All Comments on 'Truth of the Matter'

Annie messed up a ton of lifes and ends up tatooed and blue-ed, TK U MLJ LV NV

stories where the author actually decides how it will end and not require us to fix his endings for him. it is a nice vehicle for specific uses, but limited. here you should tell us how your story ends without "alterate endings" or "I'll leave it up to each reader to decide how the visit ends." that is your job as the author.

Nothing else to say.

If the author had ended it. 4 pages and no ending...

I gave it 3*, it could have been 4, maybe even 5 with a decent ending.

Did I miss the innocent husband's retribution and just witness a sideways tangent as a plot twist? I might have blinked, so, my bad...

Fantastic story for the first two pages, but lost my scope on the last two.

So, I'll finish with something profoundly abused and confused: TK U MLJ LV NV

This is like ordering a cheesecake and finding bits of graham cracker smeared with cream cheese on the plate and nothing else - it is part of the cheesecake, it is easy to eat but WTF where is the cheesecake!!!!!!

not that it mattered; but I went back to re-read the first part and put the comment there by mistake.

Disappointing effort and, as I said there, 1*.

As with most authors I want comments on my work. I appreciate all honest comments both good and bad. It helps in many ways. One is to remind me that not everyone will enjoy my stories, others will find some good.

I wrote this story based on a comment in Truth Doesn't Matter that questioned what happend to Connie. This is how I saw her character.

I left it up to the reader to decide if she had learned her lesson. As Jeff pointed out she had a missplaced loyalty. Mainly that was to her friend believing Ann over her husband.

Did Jeff really love her? Guess I should have answered that. My mistake. Again I have to learn that I can't please every one.

The side bar was to tell you that Ann had to live with what she had done....

Again thanks to each and every one of you that read the story and gave comments. I read them all and will use what I learn to be a better 'story teller'

Good start but then went nowhere.

terrible story just to try and redeem a dumb slutwife. Yeah i married you but i won't believe a word you say, People nowadays beliefs in marriage are just plain naive. And seriously 33-35 year divorced woman? ain't no 40 year old well off man going for a woman with that kinda baggage.

I have 2 words for you about how to improve your stories: compound sentences.

Happily, I see from this latest story that you have already begun to figure this out on your own. Your earlier work tended to read like a bullet list: She did this. I did that. I stood up.

Now, you are beginning to use a combination of compound and simple, long and short sentences, and this is really improving the readability of your stories. You have the characters and plots pretty well worked out whether some other readers like them or not, so now just concentrate on smoothing out the flow by combining short sentences together when they are really all discussing different aspects of the same concept.

The part about Ann a the end was distracting from the story. Can you edit that part out?

it is your story and you get to write what you want. but for the anon who said you had compound sentences, well that is the product of someone who usually reads books with lots of pictures and little ballons with writing in them and a line to a character's mouth. for that anon's information the following is provided:

Nigel Tomm The Blah Story one sentence - 469,375 words.

Jonathan Coe The Rotter's Club sentence - 13,955 words.

Ullyses by James Joyce one sentence 4,391.

William Faulkner - novel Absalom, Absalom!. one sentence 1,288 words.

now those are compound sentences!

apologize to Martin and his new wife.

she is a sociopath as well as a victim of her friend! Her husband was lucky to escape! You really do need a good proof reader! Thanks for an interesting read.

It read more like a reimaging that a "her side" version of the story. You changed the dialogue and sequence of the events, which was a little frustrating to this reader. The wife knew her friend was a loose, cheating, emotionally damaged woman with a grudge against men and a penchant for stealing her men. So, naturally, she takes her word over her husband's re: the alleged "rape." I did think the version(s) of the "rape" as told by Ann at least left the reader with some base line understanding of how the wife might blame hubby while still being willing to forgive him. That was one helpful feature of this version. The other was the fleshing out of the story behind Roger, Connie, Ann, and the whole threesome thing. So, you answered some questions many readers had about the first story.

The writing kind of meandered a bit. I thought the corporate espionage was sort of off-topic, her redemtion was pointless (I couldn't have cared less about the foolish, untrusting and morally bankrupt Connie), and the strange revenge on Ann was more bizarre than anything else.

