The Voice in the Dark Ch. 04

I then feel her wet pussy grind against mine as she begins to play with my nipples again. I have come to expect her to squeeze my breasts to the point where I cry out in pain, but instead I feel a sharp tightening of my nipples that I have never felt before. I writhe and fight as best I can in hopes she will stop, but then I begin to understand.

It feels like teeth over my nipples and the pain crosses over to the point of deep pleasure. The combination begins to override my survival instinct. I can't stop this now. I just can't.

Then it hits me: <i Lucy's Nipple Clamps i>. We haven't used them, mostly because of my resistance to anything remotely painful until this point, but she has sometimes threatened to put them on me the next time she gets me into bed. This combined with the bondage, the lack of sight and the inability to speak make this encounter the most arousing, and the most dangerous, we have ever had, and I don't think it would take much for her to make me explode in pleasure.

And just when I think I can't take anymore, I feel a large, rigid invader pushing itself against my soaked lips and then deeper still into my pussy as I clench around it. I love the initial feel of the cold, alien object fucking me, but it gradually begins to warm up as it is coated with my juices, and I can almost believe that it is a real cock fucking me. Lucy's hard, rigid cock.

"That's a good little, slut. Look at you so helpless and needy. This is exactly how you should always be. Do you like that idea, Jess? Do you want to be my needy little slut?"

I am so aroused and mindless I will agree to anything right now. I want it all to stop but I also want to give up control completely. I moan through the gag once more, pleading with her to make me cum.

"Then feel me fucking you hard, Jess. I want you to cum for me. Hard. Scream through your gag. SCREAM IT OUT."

I do exactly what she says and I let it all go. All the frustration, all the pain, all the fear. It all vanishes as my body spasms in pleasure and my moans overtake me as all the fight and protests leave me.

I don't hear anything for a little while, save for the blood roaring in my ears, and I am hopeful that Lucy is finally satisfied but instead, she uncuffs me and sits me up slowly. My blindfold and gag remain on though, as do the nipple clamps. I feel her fingers tighten the clamps even further and I squirm in her grip but she then spanks me as she slips something else inside me.

It's a little smaller in terms of girth but it so easily slips inside me and I can't help but get excited again.She then positions me so that her legs move over my hips and vice versa, so our intimate parts are touching. The tightness of the position and the angle of her hips make it so easy for her to grind against me, and my end of the toy moves deeper inside me. I hear her moans of pleasure from the other side and I frown, unsure of what is happening.

It takes me a while to process it and marvel just how much Lucy knows of my body to drive me wild. Our favourite double ended dildo that we have cuddlefucked with at least a dozen times slips into us and we move with the sole purpose of chasing that blissful climax. I am surprised at how hungry I am to cum again.

I feel her pussy drip with desire and she places her hands on my breasts as we move towards a mutual climax. She groans and moans, gripping me closer to her and allows the dildo to fuck both her and me as I slowly lose control. Every movement of the dildo inside her moves inside of me and it isn't long before she explodes on her end and screams my name along with a few choice expletives that would make the devil himself blush with shame.

I then feel her move behind me and begin to work her fingers over my clit and thrusting my end of the dildo deeper and deeper inside of me until I once again lose myself to the delightful pleasure of release. I can't take any more. I need her to stop. And to my utter relief, she falls on top of me as I collapse into the mattress, but not before she removes the blindfold and the nipple clamps are removed from my now very sore nipples.

She then moves me onto my back and wraps herself around me, her face is between my breasts and she gently sucks my nipples in order to soothe the pain but I scrunch my face up in an attempt to ignore the sensations. I keep my hands above my head, as if there are still bonds keeping me tied and she's thankfully too tired to notice. I lie there for a few minutes, with a sinking feeling of absolute disgust creeping through my veins and into my senses. I close my eyes and attempt to calm myself down but the sound of the alarm clock snaps me out of my numbness and I move to get off the bed and as far away from her as possible, but instead she pulls me back and orders me to stay there as she turns off the alarm.

