The Thin Line Between

"We know about the cigarettes. Charlie admitted they were hers, though only a little later."

I looked at her, and she appeared to be on the verge of tears. I kept looking at her as I spoke. "Then add to that she treated me like shit for I don't know how long. The golden child. How the hell was I supposed to react? I got blamed for everything. Absolutely everything. Apparently I was supposed to know better, despite I was the youngest one. All I ever wanted was an older sister who... shit, showed that she cared for me. Helped guide me through life. Show that she had a little love for me. Instead, I got diddly fucking squat." I was getting angry, as although I'd dealt with everything, just thinking about it made me caused feelings I'd long got rid of to return. Dad and Charlie noticed, and I got to my feet. "I'm going to step outside for a couple of minutes and calm down. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not the same person I was when I left. Just thinking about it, though..."

Dad nodded as I wandered outside, eventually sitting under the tree in our front yard, leaning back and closing my eyes. I heard footsteps approach but kept my eyes closed, sensing someone eventually standing in front of me. "I always loved you," a tiny voice said.

"Could have fooled me," I stated, unable to keep the bitterness out of my tone.

Footsteps again, and I felt the presence of someone close to me, then two smaller hands take mine. "I didn't know you felt that way."

I opened my eyes to see Charlie, tears running down her cheeks. "I was a kid, Charlie. All I ever did was look up to you. Hell, I know for a fact I loved the shit out of you when I was a kid. I still don't know what I did wrong, or what I did to upset you, but you made my life hell for years. First it was the relentless teasing, then I was just.... Fuck, I don't know. Add to that the fact Mum and Dad never believed a word I said, is it little wonder I eventually told you all to fuck off."

"I'm sorry."

I couldn't help smirk. "I know. Those were the last words you said to me."

"Do you believe me now?"

I took a deep breath and kept her waiting. Then I nodded. "I do. I did then. I just put it my mind not to believe you."

She held back a sob and, to my surprise, pulled me forward to hug me before she well and truly started to cry. I couldn't help hug her in return. "Did you mean it?" she asked through her sobs.

"Mean what?"

"For me to fuck off and die?"

My stomach dropped. She remembered. "No, of course not. I was angry. So angry at you. At them."

"And now?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

She leaned back and looked at me in the eyes. I hadn't been this close to her since I was a kid. I noticed her eyes take in each inch of my face, my eyes taking in hers in return. Her eyes were gorgeous, full of life and mischief. Her nose was perfect. Her lips were... I could have kissed them. I noticed a slight colour to her cheeks as I looked at her in silence. I ran my right hand through her hair, watching as her eyes closed, holding back another sob. "Do you know how long I've waited for this?" she asked quietly.

"For what?"

"To have you hold me."

I thought that a strange turn of phrase. Not hug her. Hold her. "What do you mean?"

"I've missed having my little brother in my life. And now he's returned, a tanned, tall, handsome... beefcake!" I couldn't help laugh as she snuggled into me again, her head against my chest. It was all rather awkward, but I didn't mind. I was beginning to realise just how alone I had felt for years. I ran my hand gently up and down her back, feeling her get comfortable in my arms. It felt... I hadn't felt so close to anyone ever.

"Are you going to stay?"

"I will for the time being."

"And after?"

"I honestly haven't thought that far ahead. I'm still adapting to this. I can't remember the last time I hugged you before today."

"You were 11," she said quietly.

"You remember?"

She started to cry again. "I was a bitch. But it was because... I...."

I kissed her forehead. "It's okay."

"It's not. I forced you away from us for years."

"I wasn't much better. I was a right fuckwit before I left."

"That was my fault. And I knew I was the cause, which is why I occasionally tried to... talk to you. But you looked at me with such hatred in your eyes whenever I did. And then when you said what you said..."

"Guess it's my turn to say I'm sorry."

She leaned back and smiled. "Apology accepted," she said softly, before leaning up to kiss my cheek. She met my eyes again and I felt this... urge, real sudden urge to kiss her. It had been so long since I'd seen Charlie as a sister, in my mind she was just a gorgeous, 33-year-old brunette, who happened to think I was handsome. I'm not sure what crossed her mind, but her eyes suggested something too. Through it all, I'd missed the fact that I'd been getting hard. It had been a long time since I'd had any female company.

