Threading the Needle Ch. 12

"I know, but feelings like this aren't rational," Yamile replied. She sounded so forlorn that Marika felt compelled to move closer and pull her into an embrace. She didn't resist at all, but simply put her head on Marika's shoulder. The gentle petting of her head felt nice, as did the feeling of being held. Other than a few nights with the girls when they all needed the feeling of security that came from sleeping together, she slept in an empty bed that was a constant reminder of her loss.

Marika's fingers began gently to comb her hair with slow, steady movements. The long day started to catch up with her and she could feel herself drifting in and out of a light drowse. She shook herself slightly and looked at Marika. "Thanks. For everything," she whispered.

"Anytime, sweetie," Marika said softly. She leaned forward and gave Yamile a light kiss on the forehead. A few moments later, she heard the slow steady breaths that told her Yamile was asleep. It was a peaceful sound. Listening to it was the perfect way to drift off into a deep sleep of her own. It only took a minute or two. Neither one of them moved until the morning.

In her tent, the morning light woke Liz up. A naked Indigo was still sleeping beside her. Her sleeping bag was unzipped to expose her back and the top of her butt. Liz admired it for a moment. If there was time and they were alone, she would have indulged in waking her up with gentle caresses that would lead to the delightful sex that was their staple.

"But we aren't alone; and we don't have time," she thought to herself. Her mind started to slip into her rafting mode as the things that needed to be done popped into her mind. "And I've got to pee," she muttered. She unzipped her tent, got out, and started to walk over to the restrooms, going past Rikki's SUV.

The early morning light was also enough to disturb Yamile's slumber slightly. After sleeping all night in one position, she felt a little cramped and rolled over to bury her face closer to the side of the SUV where it was still protected from the growing light. Once she was no longer in her arms, Marika rolled over as well. Both of them fell back in deep sleep in seconds.

Moments later Liz walked by, glancing inside. She paused and looked at Rikki. Her face looked so peaceful, as if none of her troubles ever happened. "She is such a lovely woman," she thought. So was Yamile, but Liz only really saw Rikki. She sighed and started walking again towards the restrooms.

It wasn't long after that when everyone started to get up. Sometime in the middle of the night, Sawyer and Bohdi got there. They were too tired to do anything but put a tarp down and just go immediately to sleep under the stars. They were the last to get up, waiting until there was just enough time to pull on some clothes and drive to the put-in. Although there were five rookie guides, they all just expected Rikki to guide. This was the first time down the Klickitat for all of them, and they trusted her skills most of all. It was a technical river, and therefore harder than the rivers they had run the last month or so. Although this wasn't nearly as challenging, everyone remembered how well she did on the Green. It wasn't that they lacked confidence; Rikki was just their leader.

Yamile helped them get ready. "It's a free rafting trip; I can at least help," she said. Because they didn't have one of the buses, the customers met at the put-in. She helped with the shuttle by driving the SUV down to the take out, and then bringing up some of the drivers. They would need a ride back up at the end of the day, but that didn't matter. They would be staying at the same campground tonight since the drive from there to the White Salmon was only about hour. After rafting, the day would be relaxed.

The customers were unlike the typical ones that rafted on the Wenatchee. Whether it was the much longer drive or unfamiliarity with the rivers in the southern Cascades, it attracted the hardcore rafters. They were all in good shape and experienced. Most of them were rafting on the White Salmon the next day too. It made for a good day. The weather was hot and very dry, a nice change from the rain lately in Seattle.

Despite it being her first trip down this particular river, Rikki had no problem in navigating her way down it. She was the sweep boat, ready to help if anyone got into trouble. It was the first time she had been trusted to do that. In the past, the rookies ran second to last on difficult rivers. Rikki couldn't keep the look of pride off her face when Liz told her. Even though she was her best friend, she knew Liz would never make the decision on that basis. She was strictly business when it came to safety.

While the river had some nice waves, there were some slower spots where she only needed to navigate her way down through rockier shallow sections. In between paddling, the rest of the boat relaxed and basked in the sun, and no one more so than Yamile. Her dark Puerto Rican skin let her worship the sun more than some of her others, like Sawyer and Winnie. She leaned back in the back of the raft with her wet suit unzipped down to her waist. Her life jacket kept it from slipping off her shoulders, but it revealed her bikini with her deep cleavage. Despite the significant difference in age, both Sawyer and Bohdi tried to flirt with her. Neither one of them knew she was recently widowed; they just thought she was a sexy older woman.

