The Valentine

I slipped into the schoolroom early, avoiding the other students out front. It was Valentine's day and never once in all my 18 years had I gotten a candy or a little card or even a home-made note. All the other girls had, even some of the younger ones. This was my last year at school, only a few months left and I wasn't going to be upset to see it behind me. I had friends, of course, but no fella.

I went to sit in my desk that I shared with Lizzie and paused. There was a brown paper heart painted beautifully with a wreath of flowers and an inscription. 'She walks in beauty, like the night'. My favorite poem! For a moment, I thought it must be for Lizzie, but along the bottom, my name was written. 'Cassandra'.

I picked it up and looked it over again, then turned it, my cheeks burning as I bit my lip, trying not to smile. There was no other name on it, no saying who it was from, but it was beautiful. And whoever did it, knew me well. My favorite poem, lilacs in the wreath, my favorites, and little bees. I was always teased because bees would come and light on me and never sting me and I secretly loved it. It was perfect.

I looked around, then up at the teacher. "Sir? Was someone in here this morning?"

"I was the first one here this morning, Cass," he answered, not looking up. "You are the second."

"What about yesterday? Did someone stay after? Or come back?"

"You all left at the same time, so far as I am aware," he answered, looking up from his book. He looked at the card, then up at me.

I quickly put it down and set my books down, not wanting him to confiscate it from me. I sat down and tried to think it through.

There were four boys in my class who were my age, but none of them really spoke to me. Peter Hubert was a tall, skinny boy with a squint and freckles, but his handwriting was horrible. He couldn't have painted such a lovely card. Ephram Doughtry was a stocky boy with mousy hair and small eyes. The spelling was too good for it to have been him. Dewitt Hirsch was a very average boy with a prominent nose, but a smile that could make you forgive it. His brown eyes always sparkled with laughter when he joked with his friends. Jack Rafferty was the other. Tall, broad shouldered with black hair and stunning blue eyes. He had a dimple when he smiled and his eyes shone. For a long time, I had liked him. Of the four boys, he was the only one who paid any attention to me or spoke to me at all, and it was only to tease me and make fun of me. I suspected he wouldn't speak to me at all either if we didn't happen to walk the same way home from school every Friday. He went to stay with his aunt on Friday nights into Saturday, to help her by cutting wood for her and doing other chores. He had been for the last three years after her husband had broken his leg so badly and could no longer walk.

Truthfully, I couldn't imagine any of the four boys making something so lovely. I did secretly hope that it was Jack, though. I smiled down at the heart as I ran my thumb over the paint, feeling giddy.

I had finally gotten my first valentine!

Lizzie sat down next to me and I quickly covered it as I turned to her with a smile.

"Hi Cass!" she said happily. "I didn't see you come in?"

"You were talking to Ephram," I answered, blushing.

She giggled. "He gave me a bag of peppermints, same as last year. Want one?"

"No thank you," I answered, looking over my shoulder as everyone was coming in and sitting down. I glanced at each of the boys in turn, but none of them were looking in my direction.

I looked again after they were all sat down, Dew in the desk right next to ours with Jack sitting on the other side of him sharing a desk. Dew was facing Jack and Jack looked passed him to me, then made a face at me. I faced the front, scowling.

I spent the day wondering which of them it was and trying to ask the other girls if anyone had said anything without coming right out and asking if someone had said anything. I didn't show anyone the card.

By the end of the day, I still had no idea who might have sent it. I stayed behind after class, picking up my things slowly, not wanting to be out front while the others were all gathered around and talking. Flirting.

I tucked the card into my book after looking at it again, then looked back up at the teacher who was erasing the board.

"Mr Whittier?"

"Yes, Cass?" he asked, turning to face me.

"You are sure no one was in this morning? Or last night?"

"No one but me."

"Thank you," I answered, turning towards the door.

"Cass. No one but me."

I looked back at him, confused. Had he thought I had not heard him? "Thank you sir," I said more loudly.

"Cassandra. No one but me," he said very pointedly.

I turned again, then it hit me. Him. He had made the card. I stared at him, my eyes wide as my heart hammered in my chest. Sterling Whittier was a diminutive man. Handsome in a stern and crisp way, always very severely combed and dressed. Mostly, he was teased behind his back for being so small. Some people even said he was a dandy. He was still larger than me, his 5'4" topping my 4'10" by a fair margin, but I had still always thought of him as short, no matter how small I was.

