The Valentine

"You are! Staying in there with HIM!"

"How many times have I stayed inside through break to read instead of come outside? Almost every day! Never before have you spoken against it! And why should I have thought you would have a care? You've not given me one sign that you might care despite what you have said to me! I have not known anything about you supposedly having a care for me! I still think you are making fun. Having a laugh with your friends, seeing if you can trick me!"

"That is ridiculous! My teasing has always been light and never cruel! I would never try and hurt you! Like you are trying to hurt me now!"

"I'm not! I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but I'll not have you announcing that I am yours without even asking me either. I get a choice! I get a say! You don't get to ignore me for YEARS and then the day a single other person shows an interest in me you decide that I belong to you. I am worth more than being cast aside until you get jealous! Like a small child who has a toy they don't want until another picks it up to play with it! And even then they don't want it truly, they simply don't want another to have it!"

"That's enough!" he growled. "I have stated my intentions clearly! SHOWED you the ring I got you, let my friends tell you what I have been saying for years. You can ask your Pa tonight how long I have been asking after you too. Look at me Cass! You feel the need to say the words, say them then. Say outright that you'll be my wife."

"You still haven't asked! And you can court me proper if you truly want me!"

He took hold of my other arm and pushed me against the side of the schoolhouse as he took a knee in front of me, still two inches taller than me on his knee. "I don't have to ask for what is already mine!" he grated. He pulled me close and pressed his lips to mine.

I was so shocked, I jerked back, bouncing my head off the building and turning away, dazed. I blinked, trying to clear away stars as he took hold of my jaw in a painful iron grip and turned me back to him, pressing his mouth to mine again. I whimpered and tried to pull back, tried to push him away, but he held me there, pinned between him and the building.

He finally let my jaw go and pulled his mouth back, but held me there a moment, breathing heavily against me. "You are mine, Cass. You have always been mine. Everyone knows it."

"Everyone but me," I whispered, still trying to blink away my dizziness. "I don't feel very well."

"You're fine," he grated. "Lean over, spit that blood out. I didn't hurt you that bad, you're being a baby. Spit it out. You're fine. I wasn't holding your mouth that hard. Stand up, I said your fine!"

I shook my head as nausea swept over me, trying to pull out of his hands. He refused to release me and I threw up on his legs.

"Dammit, Cass!" he yelled angrily, holding me at arms length as I threw up again. "What is wrong with you?"

"Mr Rafferty, release her at once!" Mr Whittier yelled, coming around the side of the school.

"She's sick! I don't want her to fall in it!"

"I have her, release her!" he demanded, picking me up like a child.

"I need to get her home," Jack demanded, trying to pull me away.

"Mr Rafferty! Pick up her things and your own things and bring them inside!" Mr Whittier snapped, showing the first anger I had ever seen in him. He carried me inside and laid me out in front of the stove. He pulled his jacket off and rolled it, putting it under my head. "Easy now," he said gently. "Lizzie, get her some water. Mr Rafferty, stay back. She has a concussion from her head hitting the wall so hard."

"I didn't do that to her!"

"I suppose the blood in her mouth is not your fault either?" he asked coldly.

I heard whispers and Lizzie was looking over her shoulder in shock as she handed Mr Whittier a cup. He took it and tipped it to my lips as I winced. My head was throbbing now and there was more blood in my mouth along with the awful taste of sick-up. The water washed it all away and I closed my eyes against the bright light coming in the windows and all of the stares.

"Cass," Jack said loudly. "Get up. You are playing this up and acting like you are hurt, stop it! Get up!"

"My Rafferty, I am suspending you from my class," Mr Whittier said angrily. "Leave at once. You. Dewitt, you know where she lives? Go get her father and bring him here."

"No! No, I will get him and I am NOT suspended!" Jack said angrily. "I didn't do anything wrong, she is faking it! She is just making a scene because she wants attention from me."

"Dewitt, her father, now please," Mr Whittier repeated, ignoring Jack.

"I will get him!" Jack insisted, then left, grumbling about me faking it.

All I could do was hold my eyes shut and try not to vomit again.

"Peter, go get Doctor Hillman," Mr Whittier said softly. "Dewitt, go ahead and make sure her father is coming, please."

"Cass?" Lizzie called softly. "Are you hurt bad? What's wrong?"

"My head," I whispered. "I'll be ok, I just feel sick at my stomach and light hurts my eyes."