It didn't bother Yamile. After all the turmoil, it felt nice to be appreciated even if she had no interest. Even when Claudio was around, she was frequently the target of flirtatious overtures. She first got to know Liz that way at a party Marika and Samuel threw. She had deflected Liz a little more then than she did the guys today, not because of their gender but she felt the need to feel wanted more now. "Still, not too much," she thought as she laughed at something Bohdi said. "I don't want to be a tease."

It wasn't just the guys that noticed her. Lena occasionally joined in the light banter, and while Winnie kept quiet, she took advantage of her dark sunglasses to take lingering looks at Yamile's body.

Unlike everyone else, Rikki couldn't completely relax. She needed to keep her attention on the river downstream. Even when there weren't any rapids, there were rocks and shallow spots to avoid. Most of the time, she could do it on her own by reading the currents and a few strong paddle strokes of her own. Guiding, however, didn't prevent her from getting in a few looks of her own. She already knew how good looking Yamile was; she just appreciated the opportunity to see it.

A couple of times when she was checking her out, Yamile looked over at her and smiled a little. Surprisingly it didn't seem to bother Rikki. "I guess I'm kind of tired of pretending. I hope I look as good as her by my late 30's," she thought. "Why should I hide acknowledging that? And it's not like I think it would offend her!"

Between the relative tameness of the river and being with her friends, it was just what she needed after the stress of the week. She was glad it was a guide boat; unlike customers, she knew they could take care of themselves.

"I love this. I just get to guide today. I don't have to be an entertainer," she said aloud.

Winnie looked back and gave her a big smile. She loved how it seemed like a big weight was off her friend. While she never stopped being attractive, she was missing a bit of the spark that made her so alluring. "Even last weekend with all the flirting, and uh the other things, it wasn't really there," she thought. "Without Samuel, she can start finding happiness." She felt herself starting to blush and turned away to look downstream. There was a slight breeze coming up the river that provided some relief from the heat of the day. As she tried to enjoy it, she sighed. "I wish I knew what I really wanted," she thought.

She could see Logan in the second raft in front of her. He had been happy to see her in the morning. Despite her vague worry, he was alone. There was very little time to do much more than say hi before everyone was fully occupied, getting ready for the day of rafting. Even at the put-in, they were in a hurry. With a small group, they didn't need as much time. Since he drove his vehicle down to the takeout, they also didn't get a chance to talk before meeting the customers.

When he looked back upstream, Winnie hurriedly looked away. She could tell he was looking at her but she pretended not to notice, staring up at the hills through which the river carved its way. It was beautiful and worth the attention. It was very dry and reminded her just a little of home. "Home," she sighed under her breath. That wasn't something she liked to remember. All the questions about her parents were still open. She looked back at Rikki again. She was laughing about something, looking breathtakingly gorgeous, and Winnie's heart seemed to skip a beat or two.

When she looked back downstream, Logan's attention was back on the river. She watched him. "He's good looking, no doubt about that," she thought. "He knows it too." She thought back to the conversation with Gabby, just as she had during the week. She still couldn't decide whether it even bothered her, which was disturbing on its own.

"And if it does, what part," she wondered. It wasn't that the relationship was only temporary. What little clarity she had into her desires was in the recognition that trying to have a permanent relationship right now was a bad idea, bad for her and bad for the other person. Until she figured out what she wanted, it made no sense to worry about permanent.

She looked at Liz in the raft right in front of her. "They are a little alike, but at least Logan doesn't play mind games," she told herself. Despite her momentary doubt that he was alone last night, she knew deep down that was foolish. He didn't flirt with other women when she was around, and there were no signs that he did it when she wasn't. For a moment, she wondered why she wanted to believe it last night.

Without thinking, she glanced over at Lena, but immediately looked away. "I'm not ready to go there," she thought. She sighed deeply. "God, this is confusing." Fortunately Rikki started calling commands as the approached a rapid and she was spared from having to think any more about it.