"I..." I stammered, not knowing what to say or do now. "I... thank you Mr Whittier!" I yelled as I spun and raced out of the classroom. I ran all the way to the edge of town to the road that I walked to reach my farm. I slowed and pulled the card out, looking down at it.

Of course. It was so elegant and crisp and well done. That explained everything. I scowled down at it, a little dejected. Why couldn't it have been one of the boys? What was wrong with me?

"What's this then?" Jack asked, plucking the card out of my hand to look at.

"Give that back!" I demanded, trying to snatch it.

"Did you make yourself a valentine to try and pretend someone gave it to you?" he asked, laughing.

"No! Give it back!"

"It looks like a girl made it!" he laughed, holding it out of my reach.

"Jack, you aren't funny! Give it back! Actually, don't. I don't care, I don't want it," I said, my face burning with shame. I would die if the others found out Mr Whittier had intentions towards me.

I turned and hurried ahead.

"Here," Jack said quickly, catching up to me and putting it on top of my books. "Who's it from?"

"Do you see a signature?"

"You have no ideas?"

"What do you care?"

"It's not from me."

"I know."

"Or Dew, or Eph or Pete."

"I know. Wait. How do you know it's not from any of them?"

He shrugged. "So if you know it's not from them, you know who it's from," he countered.

"Did they specifically say to you that they didn't give me a card, or are you just assuming because you have all treated me so badly for so long?"

"Who treats you bad?" he demanded, anger touching his voice. "We never treat you bad!"

"You are always teasing me and making fun of me! And none of them even acknowledge I exist. You all hate me for whatever reason."

"You really think that?"

"I know that."

"You know... Aunt Mercy is going to be moving into town come summer, her and Uncle Lowell."

"I had heard," I answered, wondering about the change in subject.

"You know why the others don't speak to you?"

"Because I'm not as pretty as Hannah or as rich as Eugenia or as full figured as Lizzie? Because I am short and small and too frail to be any good on a farm. Worthless."

He laughed and looked down at me, his dimple flashing. "And you think I have always teased you because I don't like you? Do I tease Lizzie? Or the others? Or talk to them?"

"You only talk to me because you have to walk with me Fridays and you are bored," I answered, feeling butterflies starting in my stomach.

"You don't really think that, do you? The boys don't talk to you because I told them not to."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you are going to be my wife," he answered with his grin. "Known it since the third grade when you beat out Alyssa Boone in that spelling contest even though she was three years older."

"You're a liar!" I said angrily. "You are teasing me, trying to play some prank!"

"No. They don't talk to you because they know you are off limits. I tease you because I like you, always have. I am buying my aunts farm because it's almost straight across from your Pa's. I intend to make my intentions known this summer, after we are both done with school."

"What do you know about farming?" I asked faintly, my head reeling.

"Plenty. Enough. Anything I don't know I can ask my father in law or my wife. She knows more than anyone I ever met. So who is the card from?"

"Stop teasing me Jack Rafferty! You aren't funny."

"God's honest truth, Cass. Ask any of the fella's. Didn't you wonder why I followed you today even though it's not Friday? I saw you leave so upset."

"It's not Friday," I answered, the realization hitting me.

"So who is the card from?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me. I need to let him know you are spoken for."

"I'm not. No one has ever said a word to me to ask me any such thing!"

"I don't need to ask," he shrugged. "You look at me the same way I look at you. I know how you feel."

"You don't know anything!"

"Who's it from?" he asked again, slowing down now that my house was in sight. "Has to be someone in town who gave it to you before school. Liam at the general store? Godfrey from the bank? Arvin, the new deputy?"

I shook my head, my cheeks flaming with shame. I walked faster, hurrying home, but he caught my arm and turned me to look at him.

"I need to know," he said softly.

"It doesn't matter, I don't return his... affections."

Jack looked at me, looking into both of my eyes, then gave me a small nod.

I pulled away from him and turned and ran home, feelings trying to overwhelm me as they all clashed inside of me.

My father smiled as I came in and bent to kiss me on top of my head. "H'lo Sprout, have a good day? Kiss any boys?"

