TIG OLE' BITTIES

Uncle Ed was smiling warmly giving me a wink as they got up onto the front patio and porch of her creepy abode. Miss Minnie actually gave my uncle a kick in the butt as they cleared the front door. The front door slammed behind them with a pronounced echo that carried across the night.

"I know this isn't happening." I mumbled to myself.

Off in the distance after I few minutes I was unfortunately aware of some muted noises that I was intent on denying until my dying day. It was beyond awkward and cringe thinking my uncle was hooking up with some gun happy hillbilly who he was intent on leaving me with for a week. I got out my phone hesitating due to the memory of being framed by Deana.

Part of me wondered what would've happened if my mother hadn't shown up at that moment. She didn't look shocked or angry initially but didn't want her habit exposed. My family didn't want to hear a thing basically banishing me on the spot. When I thought things in immediate retrospect, I was okay with being apart from people who didn't even give me a chance to tell my side of the story.

"Rob, come on down from there." I was startled by the sound of my uncle's voice glancing out of the truck window finding him standing there sort of visibly gassed. I'd been so self-absorbed; I hadn't noticed him emerge from Miss Minnie's house.

Uncle Ed took my duffle slinging it as I climbed out of his truck.

"I wanna ask, but I don't wanna ask Uncle Ed."

"Good, here I'm gonna give you some dollars to hold you over until I get back from making this run; keep that under your hat." He pressed about three hundred seventy five bucks into my palm, then covered my hand with his own pushing into my body. He was standing between me and Miss Minnie's homestead.

"What?"

"Put that shit in your underwear, hurry up." He was insistent as I glanced over his shoulder seeing her silhouette in the open doorway. She was still holding that shotgun as I looked at my supposed guardian conflicted.

"She gonna rob me?" I half whispered.

"Miss Minnie got paid, but II think we should take away the temptation; you can trust her for real Robert; it just a few days anyways. Text me if you need something, if she gets your coins, alright?"

"Whatever."

"No it ain't no fucking whatever man, you call me if shit goes sideways and I'll be here as soon as possible. Keep your nose clean and Miss Minnie will take care of the rest, alright boy?" Uncle Ed was deadly serious, cupping the back of my head as he leaned in pressing his forehead against mine.

"Yes sir." He gave me a pat on the back glancing back at his old girlfriend in the doorway covertly tucking away his wallet. He slung my duffle over my shoulder with a wry smile that reminded me of a childhood where he was known in the family as Black Santa.

"Hey, don't you worry none about that hype girl back over there staying at your mamma's house."

"Okay." I replied crestfallen as He paused on the driver's side of his truck.

"Trust in the lord to make everything right; and you stay outta trouble. Especially with that loose girl we saw earlier tonight."

"Niecy."

"Yeah, you see some nice tits and a chance to get your dick wet, don't lie Rob. I see an opportunity to get a bullet or two in your butt from her simp boyfriend. Find yourself another girl around here, there's plenty boy. I should know, I grew up down here on these back roads."

"I ain't thinking about no girls Uncle Ed."

"Yeah right."

He got behind the wheel hitting the ignition. I waited there watching as he backed out and sped off into the night before turning to find Miss Minnie still waiting in the door. She was having a tall can as I carried my duffle to the front porch, sort of an enclosed patio with mesh mosquito netting.

"Hold on there, uh what's your name again?" She favored the shotgun while chugging her beer.

"Robert, that's my name, ma'am."

"Yeah right Robbie boy; we gots to go over the rules before I allow your narrow tail into my hallowed halls."

"Rules?"

"Yeah rules, don't you know nothing about uh, polite society boy?"

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just open up them there big ears of yours, kid. You follow long with me and everything I'll be just fine, otherwise you gonna have to stay out here on some camping type shit. Your uncle said for me to watch and make sure you don't get in none of the local trouble available round here, nothing else."

"Those the rules Miss Minnie?"

"Shucks no and watch your tone or I might reward you with a two piece. You look like you got yourself one of them glass jaws Robbie. You bet not be into no criminality or drugging it up, and you ain't gonna have none of these pooh-butt bob tail girls up in my house either. You get your little dick wet at they house cause only one woman lay in a bed round here!"

"Yes ma'am." The prospect of camping outside seemed a bit more palatable considering the riot act I was already being read before even getting into her rundown home.

"Get your ass in here, it's bed time."