By the time the trip was over, Yamile was a firm convert to rafting. She enjoyed it more than anything since Claudio was taken from her. After they pulled out the raft and set it up on the trailer, she went around and hugged everyone from her raft. Sawyer was the only one who didn't drag it out. Bohdi took full advantage of the hug to appreciate the feeling of her body against his. Laughing, she let him but gave him a spank afterwards.

"Naughty boy," she said with another laugh.

Wiggling his ass at her, he nodded. "I'd be happy to show you how naughty I can be, and you can spank me more!"

"Ummm, I think you've had enough," she replied. Her smile made it obvious that she didn't take him seriously. It was hard for any of them to take Bohdi seriously. Beyond his long dreadlocks, he had a goofy grin that was almost never missing. Although Yamile only met him this morning, she was certain that smoking a bowl or two was a daily habit for him. No one else needed to guess about that. "Sweet but harmless," she thought, as she turned away to hug one final person.

Yamile smiled at Rikki as she wrapped her arms around her. While not a full body press like Bohdi, it was a very tight hug. All of her excitement for the day of rafting went into it. She felt her friend returning it in the same way. Turning her head, Yamile gave her a kiss on the cheek. She whispered into her ear. "Thank you so much. That was so much fun. You really are a wonderful friend."

Squeezing her even tighter, Rikki gave her a little kiss on the cheek back. Looking into her eyes, she softly replied, "I'm so happy you liked it. I'm going to make you take care of you, sweetie. I know it's hard, but life goes on." They continued to look at each other with arms still around each other, and Yamile ran her hand over Rikki's hair in a tender gesture.

Unlike the guys, Lena knew about Claudio's death. She smiled as she watched the two women. "Rikki is such a warm person. Yamile is lucky to have her as a friend, to have that support," she thought. "And I guess the same is true for Rikki." Turning away, she grabbed some of the gear off the ground and started to put it into the van. Bohdi and Sawyer began to help her.

Without realizing how similar their expressions were, Winnie and Liz kept watching the two women. The way they held each other conveyed a sense of intimacy that disturbed both of them. For Liz, it was an intense feeling of jealousy. Despite being her best friend, she couldn't remember a time when Rikki held her like that, completely missing how she never needed that degree of support. All she could see was Yamile getting the attention she craved.

For Winnie, it was different. She knew her jealous feelings were irrational. "Stop it," she told herself. "She's just being a good friend; both of them are. It doesn't mean anything more." She hated the feeling of resentment towards Yamile, guessing at but not fully able to grasp the pain she felt since losing Claudio. "She needs this, and all you can think about is yourself," Winnie thought harshly. Forcing herself to turn, she grabbed the stack of paddles by her feet and took them to the van.

After glaring at them a little longer, Liz finally got back to work. Dark thoughts continued to swirl in the back of her mind, but her long experience in suppressing these feelings kept them hidden. It helped to submerge herself into the flow of getting off the river and ready to head back for the camp.

When everything was in the van and the customers gone, they all piled into the van so Liz could drive them up to the put-in. With the gear in there, there wasn't much space. Rikki climbed in and found a spot in the back. When Winnie poked her head in, she gestured at her. "Back here," she said. As she got in, Rikki spread her legs. "Sit here, Winnie."

For a brief second, Winnie paused and a thought passed through her mind. "Is she teasing me?" If it was Lena, she knew the answer would be yes, but Rikki's eyes were missing any hint of mischievousness. That didn't prevent her heart from starting to beat faster as she turned around and sat down. Rikki shifted a little and reached around to pull her closer and more out of the way of others. At first, she held herself rigid, but the allure of leaning back pulled at her and she gave in. Her head rested against Rikki's shoulder. Her firm breasts pressed against Winnie's back, and she could sense exactly where the two nipples were.

"Looks like someone got the best spot already," Lena said as she crawled over the gear toward them. There was a spot next to Rikki and she took it. Her eyes sparkled impishly as she looked over the two women. "I'll make it worth your while if you switch with me, Win,'" she said. Her voice was soft enough that only the two other women heard her. Both of them blushed as they immediately thought back to the game from last weekend. That wasn't the only reaction from Lena's suggestion. Winnie felt the two little points against her back getting harder, and she forced herself not to moan. She couldn't stop her own nipples from getting rock hard or her pussy from getting damp.

