Unrequited Pt. 04

"This one, right?" Tim pointed right at the ring I was admiring. "I mean, blue is her favorite color, and it, um, it just feels like her, doesn't it?

My eyes were burning, and I sucked my lips back between my teeth as I nodded.

"You OK?" Tim's face was concerned.

I forced out a very shaky agreement. "Yeah, it's just, it's really pretty. She'll love it." My voice cracked, and I grabbed a napkin off the table to blow my nose.

Tim pulled back his phone, clearing the screen, glancing towards the bathrooms. Sally was still nowhere to be seen. "So, I reckon I'll have the diamond put in a solitaire, just temporarily, for the proposal, and then have it transferred over before the wedding. Do you think she'd hate that? Being without a ring for a few days? My sister thought it would be okay."

"It'll be fine." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "So, are you going to propose at Christmas?" I tried to keep my voice level.

"Actually, no. We're having a New Year's party, which you and Kayleigh are invited to, by the way. I was going to do it then, just before midnight, you know, surrounded by our friends. Kind of an 'I don't want to start another year without you' sort of thing."

"Hey, what were you talking about?" Sally's hand trailed across Tim's shoulders as she returned to the table.

Tim sat back, looking up at his girlfriend and answering smoothly. "I was just telling Beth about the New Year's Eve party."

Sally's eyes got big. "Ooh, you and Kayleigh have to come."

Yeah, so looking forward to that. "Sure, I'll ask her."

*****

"You don't sound like you want to go." Kayleigh took another bite of her lamb karahi.

I played with the pasta on my plate, trying to buy some time. "No, I do, I just, I don't know." I forked another piece of my tilapia, which really was amazing. We were at Sameem Afghan restaurant, following our Thursday night tradition of trying something new.

The place styled itself as the only Afghan restaurant in Missouri, which, from what I was tasting, was a shame. There should definitely be more of this around. "I'm fine."

"You've seemed down all week. Do you not want to go tomorrow?"

"To The Nutcracker? No, I mean, yes, I want to go. That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

I heaved a sigh. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just so used to being depressed at Christmas I don't know how to be any other way." I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, if you want," Kayleigh slid her foot up my leg, "when we finish we can go straight back to my place, and I can try to make you feel better." The husk in her voice, combined with her best sultry, bedroom eyes made me shiver, even while deep inside I was revolted at myself for taking advantage of Kayleigh like that.

As soon as we made it into my car she leaned across and kissed me. "Let's go home. I want to get to the part where I cheer you up." She ran her finger down over the skin exposed by my blouse, making me shiver and nod. Forty-five minutes later I was naked, lying in Kayleigh's bed as her hands massaged my breasts and her soft, talented lips and tongue worked my sex.

I spun higher and higher as she went, moaning and sighing into the December evening. The tension continued to build almost painfully in my core, and I was just on the cusp of begging when Kayleigh's lips closed around my clit. She applied rhythmic suction at the perfect speed, and I had less than thirty seconds to wonder why this incredible woman wasn't enough for me, why I couldn't finally let myself be happy, before my body seized in ecstasy, wiping all conscious thought away.

Over and over I came, my only thought in between being: "God, please, more." When I finally pulled away Kayleigh moved up my body, torturing me with some delicious aftershocks as she loved on my now oversensitive breasts.

Eventually I pulled her up into my arms, staring into her face, which was shining from both her huge smile and my nectar. She looked beyond adorable and I pulled her to me for a kiss, holding her warm body against my skin.

After a moment I brushed her cheek with my thumb. "So, you want me too, um," I glanced down towards her hips.

Kayleigh just shook her head. "No. Tonight was all about you." She kissed me on the nose. "Might be a different story tomorrow, though."

"Oh, really?"

Kayleigh's voice was firm, her face absolutely serious. "Definitely. Ballet makes me horny."

"I see." We both managed to keep our expressions flat for a solid two seconds before we broke out into fits of the giggles. I love how Kayleigh makes me laugh. I held her close, feeling her small body flush against mine, and she pressed herself against me.

She whispered, "I love you." It cut me to the core. It wasn't the words, but deep down there was a quaver to her voice, like she was unsure, not about how she felt, but about how I felt about her. She sounded like someone scared she was losing her partner. Or maybe I was just projecting.

