The Trials and Tribulations of Life

"Yeah, it's all good." I slurred. He disappeared.

Drew climbed back to his feet and I knew if he wanted to, he could kick my arse, but he stared at the ground guiltily, "Sorry Marty, it was my fault, don't blame Raine, it was all on me."

"Yeah, well get the fuck out of here, I mean it, bro, just fuck off."

He nodded, "Okay, dude, I'm leaving, just settle down, there's no need for the agro."

His calm soothing demeanour only incensed me more and I barked again, "Get out man, just get the fuck out."

Raine cried, "I'm sorry, Drew, shit, this is stupid." She tried to get me to look at her, holding my head tightly, "Marty luv, this is out of control, please let's just sleep on it, we can talk in the morning."

I shoved her away and she stumbled only just catching her balance. Drew wandered off towards his Ute that was parked in our driveway. Raine saw him and gasped at me, "He can't drive, he has had way too much to drink."
"Fuck him, I hope he drives off a fucking cliff."

Drew climbed in, backed out the driveway and his taillights disappeared up the road. Raine snarled evilly, "If he has an accident or gets locked up, it's on your head."

"Fair enough, I can accept that."

She stormed of yelling, "You bloody idiot, it was just a flaming kiss."

I heard her slam the bedroom door and then her sobbing started for real.

The morning brought a killer headache and nausea like you wouldn't believe. I was woken from my troubled slumber by Buster licking my face as I slept on the sofa. I gave him a pat, "Hey mate, at least you still love me." I brewed a pot of tea, made a cup and headed out onto the veranda. I reclined back in the old rocker and closed my eyes' what a fucking nightmare. How could I have been so stupid, all the time he was just after Raine. At least I caught them, now I needed to figure out what to do about it.

As I sat absorbing the bright morning sun, Raine wandered out looking hung over and contrite. She sat in the chair beside me and mumbled, "I'm sorry about last night, but Marty, Christ you over reacted, it was only a kiss, there was nothing in it."

Sinking the rest of my black tea in one gulp I spluttered, "It was more than a kiss." As our eyes glared at each other, she flinched turning away unable to hold my gaze. "Christ, Raine you were carrying on like lovers, you were as close to having sex as it is possible with your clothes on."

She frowned. "You didn't have to fly off the handle like that. Christ, you punched him."

I stood quickly, marching off towards the kitchen, the quick movement making my head throb, "I'm having some toast, do you want some?"

She grimaced with a short nod. "Thanks, I'll have honey on mine please."

I made a fresh pot of tea, cooked the toast and carried it out to sit with her. As we chomped on the toast and sipped our tea I grumbled, "Raine, I won't put up with that sort of shit. I will not be disrespected, especially in my own home."

She flinched, "There was no disrespect; we were drunk and got a bit carried away."

Letting my emotions get the better of me I snarled, "Have you already slept with him?"

I thought she was going to choke. "I beg your pardon?" She screamed, glowering venomously at me. "No, the answer is no... for heaven's sake Marty, it was just a kiss, we didn't do anything else."

"What would have happened if I hadn't woken up and caught you?"

She sighed trying to hide her snide little snigger. "Honestly, I don't know. C'mon, babe, there has been a lot of flirting between all of us lately, that includes you. Last night it bubbled to the surface. To answer your question, I don't know, what I can say is I was bloody turned on."

"So, you would have slept with him?"

She tried to smile, but her face was drawn tight and it appeared more like a grimace. "I said I don't know, I wouldn't have without telling you, but I'm attracted to him, just like you."

"Fuck that shit, he's not welcome here, Raine. If he so much as steps foot inside our gate, there will be trouble."

"For heaven's sake, stop treating it like he killed somebody. He has all his stuff in his room, Buster is still here, and he has his stuff out in the shed. He has to come back to collect everything at least." When I didn't answer she softened her voice and asked, "Marty, couldn't we all sit down and talk. I promise nothing else happened, and nothing will."

I shook my head, "Nope, he is gone. He can come and get his stuff, then fuck off. I hope we never see him again. I'll pack all the shit from his room out in the shed and when he picks up the gym stuff, he can also collect his personal shit."