Charlie got to her feet and offered her hand. "We should go back inside."

I took it and she refused to let go, though I had to stop and adjust myself. Charlie noticed and just smiled. I shrugged, almost sheepishly. "Long time on a boat," I offered as an explanation.

We ate dinner for the first time as a family in years, and the one sound I enjoyed was laughter. Mum, Dad and Charlie regaled me with stories of events over the past ten years and more. My parents were still very much in love but there is no doubt that my return had helped put the smile on their faces. Charlie stayed as close to me as possible, almost as if she was worried I was going to disappear. After dinner, we continued to sit and chat, enjoying a couple of drinks until Mum and Dad said they were heading to bed.

Mum wanted a hug. A long hug. In fact, it took Dad to disentangle Mum before he hugged me too. I'd never heard his voice with as heavy emotion when he said, "Damned glad to have you home, son."

"I'm glad too, Dad."

"Actually, before you go to bed, Matthew, I have something for you," Mum said.

She took my hand and led me into their bedroom, sitting me down on their bed. She opened her wardrobe and grabbed two bags, setting them down in front of me. I looked at her, unsure of what this was. "What's in the bags?"

"All your birthday and Christmas presents."

Straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't even look before I stood up, hugged Mum and burst into tears. I don't know how many times I said sorry. For being an asshole. For disappearing for so long. For leaving them thinking that their only son hated them. Charlie eventually showed up and I hugged her too, a little tightly, as she giggled when saying she was finding it difficult to breathe.

"How long have you wanted to let that out for?" Mum asked once I'd wiped my cheeks.

"15 years or so, I guess."

"Take them with you, Matthew. I know they won't mean much..."

"They'll mean everything, Mum. Why did you keep them?"

"They were your presents. And I knew you'd come home eventually."

"Never gave up hope?"

"My boy was going to return to us one day."

I collected the bags, kissed Mum on the cheek, wished my parents goodnight, before I headed to my bedroom, feeling Charlie follow me closely, though she headed to her own room. That surprised me, though I realised I didn't know if she lived at home, or had her own home, or even had a boyfriend or husband. After placing the bags in my room, I grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom, enjoying a shower, shaving and brushing my teeth, before heading to bed.

I was busy reading a book when there was a knock at the door. "It's open," I called. The door opened, revealing Charlie standing in her pyjamas. I couldn't help smile as she looked adorable. "What's up?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"What?"

"I haven't seen my little brother in over ten years. I want to sleep close to him. I'm still wondering if this isn't all some dream."

Thankful I at least wore shorts to bed, and that at least it was a double, I put the book on the bedside table before I shuffled across. "Okay, if you want to."

Shutting the door behind her, she glided across the room before sliding herself under the covers. I turned towards her as she got on her side to look at me. It was.... I guess it should have been weird, but it didn't feel weird. I'm not exactly sure what I felt at that moment. But when she raised a hand to caress my cheek, my cock immediately responded by hardening. I thought it was just the fact a female had touched me for the first time in a quite a while.

"So, you're single?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Could never find the right woman."

Then it hit me like a tonne of bricks, and my face must have shown it. Most of the women I'd been out with shared similar features. Brunette. Blue eyes. Curves, but slightly athletic. Two decent handfuls of boob. Shorter than me. Intelligent. Mischievous. Adorable. Beautiful.

Like her. Fuck... But it wasn't just me. There was... something about her as well. The teasing. The pushing me away for years. But then, in an instant, she was trying to be my friend again, as if... she'd sorted out her feelings. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Were we both fucked up completely and only just realising it now? Or had she felt this way all the time and... Did my parents figure it out and that's why...?

It was a lot for my mind to cover in the space of five seconds and I simply didn't know what to think. But maybe that was what my immature mind did, protecting me from doing something even worse?

"Something wrong, Matthew?" she wondered, her voice barely above a whisper, like she knew what I was thinking.

I cleared my throat. "No. No. Nothing at all. What about you? Boyfriend? Husband? Kids?"

"No to all three."

"Never married?" She shook her head. "Why not?" She shrugged. "Boyfriends?"

"A few but none of them lasted too long."

"What do you do for a career?"

"I'm a graphic designer."

"Really? That's quite the occupation. Always knew you had brains."

She smiled at the compliment. "I definitely enjoy what I do at least."