I turn on my side, with my eyes open wide and feeling disappointed rather than satisfied. Our usual routine after we fuck is Lucy spooning me, with her hands on my breasts and me practically purring as she strokes and soothes me. Her hands are on my waist, breasts and even moving up and down my thighs as she settles down, but I don't feel the same sense of satisfaction. It's only out of pure exhaustion that I eventually fall asleep.

I wake an hour or so later with Lucy wrapped around my naked body. She is sleeping peacefully and seems thoroughly satisfied. She holds my breast possessively even in her sleep, and it makes my pussy moisten despite how annoyed I still am at her. Yes, I got out what I was thinking and feeling, but I have no idea how to fix any of it with Lucy, and her coping method of just fucking me into submission to avoid facing painful reality isn't going to work this time.

This was one of the best fuck sessions we have ever had, but the pattern begins to take shape before my eyes. Something goes wrong in her life, or she feels unstable, then I am her sex toy for however long she needs to get back on track. And I realise, this is part of the reason why I wouldn't ever feel safe committing to Lucy. If I decided to date her exclusively, we would ruin not just our relationship, but our friendship too. Sticking to occasional sex while remaining friends works for us. Right?

I sensed the very real anger she had for me. I could feel it in every thrust, every touch. She didn't even kiss me, as she thought of me as little more than a dildo to satisfy her cravings. She was trying to put me in my place, and I don't think that there should be any motive other than mutual pleasure. While I can't deny that rough sex has always turned me on, I hate the anger behind it. Any scene where there will be punishment should always be approached with consent and kindness and anything that falls short of that makes me sick to my stomach. Especially since it came from my best friend.

As much as I desire her, and probably always will on some level, it doesn't mean that she can be a good partner to me. Her issues are solved through sex, which is always a recipe for disaster as no amount of sex and punishment is ever enough to make someone whole again.

I go back to my bedroom, taking my newly reclaimed robe that smells faintly of Lucy's intoxicating scent. One of lemon shampoo and jasmine body wash mixed with her own unique aroma. I feel bile rise in my throat and I throw it in my laundry basket before pulling on another set of pjs. Then I get out a pen and paper and head to the living room with a sense of renewed purpose.

It's 8:30 PM and as I scribble my plan of action down, I know for definite that only I can make myself a stronger person from this point. The tiny bit of progress I have made with my mum reaffirms this, and I text her to let her know that all is well. It feels strange given only a week or so ago, she would have been the last person to know about anything going on in my life, but including her in small ways can at least help us to move forward. She texts back a thumbs up emoji and I allow myself to feel genuinely hopeful for the future, despite how frightened I am about what comes next.

I sit back comfortably in my chair with more clarity than I have had for a long time. I realise that I have been pulled along by outside circumstances, and just going through the motions until things improved. But those things can only improve if I work on them.

Lucy's words come back to me once again: <i I can't rescue you from every bad decision you make, nor should I have to i>

As much as I love my best friend, I need to sort out my own problems so she can focus on hers.

I then take myself to the shower and begin my preparations for bed. I make a conscious effort to take my time with my grooming, prepare my bed nicely for sleep, and put my devices away so that I am less distracted. When I am finished and prepared to go to bed, I notice Lucy sleeping peacefully. She has wrapped herself around her pillow as if holding onto me and I am momentarily sad. I have unknowingly contributed to her loneliness, and it seems only natural that she should find someone like Serena to lean on. I still don't think it's the best way to cope, but I suppose people do the craziest things when they don't have anyone else to help them.

Lucy has spent much of her life looking after other people while neglecting her own needs. She gets lonely, scared and vulnerable just like everyone else but she had to learn to hide all of that so that her family could function. I can understand that to a degree with my own mother, but at least mine made the effort to change that eventually, and has always tried to be a good mother in the best way she could.