"You hit your head hard enough I heard it in here," Mr Whittier said softly. "And the inside of your mouth is all cut up from the grip he had on you as well."

"He tried to make me kiss him!" I remembered angrily, feeling furious on top of sick.

"He won't force himself on you again," Mr Whittier said softly.

"My head hurts terrible."

"I know. The Doctor will bring something to help with that and your Pa will be along soon after to get you on home. Class, finish eating, all of you! As soon as you are done, take your seats and read for quiet time."

"Here," Ephram offered. "You can use my coat to cover her up."

"Mine too!" Lizzie said quickly, pulling her coat off.

Most of them dispersed, but Lizzie stayed close and held on to my hand as Mr Whittier held my head up and had me sip water.

When the doctor came in, he was quiet as he knelt down and peeled back my eyelid. I flinched back and groaned.

"She hit her head?" he asked.

"Back of her head on the building. She was being handled roughly by one of the boys. He cut up her mouth too, that's where the blood is from."

The doctor lifted my head and felt around and I whimpered when he pressed his fingers to the spot that hurt. "Good knot there. Got a pretty good blow. She threw up?"

"Yes. I was thinking concussion?"

"Seems so. Light hurt young lady?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Sound too?"

"Yes."

"Can you sit enough to drink this? It will ease the pain and help you sleep some as well. Her Pa coming?"

"I hope, I sent a boy after him. The boy who did it also went to get him so he said."

"The Rafferty boy?"

"Yes?" Mr Whittier answered, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. Seen his temper before. Sit up a bit young lady, let's get you feeling a little better, shall we?"

Mr Whittier helped me sit up long enough to take a swallow of something that tasted evil, then helped me wash it down with water before easing me back down to lay with my head in his lap.

"That'll do for her for now. Stay in bed a few days, take a spoonful of this three times a day as you need it. Nothin' too hard on ya for a while. No runnin around or jumpin up and down and whatnot," he said, trying to be lighthearted.

The humor was lost on me as I rolled to my side and curled up, trying to hide from the light. "Lizzie, a cool cloth," Mr Whittier said softly as the doctor got up and left quietly. I felt a cool wet cloth stroke my head softly, then wipe my face as he stroked my hair back.

"Cass?" my Pa's loud voice made me flinch. "What happened? Take your hands off her!"

"She was hurt..."

"Jack told me what happened. Cass? Come on, we're going home. Cass! Cassandra, right now!"

"The doctor was just here!" Lizzie said quickly. "Said she had a concussion and gave her something for it! This. She's really hurt, sir. She ain't pretending no matter what he said to you. He hurt her."

"That's a lie!" Jack snapped.

"It isn't! I heard her head hit the wall. We all saw the blood on her face from her mouth. It's still on her dress! She told us what you did!" Mr Whittier bulled up, outraged. "You can try and lie your way out of it all you want, but her father can reach around here and feel her head! Feel the knot! And see the blood on her mouth and clothes!"

"Doc said she has to stay in bed a few days and rest!" Lizzie added. "We all saw Jack drag her off to talk to her, but we didn't know he was going to be rough with her!"

"I wasn't! She is overreacting! All I did was tell her how I felt and kiss her. She hit her own head!"

"Mr Rafferty, I told you, you are expelled from my class. You are not allowed back in here, do you understand? You can deny it all you wish, send your father to speak to me. I will have the doctor tell him what he told me about you. Go on! Out of here now!"

I was wincing, trying to cover my ears and curl up more.

"Cass?" Pa asked me softly and I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Pa, can we go home?" I asked in a whisper.

"Of course, Sprout. I came on Juniper, didn't know I might need a wagon. You think you can ride?"

"I can get my pa's team hitched!" Ephram said quickly, then left at a run.

"What the hell happened?" Pa asked. I didn't know who he was talking to.

"Jack asked her to come out and talk to him," Lizzie said quickly. "She came out and he took her arm and pulled her around the side of the building. We thought he just meant to talk to her, truly."

"I was inside," Mr Whittier said. "I heard something hit the building and I went and looked out the window. It was him. He had hold of her face, holding her against her will as she tried to pull away. He forced a kiss on her. I went out to stop him and at that point she had already thrown up on him twice."

"Why did he tell me you were telling lies because you had your eye on her?" Pa asked.

