Their Way - Andrea and Jay Ch. 03

Andrea had tried to put it behind her. It had been fun with her family, but that was not how the rest of the world lived. She focused on her marriage and sex with Robert instead. And for a time with her friend Heather when Robert was deployed. She still loved her bother and mother, but the chasm between them stayed as the years passed. In time Andrea thought she had moved past all that and become a normal person with normal urges. But that was not to be she realized. Her incestuous origins had come to haunt her again.

Andrea reviewed the recent months since Jay turned eighteen. She could not deny it. After his birthday, she started thinking of him as a man rather as just her son. She had watched him and his body wondering what he looked like naked. What his cock looked like. How he fucked and how long he lasted. Things no mother should think of her son. Not in normal world. Only in the world she had come from and tried to deny for years. That world had come back to claim her because she had never truly given it up in the depths of her soul Jay was her son and she wanted to fuck him. What else was it?

She stopped walking finding herself blocks away from home by the park. She sat on a bench and looked around her. Could she resist? Did she want to? And what of her son. Did Jay want her? Of course, he wanted her. She had seen it in his eyes. The way he looked at her when he thought she was not paying attention to him. She had seen him stare at her in the reflection of the glass door and her bedroom mirror. She not only allowed it; she had encouraged it. She had not seduced him...yet. No, she had deluded herself in to thinking that slow teasing was not really incest. That she could stop at any moment. She now knew better. She was obsessed with her son no differently than her mother had been with her brother.

She had to resolve this one way or another. Part of her said no, break the cycle. Do nothing. Move away. Let him find a woman of his own. But another part said run home. Tell him you love him. Ask him what he wanted. If he said no, so be it. But if she never tried, she would be forever wondering what might have been. Either way, she had to go back home. If he didn't find her there, he would worry.

Another horn beeped. This one sounded a bit familiar, but she was too preoccupied to notice and turn. Then it beeped again, and she turned just enough to see the car across the street. It was Jay! She was happy and scared at the same time.

"Hey," he yelled out still in the driver seat. "Are you ok?"

Andrea stood and walked over to him.

"Get in," he said and for a brief second she hesitated. He looked concerned, but at the same time smiling. "I'm glad I found you so quickly. I was going to drive the other way toward the track you like running at."

Andrea sat in the passenger seat and closed the door. She belted herself and looked down at her shoes trying to get the courage to speak.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want," he said as he drove off.

"I do Jay," she replied. "I have a lot to say to you."

"I may have a thing or two to tell you myself," he replied.

"You must think I'm losing it," she said.

He shook his head and leaned back.

"No mom, in fact I was wondering when all this would get to you. It's been over two years and you have done nothing but work, exercise and take care of me and Leslie. No time for yourself. No vacation or dates." She made a face at the mention of dates.

"I was warned by the school counselor to keep an eye on you."

"Were you now?" She made a face in annoyance.

"Which is it mom? Are you surprised that I care or that you overloaded and needed to let loose a bit?"

She didn't say anything at first. Then she looked up.

"I took the day off. Its Friday anyway."

"Good" he said. "I called in and took the day off at school. Seniors in the last month. We hardly show up."

" Yes...you're eighteen and graduating soon." She whispered to herself.

She was surprised how matter of fact he was about it. No hiding or playing silly lying games. She looked up at him and realized how much he had grown the last two years. Yes, he was physically taller and fitter. And he looked older than eighteen. It was his character that had developed. He knew what he wanted.

He was going to college next fall to a local college. Jay had a job lined up for the summer with the father of a friend in home construction. She didn't have to do anything to help him. Jay had arranged it himself and just let her know. Part of his school would be paid by a government guaranteed loan. The rest by a deceased veteran's scholarship. If he maintained an A average, the scholarship would reimburse him for the loan amount. Jay had researched it, applied for it and had been accepted; all on his own. As much as she was proud of his accomplishment, she was a bit miffed he had not needed her at all in the process.

"So..." he said bringing her out of her reverie.

"It looks like a nice day'" she replied looking up with a smile. "A ride to the beach for some fresh air and a nice walk?"