"I'm eighteen."

"I'm thirty eight boy, you sassing me already?"

"No ma'am." I really was, but not out of disrespect. It felt like I was being infantilized which reminded more of home than I would've openly admitted.

"You hungry?"

"Uh, we stopped at a Denny's just outside of town, I'm good ma'am."

"GOOD CAUSE I AIN'T GOT NO FOOD ANYWAY!! There's a store back off over there a ways, you can get some food and stuff in the morning. Get on in here, it's already late enough and ain't nothing good lurking around out here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"GET IN HERE!!"I scurried inside dragging my duffle into her front room which was this wide open square shaped area.

There was this vintage looking couch still covered in the plastic wrapping, a coffee table with a old style lamp atop it. Another couch lined the large panel window facing out onto the front porch enclosed patio. At this time of night the two windowpanes were inky black yielding none of the neighborhood outside.

"Here, I got these blankets for you; just make sure your ass hit that plastic boy." I turned in the direction of her voice getting hit in the face with a wealth of blankets and one fluffy comforter. Miss Minnie smirked as I barely caught the bedding.

Facially speaking, she reminded me of this actress from this show Orange is the New Black, a character called Poussey, but named Samira Wiley in real life. Miss Minnie an overweight, some would say morbidly obese version of the actor in question, a fat doppelganger.

She was about a good five eight in height and just as wide with a particular attribute that explained my uncle's past relationship with this woman. Miss Minnie had a massive pair of pendulous looking boobs that veritably accounted for most of her torso. My Uncle Ed and I shared this proclivity for prominent really large breasts.

"WHAT YOU LOOKING AT?!!" Miss Minnie barked probably noticing the trajectory of my gaze.

"NUH-NOTHING!!" I blurted out, surprised.

"Yeah, right." She didn't look like she believed me in the least which was abjectly offensive on so many levels. Miss Minnie disappeared into her bedroom slamming the door behind herself.

"Thank god for small favors." I mumbled under my breath.

"I HEARD THAT!!" Miss Minnie yelled back making me flinch. It was silent afterwards as I made the best of things spreading a sheet over the plastic couch covering them followed up with the rest of the bedding getting things nicely serviceable.

Despite being a rather large house, there was a single bedroom, bathroom and the kitchen was part of the living room in an open space plan usually reserved for disabled home owners. There was a modest dining room at the edge of the kitchen area adjacent to Miss Minnie's bedroom. There weren't any personal pictures hanging up or on display like you'd see in any real lived in homes.

"No food huh?" I opened her fridge finding it stuffed to the gills with an embarrassing assortment of used takeout bags, random spirits, and beers and for some reason a number of half empty cereal boxes. The smell wafting out of her fridge was seriously less than palatable.

"Fuck man, Uncle Ed this is another fine mess you've gotten me into."

I closed the fridge noticing Miss Minnie's dishes filled the sink unattended to as well. It dawned on me that I might have been traded for a roll in the hay and a six pack as intended manual labor around the house. I bristled decided to pack it in for the night staring at the front window which was devoid of curtains for some unknown reason.

"That's weird." I glanced over at the small window over the kitchen sink noticing the moonlight reflected perfectly into that part of the open floor plan of this house while the main window remained pitch black. It was almost like someone had painted over it.

I dozed soon afterwards.

[DARKNESS]

"What the fuck?" She had this soft breezy sounding voice that caught you off guard no matter what she was doing. Before I had time to react she was standing in the door looking at me standing there in my underwear.

"UHM, SHIT, UH FUCK I WAS, UH I DIDN'T THINK ANYBODY WAS HERE!!" I stammered like all the prior times we'd had the briefest of conversations. Deana was about five seven in height while I was a good head and a half taller.

"What you think you doing Robert?" She was smiling and it wasn't lost on me that she hadn't bothered to cover up letting it all hang out.

Before I could say anything else, Deana snagged my arm half yanking me into her waiting lips. Her tongue slid effortlessly into my mouth while one of her hands clawed into my butt with authority nails digging deep.

My heart was thumping wildly out of control as I grabbed handfuls of her breasts from the outsides squeezing and mashing them together. Her other hand roughly handled the back of my head almost forcing it down until her nipple slipped between my lips.

Deana let out this breathy sigh that seemed to go on forever already in possession of my endowment stroking wildly. This lasted a few seconds as she went back at it making out heavily with me barely in control.