The pont of view in this version was confusing. It was told in the 3rd-person, sometimes omnicient, sometimes not. It wasn't handled very well, because it frequently revealed Roger's inner thoughts and feelings which were not consistent with those of the first story. I got dizzy trying to keep up with Connie's emotions and thoughts from one point to another-they were wildly swinging throughout. I was left with the impression that she was a manic-depressive.

What was Ann's game plan? Why lie to her life-long friend about her husband pseudo-raping her? You hint at it-something about jealousy, I guess; maybe wanting Connie to have the same heartbreak as her. But, even with the 3rd-person semi-omnicient perspective, we still don't really get it.

I think this version, given what you seemed to be trying to do, would have worked out better with a first-person narrative, from Connie's perspective, with a secondary narrative told from Ann's point of view. Then, we could have had Connie's thoughts and perceptions (and maybe developed more sympathy for, or at least more understanding of, her character), as well as Ann's, developed and understood.

... would you have Connie come out of this fiasco smelling like a rose? She deserved a fate no less awful than her friend Ann's. Just as piss poor an ending as I've ever read.

..bitch

None of the characters were appealing. If my wife's friend accused me of rape we'd be at the lie detector place immediately. I guess the husband did eventually have a happy ending, as did the wife.

A read.

This worked for me,part of it is a rehash of the original,part a falling down and picking herself up,which is ok.But it is.missing depth,she finds out anne betrayed.her and her reaction is to say 'gee I should have handle it better?'...I think not.She would have been pissed at herself,she would have been pissed at roger and anne and wanted revenge and more importantly she would have realized how much she hurt martin and at least would try and make amends to him and his wife.It is too quick,too painless with her,emotions don't die that fast.With some depth this would work,as written she is cardboard.We also.don't know what annes motives were,did she want to break up the marriage or did she figure if she broke it up she would get martin?

the question of whether she was part of a plot to cheat on Martin or whether Ann really told her she was raped.

Which leads to a new question: If she REALLY believed Ann's guilt-induced attempts at relieving Martin of some of the blame so that he wouldn't go to jail, why didn't Connie tell the judge exactly that? It's clear that she continued believing Ann until Ann outright screwed her over. "My friend told me that she felt guilty for her part in it, and it wasn't clear-cut rape." Anyone would accept that as an answer. It would still be *cheating* on Martin's hypothetical part, though we know the true story that he didn't actually do it.

I have to say, though, Cathy comes off as a nasty little slut in the fact side of this version. I know it's through Connie's eyes, but wow. Martin's all I'm Mr.-samura-honorable-how-dare-you-question-my-word, but goes along with that? Either he is or isn't. Pick a side. The latter is a more normal and human approach, while the former is the StangStar Every-husband-is-a-saint approach. They don't mix.

No resolution with Ann either. She needed to admit her lies.

Unsatisfying.

Good Story ,,Too bad Connie didn't get aIDS and die a slow , painful, lonely death

...of making everyone hate Connie. She trusted her gf instead of her husband and you had her not realize that ended the marriage on the spot. Very effective. Then she gets it thrown back at her, and then she tries to salvage her life after stupid decisions.

Good sequence!

I heartily dislike 'the other side of the tale' stories that do NOT add anything to the 'first side' information. The Hubby portion of this story was word-for-word dialogue, and NO significant supplemental information!

I saw two additional tales, crudely tacked together, in the next portion:

1) How ex-Sweetie coped after the divorce and gained SOME insight that Ann was no more trustworthy than she had been in their pre-Martin past (but never a confession that Ann had lied and ruined Connie and Martin's marriage for no discernible reason, except the enjoyment of stirring the pot and gaining a little 'harmless' revenge for her advances being rejected.)

2) The totally separable twist on the abortive trip to Atlanta that ruined Connie's career, but maybe gave her a (Pollyanna, and undeserved) second chance!

I would have preferred a final paragraph where Connie calls Martin -and his Sweetie- and admits that she realizes that she believed a skank over her Hubby, and apologizes for ALL of her unpleasantness...congratulating them on Little Richard. She NEEDS to eventually do this, and will probably get re-affirmation that Hubby rejected the skank, as she should have considered in the first place, since he disliked her so much!

What the FUCK was the Ann overkill? It would have been better, IMO, for Connie to call her and tell her that she ruined her life, and never wanted to see her again! That would have been more painful than the tattoos!!!

2*

The B!tch got less then she deserved. But its better then a Quick Death. Now she will need to look for Herpe's Anonymous Groups.

