The Valentine

He made an angry noise and backed away to the door. "I will let you sleep," he said, sounding conflicted. "But I will just sleep in the same bed."

"It's wet and.."

"Not all of it, just one small spot. It's a huge bed. It's fine. But no more trying to lock me out!"

"I will lock my door if I want privacy and you WILL respect that."

"YOU can respect that I don't want you locking me away anymore! Shut the door... say you want alone time but... don't lock me out."

I sighed, deflating. He was such a wounded soul. I shook my head. "Go blow out the lamp in that bedroom and come to bed."

"Here?"

"Yes, here," I answered, moving and getting under the blankets.

He left quickly and returned in seconds, his pants in his hand. He tossed them on the chair before getting into bed and pulling me against him, almost crushing me.

"I can't sleep if I can't breathe," I grumped, elbowing him.

"Just... a few moments," he breathed, emotion raw in his voice.

I smiled, laughing slightly. "Hold me all night if you wish, but stop crushing me! You giant barbarian! You are stronger than you think and I am old and fragile."

"You are not old!" he laughed, easing his grip slightly.

"We are old."

"No. Your boys are barely older than we were when... everything started. We are older, but not old. Hell, Cass... women your age are still having children. Men my age are new fathers."

"Oh, please don't tell me you are hoping for children?" I asked, horrified.

He chuckled. "If it happened I wouldn't be upset, but no. I will be happy with just being a husband to a lovely little wife. And a grandfather. I am a little excited about being able to be excited about a baby but not having to actually do all of the work."

I laughed again. "In a different life... you would have been a good father,"

"I imagine that life often. If I had done things differently with you."

"Forward and not back," I said softly. "Pa would tell me often."

Jack hugged me close again, squeezing me until I grunted in exaggeration.

I finally fell back to sleep curled up next to him.

Missy woke us in the morning, opening the curtains. I squeezed my eyes shut against the light and groaned.

"Missy... I know I usually get up early," I grumbled. "But today, for once I want to sleep in. Can you make sure I am awake before lunch?"

"Yes miss... should I ask the lawyer to come back later?"

I sighed. "No, Missy, thank you. Tell him I will be down as quickly as I can. Is Garreth up?"

"He is also being woken now. Shall I serve breakfast in the parlor?"

"Yes, please. Thank you Missy," I said, pulling out of Jack's arms and getting up. Missy gave me an odd look and I looked down, realizing I was in Jack's shirt.

"Shall I send for someone ro repair the door?" she asked.

"Yes, thank you, Missy," I agreed, going to get dressed.

"The door, but not the lock," Jack growled, his head still under the blankets.

I smiled and gave Missy a long suffering look. She blushed but smiled at me as she quickly laid out my dress.

He got up after she left, pulling his pants on and looking me over with a small, proprietary smile before getting up and going to his own room to get dressed.

I stopped another servant on my way downstairs. "Howard, can you please ask Missy to also send for the tailor? Mr Carmichael? Thank you."

I hurried down and Garreth was waiting for me in the hall, looking nervous and... a little excited which surprised me.

Jack joining us several minutes in also surprised me. He sat next to me as the lawyer was going over things and took hold of my hand, looking me over. I smiled, realizing he wasn't being nosy, he simply didn't realize he wasn't supposed to intrude. He was just being close to me.

"Mother," Garreth hissed after the lawyer paused to make notes.

"It's fine, darling. Jack? Why don't you go have breakfast in the dining room with Tommy and the others?"

"I'm fine here," he said obliviously, smiling.

"She is being polite," Garreth snapped. "This is none of your business."

Jack looked at Garreth with another smile. "I knew she was. I also know that I need a word with her as soon as you finish here, it's important. This won't take long. I'm not trying to intrude, only be expedient."

"You are intruding," Garreth scowled.

"Garreth, nothing personal is being said that he did not already know," I said softly. I turned to Jack. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"When we are alone."

I nodded and went back to the lawyer, telling him our terms quickly. Garreth stood when the lawyer did and see him to the door of the parlor, then turned after he left.

"So what was so important? Garreth demanded.

"I need to speak to Cass," Jack said with a smile that wasn't overly pleasant. A showing of his teeth. I imagined he had perfected that smile with his men.

"If you can sit through my meeting, I am sure it's not so personal that I can't hear it."