"No way," she replied. "I got here first and I'm not moving." She took Rikki's right hand and pulled it around her, laying it down on her belly. "Mine," she said in a semi-joking tone, giving voice to her feelings from earlier even if it was in a way that concealed the real meaning.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Rikki playfully interjected.

Winnie pulled her arm tighter around her. "Nope! Possession is nine tenths of the law!" she told her.

"Are you sure?" Lena said in the sexy tone she so effectively used. "You don't know what I have to offer."

"Oh, I think I do," Winnie replied, as she turned her head to look at her. She dropped her voice even lower. "And I don't think I have to trade my spot to get it." She stared into Lena's eyes.

For once, the usually bold woman had no comeback. For one thing, she knew the truth in what she said. For another, Lena couldn't tell if Winnie was seriously suggesting that she might want to fool around tonight. The teasing with Rikki was just that, but Lena knew from personal experience that Winnie was experimenting with women. The memory of their kiss flooded back and she felt a surge of desire. She looked away, unwilling to show just how Winnie's comment got to her.

Despite Winnie leaning back against her, Rikki suddenly felt almost like a third wheel. The electricity between the two women was obvious. It didn't help that she felt a stab of envy of Lena. It felt almost like a slap after Winnie sitting against her like that, as if she was rejecting her. "God, stop it," she thought of herself. "At least with Lena, she knows where she stands." Rikki didn't even know herself what she wanted.

Everyone else piled into the van, but there was no more room in the back. Logan called shotgun and Indigo was quite happy to be on a life jacket in between the two front seats. It gave her a perfect spot to talk to Liz as she drove. Logan looked back to see if Winnie wanted to sit on his lap, but sighed in disappointment when he saw where she was. The three women in the back were very tight, and he had already learned it was hard to pry Winnie away. They were locked in a quiet conversation. Yamile was in the middle with Sawyer and Bohdi, and with everyone's attention elsewhere, he took the chance to really look at her.

"Nice," he thought. "Older but I bet she's wild in bed." In changing at the takeout, she only slipped on a pair of shorts. For a top, she still had on her bikini. Her generous bust was in full view, holding the guys' attention. "Not much competition," he thought. "Bohdi is a space cadet and Sawyer's a geek. Plus, he's not going to cheat on Julie." That thought caused him to look back at Winnie to make sure she wasn't looking at him. "Nope, she's still talking with her girlfriends." Rather than take any chances, he sat back and looked out the window. "She's hot but she isn't Winnie. I've got the cutest girl here," he told himself. It would be stupid to screw that up, especially for a one-night stand. "At least now," he whispered. He smiled. The fact that he was even paying attention to Yamile was a sign he was getting bored with Winnie. It happened every year eventually, but for now, he was enjoying her and wasn't ready to end it.

In the back, Rikki slowly relaxed. Winnie's open flirting with Lena ended and neither of the other women did any more. With one woman leaning against her chest, and another cuddled up next to her, the absence of flirting let her just appreciate the warm feeling it brought. While there was still an edge of excitement for her, the best part was feeling cared for by them. She was only now starting to realize the impact of Samuel's cheating; how for a long time, he mostly abandoned her, especially emotionally.

"What's wrong, Rikki?" Winnie asked. She felt her stiffen up and hoped it wasn't because of how the three of them were so close. It felt so good to her.

"Oh, I was just thinking about how it's only now that I really see how empty my marriage was, probably since Kieran was born. Samuel drifted off, and I convinced myself that it was normal when you have kids. Plus it was easy to immerse myself into being a mommy. Kieran has an endless supply of love and an infinite capacity to receive it," she said. "But it's not enough, you know? There was this big hole, and I didn't even realize it."

"It's not your fault, Rikki," Lena said. "Not everyone is capable of seeing what they have. They keep looking for something better." Even as she leaned harder against Rikki, her eyes looked up front at Indigo and Liz. "Two sides of the same coin," she thought. "Nothing's ever good enough for Liz, and Indigo doesn't want the good thing she has with Alex." It surprised her a little that she didn't feel any bitterness. "I guess I'm fine with keeping things casual," she thought. Her attention shifted to Winnie and smiled. "There are definitely advantages to being single."