I am sure Mrs.West did the best she could with two daughters and an absent husband, but I never get the sense from how Lucy describes her that she has ever tried moving past that hurt. She never looks after herself, doesn't set boundaries with Lucy's out of control sister Sandra, and has never tried to develop a stronger relationship with Lucy. I suppose that's why Lucy developed a confident facade. Maybe if she appeared strong and capable, everyone else could be, at least for a little while. I sigh sadly as I realise that that would have meant very little room for spontaneity in her relationship with her mum and Sandra. All of that would have been away from Lucy, and when she found she wasn't welcome in their relationship, she went looking for it elsewhere.

One of the many things I love about Lucy is, she locks you in a beam with how much she cares about you. It's like, there's no one else she would rather be talking to at this moment in time. She's fun, happy and always looks for the next great adventure. It's a privilege to be her friend, and I never want to lose that. Is that the reason why I cling to her? For fear of losing her?

Maybe Lucy is the type of person who needs to be needed, and if someone doesn't need her, maybe she no longer needs them. My stomach twists in fear and I close my eyes to push away the rising panic.

I wipe away a tear but that only seems to strengthen my resolve to fix things. She snores softly and I close the door eighty percent of the way, remembering how she can't bear to be fully shut away.

I take myself to my bedroom and pick up a book for the first time in a long time. It's only about 9:00, usually too early, but I need to get a good night's sleep for my big day tomorrow. I just hope that my nerves don't kick in at the last minute and that means I can't do what needs to be done.

I finish the chapter and programme my alarm for the next morning. Lying back on the pillow, I breathe slowly in through my nose and out through my mouth, allowing all my thoughts to just stop for a moment. I relax my jaw and unclench my fists as I close my eyes and imagine soft lips on mine, strong fingers linking through mine and a deep, calming voice whispering in my ear. Those dark brown eyes watch over me as I sleep, and I take comfort in that. I don't ever want to be free from that soothing presence and I feel the corners of my mouth turn up as I slip into blissful dreams.

<HR***>

I have called in sick to work for the first time ever, and am drinking a glass of water, meditatively savouring the life-giving substance. I feel good about all that I have achieved so far.

After having a nice breakfast and a meditation session in my bedroom, I have been online after waking up at 6AM and been in touch with a therapist, scheduling in an initial phone session for this evening to discuss the particulars. This is the first time I have ever been to a therapist and I feel that talking to someone impartial can actually be beneficial to me, even if the thought of spilling my guts to an almost complete stranger is scary as hell to me.

I have cleaned my bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen and living room as quietly as I can while Lucy is sleeping and I really hope she gets up soon. Monday mornings aren't really a thing for her as she never works on Mondays. I then put some of the remaining fruit into snack boxes and made a list for my weekly trip to the supermarket. I put the chocolate and other such unhealthy things into a special place for weekends only and sat down with my journal and began writing down what I was feeling, as well as some questions for my therapist.

It's when I hear Lucy's door open and the shower start to run that I spring into action once again and pull out the vacuum cleaner in hopes to get this done before I have a talk with Lucy. I then momentarily hope that she will just decide at the last minute to go out for the day. It would make cleaning my apartment from top to bottom a lot easier. <i And possibly delay the talk we need to have a little longer? i>

No. I have made up my mind. I go to her bedroom where she is brushing her hair at her vanity mirror and pulling on a thin sweater over yoga pants, and she looks as classy and expensive as any woman attending a fancy gala. How can anyone make something so casual look so glamorous?

She turns to look at me with a slightly miffed expression.

"You weren't in bed this morning." She says, and I find myself getting a little bit annoyed at her.

"I needed some space." I respond

"Why are you not at work?"

"I called in sick. I needed another day to sort some stuff out."

Lucy frowns disapprovingly but then moves closer to me and moves the hair behind my ear as she kisses my cheek. I sigh at her touch and then take her gently by the hand in an attempt to make sure she doesn't do anything further to me.

"Come on. Let's go on the balcony. We need to talk."