My hands found her rounded bottom as I pressed into her hard grinding my endowment into her crotch making Deana go weak in the knees. I redoubled my grip spreading and pulling upward on her cheeks driving her panties into an epic wedgie.

The head of my cock brushed against her mound rubbing her light furry pate there, tantalizing and tickling the underside of my business. This excited me enough to lift Deana slightly of the floor as I barely pushed into her slit feeling the volcanic heat there before she suddenly shoved into my chest.

Her feet touched the hallway floor leaving me heaving and gasping from the physical exertion as we'd jostled a bit. She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat who'd caught the canary digging her thumbs into the waistband of her panties tugging them down as she faced the wall.

I lost my composure when her round bubbled butt came into view. Deana let the panties remain at the bottom of her cheeks presenting me with a mouthwatering chocolate apple bottom.

Something came over me like a wave of humidity fully engulfing my body as I snatched down my boxers just under my balls impaling Deana with considerable force. She grunted crying out loudly leaving this sort of hollow echo in the corridor but was still grinning. Her cunt seized up around me so tight, I was barely able to move at all.

For some reason I began to get frustrated and increasingly angry to the point that I redoubled my grip on her right hip and left breast forging ahead. Both of us were feeling equal parts pain and pleasure as I managed to bury all of myself in her steaming confines.

Deana grabbed the hand on her hip pulling it up to her breast wanting both of them handled while she used her palms to steady us. I went completely ape shit fucking her like my life depended on it intensely watching her bubbled butt bouncing off my pelvis. She was sopping wet and gooey inside.

"WAKE UP!!"

I was jolted out of a deep sleep eyes widened like saucers, mouth hanging open while my chest was aflame like I'd run a marathon. I was drenched in sweat all over although the darkened room was noticeably chilled. My t-shirt was literally stuck to my back while my underwear was bunched up likely from some unconscious movement in my sleep.

I glanced over finding the kitchen still slightly illuminated from the moonlight, then realized the entire adjoined living room was swathed in the illumination. I looked at the front room window feeling the exertion from my dream time activities.

"Huh?" There was a silhouette in the front room window. It was something large and bulky with a shaggy head full of hair undefined. It was unmoving yet I could feel it watching me coated in inky darkness.

"SHIT!" I covered my head with the blanket going into a fetal position trembling.

I snuck a peek after some time finding the living room bathed in darkness other than the moonlight coming inside from the small window over the sink. The front room window was a pool of darkness again, but I still felt like someone was staring at me finding that I couldn't look away. Eventually I drifted off into a deep sleep.

[DARKNESS]

"HUH-WHAT?!!" I bolted awake sitting up disturbed by the especially loud crowing of a rooster which was presently standing perched outside the front room window pane. I shielded my eyes from the early morning sunlight filtering into the living room checking my phone. It was half past eight in the morning as a rancid smell assailed my nostrils.

"Aw shit." I'd somehow left the fridge open and was smelling some of the crappy offerings there way past their due date.

I got up scratching my head looking about finding everything pretty much as I'd left it. There was a smattering of bills in my lap under the covers lodged free of my wallet by random movements in my deep slumber. That smell was pretty much the dawning of my realization that I was exiled to the sticks by my mother who was presently living it up with my cousin and her duplicitous friend who'd caused this mess in the first place.

"Well let's get to it then."

I found myself dumping half of the stuff inside the fridge finding a second layer of semi-edible garbage. Knowing I was basically invading another person's space, I wrote an apology on a posted leaving it for Miss Minnie. I carried the trash out to the curb finding a sealed dumpster at the edge of the lawn.

There was a padlock on it, so I set the plastic can down next to it. I plunked my hands into my pockets trudging down the road in the direction alluded to by Miss Minnie the night earlier.

Surprisingly I was able to glean the location of the local store using my phone as I walked down the road taking in the deep southern ambiance, random animal noises and the ever present smell wafting through the area from the open sewage ditches.

I was still thinking and replaying the aborted wet dream in my head wondering if perhaps Miss Minnie had yelled at me in the middle of the night. I was worried there was future cringe in my immediate itinerary for the rest of the day, but still couldn't get over how real the dream felt. Something suddenly nudged my foot as a metallic sound filled my ears.

"HEY WHAT'RE YOU DOING RIGHT THERE?!!" I turned my direction towards the sound of the voice finding some really mean looking elderly white woman sitting in a lawn chair at the edge of her property bordering a particularly pungent sewage ditch.