"It happened just like he said," Lizzie said quickly. "We was all here the whole time. All he has done is help her and send for you and the doc."

"He did give her a card yesterday," Dew said loudly. "Jack told me. A card all painted up and girly."

"I never saw any card and I am her best friend!" Lizzie said to Dew angrily.

"No," Mr Whittier said quickly. "It's true I gave her a card. I am not ashamed of it in the least. I made it and told her it was from me. I do fear that is why the boy lost his temper, though that is no fault of hers. When I told her it was from me, she left without a word. I did not know they had been courting."

"They haven't," Lizzie said hotly.

"He told me he intended to ask her to marry him come summer," Pa said, confused.

"He did," Dew agreed.

"He never bothered to tell her, or ask her!" Lizzie snapped. "She had no idea and neither did anyone else. I know I didn't!"

"Enough!" Pa said, exasperated. "Sprout?"

"Nn."

"You feel up to riding home?"

"Nn."

"A wagon would be better for her so she can lay down. The medicine she was given will be making her go to sleep," Mr Whittier offered deferentially.

"Hmph. I think you and I need some words," Pa said darkly. "About impressionable girls and authority figures taking advantage."

"It is not like that, I assure you."

"I'll just bet it aint."

"Papa," I whispered. "Please don't? He's not who did this to me. He's never said nothing to me at all to make me think on him until the card yesterday. He aint pressured me none or said a word on it. Please. I just want to go home."

"Soon, Sprout," he whispered, stroking my hair. I sighed sleepily and drifted off.

I woke in my own bed, the light still hurting my eyes and my head aching. I knew right off what had woken me, I could hear voices downstairs.

"...wasn't like what they are saying at all! I surprised her is all and she pulled back! I wasn't holdin her tight and she fell back out of my grip, hit her head. I grabbed her to catch her and I didn't know it was so bad. I wasn't hurtin her, I just told her how I felt and kissed her. He saw me kiss her and he got mad, made it seem like I was hurtin' her when I wasn't! Suspended me because she was wearing my ring."

"I told you, Jack, I will wait and hear what she has to say on all this. It really true you haven't said two words to her even though you told me and your friends you intend to marry her?"

"I talk to her all the time! I walk home with her every Friday."

"She had no idea you had feelings for her."

"I thought she knew, I did. I only ever talked to her, no girl but her ever. I flirted with her all the time. There was no way she couldn't know it was her unless she was ignoring it."

"Now that I think on it, she never really spoke of you at all. Never said anything about you. It was always you talkin about her to me."

I sighed and sat up, wincing. It was morning. I was still in my dress from yesterday, so I got up and eased down the stairs.

Both of them turned to me and Jack ran to the stairs to help me. I shied back from him, pressing myself to the wall. "You just stay back," I whispered.

"Cass! Haven't you punished me enough?!?"

"Pa, I'll be right back," I whispered, slipping out back to the outhouse. When I came back, Pa was setting a plate on the table for me and Jack was standing on the other side of the room, looking furious.

"How ya feelin, Sprout?" Pa asked.

"My head hurts and my jaw is sore. I'll live."

"I need to know what happened. I get a new story from every set of lips that open to tell about it."

"I don't know, really. Jack... out of nowhere decided to tell me that I was going to be his wife. Never asked, never courted me, just said it was so and put a ring on me and told everyone. I said no, I wouldn't be treated that way. I had a say. He said I didn't. He kissed me and I hit my head when I tried to get away from him, and he grabbed me. Hurt me. Then I threw up on him."

"Cass! Be honest, you have known all along it was you! I talked with you, I flirted with you, teased you!"

"You teased me. Made fun of me. That was all. The other boys ignored me, you made fun of me. Why would I assume that meant more than you making fun of me? I didn't even know you were talking to my Pa! I don't know what game you are playing at, Jack, but you never once made me think you had any interest in me at all."

"I thought you understood. Fine. I am telling you now. I have always known it was you."

"Then why wait to tell me until someone else looked my way? Were you just taking for granted that I would be there when you decided to pick me up? That I would wait until you were ready?"

"No! I had this ring for ages, Cass! I even showed your Pa!"

"But not me."

"I planned on asking you after school was out. As soon as my Aunt moved and I got the place out here for us to live."

"And none of this matters anyway. You hurt me. You were rough with me and you hurt me and you lost your temper and you fibbed about what happened. I still hurt. I want to rest, not have to have this out right now."