The day was cold and grumpy. I heard Drew's Ute pull up the driveway later in the afternoon. Raine walked past me on her way to greet him. She glanced anxiously at me. "Are you coming out to talk?"

I shook my head, "Nah, he doesn't need my help to pick up his crap."

She sighed quietly and walked out to meet him. They hugged but it was short, and they walked into the shed to start loading his stuff on the Ute. I heard their voices, but couldn't discern the words. The tone was sad, morose. They shared a final hug as he drove out the driveway. As he passed under the kitchen window, he glanced up at me and gave me a rueful grimace.

The days passed slowly, our house was cool, but as with all things as the days passed, we began to talk in more than polite tones. We expressed love, we hugged and by the end of the second week we were making love again. At first it was like going through the motions, but the passion returned, and we found our rhythm.

The fight the night of the party generated a fair bit of gossip amongst our friends, Joe was happy to relate to one and all what he heard, there was a fair amount of finger pointing and spiteful comments about Raine. At first, she was upset, but that changed to disgust with them. The upshot is we didn't get a lot of invites to parties. We weren't exactly excommunicated, but we were definitely on the outer.

Raine and I talked at length about what happened, not just on the night, but leading up to it. She admitted that all the sexy talk and the byplay between her and Drew had built to boiling point. She explained that our pillow-talk about Drew and me had only made it worse. Apparently, on the night of the party she said Drew had talked about his feelings regarding his attraction to me, which was getting to the point he wanted to say something, but was afraid I would be offended.

He questioned Raine about my feelings toward him, because he was picking up a vibe that I was interested in something happening. Raine told him about our fantasy talk, but highlighted I was nervous and shy. During that talk, and I suppose the alcohol drove it, they both confessed an attraction to each other, as well.

It was about a month after the fight before we bumped into Drew again. While he stayed with us, he met many of our friends and became friends with them. Anyway, we rocked up to a party at my friend Graham's place and in amongst the attendees was Drew. The moment Raine saw him she rushed up for a hug and kiss which he returned with equal vigour, although he did keep a distance between them. I did my best to ignore him, yeah, I know it was childish, my initial reaction to their kiss was probably over the top, but I still felt betrayed by somebody who I came to trust as a good friend. Raine caught up with me as I was finding a place to store our chilly bin. "Marty, for heaven's sake, can't we let bygones be bygones. It's over and done with, you hurt his feelings."

"Tough, he did far worse than hurt my feelings."

She scoffed, "Grow up, he was your friend, and wants to be again."

"You stay the fuck away from him Raine, I'm warning you. There will be trouble."

She muttered, "Yeah, yeah, yeah... I got it, but I think you're behaving abysmally."

That was the first of a number of times we bumped into each other and the stress it caused drove me bananas. It is hard staying mad at someone over a long period of time, a person who shows up at the same parties, who has the same friends, and it took more energy to stay mad and try and maintain separation than it would to just say fuck it and move on.

But as the saying goes, I gave him room to rent in my head as I worked at maintaining my anger. Raine did as I asked and stayed away from him, but there were lots of furtive glances, between all of us. I noticed on several occasions he wanted to say something. I could see the wheels turning, but at least he had the decency to stay out of my way.

After failing time and again to get me to change my mind, Raine gave up and his name slowly disappeared from our conversations.

For myself, I was torn, He came into our lives and was so generous and helpful, and I liked him. All the teasing flirty shit Raine brought up only made it worse, because I was now curious, something that I never contemplated saying or even thinking. Sex with a man... It stunned me that I actually thought about it, but that was the reality, I did think about it.

As the weeks drifted by, I started to feel guilty about the situation, I had probably over reacted. I knew there was lots of heightened emotions between all of us, it had been brewing for weeks as we lived and worked on the house together.

There had been so much innuendo, so much flirting, that in some ways I think it was almost inevitable. Each time I bumped into Drew at parties, barbeques or functions, the level of guilt grew, it got to the stage I felt like it was my fault. I could have just told them to cut it out and it would have probably just stopped.

I found out Drew was helping Graham build a garage, when I spoke to Graham about it, he effusively gushed about what a great guy Drew was, he wasn't going to charge him for helping out, just food and booze.