I have found it is my responsibility to monitor the comments. So I am doing just that.

If a comment is not constructive it will be deleted. For instance if simply says "another dud" or "pure crap" it will be gone.

But feel free to give any constructive comment....good or bad. One I read suggested the story might have been better told in 1st person. I believe it might have been. And another said I didn't give any insite into why Connie believed her friend and not her husband. On that I fully understand and it would have been best if I had done so. Perhaps saying Connie's dad was known to stray durring his marrige and her mother always acepted his confession and promise never to do it again. Or maybe she was just having the 7 year itch and thought if she was so was he. And in her mind men stray much more often than women.

To me Connie was just a victim of her own wrong decisions and stubborness. And she lost her marriage, her job and her home. She did find another man that indicated he wanted her. He wanted her inspite of her baggage as it was said. But did he know why she had divorced? I don't remember indicating he had any idea of her problems with Martin. And he fell for he when he first saw her at the airport so he had not met her before.

Again thanks for all that read and especially for those that give insite on how I can improve. For that is why I post here.

And I will be happy to allow anyone that wishs to proof read my work. And would appreciate an editor.

Thanks again and never feel I will be offened by your honest comments.

Jack

Great story,still need a proof reader.Also you need to check about airlines as Continental has or did have direct flights to MSP from IAH.I know i used to work for them.

Keep up the great writing.

nwhaler has not posts. Interesting he is a critc when he had never faced any.

But still that person has the right to post.

The reason I will delete post like 'crap' or 'worthless writing' is because they have nothing constructive to say. They might not have even read the stroy just feel like bashing someone.

Any constructive comments are appreciated. Tell me how you would improve the story. Or tell me what you liked about it.

And if you don't like don't read it. Some people must have too much time on their hands to read something they see as garbage.

So as long as I write and have the option to edit comments I will do so as I see fit.

And anyone that wants the job of proof reader or editor is welcome.

Jack

File this under "BTTap doesn't know how to shut the fuck up".

I applaud anyone who makes the effort to write a story, with the possible exceptions of those who just spew out thoughtless drivel and put forth no effort into it.

It's harder than it might seem, if you've never really done it.

Those like me and WantABWriter who are pure amateurs and novices do it for our own reasons. But, I think most of us just want to do something creative. We have an idea and we want to try to tell a story. We hope we entertain people, and we appreciate feedback. Good feedback is always nice to read, it makes us feel good, like applause. Constructive criticism is welcome, because it makes us think about things we could have done to make the story better, and things we could do for future stories. We may or may not accept it, but I think we mostly appreciate it.

Unconstructive criticism is less welcome. "Your story sucks," and the like offer nothing, really. It just tells us that there is a reader who doesn't like our story, without going into why. Doesn't help us at all, doesn't even let us know the reason the story wasn't liked. A longer unconstructive criticism "The wife was a bitch, and I hated her for you not having enough done to ruin her life...etc, etc." isn't very helpful, but at least we then know where you are coming from.

A personal attack on the author (or other commentors) is not only unhelpful, but immature and shows nothing but the commentor's own stupidity and/or mental imbalance. Very rarely, those types of comments are at least mildly amusing (intentionally or not), which gives them some value, I guess.

I haven't deleted comments to my stories, but I respect the author's decision to do so when the comments are unconstructive criticism (especially when brief and offering nothing but the commentor's dislike), or when they are in the nature of a personal attack. It's a personal choice.

If WantABWriter wants proofreading/editting help, I would be glad to provide it, because I think he can tell a good story when he is focussed.

dude this is incoherent babble. As a story none one has nay idea of what happened

The two stories, taken together, are creative and more importantly they have a message. Connie made a huge mistake in not giving her husband a chance to tell his side and she paid for it. Nevertheless, her conduct was naive and foolish, not deliberate and evil. Thus she got a second chance at love. Martin was innocent but he possibly could have handled the situation better and could possibly have saved his marriage (e.g. getting a counselor involved might have facilitated communication resulting in Ann's deception being discovered). Martin correctly realized that the marriage was broken and went through the pain of leaving and, as a result, he found love again. I don't think that they needed to rub Connie's face in it. Also, after Connie realized Ann had lied, it might have been a good thing for her to contact Martin and apologize. Perhaps she still will....

Better ending than the prequel

I deleted nwhalers comments will continue from this point forward...