"Where do you live?"

"Here. I've tried moving out but it didn't take. Mum and Dad said their kids would always have a home here. Some would think a 33-year-old woman still living at home must have something wrong with her, but I've never had any real reason to leave."

"I have a nice little apartment in Perth. Not that I see it all that often. I'll usually rent it out while I'm on tour."

"And now?"

I shrugged. "It's where I lay my head at night at most. I don't have what I'd call a home."

She shuffled closer to me. "You have one here, Matthew," she said quietly, the she smiled, "Still, you'll have to show it to me one day." I couldn't help raise eyebrows at that. "I've never been to Perth. Barely been out of Sydney except one or two holidays." She shuffled even closed, and I automatically wrapped my arm around her waist. Her face was now incredibly close to mine. "I've missed you so much," she whispered.

"I've realised since getting back I feel the same way." I kissed her forehead, noticing she closed her eyes and smiled at the contact. "We should get some sleep. It's been a long and I'd admit rather emotionally exhausting day, and I'm knackered."

She shuffled so close her head was under my chin, feeling her left arm wrap around me. Our legs crossed another, and I was left thinking this was all incredibly intimate. There was a small kernel in my mind that this was my sister. The rest of my mind said she was an available woman. I'll tell you what, though. I slept like a log.

*****

CHAPTER TWO

"Matthew," I heard a voice call. I thought I was dreaming. Then I felt a hand ruffle my hair. I opened my eyes to see Mum looking down at me. She tried to smile but she looked sad. Then I realised I was spooned against Charlie.

"Oh shit. Mum... It's...."

"You were comforting your sister, Matthew," Mum said gently.

"Um, yeah."

Mum chuckled. "Her clothes are still on, Matthew. You haven't done anything wrong."

She obviously wouldn't have known about the erection currently poking my sister in the butt, who was in the process of waking up too. I couldn't help notice her press down into my cock, hearing her gasp slightly. Then she noticed Mum and tried sitting up. I just held her in place. "Mum!"

"I just had a phone call, kids."

She didn't have to say anymore. "I understand, Mum," I said.

"There's not a lot we can do now. We've said our goodbyes. I'm up, though, so if you want breakfast soon, just come out and join me."

"Are you okay, Mum?" I asked.

She ruffled my hair again. "My boy is home. I'm a little sad, but my mother passing has been expected. My son coming home is the surprise. That makes me very happy." She looked down at my sister. "I'll leave you two alone for now. Come join me whenever you want."

"What's the time?" I called, just as she was about to leave.

"A little after 7. Don't worry, it's not too late or early."

Mum wandered out, closing the door quietly behind her. Charlie just wriggled her butt into my groin. "Jesus, Matthew," she gasped.

"It's a natural thing to happen," I stated with a chuckle, "Helps when a pretty woman is in bed next to me though."

Charlie turned over to face me, a smile lighting up her face. "You think I'm pretty?"

"I'd use the word beautiful to describe you, Charlie."

She kissed me. And I don't mean the sort siblings would normally share. It was the most passionate kiss I'd received from anyone in a long time. In fact, of all the women I'd been with, I couldn't remember an equal to it. And I couldn't help respond, holding her close to me, our tongues meeting as I felt Charlie wrap a leg around me, my cock pressing into mound and I hear her whimper.

"Holy shit," I exclaimed, having to break the kiss, "Charlie, where the hell did that come from?"

She looked at me with such intensity, I had difficult holding her gaze, watching her take a number of deep breaths. Then she seemed to realise what she'd done. She urgently disentangled herself from my arms and legs, lifting the covers and off she went. I was so surprised, I barely had a chance to react. "Charlie?" I managed to ask.

She looked back as she crossed the room to the door. "Sorry... Sorry..." Then she disappeared.

Still a little confused by what just happened, I put on a shirt and headed into the bathroom. I needed to piss, always difficult with a hard-on, then realised the thing wasn't going down. Knowing the door was locked, I had a five knuckle shuffle. Having spent a decade on a boat for much of the time, I had quite the active imagination, but surprised myself by thinking of Charlie as I jerked off. And I didn't feel guilty one little bit. After I'd finished and cleaned up, flushing the toilet of the evidence, I wandered out into the kitchen, Mum at the stove, cooking some bacon and eggs.

