All Comments on 'These Two Pt. 01'

First story!

5

Been there, done that. What a story!

Your bio says that you're making first steps in writing. If these really are first steps, they are extraordinarily good. I look forward to more. 5.

Thank you all for your comments and such high rates. I did not expect that, but it is so encouraging and motivates to take further steps on this writing path.

@tonydxx Yes, it is really my first complete story. Thank you for your feedback :) I am already thinkikg through the next one and hope it will be on soon

A most excellent piece of prose containing excellent vivid imagery to highlight the erotic thoughts of the characters. You have the makings of embellishing your story into a terrific and intriguing novel. I hope you succeed in such endeavor if that is your ultimate goal.

To encourage you I'd like to recount my own experience in writing. I had read Thomas Hardy's "Tess of the d'Urbervilles" while in college taking an English novel course. In that novel there is a scene described where the seducer of the heroine gazes upon her as she was milking a cow. Rather than pressing her forehead against the flank of the cow as was the normal custom of milchers, Tess rested her entire side of her face against the cow and was presumably daydreaming while engaged in her chore. The sight was so enthralling to the seducer that it was the catalyst for him to force her into having sexual intimacies.

Bear in mind that this novel was published in 1891/1892 right in the heart of the Victorian era of modesty and high restrictive morals. Consequently, this novel is devoid of the kind of graphic descriptions contained in today's erotic literature. And yet this has been to my mind one of the most erotic thought-provoking scenes I've ever had the pleasure of reading.

So this was my idea to replicate the scene aided greatly by the freedom of describing the action in stark graphic terms. Since Wisconsin is the state of the United States most renowned for its dairy farm industry. I had the setting for my novel. Since nowadays because of its efficiency cows are milked by machines rather than by hand. so I had to come up with a plausible reason for my heroine to be seen milking a cow the old fashioned way. And from there I was off to the races in concocting a full-fledged plot, and you can read the results on this site.

In your case you have the male character, presumably an artist and the female character presumably a writer gazing at each other in a crowded café and enchanted with what they see, each incorporating their intimate thoughts into their craft. As a clever twist you have a third party, their mutual serving waitress witnessing and recognizing the similarity of their thoughts expressed in their different artistic format.

Now from there you can flesh out their vocations and elaborate on why they were in that particular café. Of course. details of their separate backgrounds would be helpful in order to establish why they were attracted to each other. Then you'll have them again meeting not necessarily in the same café and the only restrictions of the subsequent storyline will be the limits of your imagination.

Good luck!

This was just outstanding. I love the juxtaposition of him sketching while she writes. I think that's an amazing illustration of how we all express ourselves sexually in unique ways.

Very bittersweet, making me want to read more...