'Yeah, he was a generous bastard alright, just watch your wife.' I thought to myself.

It got to the stage something had to give, at Graham's party for christening his new shed Drew was there. He caught me completely off guard when he walked up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, "Can we talk, Marty?"

I nodded and he slipped into a long apology for what happened. I watched as Raine who was talking to a bunch of the wives kept her eyes firmly on Drew and I as he practically threw himself at my feet in his attempts to apologise.

The earnest nature of his apology, the heartfelt gesture melted my heart, "Drew, I should probably apologise myself, I overreacted, and I should never have punched you." I held out my hand, "Friends!"

He smiled took my hand and we shook. It was hesitant and uncomfortable but as we stood talking the conversation got back to the way it used to be and we were soon... well after a few beers, talking like old times.

Raine took the opportunity to wander over and slipped into a hug with Drew. "Thank fucking god!" she blurted out. "I was starting to worry that you two would ever make up."

Drew slipped into apologising to her, as well, except she cut him off. "Drew, there's nothing to apologise for, I enjoyed it, remember it was me kissing you, not the other way around."

He blushed. "I'm just sorry it created all this anger and tension between us."

Raine laughed before murmuring, "I'm glad it's behind us; why not come around for lunch tomorrow and we can catch up properly."

He glanced at me before replying, "I would love to."

That night Raine teased me, "I'm glad the bromance is back on, I missed having him around, and he is a good kisser."

Drew admitted that he hadn't been able to find anywhere to set up his gym gear. He was staying in a shared flat with one of his workmates. His boss let him store all the stuff in a container at their depot.

Raine blurted out, "Well, bring it back here, I loved having it in the shed so we could work out whenever we wanted, and I miss having my personal trainer around."

I wasn't sure I was ready for that level of forgiveness, but Raine seemed so certain that I added, "Yeah, it was great getting a regular workout, I have missed it, as well."

The next week Drew slowly, bit by bit, set up his gear in the shed and we again had a boxing gym in the shed. Drew amassed a group of about fifteen regulars who came for guidance and lessons.

Raine was right: it was great having the gym at home, and I had missed the lessons. The students were great, as well, and Drew asked if he could hold a barbeque for them, to show his appreciation. Raine loved the idea and together the pair of them put together all the food and drinks, I didn't have to do a damn thing except drink and talk. A couple of the guys who attended I now considered friends, as well, and we stood around talking and joking. Drew dedicated himself to cooking and he was damn good at it.

It was a damn fine night of good food, fine wine and conversation.

It was Raines' birthday in a month, and I had been struggling to think of a suitable gift. I didn't want to go down the jewellery, perfume, flowers route, I wanted to make a big deal out of it. The one thing that regularly popped up in conversation was a workspace/office. She only recently had become the entertainment reporter/critic/reviewer for the local newspaper. She ran interviews with performers, venues and promoters. Her interviews were so good they were picked up by a syndicated magazine, as well.

It grew so quickly she complained that working out of the spare bedroom was a pain. On our property there was what used to be a woodshed-come-small workshop. It was pretty grotty, but as I was cleaning it out, I realised it would make an awesome office for Raine. I started to develop plans and ideas in my head: new doors, a large window and maybe a skylight.

It would need power and a toilet washroom probably wouldn't go amiss. My problem... I wanted it to be a surprise; well, that and the cost.

An electrician would cost the earth... The plumbing would cost a bomb and it would take me weeks.

One evening after finishing a training session I dragged Drew out and showed him my idea. He laughed, "Fuck, dude, you sure know how to make life hard for yourself."

Grimacing I replied disappointed, "Not a goer then?"

He shook his head, "Mate, anything's possible, when do you want to do it?"

I explained I wanted it to be a surprise, I just didn't know how to accomplish it. Over the next couple of nights, he kept dragging me out to the room and we talked through ideas.

Raine came to my rescue. She was offered the opportunity to go to a seminar in Wellington. She was excited about it, although nervous when she said she would be gone for the whole week.

She didn't understand why I was so happy. I think she thought I was up to no good. Drew made me work overtime making sure the little room was empty, clean and ready to go before she left.

I dropped her off at the airport Sunday lunchtime. It was a sad goodbye, because we had never really spent much time apart before.

