All Comments on 'The Wild West and Sex Slavery Ch. 12'

Sorry, well written, but too brutal and hateful for me. Thanks.

We were warned going in, but, from the first chapter:

“ Also, I am interested in the women long after they become slaves as opposed to focusing on grading, auctioning and branding. I do not intend to be grim, although I think anything close to reality would be grim. This is a fantasy. It is hoped it will be amusing and erotic. I am not, however, promising a happy ending.”

I fear you’re much further on the grim side than initially intended there. The shared universe you’re writing this in response to usually has just enough absurdity to keep it… not lighthearted, but to keep you from thinking of the cold horror of realism. Your editor is very good at straddling this line. This isn’t that kind of story.

Even with the silliness of the paintball duels and other things you’ve pointed out it feels almost like you’ve written this to make an argument about that universe. That’s fine, and you’re even correct about whatever realism points you’re making. But the stuff you’re correct about is why people keep reading and writing those stories, you know? That said, maybe this is a necessary counterbalance. I suspect many readers may be a bit startled by how heavy the counterweight is.

I cant argue with what youve said xyz, but this part of the story seems to be about a protagonist being systematically tortured, beaten and raped by quasi religios lunatics, over a prolonged period of time, and the offhand way its dealt with is, to me, a little unpleasant. Now I've written rape scenes myself, as part of larger stories, and I'm not complaining as such, nor am I getting on a holier than thou horse of any colour. That particular story mechanism can be useful after all. But I dont know. There's something about this one and I cant put my finger on it. The story is very well written after all and I dont mean to imply otherwise. Maybe I'm just a sucker for a happy ending and seeing the bad guys getting stomped. It could be that simple.

I generally avoid responding to comments in the comments section. I will probably address some of these in an introduction to Chapter 13. I do, though, want to thank xyz and Gortmundy for making thoughtful comments. Also, I cannot help observing that this story involves far less physical violence than is present in stories by many other authors (I won't name names as I don't want to get anyone in trouble). Further, I have religiously observed the rule that the nonconsent/reluctant "victim" has to derive some pleasure from the sexual activity. It appears, though, that there is something different about the oppression that is contained in the Wild West from the stories involving rapes, torture, murder and enslavement in those works by other authors.

Ive been thinking about this, and trying to figure out why the story vexed me. You're right, you've not gone in for over-the-top garish descriptions of wanton acts, and Ive written more violent stuff myself. I'm beginning to think its the setting. The abuses portrayed are systemic, built into the backround and the people running the boats and touting the fundamentalist crazy are just so utterly despicable that the very thought of them doing this (and not getting hanged or shot) makes the blood simmer a bit. If so, then well done, that's good writing. Yea, I wonder if that's it.

You say the “victim” has to derive some pleasure and we see the words on the page, but it doesn’t have the same effect (impact) on the reader. The “vibes” remain “negative” through entire chapters. That’s why I was wondering if this was 100% intentional and you were intending to do a deconstruction of a certain type of story/setting. I think you succeeded there if that’s what you wanted to do, but you keep saying you didn’t intend that?

Perhaps said another very meta way (and do not take this at all literally, just explore how things feel from the perspective)… many read a NC story either implicitly or explicitly as the BDSM “play” without the “framing device”. After all, the reader and author are “consenting” and the browser’s back button is the safe wor). From this perspective the *reader* needs to *feel* the “pleasure from the sexual activity”. Think about avicia’s 34th stories from that perspective - the setting has enough elements of farce and there is enough balance in text between pleasure and oppression that it *could* maybe be what you’re imagining playing out in a bdsm “scene” thats satisfying for everyone involved. From this perspective your realism comes across as “stop having fun, this is a serious subject!” And of course it is, and of course you can write about terrible dystopias and everyone should feel bad about it! But from your comments and text in your bio I think you weren’t trying to simply write the latter? That’s what’s confusing and likely why you’re getting mixed feedback deep into the story.

thank you xyz. I think you put your finger on the contradiction in my stories but it is intentional. One of my points is that only a terrible set of circumstances could make slavery legal again and that if that happened it would not be very pleasant. I have cushioned that. I have designed my main protagonists so that they are somewhat less miserable than the normal slave would be and have not focused on the really sad cases. Also, I have added all sorts of whimsical elements and satirical asides that some people might see as funny. But it is comedy horror. Also, maybe you are right that the normal legal sex slavery stories are seen as fun because they are seen as basically BDSM in disguise without that safe words and other back story but I did not read them that way. Anyway, I am planning currently to finish Wild West and retire as a Literotica writer. I plainly don't have the knack.

I think that would be an error Roseyfingers, but its not my place to say what you should do. What I will say is that this story was/is very well written, and if it evokes some feeling in the reader because of the plot then that is a good sign. Just because I found a few bits somewhat irritating, probably because of the setting (I hate religious nutters, and I really hate bad guys getting away with it) does not mean you "don't have the knack". My annoyance was certainly not due to bad writing, probably quite the reverse. I probably just empathise with your protagonist a bit too much and dont like the idea of her being so badly treated by bad guys I despise. I want her to "win". So I think you very much DO "have the knack." Remember: Illegitimi non carborundum.

That’s the thing though - you do have the knack and that’s why readers are mad.

I did not necessarily mean BDSM in disguise is the only way people read those stories. But perhaps consider you as author as the “dom” and the reader as a “sub” and analyze how the story as a “scene” brings “pleasure” (cushions) or “pain” (miserableness) to the reader. Does the reader come out feeling the way you want them to?

Here the amount of time spent on the “cushions” pales in ratio to “miserableness” and so you’re *mad* when you finish the chapter! You can write stories with that goal in mind, but having a more balanced part followed by a less balanced part isn’t going to be taken well.