down, he kissed my cheek. I made believe I was sleeping. I didn't move.

"Mmm, I was missing the scent of your hair." I felt his face against me, his lips on my neck, I still didn't move. I was ignoring the semi-naked man in my bed. I felt him rubbing my stockings, felt his hard cock push against my silky panties. Felt him breathing on my neck and kissing my ear. He was pushing against me, his cock in the crack of my ass, rubbing. He had one hand on my waist, another on my shoulder as his body pushed into me as his cock made its way under my crotch, between my thighs. I didn't move, he could have my body but he wouldn't get any of my love. Let him go back to Beth for that, cruel, mean, angry Beth with wonderful hair and symmetrical face. Let her yell at him, let her tell him he disappointed her, let her tell him to fuck off.

I felt his cock start to rub against my ass again, he pushed, he now held me tighter his hands around my body, playing with my D-cup breasts. He started pushing into me harder, his breathing was getting louder and more ragged, soon he was cumming, I felt his sperm hit my thighs, my ass. He rubbed it into my nylon, my stockings. It was the first time since we got together that I didn't take it into my body.

"Thank you, baby." He kissed my shoulder, he turned around, he fell asleep. We were back to back. I had to stretch I had been in the same position for an hour. I moved, I laid on my back and fell asleep.

*

I heard a crash.

"When are you getting up?"

I heard someone, I was having a nightmare, I recognized the voice. "What? What's the matter?"

Beth was hovering over me, I was now staring at her crotch, it was covered by her gray leggings, she was wearing white sneakers. "Max wants you out, Carol is ready to move in. Max wants you out today!"

"Really?" I checked behind me, the last time I was with him his cock was pushing against me, I checked the empty space behind me to make sure he was gone. I was probably just his backup for sex, maybe he was bored with me. I then realized I didn't have my panties on, Max always needed them with him after we had sex. I was surprised he would take them last night, I was surprised I didn't wake up.

"Just go, he let you stay here rent-free, the least you can do is just leave."

She slammed the door, I rubbed my eyes. I couldn't really think straight, I went into the shower. When I came out I saw my mirror, it was broken. There were pieces of it on the dresser, on the floor. How did I not notice it before?

*

Two men were outside the bedroom door, they were from Beth's office, they were going to help me pack and load up the car. I didn't understand why she needed me out of the house so quickly, she was still yelling, barking orders. I was looking at my phone, I wanted to call Max but I just couldn't.

For the next hour, I filled up the two bags from Anja and Amber. The men put most of my other things in boxes, in black plastic garbage bags. My books, my computer, everything was now in the blue car in the parking spot out front. I was going to say goodbye to the Cascada, to this house, to my life as Max's girlfriend. I was sad, I hoped no one was looking at me. I was hoping all of the neighbors were gone for the day.

My phone buzzed, and there was a text from Max. 'Whatever you don't take now I can have someone bring it to you.' It was such a weird text. Usually, he would call, if I was shopping, or home while he worked, he called, he never texted. I was thinking maybe he was really done with me, he didn't even want to hear my voice.

The two men and Beth were waiting for me, I took another quick look around the room, the kitchen, I decided to just leave everything. If it wasn't in my closet or drawers then I didn't want it. Carol could have the new TV, the bench, even the dressers. She could keep all the wine and beer I have collected since moving in, all the mixers for drinks that Max and I would try and share. The only thing I couldn't take that I wanted was my vanity, it would never fit in the car. I knew Beth would never use it, she put on her makeup in the car, it was the last thing she did, she wasn't happy about it. She was a terrible woman in more ways than one.

"Meeting you was such a bad idea." She told me, while I slipped into the car. I didn't look at her. She was by herself the two men were gone. "Lula and Megan were full of bad fucking ideas."

I didn't say anything, I took out my keys for the ugly blue car, I hadn't touched them in months. I put it in the ignition. Nothing, a little click, nothing. Something was dead.

"Shit." Beth was pissed she kicked the car, "Just get the fuck out of here!" She was screaming, she was cursing. "God just go, I do not want to look at you anymore."

I called Max, his voice mail went on. I asked him to call me. I started to cry. I took out the two new bags and my computer, I walked away from Beth. I didn't turn around, I let her scream to herself, I didn't understand why she was so agitated. I would make it to the corner and then call car service. I couldn't even call Amber, she was away. I couldn't call Anja, she would tell Amber and her husband, and then ruin their Vegas trip. I didn't want anyone worried about me. Obviously, no one was worried about me anyway. I texted Max again and surprisingly got a text back. 'goodbye sabrina.' I looked at the phone, I was amazed, I was completely unprepared for it. I blocked him. I blocked Beth and Lula and Megan.

"Fuck all of you," I yelled into the street, into the white fence four feet to my right. An older woman opened the gate, she had a tiny dog on a rope, she looked at me for a long time.

"Are you talking to me, dear?"

I gave her a sad smile, I made my way down the street, I wanted to head to the avenue, where the stores were, where the people were. I called car service, I sat and waited in the sun. I went to a motel next to the Black Forest Inn.

***

'Was it you that said

How long, how long, how long to the point of no return?

How long, how long to the point of no return'

The man in the room next to me was obsessed with the band Kansas.

"God I love this song, wanna beer?" Raj was in 101, I was in 102, Raj had a boom box, it had to be from the 90s'.

'How far to the point of no return?

To the point of no return

How long, how long?'

"I have been listening to this song since I was in High School." He gave me a beer. I smiled, I said thank you. It was light, it tasted like wet cardboard, I was on my third.

"You sing this song very well." I didn't mind the company.