When I got home, there were several Utes in the driveway and there was a group of guys around back.

Drew laughed. "Come on, dude, get your arse into gear. We need a trench from the veranda out here, so get stuck in."

The place was awash with activity. His mate the sparky was installing a distribution board in the room, Drew was cutting a hole in the back wall, ready to receive a huge window. When I asked him how much the window was, he replied, "Mate, it was one we pulled out of an old house we are restoring; my boss said I could have it for nothing, so that's the cost."

I finished the trench and the sparky laid his cables, running them into the house. Drew helped me run a sewer pipe up into the room using the same trench. Apparently, so long as there was separation it was legal.

After the sparky left, I helped Drew install the new window and put in new insulation in all the walls.

We ordered pizza and sat in the room talking about the possibilities, and as we sank a couple of beers, I had to thank him. He didn't have to do all this; it was far above the call of duty.

He laughed it off, "Dude, we're mates, I like you and I don't mind. I would rather be here doing this with you than back at the bloody flat. I really have to find permanent digs."

I made him stay the night; he was too pissed to drive.

The next night when I got home from work, the place was again overflowing with trucks and people. The plumber was there installing a toilet and hand basin. I was stunned. Drew just laughed it off. By the end of the night, we had installed the gib board lining, built the walls covering in the toilet and cleaned up. Even without paint it looked pretty slick. Again, pizza and beer, this time as we relaxed back, I had to ask, "Mate, how come, you said you were gay but I never see you with any blokes, and the one time I see you with somebody it's my wife?"

He flinched, unable to hold my questioning glare, "Fair call, look I'm not into the dating scene, Gay men can be pretty promiscuous. I'm not into the pub scene. I'm a one partner sort of guy. Marty, I have apologised for what happened with Raine."

I nodded, rumbling, "I wasn't trying to start something mate, it just seems strange, you say you're gay and yet it seems to me you're into girls more than guys."

He laughed loudly, giving me a dubious look, "Dude, I've only been with two women in my entire life; one when I was not much more than a kid, and later a casual sort of thing happened with a friend." He appeared to be chewing over something else he wanted to add. "Mate, It took me a long time to come to grips with who I was, who I am. To realise I'm into guys, gay."

"If you're gay why no guys? Why no boyfriends?"

He laughed, "Dude, that's a bit personal, but okay, if we're going to get into it, then I guess I like long term relationships; I'm not into casual hook ups. Don't get me wrong I love sex, but good sex for me must have an emotional connection."

"Then what happened between you and Raine? If you're not into casual sex?"

He cringed, took a long gulp on his beer and replied hesitantly, "All right, seems like we really are doing this... I like her, I like you and I feel a real connection between all of us. It's been a long time since I felt that with a woman. Raine is a very sexy chick."

Confused and irritated I grumbled, "Jesus I don't understand. Are you saying you were looking for a long-term relationship with her? Not a casual fling."

He stared straight back at me apologising, "I'm sorry dude, I was confused, I let my emotions get the better of me, I was more looking for something between all of us. You're my mate and I would never betray our friendship for sex. That night I let everything get to me. Raine and I flirted, danced and it excited me. I sort of hoped you would be on board with it, see us flirting and kissing and join in. This might be hard for you to hear, and I may have grossly misinterpreted the signals, but I like you, Marty, I'm attracted to you. That night I wanted you more than Raine."

I blushed, choking on my beer speechless, well almost. I spluttered, "SHIT!"

He laughed, "If it's honesty you want to hear, then here it is, I was attracted to you from the moment we met. I didn't know you or Raine, but I felt something the first time we spoke."

He got us fresh beers and sat back down beside me, "Marty, shoot me if you want but I sense that you're interested in me, but if you want honesty, here goes, I think you are interested, but you're conflicted."

He added, "Look dude, I've been there, I know what you're feeling. Worried about what people will say? What your friends will think and most importantly, what will Raine say?"

I nodded before replying softly. "Yeah, you nailed it, bro, nailed it in one... In truth, I am really confused. Since meeting you I have been struggling with something I was never expecting, I don't know, an attraction or something, but I'm not gay, I love Raine, she is my wife, my life, I want children, a family the whole nine yards."