All Comments on 'The Watcher'

Nice, simple story with a moral. Too bad the son was disrespectful, but maybe growing up without a dad had it’s effect. Good story.

But I'm sure I was not the only person who saw that coming

Story brings out a new saying that comes up quite often, nowadays:

"Treat your girl like a star, and she'll treat you like a fan."

Also, a more direct one: never marry a woman who has no interest in going down on you.

I mean... duh.

The worst thing that old man did was obviously NOT married the wrong woman, but abandoning his son - it also absolved his ex of throwing herself to one of his friends. He should have stick it out, just to be around his boy, and maybe buy his time til he could find the woman he should have been with all along, and then ditch wife while still be a present in his kid's life... but hey, I guess he was too selfish.

'Makes you wonder how Daniel's next conversation with his parents will go...

An interesting short one. Not bad, overall.

No glitches or gaffs to ruin the flow. Good writing skills from a seasoned writer, but unbelievable details and sci-fi observational skills bring it down. The young man's interruptions after every thought made it tiresome. But the smile on the end made it a worthwhile read.

A little telegraphed, but a good story. 4*

Im pretty sure everyone saw your "twist" coming at the top of page two just as I did. You do know this is a sex story site right? People come here to read sex stories about wives. Happily married, unhappily married or even married cheating sluts. But they want to read a good ol down and dirty fuck story. Half the stories in this category have little to no sex, just like this worthless read. All of you cuck hating so call authors that post your dribble on here are killing this site. Go away. Post crap like this somewhere else. Or better yet stop trying to be a writter.

Great ending

You really pulled on the heart strings with this story.

Gave you 4*s FantasyXY.

Thanks.

Predictable but not till well into the story. Well written.

Interesting but walking away from your child is never an option.

"Most days I would have done anything to give that boy just a single nugget of my wisdom." - Right then I saw the twist coming.

/

I still can't understand how he could walk out without even TALKING to his wife about what he thought he saw.

Just WOW! First time I've read your stories, but this one was amazing. I figured it out well before tending, but still, well told. It doesn't feel like there'll be a follow-on, but the readers would sure like more of how this ended. 5*

Bravo!!! An excellently told story with a really good message! Particularly that you told it without falling into any cliché. Just the wisdom of old age! I liked that very much. I would be happy to read more of you. 5 * that only very few authors get from me!

Great story! 5 stars

Didn't see that coming. Good job!

RSKY

good story

A well crafted story. Didn't see the surprise coming at the end, which I liked. Also liked all the terms the old guy used for sex. Got a real kick out of hibbity-dibbity, or whatever that one was. 5 stars from me.

Damm

Kinda figured that was the case. Truer words...

Good story and I didn't figure it out till about 4 paragraphs before the end.

Thank you, for this great story. It really made me think. As I reflect back on the girls/women that I pursued compared to those that had their "feet pointing towards me" and I ignored. I now wonder what I missed.

No truer words. Every young man should read this story. m

Definitely a different story. I found myself wondering why he was putting up with shit from the kid until the penny dropped. Great twist and well written.

I don't think his wife would have so easily left him for the lawyer friend. I think she would try to have them both for as long as she could. But this guy never approached her? I would have said something and then do the divorce and just split 50/50 plus of course child support. OH... and do a dna test on the kid.

Hope he tells his mother what happened and asks her why she married his father in the first place.

Very good. Figured he might be his father, a nice twist. Would love to know what happened next but I imagine this is a one off.

I gave it 5 stars for not being the usual LWs tale, but I did see the end coming. I thought it was kind of obvious.

Such a different story, I did see the ending some way off but still very well written.

Didn't catch on until half way through the second page, but then it was obvious. Considering that the old man was describing Daniel's life it's a bit hard to understand why he didn't figure it out also. Good read. 4*

Great twist at the end.

"Too bad the son was disrespectful, but maybe growing up without a dad had it’s effect."

