All Comments on 'The Succubus Clinic'

'You', or a modified form of 'You' is the first or second word in paragraphs 2 through 8.

Something which served me well during my everyday writing and editing years, (decades), was to be vigilent about repetition, be it of words, or in form.

You no more want to begin a string of sentences with 'The next thing I/Protagonist/They did was...' than a string of sentences or paragraphs with 'you'.

In the former case, it makes a story sound like a stereotypical, snot drooling nerd is the narrator. In the latter case, it makes a story sound like a 1980's DOS-based, green screen RPG.

Read/heard somewhere, some time in my first 2-3 decades, a comparison worth remembering. 'A (newpaper), journalist states the facts: who, when, where, and possibly why. A writer does the same thing, but uses enough descriptive and colorful adjectives and adverbs the reader never realizes they are still being informed of the who, where, when and why.'

There is a seldom used term for a writer, 'wordsmith' which embodies what the goal of every fiction writer; an artisan crafting and grouping words into artful written communication.

GeoD

This is awesome!

If only we got this for real

What a great mashup of succubi, sustainable harvesting, medical clinics, hot nurse fantasies, and gamification! Thanks for writing it.

I loved this story. I would be very interested to read of other jobs succubi may have in this world or a continuance at the clinic where they may indulge a little more, with risk. Seems like True Blood, but instead of vampires in mainstream society, succubi instead. I hope to read more and good luck.

I love the concept of this story, well written as well. Thanks for sharing this!

Great start to a series