"Sounds like a plan mom."

"Let's go pick up my car," she said.

In less than ten minutes, they drove to the bar and picked up her car. They brought it home and ran inside to get ready. She took a quick shower and did her make up. Jay changed as well and was waiting downstairs for her. She wore a flower sundress he had complimented her on. Jay didn't fail to notice.

They rolled the windows down and enjoyed the fresh May country air. She had him take the back roads. It would add an hour to the trip, but they had all day. On the way they chatted about a lot. They always did that when they had time. From news, to TV shows, books, crazy movie stars and musicians, to social media personalities that she didn't follow but he often showed her videos of. Her headache eventually got better, and she relaxed.

They made it to the beach and parked in one of the lots. Too early for swimming, and on a workday, there were few people on the beach and few cars in the lot. They walked toward the surf and stood to watch from a safe distance.

He hadn't brought up the night before, and she was glad he had not. But she did know she had to talk to him. She wanted to clear the air. But he surprised her by breaking his silence.

"Mom, it's been two years. Are you planning to date again?"

"What!" she stopped to look at him but looked away. "Wait...you think..."

"Look..." he said stopping and touching her arm. She pulled away and crossed her arms.

"You are still young mom. I was thinking maybe you may want a man in your life?"

She kept looking at the surf. The sunglasses hid her eyes, but her lips were pursed. Was she annoyed with him?

"Jay, I need to talk to you about something." She resumed walking.

"Mom you don't have to say anything about last night..."

"No, not about last night or the night before." She shook her head. "Although we will eventually. It's about something else."

He didn't know what it was. But it worried him that she dismissed the last two nights' happenings as minor to what she wanted to talk about. What could top that? Because in his mind, that was the most interesting event of his year; if not his life.

"I dated this man for a while" she blurted out.

"Wait...what! when?"

"Before Christmas' she replied. "Remember when I said I had to be late a few times back then?"

He didn't say anything but nodded. He did remember. He had just assumed she was working late, or it was holiday party at work like every year.

"Well, there was this man. He used to know your father and me. He is out of the service now and divorced. I met him at the food court near the bank and we chatted during lunch and he asked me out. We went to dinner the next day and just talked about what had happened to us since we last saw each other. He knew your dad was passed away, and he told me about coming home and his wife asking for a divorce. Anyway...we went out again...and...eh..."

"Mom, do I need to know more?"

She stopped, looked at her feet, kicked the sand as if getting the courage to say something...or deciding if she should. "Jay...he made a pass."

"Ok...I don't..." he tried to stop her looking away clearly uncomfortable.

"Jay, he tried to rape me."

The words burned when their meaning hit his brain. 'Rape, raped...my mother was raped...no she said tried.'

"Please tell me he didn't."

She shook her head.

"No, not all the way...but he tore my dress, copped quite a few feels and almost would have, if I hadn't jabbed my finger in his eye."

He was still stunned. His jaw dropped in shock and he tried to say something but couldn't process it all. Shock gave in to anger.

"Who is it mom?"

"It doesn't matter Jay. He is out of the picture and actually...out of the country. He is working overseas now and knows better than to come around. "

She could see the anger in his face. But it quickly gave way to concern.

"Mom, why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't say anything because he has children your age, and they don't deserve to hear that about their father. And to be honest..." she hesitated and looked away. "I think I gave him the wrong signals."

"What? To attack you?" he asked still angry. But shocked she was blaming herself.

She shook her head.

"Look Jay, it's not that simple. I haven't been in the dating scene for ages. I'm out of practice sort of speak and was a bit too forward. Maybe the way I dressed, the low-cut dress, the way I leaned over...I think I flirted too much. "

She turned as he shook his head.

" No, mom. That's no excuse..."

"Jay...JAY...I'm not saying it's the victim's fault. It's not that. I'm not stupid. But I was there and know what happened." She looks at him as he flinched. "I know I gave him the wrong signals. THAT was stupid. I don't know why but I know I did want him at first. Then as he started on me, I knew I had made a mistake, but it was too late. Even though I wasn't raped, I could have been and it's because I was a mess and confused."

