The Warlock & The Wizardess Ch. 11

"So, ye two finally sorted things out with Sir Faintsalot, good!" Uli said, letting out a booming laugh at Aldarius's expense as he approached the warlock and the wizardess. Hooking his thick thumbs in his broad belt as he assumed his usual spread feet fight-ready stance before them, the dwarf cocked his head toward the far end of the cathedral hall, making his fiery red topknot bob in time with this thick double-braided beard as he said: "Now what do ye say we pull whatever big scary demon beastie is hiding behind that portal there and cut it up nice and bloody, eh?"

Dismissing the deadly balls of magic they had conjured in their respective hands, Jadrik and Shayla turned to look at the iridescent, whirling dimensional rift hovering over the altar at the other end of the hall. Within moments of staring at that spinning rip in the very fabric of reality, Shayla had to avert her gaze, dizzy as she suddenly was, and even Uli, despite his impressive physical prowess and his innate dwarven resilience against most magic, could only hold his flinty gray eyes focused on the portal for a few seconds longer.

"Ach, that damn thing is making me head all woozy, and not in a good way like a few dozen tankards of ale would!" the warrior grumbled, blinking and shaking his head as he turned and addressed Jadrik, who was still fully naked and partially erect as he calmly gazed into the planar vortex.

"Yeah, I'll cast a spell on you guys, to tone down those dazing side effects," the warlock musingly said, clearly thinking of other matters. "And I'll get Veltheesza to call whoever her previous master was that sent her and the rest of the succubi here through that portal. But maybe we won't have to do any fighting just yet..."

"Och! Really, lad?" Uli immediately reacted, arching his bushy eyebrows at the warlock. "Ye're gonna deprive me of the simple, clean pleasure of killing demons?"

"I've never seen you do any 'clean' demon killing before, Uli!" Shayla chuckled, smirking at the stout warrior and making him laugh loudly in turn.

"Well, ye know what I mean, lass," the dwarf replied with a dismissive wave of his ham-sized hands. "I meant morally clean, of course! Nothing wrong with making a bit of a mess during a fight, though. That's half the fun!"

"Ew, I bet demons are all gross and sticky when you stab them, right?" Laeny chimed in, her flawlessly beautiful face managing to stay mesmerizing even when she assumed an expression of deep disgust. "With gooey green blood and stuff, or something?"

Guffawing and nodding enthusiastically, Uli was about to launch into a tale of all his goriest, most blood-spattered demon fights, including a very detailed and explicit catalog of the carnage that ensued from those kills, but Jadrik spoke before him. Snapping out of his thoughtful trance and turning to face his companions with a grin on his lips, the warlock brightly announced: "Nope, there won't be any gooey blood anywhere here today, Laeny. And before you complain, Uli," Jadrik went on, noticing the look of hurt shock on the warrior's bearded face at the prospect of not sating his bloodthirst, "let me reassure you that you will be enjoying great pleasures all the same, just to the kind related to killing. You see, I have a plan!"

"Oh no, not another one of your plans..." the wizardess groaned, eyeing the warlock suspiciously. "What is it Jad? Come on, I know that look, just tell us what craziness you have in mind this time."

His smirk widening, Jadrik simply nodded sagely before his three befuddled, curious and skeptical companions, then he said: "Of course, my sweet slut. I'll explain everything soon enough. But first I need to have something to eat, and I don't mean the rats and bugs those buffoons have been surviving on."

"We've got plenty of flatbread left," Laeny suggested, shrugging her slim shoulders.

"Yes, yes," Jadrik agreed, brightening at the thought of the hyper-nutritious elven specialty that he found so weirdly good despite its being famously tasteless, unpalatable and annoyingly tough to chew. "Some sharpweed tea would go great with that too..."

"Bah, great! So we're having tea and biscuits instead of doing some demon killing?!" Uli bellowed, throwing his massive arms in the air as he glared in half-mockery and half-outrage at the naked warlock. "That's yer plan, lad?"

"Well, yeah, that's pretty much it for the moment, yes," Jadrik shrugged, smiling calmly at the grumbling dwarf. "But trust me, Uli: you'll be glad about the other phases of my plan. Very, very much so. Just revert your focus on 'butthole' instead of 'battle', that's all I'll say for now."

Instantly placated into intrigued cogitation by the warlock's suggestive words, Uli held Jadrik's gaze for another couple of seconds, just long enough to ascertain that there was indeed truth to his vague promise. Gruffly nodding in assent and shrugging his massive shoulders, the dwarf finally broke eye contact with the warlock, but not before letting out a rumbling sigh as he sneered: "Just put on some pants, lad, will ye?"

*****

To be continued...