"Will you be back at school on Monday?"

"I don't know. If I feel like it."

"I will walk you. I will stay an extra day with my aunt and walk you there."

"I don't think I want you to."

"Cass..."

"No, Jack. I said no. I get a say."

"Fine!" he said angrily, then turned and stormed out.

I held my head in my hands and sighed. "Pa?"

"Yeah, Sprout?"

"Can we go back to last week when nothing was confusing?"

"Honey is out of the comb. Eat up, then you can lay down down here by the fire. Tell me. You have feelings for Jack?"

"I always thought he was cute... I used to wish he would notice me and stop teasing me. When I saw the card, I sort of hoped it was from him. But... after yesterday, I don't know really. He thinks he has some right to me no matter what I think. Just because he told his friends and you. Like what I thought didn't matter. I don't look very kindly on that at all."

"And your teacher?"

"I don't know. I never looked at him that way before. I thought... I thought... well. You know what people said about him."

"I do."

"He is nice. Quiet. Patient. Handsome in his way, even if he is a little prim. Smart. I just... don't know much about him at all. I never thought to look at him that way until he gave me the card."

"Do you suppose that maybe he is only asking after you to try and hide the fact that he IS a dandy?"

"No. I don't think that at all. He was shy, and... hopeful, and... the way he looked at me... Jack never looked at me like he hoped I would see him as more. Like he wished for me and pined for me. Mr Whittier... Sterling. He never looked at me like that either that I saw, not till yesterday and the day before when he told me he made me the card. He never pushed anything... just told me. I don't know what to think. I hoped so long for Jack... now I'm just mad at him. I don't know Sterling... but I know he is old and so... neat and... cold? No, not cold... rigid? I don't know. I can't imagine a home with him would be warm... But now, with Jack, I fear he has a temper that I don't want to be around. What do I do, pa?"

"For now? Nothing. You rest and you get feeling better. Later? You can think on it, talk if you want to. And nothin' says you have to pick either of them. You're a beautiful girl, you'll have plenty of men wanting to kiss you," he said with a sad smile.

I smiled back and took a bite of eggs. "Pa?"

"Yes, Sprout?"

"I don't want to see Jack this weekend. If he comes back later, or tomorrow. I don't want to see him. Not Monday morning either. I want to walk myself to school. Even if I have to ride Juniper to outrun him."

"I'll tell him to leave you alone. He has no reason to be going to the school anyway. He was suspended and from what Alton told me last night, the sheriff agreed and set Luke Rafferty down when he tried to have it overturned. Had the doctor there and four of the students to say what happened, as well as Mr Whittier. Go ahead and finish and go lay down. I'll get you more of that medicine. Head hurt bad?"

"Yeah," I answered, hiding my eyes behind my hand as I tried to eat.

I spent the weekend sleeping and resting. I slept out on the couch in the living room where my Pa could check on me and I was close to the fire to stay warm. More than once I heard Pa send someone away from the kitchen door, not letting them in and I wondered if it was Jack or someone else. I dreamed of Jack a lot, hurting me, kissing me, yelling at me. I also dreamed of Sterling. They were very different dreams. With Sterling, it was a cozy little house with a cat and two chairs by the fire. Him in a chair reading a school book and me in the other chair reading an adventure novel or penny dreadful. I would look up while petting the cat and he would smile at me, a warm little smile, then go back to reading. It was so different than the dreams of Jack. Especially the ones where he kissed me and I was kissing him back right up until he hurt me. The dreams of Jack were tumultuous and had me both thrilled and terrified, the emotion huge. With Sterling, it was just mildly pleasant and a little boring. Safe. Jack was not safe.

Pa put a hand on my head and I woke up with a gasp, that thought ringing in my head.

Jack was not safe.

"How are you feeling? You think you want to go to school or you want to stay home today?"

"I... My head hurts some, but I will go I think," I answered, my mind still trying to grasp the murky dream.

I was nervous about the walk to school, but it was uneventful and boring. Jack never showed up to bother me.

At school, I was immediately swarmed.

"Are you ok? I tried to come see you but your Pa said you were asleep!" Lizzie said anxiously.

"I am better, just a little headache now," I answered, looking around at everyone.

"Jack said to say hi," Ephram offered. "And he hopes you feel better. And that he hopes you let everyone know that hitting your head was you and not him. He's sorry about holding you too tight to kiss you though."