Lucy looks perplexed but doesn't argue and instead she allows herself to be led by the hand to the balcony and we step out into the late morning air. It's humid now that it's approaching mid summer, and I am thankful for the light and simple wrap dress I have on. I can feel her gaze on me and as we sit down, her hands move to cop a feel of my ass from behind. I want to just allow her to leisurely feel me up until neither of us are stressed out, but I fight the urge and ask her if she wants tea. She refuses and instead puts her hand to my thigh under the table in an attempt to feel the lace of my panties, but I move her hand away and shut my legs in an attempt to establish boundaries.

After I make myself a mint tea and come back to the table, I move my chair to the opposite side of the table and I put on my most serious expression. Lucy looks worried but then she puts on that wicked smile that never fails to get me wet, and I take my gaze away from her.

"Lucy. We need to be serious for a moment. We need to talk about last night." I say with a slight trembling tone.

I am disappointed with my best friend for the first time in our relationship and we need to fix that.

Lucy scowls and folds her arms on the table in a sulky manner.

" I thought we resolved everything last night. We <i did i> resolve everything last night."

She then rolls up her sleeves to her elbows and the deep v neck cut of her thin sweater exposes her chest to me even more. She knows I am staring and leans forward ever so slightly so I can get a better view but I take my gaze back up to her face and look her straight in the eye.

"No. <iYou i> resolved everything last night by fucking me senseless. I never really got the sense we resolved anything. We just fucked, and now you're trying to do it again. Aren't you?"

She looks incredulous but then she half smiles and leans her hand under her chin in that way she does as she talks in that flirty tone.

"You know that you loved it, Jess. You're a born submissive and I enjoy making you my little plaything. There's nothing inherently wrong with that."

I try to soften my tone to get my message across better.

"You're right Lucy, but we shouldn't do it with the intention to escape from our problems. You must know that fucking me isn't going to make the problem disappear, right?"

She lifts her chin defiantly and then raises her voice ever so slightly as she says: "I know that Jess. But why does sleeping together have to be a bad thing? I will have you, Jess. Your body always craves mine. No doubt about it. The problems are so much easier to solve when I am done fucking you."

She then moves her chair next to me and proves her point further by moving her hand further up my thigh and into my lacy panties again. My body begins to respond to her touch. I can't help it. She wants my pussy to get wet for her, it happens. Simple.

"That's right. You know you can't resist my touch. Your pussy loves mine. Your nipples get hard when I touch them and I love to get my little fucktoy all wet for me to fuck into the mattress again."

She then slips her fingers inside me, and I allow my thighs to fall open shamelessly as she fucks me with her fingers. Her fingers are firm and probing all my sensitive areas. God, it would be so easy to just crawl back into bed with her all day but I grab her wrist and sit up. I create some space between us and I gently but firmly start explaining things to her.

"That doesn't mean it's healthy, Luce. We need a break from this. We need to get our heads on straight so we can know that we are doing it for the right reasons. I don't want us to ruin our friendship just because we use sex to solve our problems. We are worth more than that."

Lucy's mouth drops open, the redness staining her chest, cheeks and neck as her eyes flash with anger and confusion.

"Why? Why remove the one thing that works for both of us?! We're not hurting anybody, and Ricardo understands this need I have. I..."!

I cut her off mid-sentence and calmly respond with:

"Lucy, you are using my body so you don't have to face your problems. I deserve better than to feel like I am always your sex toy to be used and then cast aside like I don't matter."

"Don't lie to me, Jess. You loved last night! You were practically begging for more and I know the look of someone who needs to be punished. My palm is practically twitching to spank you right now."

Of course she is right, but I must hold firm here.

"Lucy. I have issues of my own I need to work on before I can move forward with my life. I want you to always be my friend, and I don't want this to be the end for us, but I can't sacrifice my well-being because you don't know how to ask for help."

She stands up so quickly that the chair clatters to the floor and she raises her voice to me again for only the second time in our relationship.

"I need help! From what? From who? A therapist won't help. I have seen so many and they all suck. What I need is you. You're my best friend! You're supposed to be there for me."

"Not like this, Lucy! This isn't healthy and you know it. You have to let me have some space. You can't keep me all to yourself when things go wrong in your life. We both need more than that."