His example of the wookworker that builds a table that is unlevel and it is his duty to point it out. Wonder if the person nwhaler would eat off the table before he made the comments? I can see him standing ther beer in one hand, turkey leg in the other completely over stuffed saying 'hey dude you sure built a crappy table,'

My suggestion to the person is to by pass my work if it give you 'heartbrun'. Some like my work some don't, that is the beauty of this board. There are thousands of storys to read. Why read mine I ask.

I find that many that can't....find fault with any that try and do. To me he sounds like a person that is mad at the world and has too much time on his hands. Why waste you time reading what you don't like?

The bitterness is an emotion that is created by some core issue. The best way to approach something you don't like that has no affect on your life is apathy.....so all in all I did touch some emotion in the person....but I would rather not. So please for the sake of your own blood pressure nwhaler read someone eles stories.....ones you enjoy.....If this was a College Lit class I would give you a C and pass you if you promised to never return to call.

Had some professors do that when the person was just a disruption to thoese trying to learn.

And shamefully I have only apathy for nwhaler...I would wish him a good life as in the poem "Sibblings" 'just a common stranger...in this world we have to share'

And I I have a published novel....I am a author......

The story began with an interesting concept, even though right off the bat it is filled with typos, errors and multi-subject paragraphs.

Somewhere around the end of the second page it started downward and never recovered.

It was almost like the author forgot the original thread and wandered off?

So the best I can vote is that I didn't like it much, sorry.

thank you both for your comments. especially that from another writer...even though they didn't like it and felt I shouldn't delete comments they did state I had done better. So to me that is encourging. And from anonymous...thats for outlining why you didn't like the story. And as you point out I have editing errors.

I have it from a good person in the industry that self editing is very difficult. I was happy to know it was not just me....and that person was with the publisher that put my first novel on the market....and is working with me on my second.

So I still make the rules with my posts....I will delete whom I wish...

I read both stories back-to-back. The first half of "Truth of the Matter" didn't add much that was useful. Connie (nor Martin, for that matter) never understood or acknowledged that Connie's real betrayal was not the sexual act of revenge. (That was just immature and stupid.) The real betrayal was not giving even the slightest credence to Martin's emphatic insistence that he was innocent. At some point before her revenge, she should have gotten a clue and dug deeper. Was there no previous hint that Martin didn't care much for Ann?

After the separation and divorce--when it was too late to turn the clock back--Connie should have at least acknowledged her mistake. That might have allowed Martin to apologize as well and both could move on.

While the last half of the story was interesting in its own right, Connie's immaturity continues to show itself in the way she dealt with Jeff. Then things turn just strange. Jeff and Connie are adversaries for a week while he watches her try to betray her. Result: Jeff is hopelessly in love with her. Really? Don't buy it.

That leaves Ann. Her story is just a revenge story to make up for the fact that Martin was "too nice a guy" to do it himself.

Over all, it didn't work.

BUT

Keep up the work. It was a nice effort. I really did like "Truth Doesn't Matter" even with the immaturity of the two main characters. I look forward to your next offering.

The story began well and seemed to fizzle out. The typos and odd wording places made it seem to flow poorly, IMHO.

The title uses the word Truth, the story avoids the truth at almost every juncture.

My friend I thank you for your indepth comments and observations. That is why I post here. I see I made several mistakes with The Truth of the Matter. One it was not an original story. I told Truth Doesn't Matter first person and tried to give an insite into my character. The Truth of the Matter was an afterthought from a comment on the original story.

Even given that I should have developed Connie to say why she would take the word of her friend over her husband. I did give some background on Ann as to why she might have lied.

So all in all it is not one of my best in many reader's minds but it did teach me several things. That for me is the value.

Thanks again for all that read and those that take the time to give constructive comments. I want to know what you think good or bad as long as you have something to say.

Some of the comments sound as if they are high schoolers and my stories are reading assignment. I question why anyone would read something or someone's work they seem to dispise. The stories are free, they have lost nothing if they pass any story by.

So I will still delete any comment that has nothing to say..

Thanks again to all even if I never directly respond to your comments.

Jack

I like both stories. Sometimes I enjoy reading the comments even more than reading the story. Comments this time were very informative and interesting. One comment was about "deleting the story." Is that possible? One of the stories I wrote now embarasses me and I wish I could figure out how to delete it.

