All Comments on 'Unexpected'

Good Story. Please follow up!

ShyOne79, I have created a review thread in the Author's Hangout where I have just submitted a critical review of this story. You can check it out at:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=35003955&posted=1#post35003955

I think that you have a lot of potential as a writer, but you aren't there yet. Your story switches tenses in the middle (I recommend rewriting it completely in past tense) and the plot could use some beefing up. I also think that unless you make one of the characters more obviously dominant you should move this piece to the 'erotic couplings' category because I'm really not getting the BDSM vibe.

Having said that I have to reiterate that I really do believe you show a lot of promise and I think that if you were to get a volunteer editor or two to help you out with grammar and flushing out the plot of your stories you could really improve by leaps and bounds.

3/5 stars from me. I liked it but I think you can do a lot better. Keep writing and let me know when your next story comes out!

Enjoy the Ride,

Cassandra Gables (AKA JeffLeigh)