All Comments on 'The Undeniable Pt. 01'

Very good start for a first story.

do tell more please

thanks

Please let him impregnate her!

Keep it coming

This is a blatant rip-off of Doodlenooch's Date Night animation. Even the majority of the sex dialogue is the same.

Next chapter?

He deserves to cum deep into her pussy.

I was torn between 3 and 4 stars. 3 because it is quite good and very realistic but the errors were constant. Then I thought about how my last story had a lot of errors and said fuck it and gave you a 4.

I hope the other poster isn’t right about you stealing this story. It’s okay to be inspired by other stories as I recently have but doing a complete copy isn’t.

Wow. Hot!

awesome story. hope it goes on and on.

This is Doodlenooch ‘Date Night’ At least give him a credit.

https://xhamster.com/videos/datenight-doodlenooch-6869230

HOT story!!!!!

Wether or not this is your first story, it was a very good story and different from most. I have read about 500 mutually consensual mother/son love stories. Yours was different because the mother was a "normal" woman. Not a model; not a woman with an utter (38DD, etc); not a high power executive but just an everyday mother/working wom. The son is an underachiever but somewhat mature. Besides finding his mother attractive, he honestly cared for and about her. When his actions had been discovered, he has the maturity, honesty, and courage to admit how he felt about his mother and what he thought of her. He cared more about her feelings than his own. The open acceptance of honesty without self-recrimination, self-doubt and/or self-loathing between mother and son made this story. I hope the author contnues to develop this story. 5 star rating.

A lot of effort, but it needs to be edited. When I read "half past six-thirty" and "head at the end of the mattress opposite of the headboard", I could read no further.

I love the romance stories between a mother and her son. They both are not at this point yet. The son seems to be closer to being in love with his mother than she with him. But things might change. Like she finds misses her period.

In high school I started an affair with my older sister Jo Jo. Six months later she confessed to me that she had missed her period. I was so elated. My beautiful sister was having my child. If a man is in love with a woman and she tells him that she missed her period, he can only feel one thing....pure happiness. It wouldn't matter if she was my girlfriend. My sister or my mother. If the couple truly love one another then having a baby will keep them together for a lifetime. For 20 years....Jo Jo has been my friend. My lover. And the mother of our 5 children.

I guess you didn’t pay attention in English class. You really should learn how to use quotation marks. They signify dialogue, dashes do not.

Learn how to write dialogue.

.

Lines of dialogue do NOT begin with hyphens. quotation marks were created for that purpose.

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-Mom...I gonna burst...it's coming...

.

NO!

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"Mom, I gonna burst! It's coming," I exclaimed.

2 stars:

Quotation marks would greatly improve the reader’s ability to see where dialogue betins and ends. Your use of a mark is just bad. Some times it begins the dialogue, the no notation of an ending, only to have more dialogue begin without notice.

I couldn’t make it past the first conversation.

The site says my message can't be empty.

I've thought of writing a story simular to this, but with light hearted humor. It never worked out.

What I would suggest is for you to print a hard copy of your story and read it aloud to yourself or have someone else read it aloud to you. You'll catch errors like "pool instead of tool".

Way too many spelling and punctuation errors. Ever hear of quotation marks??? 2 stars.

Okay, I fully admit that this is totally inspired by Date Night 2 by Doodlenooch, and yes, I was a bit of a copy cat, most but not all of it. And for the record, this is not for profit or anything like that. It's just for fun. I simply finished what the original creator started years ago. This is merely a stepping stone for me to make an actual story out of it.

By the way, sorry for the mistakes I made. I'll make sure to double check in the future. However, I am not striving for total perfection.

She has to take control and trap that young potent cock in her sexy fertile cunt…she needs to go after what she wants…to keep him for herself…she’ll look even sexier rubbing her baby bump…staring and giggling..

JT

Really hot story, but reading the comments, along with the essay fixes for the grammatical errors, I could not give it all 5 stars. I would hope you would comment and dissuade any doubt of this being your original story, or give due credit if it is not. 3⭐

Did you forget that quotation marks indicate dialogue? Your use of dashes instead of quotes made the story unreadable.

Holy crap - editing, anyone? Couldn't even finish it. Reads like some ADHD-afflicted teenager "wrote" it.

Very good

Great, well put together............................

Good potential. Fantastic line "the mushroom of my dick made contact with her forbidden carnal gate" Keep it up, improve spellcheck

Wow very hard to read despite the fact it was well written, in a non-grammar like way. By proper use of quotation marks and commas in dialect (speech) makes writing more readable and thus more enjoyable for the readers.

This kid was a immature brat

Outstanding!

Loved it 5 stars!!!!!!!!! But when's the next part???????????????

Not to be weird but it’s The Longest Yard……and I love that movie - well actually both of them.

Why was this in the celebrity section?

Very nice story loved how they finally had sex and it was so hot, she should have let him finish inside her and made her pregnant and she could dump her so called boy friend who dumped her three times!!! 5 stars