I deleted Danger09's comments not because of what he said but because he wouldn't accept anonymous feedback. I wrote him a thank you for his long and detailed comment but it would not go through because he wanted required and e-mail address. I didn't feel like giving that out.

I also want to tell him he should have proof read his comments....it had several errors, he seems to demade prefection but doesn't respond in kind.

I wonder what one of his posted stories might be like. So far he hadn't contributed any stories.

Again I will thank him for his comment and explain why I deleted it.

I just had problems with the editing on this part. I was hoping that when Ann's decpetion was found out that Connie would have somehow gotten her pound of flesh.

While it was different, I think the author got his point across. Connie had no faith, trust or loyality for her husband. It was a painfull lesson for Connie, but she still didn't get it. And as far as Cathy coming off like a whore,"HOW?" Cathy didn't hop in the bed with Martin. She didn't fuck his brains out everyday from the time he moved in. They only met because of Connie's stupidity. Over all not a bad story, and in the end Ann got her come up in's. Though he should have killed the whore.

... mainly because I felt the wrong bitch came out smelling like a rose. Even though Ann was as manipulative as Connie was stupid, I just felt Ann's reasons, though brought upon herself, were more justified than Connie's. I would have much preferred to see Connie wind up in the proverbial "gutter". But, hey, it's your story and all I can really do to effect it is to vote. Sorry, 1*.

I love ur story as a whole because those wronged managed to find happiness at the end, and the true offender was severely punished without using death as a plot device. The only thing to complete this tale as I see it is for Connie to somehow realize that her friend had totally deceive her and then become repentant towards her ex husband before meeting her new man. In every other way this was a pretty good story.

Should have stopped before Ann. Didn't really matter since Connie had moved away. Plus tattoos can be removed. Painful, but removed never the less. Just seemed over the top and spoiled the overall story. The rest was good so keep on writing.

Once the truth came to Connie, she would have called Ex-Hubby and apologized to New Sweetie. She would then have been allowed to apologize to Ex-Hubby and wish him, Sweetie and Baby the very best!

i read it before but i must have missed the green lip tats with herp sores tated on them. that was the best.

"1*" !!!!

Did Connie ever apologize to her husband? No.

Did Ann ever apologize to Connie for lying? No

Why is Connie getting another chance at love? No clue.

Why did Ann go as far as she did with her disease? No clue.

Conclusion:

Ann and Connie should have both died a horrible and painful death.

Fuck

I felt it was critical to both stories that the wife find out that her friend had lied to her. However, it only came out in the second story and then almost as an afterthought. It was less than satisfying. Her discovery oir realization of that lie should have been a major plot point.

She should have displayed anguish at what she had done because of that lie, realizing that she had screwed up her life and that none of it was her ex-husband's fault. Then, knowing it was too late for her, she still should have called her ex up to explain that she finally recognized the truth and to apologize for what she put him through.

however, the story is well planned and shows much promise. I think Connie was a victim. Sure, she reacted foolishly and thoughtlessly. But she did have genuine love for her husband.

I also thhought "Mulligan" would have been a more apt last name for Jeff. You should consider writing a story detailing his former experiences.

You have a good deal of talent but you should either pay closer attention to your editors or find a more competent one. It really detracts from the two stories I've read.

I know that life rarely works out nice and neat. I think everyone reading this expected a nice, clean retribution for the husband, and a satisfying life of regret for Connie. Life doesn't work that way. Connie realized her mistake. She still got to move on with her life. That is the way reality works. People rarely apologize when years have past since their mistake. They just accept what they did was wrong and move on. In this case, both parties just moved on with their lives. C'est la vie.

I will say that I feel like Connie's ex-husband will be divorced soon. If the "Hall Monitor" had to go that far to rub Connie's nose in their "happiness" then the relationship couldn't have been as strong as she was insinuating. He was obviously not over Connie in some way, and she saw it. Why else would she feel the need to go out of her way to torture her? When my dad cheated, divorced my mom and remarried, his new wife tortured my mom for almost two years. My dad's second marriage lasted 4 years. Funny thing is that the whole time he was married he was trying to get back with my mom.

I do agree with some of the other commenters about the side ending with Ann. That was unnecessary to the story and could have been left out. After a decent story with a realistic tone to it, the ending was so over the top that it was ruined. I was going to give you 5 stars, but the ending knocked it down to 3.

