All Comments on 'Tom and Sarah Pt. 03'

There are a few scenes in this story (as before), that were very inspiring, eg:

- Master sleeps in the Master Bedroom with the parents and the morning after

- Master has fun with a second couple

- both of them get collared (unfortunately too short, for 24/7 use there are steel collars, which are far more subtle)

- the fact that sex between T&S isn‘t much fun anymore

But there are also things, which can be improved:

- At the beginning Tom tells „Tom started to cry.“ - wrong narrative perspective

- At the first chapters Sarah’s sister is Kelly, after the first half of the story she‘s called Terri or Terry!?

- you rushed through the events. In the first TWO stories you told the events of nearly one day. That was slow, but it was ok, because you started. But now you are too fast. Eg the afternoon with the Second couple had the potential for an own story.

- even if it’s good, that master expands his „harem“, you shouldn‘t bring in too many people at once.

And now what I wish for the next chapters:

- Master should tattoo, brand and pierce all his new slaves (and other Bodymods)

- there should be a no limit all time slave contract

- Master should become head of the household at T&S‘s especially with their offspring

I will be pleased to read the Authors comment to this. Hope to not wait too long for chapter 4!!!

Thank you for your comments. i really appreciate it but i appreciate it better when it's not anonymous. You have very good points in your critic. I probably did not spend enough time on this 3rd installment. i'll try harder for the next one.

your suggestions are also very welcome

JJ

Very good story. But it‘s been a month since this chapter. When will the next arrive? Hopefully soon!