"Boy," Jack said, his voice dangerous. "This game you are playing is a little tedious. Your mother is her own person and she is allowed to move on. To find happiness even if you still miss your father. She does too. You have others, she has no one."

"She has me and my brothers!"

"And you are all here for her? You are right here making sure she isn't spending a moment alone? You all fill your own time, make sure that you are surrounded by friends and always doing things. And that is fine, it is what you should be doing. But you have no right to try and keep her from doing the same. All she has are her thoughts. It isn't fair you try and blame her and get angry at her, and me, for her wanting to focus on something besides her pain. She is allowed to move on. You should want her to, want to see her happy. She deserves it. She has had a harder life than anyone I have ever met."

"Her life isn't hard! She has been surrounded by people who love her, she has sons she loves and has everything she could ever ask for at her fingertips! Yes, she lost father, we all did, but other people have it harder! You act like..."

"That's enough!" Jack snapped furiously, standing. "You have no idea what she went through before arriving here! None! You only know of the happy life she allowed you to know about! This woman... this woman has had a hard, heartbreaking life. She has lost more than most in a bad way. Even her marriage to your father was against her will! She never..."

"Jack!" I yelled, jumping up.

"Mother, what is he talking about?" Garreth demanded.

"She was tricked. Forced to marry Madison Durham."

"Jack! I said stop! You have no right to tell them these things, they don't need to know. Garreth, I loved your father. I adored him, you know that."

"He forced you to marry him?"

"No. Zelda did. I was upset at first, but your father was so good. I fell in love with him."

"After you ran away, lost the man you really loved after he was murdered, Jack snapped angrily.

"Jack! I said stop!"

"He needs to know, Cass! He needs to understand. Your life has been hell on you."

"No! It hasn't! My life has been wonderful. I have had a few bad things happen to me, but they do not make my life. He doesn't need to know about those things that happened! He only needs to know the good. Why should he also hurt? What good would that do? If I had wanted them to know, I would have told them! You had no right!"

"Mother..." Garreth began, confused. "We have a right to know if someone hurt you..."

"No! No, Garreth, you do not. That was a lifetime ago and I am your mother. I am allowed to tell you what I wish you to know, it is my right. My life is my own. Jack. I know you mean well, but stay out of it. You do not get to come here and upset my life and tell my sons things I have no want for them to know. If you cannot respect that, then..."

"Don't you dare tell me to leave because I want them to understand how much you need someone in your life!"

"I guess it is progress that you didn't say I needed you. Garreth, darling, please. Give us a moment?"

Garreth gave me a nod, his face red. "But this is not done. I want to know what happened! What great grandmother Zelda did."

I sat down as he left, facing the direction of Jack. Where he would be re-taking the seat he had abandoned.

Jack turned to me, then moved closer and grabbed my arm, jerking me down to the couch before closing the distance and kissing me. He held me down, kissing me hungrily and holding me, making all of my thoughts scatter. It could have been twenty seconds or twenty hours, I lost all sense of time and thought completely.

"Mother?"

I jerked and turned away, blinking. "Tommy?"

"The... tailor is here? Also... Garreth was asking me about your first husband? The one you used to talk about with Grandpa Tom? He's never asked about him before. He wanted more information than I had and I think... he is looking into it. He and Janey are truly dissolving their marriage? What about the baby?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"He was too busy talking about you. Are you going to get up?" he asked, blushing.

"She isn't," Jack said, still holding me down as his lips traced over my jaw. "Close the door on your way out."

"The tailor? And Valery's parents? You wanted to talk to them?"

"After lunch," Jack said, frustration in his tone.

I giggled, I couldn't help it. "Darling, have her parents and her seated in the sun room. Have the tailor shown to the blue guest room. I will meet you in the sun room in a moment."

Jack growled.

"You! Go up to your room and let the tailor fit you so you will have clothes to wear besides the ones you are in."

"I have clothes. They are at the inn I got a room at before I came here."

"Then let him fit you for some MORE clothes, then tell one of the servants where your inn is so your bag can be retrieved. We can... discuss your very important matters later," I teased.

He grinned and let me up, bending to kiss me a final time before leaving.

I hurried to the sun room, fixing my dress on the way. Jack joined us in less than half an hour, because of course he did. I had the feeling he wasn't going to let me out of his sight ever again.