The beginning of the story was a rehash of the first story, with Connie's thoughts being added. Frankly, it didn't add much. The remainder with Connie and Ann is incomplete. What happens with Connie is uninteresting. She is a deluded, bitter, and angry woman. She never grows beyond that and is therefore uninteresting. Further there is never a resolution to the "truth" that caused the whole story. Ann never confesses that she lied. Connie never has to face that ALL her actions and pain were caused by believing a lying, venomous friend instead of her husband. Sure, bad things happen to Ann but neither Connie or Martin know anything about it so there is no sense of satisfaction. Yeah, the reader knows but WE are outside the story. I get satisfaction when the story holds together and retribution and resolution happens for the characters as a whole. I don't personally care that Ann got burned. She's an imaginary person. Who cares what happens to her. Only within the context of the story does her "life" have meaning. Consider that Martin goes on to live a good life. Great for him. But what makes it delicious for the reader is that Connie knows it and it is driving her nuts. Balance and resolution. The final piece would be that Connie absolutely knows that it was all for naught because Ann lied.

Found it lacking. Truth never came out so no chance to heal

Soooooooooooooo confusing....

And a degree of redemption - she knew Ann was the liar and that her husband had been true - BUT she also knew what she had done and how he had moved on = so in one paragraph she lived through all of the truth and moved on to the new guy -

Maybe a better person for it -

We know what happened to Ann - extreme to say the least - but done -

All issues resolved and questions answered - some very simply and quickly - but still answered.

Nice over all story pair -

Perhaps it's too late at night for me or I'm burning out from six hours of reading stories here, but the entire scene of being sent away after proposing and being told to come back the next day just didn't make any sense to me.

some people have to pay more that their fair share. TK U MLJ LV NV

Those that couldn't be completely removed she had changed to look like butterflies and fairies. And she continued infecting people. The end to a truly bad story.

That "Tell the other spouse's version", this was pointless and added absolutely nothing to the original. And that is because all you, (and other authors) are doing is simply repeating yourself. You replace “She said" or "She did", with "He said" or "He did", and then proceed to essentially write the exact same story, all over again. It's unnecessary, because the average reader has something in their brains called 'Memory', so we don't need to re-read what we have already recently read! (How many published books do you see on the shelves entitled "Her version" as a follow-up sequel ?)

Adding a few paragraphs about her new life at the end, doesn't disguise the fact that you wrote the exact same story twice, under different titles.

Too many authors fall into the trap of either repeating themselves, or attempting to rewrite previous stories that, for some reason or other, dissatisfied them. “His/Her version” stories only say one of two things; “I cannot think of a plot for a NEW story, so I'll repeat myself in the interim”, or “I'm not confident in what I wrote, so I'll write a do-over, using an already over-used writers trick”.

Only you know the true reason for unnecessarily repeating yourself, but I humbly suggest that you should try to avoid falling into the same trap that has ensnared so many other good writers!

assholewho has written NOTHING and yet bitches about how YOU should have finished this story!! Just do what you want WABW and fuck these dumbass dimwitted asshole gave you a 5!

Though I'm not specific about HOW I really wanted Connie to find out that Ann had lied.

Maybe her and Ann could have run into each other somewhere... a club or bar... Ann could have already had a head start on the drinking...

Ann would have been a little depressed in having caused Connie pain but maybe she'd have been sort of back and forth on that and GLAD she'd caused Martin pain - him being male and all.

This should have occurred after the birth announcement delivery but before the job loss. Obviously we'd have then delved some in Connie's pain of what she'd caused... what she'd lost... and how stupid she'd have been to have not KNOWN her husband well enough to know, even drinking, it was something beyond him.

And incidentally, blocking phone calls from an area is pointless nowadays. You can get a VoIP and can specify a phone number (as long as it's unused) and area code of your choice. Could live in Houston and pick an area code for Chicago.

An interesting addition to "The Truth Doesn't Matter" looking at the events from Connie's point of view,in addition to adding some details. ~ Three things I would like to have seen were 1) A scene where Ann comes clean to Connie about the lie that was the beginning of the end of the marriage. Perhaps a little bit of reflection on Connie's part on how she might have behaved had she stopped to consider that maybe her husband's steadfast denial might have made her think more seriously about who to believe before taking such quick drastic action. 2)Dump that crazy ending about Ann,to be replaced with a much shorter description of an unhappy,STD life suffered by Ann as well as her reaction to Connie ending their friendship bitterly over Ann's betrayal. 3) Add a little more positive details describing the direction Connie's new relationship with the dude from Atlanta is headed. (She may have been bitchy,but she too was a bit of a victim in the story.)