He stopped shaking his head, but from the stern look he gave her, she knew he wasn't convinced. She put her hands up and tried a different approach.

"Look Jay. I didn't have to share this with you. I did it for a reason. One day, a woman may...no...WILL, put you in the position I put M..." she almost said his name. She took a deep breath and continued. "A position I put that man in. I'm saying this to you because I don't want you to end up in jail because a confused woman gave you the wrong signals, leading you to do something you will regret."

He shook his head.

"Mom...was drinking involved in this...date?" he said raising an eyebrow. He almost had a smirk on his face. She knew what he was implying. 'You got drunk last night and offered it up.' Andrea was not happy how this was turning out, but she knew they had to get this done with and everything had to come out.

"I had one drink that night Jay. If I was totally drunk, I would not have had the sense to know it wasn't right. He...wasn't right for me and that I had to make him stop. Jay, I know I'm over your father being gone. And I do know that I could use a good...I mean some sex. But I can't bring myself to move toward another man. I tried. But it's not happening in my head. I don't see myself settling for anyone out of desperation. Nor am I desperate to have a man or husband. I've seen divorced and widowed wives settle for the first guy that comes along. It never ends well. That won't be me."

"So...what was last night about?"

"I was drunk last night Jay. Alcohol brings down a woman's inhibitions. Her defenses crumble. I was horny from the night before and the drinking got me all worked up..." she shook her head and trailed off.

Jay thought that if she was drunk with lowered inhibitions, there was a bar full of men she could have picked up and had a romp with. Instead she came home and basically propositioned him. Her own son!

"Mom...this is all a bit out of my league. But you and I are treading on shaky ground here."

She nodded in agreement.

"I know hun. But it happened, and we can't ignore it. We can't let the tension build, so we drift away from one another. You have been so close to me the last two years. I rely on you. You are a part of my life. A big part. I don't want you to think less of me. You hardly need me it seems lately. You got a job and your scholarship without me doing a thing for you. I've been afraid you will just go to college and we will drift apart."

He saw that her eyes were getting wet...and a tear dropped to her cheek. Her lip trembled as she looked at him. His mother was so vulnerable and so honest with him. So much so that he felt a pain in his heart for her. She bared her soul to him; all her fears. He opened his arms to her, and she went to him. He hugged her and she sobbed on his shoulder. She hugged him back as if she was holding on to a lifejacket in a sea storm.

"I don't want you to think I'm a bad person Jay...that I'm a bad mother."

"No, mom. Don't worry about that." He tried to soothe her and found himself rocking her as they sat down on the boardwalk bench. An older woman passed them walking her dog and gave them a disapproving look. A 'don't you think he is too young for you?' look.

Jay noticed, but his mother was still sobbing and looking the other way. Jay gave the woman a 'mind your own business' look back. The woman shook her head indignantly and kept going. The dog kept waging her tail.

After a few minutes, she stopped crying and sat back just holding his hand.

"Mom, I love you." He squeezed her hand back.

Inwardly he said, 'I want you and want to fuck your brains out. I want to be the man you need. I already live with you and am the man in your life.' But he felt stupid thinking it let alone saying it to her.

"I love you too hun," she replied. She had her own thoughts as well and they were not pure. She thought of her beginnings from girl to womanhood and flinched. If he knew he would...would what? No, she couldn't say anything to him. But she so wanted to. Instead Andrea bit her lip and looked back at the sea.

They sat quietly watching the surf. Each in their thoughts. Eventually they got up and went down the road for lunch. They talked more, but he had much on his mind. When she chatted about her job, he was thinking about how beautiful she was and how much she meant to him. How much she had gone through and what she was still going through. He decided he had been right not to go far for college like Leslie had. And he was glad Leslie had not been around to see this.

"What are you thinking Jay?" Andrea asked sensing he was distracted.