"Watch this." He told me and I did, I shook my head as he did air organ, air violin, he was very good. Raj was keeping my mind off of everything I didn't want to keep my mind on.

I had been in the motel for three days, I had enough clothes for a week, enough makeup for at least two months. I had enough money to stay here for a couple of years. I was on a dirty beach chair. I was wearing one of my favorite dresses, it reminded me of the time Beth and Max came to visit for dinner for that first time. It was white, with little straps and full of blue flowers. I had on my four-inch sandals, I had sexy straps around my ankles. I was way overdressed for the motel parking lot. Raj said I looked nice, he said I could be in movies. He was on his seventh beer.

I talked to Tiffany this morning, I called her every day. I read the book she gave me four times, I found out she was going to be twelve. She told me so much about her life so far. I didn't tell her I was living in a motel, I didn't want to disappoint her. I didn't tell Amber or Anja either. I figured I would just fade away.

Beep, beep.

I was drinking the beer, I had my legs crossed, I was playing with my hair, I was distracted. I had beer all down the front of my dress.

"Hey! You forgot your car!"

Raj looked up, "No I didn't. It's right there right behind you." Raj was pointing to his white Honda, I was looking at a violet Cascada.

"Not you, you." He said as he parked, he parked in front of 102. I decided not to look at him. What the hell, he was mean to me, and now he's back for forgiveness. This wasn't going to fly.

"Raj, can you chase him away?"

***

"What did I love? Hmm." I was on my freshly made bed, I was bouncing, my legs were crossed and my heel was dangling from my foot. It never fell off, ever. "Mmm, what did I love?"

I love that he asked me that question, he asked it all the time, I knew exactly what I loved, what turned me on, what made me warm and fuzzy inside. I loved that I was completely dressed, like a girl, like I have always wanted to be. I was completely feminine from the skin out. Now I had to, for him and to match my legal name.

If I closed my eyes I could imagine that I was in my long-forgotten room, I could also imagine I was on the whole other side of the house. The colors were the same, the curtains, the white vanity filled with my makeup collections, my new gift, a Malibu Barbie car right on the shelf above it. I knew what I loved, I should have always known, I have taken my colors with me wherever I have gone. I loved what Carol loved, we had the same color palette stuck in our minds. Red wine and flowers. I didn't even have to repaint, change the rugs, change the comforter on her new bed in her new bedroom, her bedroom with her fiance. If I listened really closely I could hear them.

"Are you ready?"

I opened my eyes, felt my long lashes, was I ready? I guess. I held out my hand and he pulled me to my feet. I had on high-heeled sandals, my eyes came up almost to his nose. He ran his hands on my back, he pulled me into him. I felt my cheek against his lips. He has been extremely nice to me lately.

"I have a little bit of a surprise for you." He told me, he led me out of our room. He brought me to the mirror right near the front door of our house. I took the brush out of my bag, and he watched. My hair was the longest it had ever been, still reddish blonde, still smelled wonderful. I stepped back, I was wearing an off-the-shoulder blue dress, very thin, short, up to my beige nylon knees. My breasts looked nice under the fabric, the fluffy sleeves making their way down to my elbow. Both my heels and my bag were cream, matching the handle on my brush.

"Do you want to drive?"

I turned around, put my brush back. Kissed him on the cheek. I took my keys off of the hook near the door. Half of my name glistened in the soft light of the afternoon. The key chain was cracked but I didn't care.

*

I was checking the mirror, the back seat was full of shopping bags but I wouldn't ask, this was his surprise. I loved sitting in this car, some nights if he couldn't find me I would be out here reading one of Tiffany's books that she would send me, she was the only person I knew that used the US Postal Service. Sometimes I was in the backseat, a twelve-ounce glass of Celebrator in the cup holder. He would lightly knock on the hood of the clean violet car, he would smile.

"I'm missing you." He would go back inside, he would be searching for some clip on YouTube, something he wanted me to see. He would be waiting to watch with me. I would make him wait.

I told him about the time when Lula and I first met. I told him how angry she was that she found I was crossdressing, I told him I left her, I didn't need to be with someone who didn't appreciate me. She made me give her a second chance and I still don't know why.

"I'm not like that, I love everything about you. You have to forgive me."

The day at the motel I told him, "I don't have to do anything, I'm an adult." I told him he could have Beth, if that's who he loved, I completely understood. They had history and I was perfectly happy for them, I was completely happy in the motel, I would be perfectly fine on my own, I could drink beer with Raj.

"Right Raj?"

"What? Oh yeah right."

I told him I had enough makeup for months. I could come up with a plan, I had friends, I didn't need him, or Lula anymore.

He told me Beth was so angry about him giving the car to me that she broke the front windshield. He told me she was so mad at our new relationship she rammed a screwdriver into my mirror in my room, completely smashing it. He told me he wrote; 'Sabrina, I am going to miss you, I love you, Max.' with my favorite plum lipstick. He wanted me to see it when I got up in the morning, so I would think of him.

Beth saw it first.

I saw the pieces.

He told me Beth was so pissed off at Lula and Megan, that she quit her job. Megan now has her office. Beth now lives and has dinner with her parents every night, even on weekends. I think Lula eats with Megan, I haven't seen either of them since, but I don't have them blocked on my phone anymore. I would love for them to call me, I call them and it always goes to voice mail. I would invite them to dinner, invite them to see how nice the house was now. Max let me repaint, he let me spruce it up a little.

He told me Beth was so mad at him for writing 'I love you' on my mirror, she stole his phone from his car, right before he drove away that long ago Friday morning. She sent me text messages, she was mean, she was very clever. I haven't seen her since.