He pounced on me as soon as we were alone again, pulling me up to my room and tossing me on my bed as I laughed. He pulled his clothes off and I scrambled away from him quickly when he turned to me, turning my back to him.

"You tear this dress and I will never forgive you! It's one of my favorites! You can unfasten it like a person and not an animal!"

He laughed as he took it off of me.

He had no understanding at all of how things were done, and for some reason, that brought me joy. People stared at him as he joined Valery, Estella and I as we shopped for dresses for her, and a wedding gown. As we stopped and had tea and dined. He didn't seem to care that he was a giant, british man amongst all of the refined women.

Even after I had him suits brought in, he was still so out of place, it was refreshing.

He and Tommy got on splendidly. He and Garreth, not so much. They were two men constantly butting heads over rights to me. What Garreth refused to understand was that Jack didn't care about rights to the head of household, only rights to me. Garreth seemed to think that Jack wanted to run things.

He did want to run things... but not like Garreth thought at all. Jack wanted full run of my time. He would let the running of the house go to hell as long as he could keep me in bed and alone.

Jace came home for winter break and met Jack for the first time. He had heard about him, gotten letters and read about him, and he had read the stories I had written with him in mind. I was sure they were going to get along grandly.

I was not prepared for Jace to immediately look at him like two tom cats entering the same room, his back up. Jack offered a hand and Jace just looked at it a moment before looking Jack up and down again.

"Mother, may I speak to you?" Jace asked softly. "Alone?"

"Always, Darling," I said with a smile, a little confused.

Jack cocked his head and gave Jace a shrewd look as we stepped out.

"He is living here?" Jace asked.

"He has a guest room and has been staying here, yes. You know that."

"He does not sleep in a guest room, mother," Jace said frankly. "He has made no mention of marrying you?"

"He has, several times. I tell him the same thing every time."

"That you are not a thing to own? Yet he owns you."

"Jace..."

"No, mother. It is how he sees you. One need only look at him and the way he looks at you. He speaks of marriage and you say no because he does not ask you, he tells you. Right? Yet, he is here. Not asking. Taking. You are a thing he owns."

"You do not understand him, Jace."

"I do, mother. I understand him perfectly. He doesn't have to ask you or make an effort. He already has you."

"He loves me, Jace."

"He does. A fool could see that. But he doesn't care if you love him. You are his regardless of how you feel. Nothing will get in his way, not me or Tommy or Garreth. Your duties as the matron of the house. You see that, don't you? How... rabid he is for you? You are his."

"Cass," Jack called, opening the door to check on me. "Come and join me. Garreth and his friends are about to start singing. I think they have had too much to drink!"

I looked at Jack, then back up at Jace. I nodded. "Thank you, darling, for letting me know," I said cheerfully. I took his arm and let him lead me back to the room. When Jack tried to take my hand, I smiled at him and kept hold of Jace's arm, sitting with him. Jack sat close, looking perturbed. "I haven't seen him in so long!" I said pleasantly to Jack. Jace hugged me as he spoke to Valery.

"Let's go up to our room for a moment," Jack demanded, standing and pulling me up.

I smiled sadly and waved Jace off as he started to stand. I let Jack lead me to the hall, then I stopped, making him face me.

"Cass? Let's go," he insisted with a smile, tugging on me.

"Jack?"

"Come on," he insisted, pulling me up the stairs.

"I want to talk," I said, pulling my hand free.

He took it again and began pulling me again. "In our room."

"No! Jack. Here," I demanded, jerking my hand free.

He frowned and gave me a confused smile. "Cass? What did that boy say to you?"

"Jace. My son. Not 'that boy'. My most astute and clever son. Don't worry about what he said to me. Jack, I need you to... go stay at an inn."

"What?" he laughed. "Why?!?"

"I need you to do something you have never done before. Respect me."

"What? Of course I respect you! Cass!"

"If you respect me, then you will respect my wishes on this."

"Cass, I have been here for months, what will this change? Did he tell you it was improper? Who cares, Cass? We are happy."

"I am happy, Jack. I am. Truly. But I still need this from you. You are still telling me, not asking me. You refuse to ask me. You take. You demand. You tell. Never ask. You need to go stay at an inn and call on me. ASK. ASK when you may come. No just showing up and doing as you please. Do you understand?"