On this one though, I do have to say that I felt that the entire story was a bit weird. I mean a divorce in one day? Usually there is a minimum of thirty days. Also, this particular story seemed more of a rant than anything else, until she finally comes to the realization that her husband was telling the truth. She obviously had issues and there is no way that she truly loved him. Sorry, but that is IMHO how I see it. Even the first story after he got with the "hall monitor" was a bit off to me. But that is just me. Keep writing and thank you for the offering regardless of anyone's opinion. At least you sat down and gave it a go while most either comment negatively or don't bother to write at all. Just find ways that they could have done it better...

Seeker gp

Not sure why you wanted to tell this side of the story. It wasn't very good. Or for that matter interesting. At least you could have finished Connie's part rather than leave it up in the air for the reader to finish. Who are you - JPB? And the last little bit about Anne was just over the top. Not only did it make no sense I will point out that she could have had the tattoos removed (painful I know) or she could have had another tattoo artist add to the tattoos until they either said something else or were just pretty or sexy designs. So that revenge didn't pass muster at all. Just plain bad.

the difference is in how we choose to live on. TK U MLJ LV NV

A strange take on JPB theme of wife's BBF makibg up a story of a husband cheating just she could bed him.

In this tale I do not understand what Ann had to gain from the lie. She pretty much knew that the lie would cause problems with her friends marriage and she stood no chance of getting to have sex with the husband, so why do it as only spite is left !

Yet Ann's character was one of caution with the wife, her friend Connie regarding her husband, so the spite false lie does not work, or serve any purpose IMO

It seems both the wife and Ann believe that all men are cheaters including Connies perfect husband.

To me is Connie wanted her husband back thw last thing her character would do is go out and fuvk other men, even if she is annoyed with her husband. As she knows that she is running the risk of being found out !

Then there is no way back for her as her husband only allegedly had aex once with Ann.

So one night of pass I on with Richard was enough, so I can not believe she would risk everything with more incounters with men !

Ann's part of story at the end IMO was way OTT for the story. Even Ann's trip to the other office to spy on was stretching the plausible plot for the story.

it's a little unsettling that she finally realized martin told the truth, and she never came clean and admitted it to him in the end.

Just awful.

was a BTB story. Loved it. 5*s

I could feel Martins frustration and disappointment at Connie for not even attempting to trust him. But I don't understand why Connie was so trusting of Ann.

Connie must know her friend pretty well, her relationships, the way she thinks .... and must certainly know her husband intimately ....... so she would be thinking ' is my husband capable of something like this'.

And if she truly thought Martin had forced his way with Ann, would she not, at least initially, be looking to end her marriage rather than concentrating on getting 'even' ?

not even a BTbstory and she is a terrible person before the cheating, no likeable characters, and broken marriage before hand since there was never any trust. I guess some people will like ti because the happy ending for the cheat but in reality when one goes thru something like a divorce they are forever changed. Also connie never learned anything since if you read the story she never loved herhusband she just coveted him like the most exclusive toy. Love is different from possesviejealousy.

Is a no go for me too bad. Decent story until forced tats scene

Where is the "Loving Wives" part at your crap? She cheated got divorced and now she is in a new liaison!! The lying bitch is resorted to violence and thats your story??!! How simpleminded !!!

A lot of ruination for the predator roger. His wife deserved to know and his life should have been ruined

The only one punished was Ann and that does not seem fair

but somehow you managed it. Just dreadful. You and Ann should consider the same exit strategy.

I didn't get any sense of guilt or regret from Connie. That bitch needed to LEARN an lesson not EARN a happy ever after. Roger needed at least a searing if not an outright burning. But I had to smile at that the duplicitous slut friend finally got what she deserved, a tattooed caution for "end users", sort of a modern day scarlet letter.

Overall: not bad but didn't hit the target as squarely as "Truth Doesn't Matter".

Connie should not have gotten off so easily. She did not deserve a happy ending. Anne's punishment was a little siily, but would be appropriate. Just not as good as the prequel.