Daniel's biological father left when he was too young to miss him. My guess is that the lawyer friend is still with the old man's beautiful ex-wife. Why? Because Daniel grew up to be a lawyer as well, following in his step-father's footsteps.

It was a great story with an interesting bit of advice and an intriguing twist. My only criticism was that Daniel was a total asshole to the old man, which made him totally unlikable. Was that a commentary on the poor upbringing he'd had with his slutty mother and lawyer step-father? Either way, it was a shame Daniel turned out to be such a douchebag.

Yes, I know a few folks who suffered from their first choice special person without knowing what was really in the persons heart and soul. Most did better on their second tries. Nice moral to your story. Thanks for sharing.

The end was obvious, and the last line should have been cut in the final edit

Having that confirmed would only lead to anger and him following the father as he goes to talk to the girl thereby ruining his chances with her

also there were no descrption of their physical actions while talking which causes the story to lose some color

But I do have a gripe. If some bum came to me, spilled his life story with the takeaway from it would be avoid women who ain't really feeling you or you'll end up like him, then claimed to be my father, I would act just like the son did, be a total asshole. The sad part is the son is right, the bum was a cuck. He left for a pack of squares, never came back, and ended up a bum. Why would anyone take any kind of advice from him, let alone a guy who barely knows him? And it's not like the son didn't have a father figure in his life. The lawyer friend apparently was a decent father to him if the son thought he was worth not only mentioning, but defending. I would honestly spend the rest of the day talking all sorts of shit about him. And then I'd probably go and do the same thing to the sweater prep that my lawyer daddy did to this nutless cuck.

Ok, probably not. I'm not that vindictive. Just saying though.

Nice story, just not sure how much I'm feeling the takeaway. 4-stars

-JMFC

Enjoyed that one.

Competently written, but what rotten relationship advice. I guess there's no fool like an old fool.

Five star effort. Nicely done.

Yes, could see that ending coming but the wisdom being shared was well done.

... you should stop being a "writter", too. If you don't like the stories posted here by the "cuck-lovers", don't read them. If you think you can do a better job, let's see some of your "writting".

It was a great idea, read like a screen play at times (you need to learn the difference) and it was telegraphed from a mile away but it had promise.

At least it was original. That gives you high praise, which I never give.

A great little story, I really liked the way body language was used to move the plot along. The part that was tough was Daniel interrupting the old man's story with his disrespectful comments. I think one of the things that make Forrest Gump work as a movie is in all his stories he tells no one interrupts every couple of sentences. You could have let the old man tell his tale without the cuck this or cheat that, sure Daniel could have interjected his opinions at the points where the old man stops to point out things in real-time, but the actual telling of the story of his mother could have played out a little smoother. Still nicely done and perhaps not the greatest father in the world he did give his wife what she wanted and then gave his son a truly useful gift in showing him how he could be happy in his own relationships. I guess the true gem here that so often gets glossed over in these LW revenge stories is that the sad man at the center of every LW tragedy is responsible for his own happiness, his condition is in his own power. Our old mad here got out before he got cheated on, he was self-aware enough to see the storm on the horizon and save himself before he caught them fucking in his bed. I know you've written these from multiple POVs, I usually HATE those POV stories but (ghod forgive me!) it might be cool to see this told from his ex-wife's POV. Oy! There I said it.

And the other thing was our oldster's use of the same slang as the young guy, it didn't separate them enough as characters, I didn't see the age difference even though the young son mentioned the old man's age over and over. Anyway, GREAT! Thanks for adding to the mythos that is Loving Wives!

Dad/FantasyXY did a good job of setting a generic use of ‘son.’ However, a glitch was made, IMHO, in presenting a guy who turns out to probably* be a mid-twenties professional as a snarky teen. A practicing lawyer would be unlikely to be sitting in the park for long periods of time. There is a practice to establish, even if working in his step-dad’s office. And would also have young ladies who are no longer married pointing their feet at him at the country club, rather than picking up goddesses or bike-riding nerds in the park.

* 18 after HS, 22 after B.A., 25 after Law School, 26 (min.) after pass the Bar Exam.