"Smells good, Mum," I said, as she turned around to give me a hug.

"Expect plenty more of those, sunshine."

"What? Bacon and eggs or hugs?"

Mum laughed. It was a good sound. "Take a seat. Your father should be out in a minute. Where's Charlie?"

"Oh, she headed to her room. Guess she may have wanted a bit more sleep."

"She'll be out shortly. She'll want to spend as much time with her little brother as possible." Then she looked me up and down. "Hmmm. Perhaps little isn't the right word, considering you now tower over all of us. When did you get so big and strong?"

"The Navy helped."

"So I guess you have a big appetite?"

"I try to eat healthy, but when I'm working, yeah, I eat a lot."

Dad appeared a minute later carrying his paper and glasses, wishing me good morning, kissing his wife on the cheek, before he sat down and started reading. Charlie appeared just as Mum was putting plates in front of Dad and I. She smiled at me somewhat awkwardly, though sat in the same seat next to me, shuffling it across to be a close as possible.

We ate in silence. No-one appeared relatively upset by the news Mum had obviously received. I guess everyone had made their peace with her loss long ago. I was still a little stunned about what happened in bed with Charlie to begin thinking about Nanna passing.

"The funeral will be in a couple of days. We had everything organised. To put it bluntly, we were just waiting for Nanna to pass," Mum said once we all sat back, breakfast completely, coffee in hand.

"Do you want to do anything, Matthew?" Dad asked.

"Might catch up with an old friend or two, though to be honest, I've fallen out of contact with pretty much all of them."

"We could always do something," Charlie offered.

"Sure, why not? What would you like to do?"

She patted my hand. "I'll think of something."

Mum and Dad disappeared after breakfast, stating they'd go collect Pop and start preparing things quickly. That left me alone with Charlie. I sat on the couch, watching a bit of television. I wasn't really paying attention, I rarely watched TV, but I had nothing better to do. I didn't see her until near lunchtime, when she wandered out wearing a part of tight fitting jeans, showing her shapely legs and butt, and a tight t-shirt. She'd done her hair, and if I didn't know any better, even had on a little make up. "You want to head out now?"

"Yeah, just give me a couple of minutes to get dressed. Where do you want to go?"

"Why not head into Parramatta? We'll get some lunch and then perhaps walk around the park?"

"Sounds good," I replied with a smile. The smile she returned... Well, it would have been very easy for me to misinterpret.

She made sure to hug me as I walked past, letting me go after a couple of minutes. After throwing on a pair of jeans, shirt, jacket then trainers, I wandered back into the living room. Charlie looked me up and down in silence a couple of times before wolf whistling.

"Damn, Matthew, you look good."

I just smiled as I grabbed my sunnies and car keys. Once settled in the car, Charlie surprise me again by grabbing my hand, locking our fingers together. Another intimate gesture. I found myself liking it, squeezing her hand in reply, earning another smile though I couldn't see her eyes behind her own sunglasses. I parked up in Westfield's and then we walked into the mall. Both of us reached to hold the others hand. I have absolutely no idea why but it felt entirely natural. I was beginning to understand just how much I'd missed her presence, wasting so much time trying to make myself believe I didn't care and that I hated her. With each minute that passed, I realised I'd spent over a decade fooling myself.

It appeared the line between love and hate was thin. And the fact I felt hate meant I still cared.

After lunch, where we shared little conversation but plenty of eye contact and smiles, left thinking this was a date rather than a reunion of siblings, we walked through town towards the park. Still hand in hand, I walked slower and soon held Charlie around the waist as she leaned into me, ending up walking to the river that ran near the edge of the park.

Sitting down side by side, the sun warming our faces, the silence continued for a little while longer. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. Maybe we were both lost in thought. I know I was, left wondering what was going on, and why my heart was beating at a million miles an hour. And why I had a building, burning desire to make love to the woman next to me. I was left thinking I was more fucked up than I realised.

We turned to face each other at the same time. It was like one of those situations, where you're not sure if you want to say something, or do something. I grabbed her hand and moved her so she straddled my lap, facing me. I removed her sunglasses so I could see her eyes, removing my sunnies so she could see mine. I ran a hand down her cheek, watching her eyes close and a slight smile cross her lips, running it back up and over her ear. Then I pulled her in close and kissed her, gently at first, just for a few seconds, before letting her go.