All Comments on 'UCLA to Big D Ch. 11'

I didn’t see this coming! Some of your best work yet FA! Can’t wait to see where it goes from here...

I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but there aren't any sympathetic characters here. I've read all 11 chapters in the hope that we'd get some kind of character building - something the explain the WHY - and we haven't gotten it. It makes each character feel like a sketch; everyone from Jenna on down lacks soul, because I don't understand what in their past or personality makes them act the way they do, short of simple hedonistic nihilism.

That's not a knock on your writing mechanically, by the way. It's some of the best I've seen on here, and you definitely have a way around a sex scene to make the reader hot under the collar.

I just want some kind of emotional truth. If I missed the boat and hedonistic nihilism is the main target, please correct me.

I sincerely appreciate the depth of your commentary, and of course that you’ve read the entire series to this point. I’m not totally sure how to respond other than I never set out to win a Pulitzer with this story, but I want readers to like it. I will say that most who stay with it through all 18 chapters (and the epilogue) will feel good about their decision to do so (and I’m not just talking about the sex...though that will be great too). As for why the people behave the way they do, they are human and thus imperfect. I did try very hard to paint a picture as to who Jenna was and who she could become in the earlier chapters. If that didn’t work for you, I’m sorry, but lots of other readers don’t necessarily agree. Thanks for your feedback regardless.

FifthEstate

FA,

Don't change anything! Ignore those bleeding heart romantics that want love and commitment in their Non-consent/Reluctance stories. I really like where you went with this and can't wait to see what the cop has in store for Jenna in Chapter 12.

To all of you bitching...yes this story is the same as the rest...boy with big cock finds way to get the girl who got way. Girl get sample of magic penis and is forever transformed. Story uses many chapters to show how all women from all lifestyles need and desire magic penises. Story proves all women are bisexual as well. Story proves boys show off and share their prized possessions. Boy with big cock likes his new possession and discovers he doesn’t have to give it back, not because it can’t go back but because it doesn’t want too.

But this story has actual PLOT and the plot line that stood out was the two dudes in the sedan...(insert foreboding / mystery music here)...that’s what mattered...nothing else here was anything else you haven’t read hundreds of times before. Admittedly this, like every other chapter in this story, was exceptionally well written and truly unexpected based on the previous 10. It was a great twist and I look forward to seeing where the author takes us..so far it’s been a great ride!

Now back to guys bitching again if everything falls into line like you all expect it will...here are the remaining chapters of the story in ultra cliff note version...

Chap 12 cop bangs girl and girl wonders why this big cock isn’t as good as the first boy’s big dick, probably some shame and regret in there too...she discovers in chapter 13 it’s because the first boy serves his dick to her with the tender caring love she truly has wanted her whole life.

Chap 14 and 15 sedan boys come into play. But who will fall? Girls still has sex but with who or why has little redeeming effect on final outcome. What you should care about is what will happen to girls old boy, her new boy, the wives, the friends, the cop, the cartel head, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker...sorry got carried away...but you won’t you’ll just read the magic dick parts.

Then in Chap 16 and 17 the cards fall..”oh the huge manatees”...on to Chap 18 (this is an IR story from the get go...) wherein the bisexual girl gets her true boy back...which one?..what do you care...the story ended.

Then there is an Epilogue where the story really ends (for a second time...that’s what an epilogue means, its Latin...epi means two and logue means huge penis ending). We get a post coitus look at our favorite characters outside the time stream of the first 18 chapters chatching up on their most recent Facebook status and then sadly we all need to seek our jollies in yet some other deeply philosophical, plot filled, erotica story you bastards simply refuse to enjoy for the simple gift from the author it was intended to be.

Can’t put my finger on it, but I just didn’t like this chapter. Actually seemed a little too cruel. Kind of like the author was pushing to finally find his readers boundaries. You found mine.

Definitely an unexpected turn to this story. As with all good writers, this should be expected.