All Comments on 'Trance Ch. 02'

Ok Dreamsinner here is my initial evaluation after reading chapter number two. You need an editor...I think someone else mentioned this already...but don't let that discourage you as you have only a few minor mistakes. Otherwise I like your style and approach to building your narrative in a way that entices and titlates the reader. Your effort is promising, looking forward to your next contribution.

Thank you PapaOso for your valuable opinion. I believe you are talking about the way the story has been presented between each paragraphs. It was intentional. I wanted to try to say it in different perspectives. In one paragraph it is presented as if the author (me) is telling the story; in another paragraph it is presented based on the character's point of view. Hence the difference in the flow. Which is why in the second paragraph, I described the events in her life and in the last chapter, she is telling her story. I hope I can better in that aspect and make some clarity in the next chapter. Thanks again.