All Comments on 'Unexpected Power Ch. 01'

Super hot except the vomiting around the dick part. Still, lots of potential and well written. Great job!

"I'm..I'm..." She began.

In sentences like these, "Dialogue." She said, the interpunction is wrong. The dialogue is a subordinate clause and is a part of the main clause. She therefore is not the start of a new sentence and must be written with a small letter.

Good interpunctions:

"God!" she shouted.

"Dear Leonard," she said.

"I don't know ..." she said, hesitantly.

Gotta agree great until the vom wtf !

Interesting! Strange that the brother can't get much money if being gifted is rare, but excited to see where the story goes.

Another vote for "super hot until the vomit part at the end"