Terrible story a cheating conniving wife that listened to her friend rather than her husband and then a happy ending one of the worst stories on this site

Maybe the 3rd. Definitely in the bottom 5.

But, ya wrote it! You’re 1 step closer to being a good writer now.

All that bullshit with Ann. She could have easily sued the men for millions. But she could have also had the tattoos removed and continued on. What? You never heard of lasers? But your ending with Connie seemed like bullshit too. First you make her look like a complete moron with trying to steal information. Then you magically let Jeff track her down to Denver? How? This whole thing felt forced and made little sense. Poorly thought out and badly done.

1 star

...but still managed to avoid any real sense of resolution. Ann was definitely a cunt, but Connie was the one who destroyed the marriage. Where was any deserved justice for what she (not Ann) did to her marriage.

The story was great til the last half.

The end sucked.

You wrote this garbage. So Connie doesn't bother to tell Jeff she probably can't have kids and will just lead him on???

Connie realizes her "Best Friend" Ann lied to her about her husband and she just "Shrugs" it off after better than a year of trying to get him back and pining away for him?

I can see why you quit writing and it's for the best. This was the 3rd one of your stories I have read and there won't be a 4th.

Like the old saying goes....... "Don't quit your day job"

Cheating whore, becomes actual whore, becomes good little house wife?

I doubt its a year before shes cheating on him

Connie never learned that Ann lied to her. Because of that Connie will always have distrust of men. I don't understand why you failed to address that.

Connie will baby-trap Jeff whom she will end up cheating on just like she did Martin. And Ann... she will end up living a life as a hooker on the street.

Arranging Ann's abduction and inking was the act of a man who has far more money than personal integrity and responsibility. There is no doubt Ann was wrong to infect her partners with HSV-2. She did not, however, rape anyone. She did not lie in response to questions about her STD history. Her partners simply exercised very poor judgment with respect to their sexual behaviors. They were fools but not victims.

Each person is responsible for taking care of her or his own health. Nationwide approximately one in five sexually active adults in the US has HSV-2. In metro areas the prevalence can be considerably higher. There is no vaccine or cure. More partners means more risk. Alcohol and drugs tend to make smart folks stupid.

Money cannot buy wisdom but it can enable a pattern of refusing to accept responsibility for the consequences of our choices. That is a shame. Living without understanding what forces determine our fate is a far worse hindrance than herpes.

As despicable as Ann's actions were, her attackers should should lose their 'manhoods' for that...

So she still thinks her ex raped Ann? That’s fucked up.

Changed my mind. That revenge should definitely cramp her style for a long time.

This didn't tell us much that we didn't already know from the original story, and the new info we got didn't seem crucial. It'd have been nice if her side of the conversation with Cathy was funny, but it just sounded like she had Tourette's. And personally, I didn't have any interest in her life post-divorce. She's a shrill, annoying, hypocritical, humourless character - don't really care what happens to her outside the original story.

Pathetic.

so she never found the truth, to bad.

And really with her history what guy would want her, long term anyway?

Always astounds me in real life when a cheater gets into a relationship again.

I mean, why risk it?

This needed to end sooner. You made Connie into a complete cartoon character with the bullshit with Jeff. Totally unbelievable. And the tattoos with Ann? She wakes up and calls the police. Guess how many people go to prison, including Daddy and the tattoo artists. Ann wins a boat load of money in her Civil suits, has all the tattoos removed and visits the men in prison to congratulate them on being turned into prison bitches. You really think Ann was going to turn the other cheek??? Horrible ending.

Not like Ann can prove anything even if she contacted the police...

Not as if a rich person couldn't have flown in tattooists from almost anywhere...

And she infected 60 people... how many people care about those 60...? 100s? 1000s?

I'm disappointed about Connie's reaction when she finally realized Ann lied and Martin was innocent...

She'd flipped out on Martin... it was almost no more than an "eh" moment with the realization...

Too bad she didn't *also* realize *she* was a cheater...

Great story... Ann got what she deserved... Disappointed by Connie's reaction after realizing Martin was telling the truth... She should have called him and apologized... 5 Stars and added to favorites...

What would she hope to achieve? What is the payoff for her? Besides all the nonsense of hoping she’s gay or making her gay or something. Ann doesn’t have to bust up her friend’s marriage to seduce her. So what’s the point?

The story was far too long, repetitive beyond belief, and didn’t make any sense. Other than that, it was mediocre and imitative