I blushed, shaking my head. He asked me that every day without fail.

"Get any candy this year?"

"No pa," I answered, getting myself some milk.

"Shame. I wouldn't mind some lemondrops."

"I know," I answered breathlessly. "I'll make dinner in a while," I called as I went up to my room as he waved me off.

I pulled the card out and looked at it again, but thought about Jack. I wished Jack had done something so lovely for me. Known me so well. Did he really know me at all? Had he really liked me this whole time? I was fairly certain he was playing an elaborate trick on me just to make me feel bad or to tell him who sent me the card so he could make fun of me.

Mr Whittier. Sterling. I knew his first name, but this was the first time I thought of him as 'Sterling' and not 'Mr Whittier'. Was he nice away from school? I knew he was quiet and read a lot. He wasn't mean at all, though he looked severe. He was patient and always calmly helping and never yelling or getting upset like our last teacher. I wondered how old he was. Did he truly like me, or did he just like that I was smaller than he was? No. He knew so much about me even though I never really talked a lot. He had to have been paying attention. He knew things I never said out loud. You have to care for someone to invest that much time into getting to know them.

I almost felt bad, I knew nothing about him hardly at all.

I walked to school slowly in the morning, wondering what I should say or do. Lizzie hurried to me in the schoolyard, smiling. "Guess what?" she asked excitedly.

"What?" I asked, looking around.

"Peter told me Ephram fully intends to ask my Pa for my hand this weekend!"

"Is that so?" I asked as I watched Jack walk up to Peter and Dew.

He looked passed them to me and grinned. "Cass!" he yelled, motioning me over.

I felt my stomach sink.

Lizzie grabbed my arm and pulled me over as I watched Jack warily. He was about to do something awful, I just knew it.

"Dew, Pete, Cass thinks you both hate her. She thinks I hate her. Ask them Cass. Ask them why they don't talk to you. They'll tell you the truth."

I looked at Dew and Pete, but said nothing as my face burned in shame.

Pete spoke up anyway. "Jack told us years ago you was off limits. Said you were meant to be his and he'd crack the teeth of anyone who so much as looked your way."

Lizzie made a noise, but I didn't look at her. I looked at Jack, my cheeks burning even though it was cold outside.

Jack pulled his hand out of his pocket and grabbed my hand, then shoved a silver band on my finger. "Had that since we were fourteen," he said, almost angrily.

I stared at the ring, my eyes wide and my heart trying to choke me. I shook my head.

"Now. Who was that card from?" he demanded. "Lizzie, do you know who gave her that card?"

"What card?" Lizzie asked breathlessly, grabbing my hand to look at the ring.

"The valentine she got yesterday. The painted one that looked all girly."

"You got a valentine?" Lizzie asked me, confused and her feelings hurt.

"I didn't know who it was from, I didn't want to be teased."

"But you know who it's from," Jack insisted.

I looked at him, and as I did, I saw understanding hit his face. He looked at the schoolhouse, then back at me.

"You ran because..." he began, then his face went dark. He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside the schoolhouse, to the front where Mr Whittier was sitting. He looked up from his desk, his eyes going to my hand in Jacks. "Mr Whittier," Jack snapped. "Just wanted to share the news," he said, pulling my hand up to display the ring.

Pink spots of color rose to Mr Whittier's cheeks and he looked back down as he nodded. "I wish you both the best, of course," he said softly.

I yanked my hand away from Jack's angrily. "You don't get to just shove a ring on my finger and claim me, Jack Rafferty! You haven't asked me OR my Pa! Until yesterday, you never even spoke to me when you weren't making fun of me! You don't get to just tell people I am yours!"

"You're wrong!" Jack snapped, his face red. "I've had plenty of talks with your Pa. He knows everything and he gave his blessings last year!"

"Well I didn't! Did you never think to ask ME?"

"Like I said, I didn't need to. You look at me the same as I look at you, I know how you feel."

"You don't! Name one thing you KNOW about me, Jack?"

"I know everything about you! I know you and your Pa are both still hoping your Ma shows up someday even though there ain't been a sign of her stagecoach or anyone on it in ten years. I know you make your Pa his favorite meal every single Sunday even though you hate it. I know you hate that you cain't help your Pa around the farm and you think he wishes you were a boy."