"I want you to know mom, that I will never do anything to hurt you nor will I leave you. Look," he said leaning toward her, "I'm staying in town. I am not going anywhere soon or even after. I want to go to college and maybe start my own business here eventually. This is a great place to live. I want you to be a part of my life. We are all we got mom. And if we leave or if we have to travel, I want it to be temporary."

"What about you going in the Army like you had planned?"

"I'm doing ROTC for the experience but am not looking for an active service slot. Maybe a reserve slot, but I don't want dad's life. That was his dream, not mine."

She nodded in silence. Then smiled shaking her head.

"What mom?" He asked smiling back but wandering what she was thinking.

"He would be so proud of you Jay. The man you are becoming."

"Becoming?" He asked feigning shock.

"Oh, I think you have barely reached your potential Jay. You astound me every day."

He almost blushed. She reached out, touched his hand and said. "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied, and this time didn't pull his hand away. She caressed it and smiled at him as he watched her eyes.

On the way back to the car, they walked on the beach barefoot, chased each other and almost got hit by a wave. When she almost fell, he steadied her, and she held on to him. And while his arm went around her waist, her thigh pressed on his crotch. In seconds he was hard. He tried moving away, but she noticed and turned to look at him.

Their eyes met, but he looked away. Andrea didn't want to make him uncomfortable and looked away herself. He placed his hands in his pockets to help hide his erection. For some reason Andrea found this amusing and flattering. And confusing.

'My son just got hard touching me and I'm flattered he did...why am I not freaked out? Ok...I'm a little freaked out. Oh my God...what's wrong with me?' She moved away a bit and they both looked ahead as they walked back to the car.

'She felt me...great...now she thinks I'm a perv' he thought in disgust with himself. 'Wait, she must know I put her in bed last night near naked. Or does she? Oh man this is a mess.' He stopped as they got near the car.

"I'll drive," he said without asking.

"Sure" she replied, as he held the door open for her. She moved around him to get in and they almost bumped again. He awkwardly backed away and she made sure she made no contact with him. But this avoiding physical contact between them only validated their attraction to each other.

He closed the door and went around to the driver side. As he passed in front of the car, he glanced toward her and she looked right at him. He stopped and looked back. There was a moment her heart skipped a beat. It was that moment, she looked at her son not just as her son, but as a man. A man who she knew was attracted to her, and a man she was...attracted back to. She nodded to him and kept eye contact. It was that moment she crossed the line in her mind.

'I'm attracted to Jay. No, not just that. I like being attracted to Jay.'

The self-admission scared her. But also excited her. A feeling she had not experienced in years. Still it was a dangerous admission.

For his part, Jay didn't have the experience to know when a grown woman gave him a signal. He felt that she had just said something to him. But what was it?

'Yes, I know you want me? Yes, I want you too? Yes, Let's go home before we die of old age?'

He nodded back politely and entered the car. This was driving him crazy. He started the car and backed out of the parking space driving away.

"I love you mom," he said.

"I love you too" she replied.

It seemed like saying I love you was safe for both of them. They had been saying it to each other for years. But now it was different. Now it meant, no matter what happens, I will still love you.

After he got on the highway, she reached over and touched his hand. They held hands for a while as their minds wondered where they were headed other than home. Their bodies were responding as well. She felt herself get wet. It felt good to hold hands for Jay as well, but he was hard again. He drove as fast as he could home. It was the first time she didn't give him grief for speeding. He backed off the gas pedal a bit. He wanted to live to see what this day would bring.

The stress and emotional roller coaster caught up to them then. She started it. An uncontrollable urge to giggle. The first one came out without her realizing it would. Jay smiled at her and turned back to the road. Then she did it again.

He wanted to ask what was funny, but instead he giggled himself. It became infectious after that. Giggles continued until they were both laughing and trying not to look at each other. Doing so made it worse. They eventually managed to stop. For seconds.

They burst out laughing again. They looked at each other eventually and she had to remind him to look back on the road. They drove back home with smiles on their faces. He drove on but as they reached their exit, they started laughing again. Not even the rain that started falling dampened their good spirits. He pulled in the driveway and they both looked at each other.