Few Law Schools take juniors in, anymore, and took few back when they did.

5*

You see, she is making the same mistake the old man is warning his son about. She is gaga over someone not really into her. He will date her and maybe even marry her because she will be at his beck and call. She will do every freaky thing he would want sexually, but he will eventually lose interest in her, and he will go off trying to find another beauty queen.

Working really hard to woo a potential spouse is a huge mistake for both genders. Basically, you're telling them they are better than you, and that you have to work extra hard to get them. And then you are working really hard to sell them on you, as opposed to, them coming to that conclusion that they are into you on their own. And you know what happens when someone gets sold on something too hard!? They often have buyer's remorse; like the old man's ex did in this story.

I had no problem with him allowing her to go after the man she really wanted. After all, what was he going to do? Work even harder on selling her to stay with him? The part that I could never do is abandon my child. But then again, if he hadn't done that, you wouldn't have this story.

This was a very mature story. And there was no attempt of trying to make anyone out to be the bad guy. There were no bad guys here IMO. His lawyer friend was obviously attracted to the wife (after all he married her), but still gave honest advice to his friend to try to save his marriage (steered him towards marriage counseling). His ex just didn't feel it for him; not something you can force. The only critique I have of the story is that you made the son really immature, annoying, condescending and an all around douche. Initially I thought he was a teenager, and was surprised he was not only old enough to be a lawyer, but that he was somewhat educated as well.

5 Stars

Ending might have been more effective, if Daniel realized the man knew his name right after he disappeared. There was no need to hit the reader over the head with something we had figured out earlier in the story.

And yes, it was easy to see it coming.

Second part? *****

That was a good one. I figured the young man was the son, but you told a great story all the way to the end.

Well done. Sequel??

One commenter pointed out, that the nerdy girl makes the same mistake like the old man and the son.

Howewver, it would be interesting to hear the talk between the young man and his mother about his father. Would she confess, that she loved the lawyer when she was married to the old guy? Maybe she already cheated while married before the father vanished.

Did the young man even know that his stepdad wasn't his real dad?

It didn’t matter that I caught your twist, it only made it better. I find my mind wandering to all the potential story lines this one spawns. What happened in the wife’s mind? What happened with puppy girl? Did he date the girl with the bike? Did he get serious about reading body language and check out women’s feet more often? Did he have a sit down with Mom? Step Dad? Did he see his father again?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not your job to follow those lines and tell those stories, unless you really want to. It might even screw up the mystique surrounding this story. But this story does what my favorite stories always do, it leaves me thinking about those lines, and that keeps your story alive and vivid.

Bravo, and thanks for writing!

Maudelin.

Old man, look at my eyes?

Nice story, not too long, with nice twist. A little bit mumbo-jumbo with "feet pointing", that could have been done better. Eyes are the right indicator, not feet. It is true to some extent, pursuing somebody that is not falling for you is not smart, physical attraction is more important than anything else.

What an intriguing story. I kind of figured it out just before the end. Still enjoyed it.

Of course reading Daniel's actions at the beginning of the story kinda reminds me of the opening line of Jethro Tull's signature song: "Sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent." 😁

Boy named sue

Wow, great story, thank u for sharing. You developed ur story and characters well.. I was able to see it in my mind qs I rerad it..

It's a bit creepy that the old man is close enough to the young girl that she will take his direction regarding to whom she speaks. Given his history, opportunities for typical social interaction between them would have been unlikely. Of course, they could have no relationship. If she takes the advice of one stranger to approach another one, she's too stupid to live.

Reading again. That was a really good story.

Muy buena historia

The interruptive nature of the dialogue seriously hampered the storytelling.

It’s a great story, with an unfortunate delivery.

@dark2donut: While you are correct about the eyes, you aren't entirely correct about the feet either. The feet are an indicator, the problem is that they can be situationally misleading.

Good story, but the "pecker pudding" remark at the end didn't help it. If he's talking about finding the right girl, she will take more time than that.