"One thing about ME, Jack, not something my Pa told you. It doesn't matter," I said angrily, yanking the ring off and thrusting it at him. "I don't want that. You want to ask me like a normal person AFTER you court me like a normal person, then we can talk about it then. Until then, stop acting like you own me!"

"Alright!" Mr Whittier said loudly. "That's enough, everyone take your seats please!" he called.

I looked and the back of the room was filled with students, standing back and watching.

I wanted to run and hide.

Jack grabbed my face and turned me away from them to look up at him. "We will talk about this after school," he hissed. "And you'll be wearing that ring."

I pulled away and sat down, tears coming to my eyes as everyone sat down. Lizzie patted my arm, her face full of concern.

Mr Whittier moved to stand in front of my desk, leaning over. "Miss Sutton, you may step out and wash your face if you wish," he said gently.

I nodded and jumped up, running outside and going to the hand pump. It took longer than I would have liked to get control of myself and go back inside. I ignored Jack with a will. When first break came, I stayed seated as the other students went outside.

"Cass... are you well?" Mr Whittier asked softly.

"Yes sir. I... it's been a confusing couple of days is all."

"I understand. I am here if you need someone to talk to."

"Thank you, sir."

"You may call me Sterling."

"Cass!" Jack yelled from the door. "Come out here, I want to talk to you!"

"I don't wish to speak to you just now," I answered, staring down at the open book on my desk.

"I need to talk to you."

"I will be out at lunch. Or second break. If not, it's Friday and you can speak to me after school."

"Cass!"

"Young man, please leave her in peace. If you also wish to read quietly for break, you may do so, but if you are inside, you are silent."

Jack made an angry noise and left.

I glanced up at Mr Whittier and he was looking at me. I looked back down quickly. "I... know nothing about you," I said softly after a moment.

"What would you like to know?" he asked.

"How old are you?"

He was quiet and I glanced up. He was smiling slightly. "Twenty nine," he answered finally.

"Why aren't you married?"

"I hadn't found the right woman."

"Did you give me that card because you pitied me for never getting one before?"

He laughed out loud. "No. I assumed you got plenty, especially with the way Mr Rafferty is always watching you. The way you ignored him... and the others, I assumed you did not return his interests."

"I wasn't aware of them."

"I should have realized that. You hardly look up from your books and when you talk to Lizzie, you are too shy to look at anyone else. You are very much in your own world. Do you... have feelings for Jack Rafferty?"

"I don't know. I thought... I wished he would notice me or talk to me. He is handsome and... I don't know. I'm only confused right now."

"I understand. So long as you are in my classroom, you needn't fear any pressure or unwanted attention."

I nodded slightly, blushing again. I glanced up and he was still watching me, his look unsure. He had a book in his hands and I looked at it. "What are you reading?"

"A history of the mongols. I don't read as much fiction as you do."

I nodded and looked back down. He knew I only read fiction? How long had he been watching me? "The card was truly lovely," I said softly, feeling my face burning as I stared hard at my hands. "Perfect even. I could not imagine who might know me so well. Thank you."

"You are welcome. I hoped you would like it."

"Why didn't you sign it?"

"So that you could show your friend if you wished and not mention who it was from. I know you are... more reserved than most girls your age. You would not want anyone to know who it was from and tease you. Does it bother you that it was from me?"

"No! No... I just... never considered. I thought..."

"You thought that I preferred men?" he asked quietly. "I have heard some of the things said about me."

"I'm sorry!"

"It does not bother me what people think. Now you know that I do not. I..." he trailed off as the door opened and everyone began filing back in, most laughing and still being loud.

I looked down at my book as if I had been reading the whole time. Lizzie sat next to me and leaned close, squeezing my hand and passing me a note as she did.

I opened it with my head down as everyone found their seats.

'C - Come out and talk to me at lunch. I need words with you. - J

I used it to mark my place in my book and closed it, putting it away.

At lunch, I debated long and hard over what to do. Finally, I picked up my pail and stepped out.

Jack was hovering and as soon as I stepped out, he moved close and caught my arm, then pulled me around the side of the school quickly, away from everyone else.

"Cass!" he hissed angrily, leaning over me closely. "How many years are you trying to toss aside trying to make me jealous like this? I don't like these games!"

"I am NOT!"