"Uhm, excuse me uh, ma'am?" This woman was completely disheveled, visibly drenched in perspiration which was apparent in the off white housecoat she was wearing. Her legs were visible from the knees to her bare feet a horrific picture of varicose veins discolorations and visible gray hairs that made me retch inside.

"YOU DONE RUINED IT!! I BEEN WAITING SO LONG AND YOU DONE MESSED UP MY SPOT!!" She was ranting, only her mouth mouthing in wild fashion. The rest of her dare I say, looked almost petrified and stuck to that chair.

"UH SORRY, WHAT?!!" I had no idea what she was talking about looking down at my right foot finding an empty coffee can upturned. It had been filled with a bunch of tiny knickknacks, washers, and some objects I wasn't exactly sure what they were.

"DAMN STUPID ASS SHINE!! DUMB ASS!! YOU FUCKING RUINED MY TURN!!" She was getting more agitated.

"Uh sorry?" I didn't know what I'd done but figured it had something to do with this empty coffee can. I instinctively felt bad bending over with the intent of picking it up from the road.

"JEB!! JEB GET UP OFFA THAT SOFA AND COME GET THIS SPOOK!! HE UPSETTING YOUR MAMMA SOMETHING FIERCE!! JEB!! YOU COME ON OUT HERE AND FIX THIS BOY!! JEB!! A LEG NEEDS BREAKING!! A FOOT CUT OFF!!"

Behind this woman was a four corner house with a blasted out El Camino parked in its gravel driveway. Behind it was a partial view of a rotted barn and the hint of a tractor. She was making me nervous as my uncle's warning reverberated inside my skull about staying out off trouble. I wasn't a shrinking violet by any means, but partial street life in my hood taught me better than make trouble in unfamiliar territory.

"AW DAMN!! AW SHIT!! I'M WATCHING MY STORIES MA!! OH DAMMIT TO HELL YOU SAY!!" This big, blubbery looking hick exploded out of the open front door of the house almost tearing off his screen door in frustration.

"SHUT YOUR TRAP AND FIX THIS MONKEY!! GET OVER HERE AND TEACH HIM SOMETHING!!" There was no way in hell this frazzled fortysomething guy who looked like an overweight Chris Farley times ten, was beating anything. He looked at me from the front porch squinting profusely before putting on a pair of wireframe glasses from the shirt pocket of his open lumberjack.

"AW SHIT BOY, YOU DONE FUCKED UP!!" Before I could say anything he stuck two of his chubby digits in his mouth whistling loudly. This really big hunting dog came barreling out of the house in my direction barking loudly.

"Fuck me!"

I took off high speed running for my life not wanting to be mauled by a dog. Luckily I had a head start because the pet had to bound over the ditch nearly falling in before giving spirited chase.

This was a hunting dog who was almost immediately closing in within seven feet of me, so I hopped a ditch into somebody's front yard. The dog bounded again perfectly this time almost closing in on me as a gate high fence appeared. There was no other choice but to bound over it, but the top was rough, unfinished.

I got caught on the ragged fence top by the hem of my t-shirt. I ended up tumbling down nearly headfirst into the dirt finding myself in somebody's garden. Even worse, my phone had fallen out on the opposite side of the fence with the dog galloping towards me like a living missile.

This hunting dog crashed headfirst into the fence so hard that his momentum slightly warped the metal mesh towards me with a bit of elasticity. I stumbled backwards finding this green tomato in my right hand.

I motioned towards the dog with it finding that it flinched, then resurged even more angry.

I recovered finding the animal's long wiry frame sort of presented a problem impeding it from following me outright. I gestured again noticing the dog retreated even further back coming to the conclusion the animal might be playing with me in some way. I took a Hail Mary play flinging the tomato in this high arc towards the ditch bordering this property.

The dog immediately went after it allowing me to retrieve my phone skinning a finger or two in the process.

"GET YOUR STUPID BUTT OFF MY PROPERTY BOOMER!!" I heard some woman yelling from the front of the house I was hiding beside almost believing I was being spoken to in the moment.

I realized my mistake while I bolted in the opposite direction finding a nice backyard on the other side. There was some commotion which scared me into hopping the fence right into some shrubbery and high brush. I was obliged to bend over to clear it tripping on some embedded stone.