"Cass, this is ridiculous. It's the holidays, you are really giong to..."

"This is what I mean. You have no respect for me at all. You talk over me, tell me I am ridiculous, demand your way. If you truly care for me, Jack Rafferty, you will respect my wishes and do this the right way. You once said you wish you had a chance to do things over again. This is your chance. Show me how you would have done things if you could go back."

His face went red and his jaw set, fury dancing in his eyes as he drew himself up. He turned and went down the stairs and out the front door, slamming it behind him.

"Mother?" Jace called softly. "Are you well?"

"Right as rain, darling," I called, quickly drying my eyes. I hurried back down and sat with him, smiling and trying to enjoy the party.

Jack did not come the next day, or send word. Or the next week. I worried that he had left completely, but Garreth said he saw him in town.

On Christmas, I got a card from a courier. 'Loveliest of holidays to you and yours. Can we meet for lunch tomorrow? -J.R.'

I was confused, but I held the courier and immediately responded.

I met him for lunch and he was oddly aloof. He gave me a nod, not a hug or a kiss. He sat across from me, anger smouldering in his eyes the entire time, though he only exchanged pleasantries politely. He stood at the end, said he enjoyed our lunch and left. I was confused, utterly.

Another week passed, then two. I got a letter from him. He spoke of simple, light things. No mention of seeing me or visiting.

Jace went back to school and I wondered if Jack would come back around now, he was staying gone until Jace left. He did not.

January passed without me seeing him once. I spend my time with Estella and sometimes Valery and Tommy, though they were usually tucked away alone. Estella was as lost with her free time as I was finding myself.

I went back to writing.

February held a record cold snap that kept us all indoors, snow coming down like I had never seen it.

Tommy joked that Valentine's day, cupid would be dressed like a fur trader and all of his arrows would be going to animals for a bigger coat. There would be no love this year, only new stole's. As a joke, he got Valery a rabbit fur stole for Valentine's day.

I got a message from a courier the same day, the boy standing inside and rubbing his hands as I took the envelope and opened it.

For a long moment, I did not understand what I was looking at. It was a very cartoonish monkey, leaning on a plow and sniffing a giant rose with exaggerated thorns. There was a bee in the rose, it's little bee butt poking up comedicially. In the ground in front of the plow was a little tiny leaf poking out of the fresh turned earth. I stared with a confused smile at the cute cartoon.

"Who sent this?" I asked the boy.

"You want the second package?" the boy asked.

"There is another letter?"

"A package. Outside. Should I bring it in?"

"Yes, please?" I answered, looking back at the card and turning it over. It was hand drawn on a card stock.

The boy hurried out and came back in, leading Jack by the arm. I laughed and looked down at the cartoon again. "You did this?"

"I did."

"This is wonderful! I didn't know you could draw!"

"It's not really drawing," he answered, waving the boy off. "It's just doodling I like to do. I can't paint something perfect... No flowers or poetry. I am who I will always be, Cass. A man who loves you. A man who would do anything for you."

He went to a knee right there next to the door, his coat covered in snow. "Cassandra Sutton Durham, will you please do me the greatest honor I could ever imagine and be my wife?"

He held up a ring. The same silver band he had shoved on my finger so many years ago. I let out a shocked cry as I looked at it and went to my knees in front of him. He caught my arm as I did and pulled my hand up to slide the ring on my finger.

"I don't understand!" I cried, hugging him. "You wouldn't even speak to me!"

"I couldn't. I... can't be around you without wanting you, Cass. I don't have it in me to be close to you and not hold you or touch you or... more. I need you. I have always needed you! Please? Will you please say yes? I'm asking, Cass."

I laughed, hugging him tighter. "Ok, Jack. Yes. I will be your wife. On one condition."

"What? What condition?"

"You have to illustrate all the kids' books I write from now on!" I laughed, pulling the card up to look at the monkey at the plow again.

He laughed too and sat on the floor, pulling me into his lap.

I held it up, still staring at it. "What is that?" I asked, pointing.

"It's a sprout!" he exclaimed, offended.

"It is! Of course it is," I laughed. "Jack... this is wonderful. This is the most amazing Valentine I have ever gotten. Truly. Thank you. Thank you for understanding," I cried, turning to kiss him.