In any case, it scared me. "I love you, too." I tried my best to sound confident, kissing her head after I spoke. She moved gently against me, and I fell asleep praying the breaks in the dam of our relationship were all in my imagination.

*****

"Okay, so, what do you think?" I turned around in my dress, watching Kayleigh's eyes go wide as she took me in.

"Wow, Sweetheart, you look, just, wow."

I spoke to her. "Is that good?"

Kayleigh nodded, her eyes taking another long stroll over my body. "Uh-huh."

"Good. It better be. I forgot how much work dressing like a girl is." I'd left work early to get my hair and nails done, the highlights were back and my locks were down past my shoulders now. The sides were swept back and tied off while my tresses fell in loose curls. My nails were done in a French style, but were still short. I'd only had long nails once, in middle school, when I let Sally put press-ons on me. I hadn't been able to rip them off fast enough.

I never really considered myself to be too butch or femme, kind of in the middle I guess. But spending time with Sally, who was perfectly, relentlessly feminine, made it hard to think of myself on that side of the spectrum. But now, wearing this, and the makeup and heels (just two inches, but still) I guess I'd forgotten how good it felt to feel pretty.

Kayleigh was looking good herself, in a maroon Cheongsam dress with gold, blue and green floral accents. Her dark hair was done up in a bun with hair sticks, her outfit accented by her dangling pearl earrings.

"You look kind of amazing too, you know. Very traditional."

Kayleigh grinned, running her hands over the shiny dress. "Technically, this is Chinese, not Korean. But it looks really good on me, and I love wearing it. I do own a hanbok if I ever need one.

"I doubt anyone will raise a stink. They'll be too busy staring at you."

"Thanks, sweetie." She stepped towards me, taking both my hands in hers and lifting her chin for a kiss. When we parted I linked my arm in hers.

"Shall we go?"

My lover nodded, and we headed out to my car, me only wobbling twice on my unfamiliar heels.

Ballet is so very different from the Broadway musicals I usually enjoy. With no spoken words, the entire story has to be told through music and movement. It was beautiful, and I joined wholeheartedly in the enthusiastic applause that followed the end of the first act.

I looked down at Kayleigh. "I'm going to need the little girl's room. You coming?"

"Yeah, we better hustle, there's probably a line around the building." The line was long, feeling even more so watching the men going in and out of their restroom without any wait. Still, the queue moved at a decent clip, and we both made it without any accidents.

I got out first, waiting in the lobby for Kayleigh, reading in the playbill how they'd changed the costuming and choreography to make some of the second act performances more culturally sensitive. Kayleigh emerged a few minutes later, smiling as she saw me standing against the wall.

As I stepped towards her, her eyes slid past me. The color drained out of her face, which was now wearing a look of horror.

I turned to see what she was staring at. Two women were walking towards us, their eyes on my girlfriend. The taller one wore a blue dress and a mask of arrogant disdain.

"Kayleigh. You're looking well."

Kayleigh reached my side, her mouth open slightly, as she tried to answer, finally squeaking out, "thank you. Why are you here?"

The woman in blue looked down at her pretty, smaller partner. "Lucy wanted to see it. She never has." She smirked back at my girlfriend. "Are you going to introduce me to your date?"

Kayleigh seemed as if she'd rather kick her in the shin, but she just took my hand instead. "Patricia, this is Bethany Hauser, my girlfriend. Bethany, this is Patricia Ellington and Lucy, um, sorry, I don't remember your last name."

"It's okay." Lucy was blushing hard, obviously wanting to be anywhere else. Patricia, on the other hand, stood a little taller. Her eyes flicked down before traveling slowly up over my body. "I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you, Bethany, but we both know that isn't true." She looked back to Kayleigh. "So, is this the one you fucked while I was in New York?"

I felt my ears burn, and I had to exercise some restraint from doing a little shin kicking of my own. Kayleigh just made a stunned little noise, which made Patricia smirk.

"I see that it is. Not much for shopping around, are you?"

Kayleigh nodded towards Lucy. "I could say the same about you."

Patricia's smirk grew into an evil smile, and she gave one, mean laugh. "Please. I tried out plenty of girls before I decided who I was going to leave you for. Enjoy the second act."

She swept past us, Lucy in tow; the latter's face downcast, determinedly avoiding eye contact.

I turned to Kayleigh, whose face was blank with shock.

"Hey, are you OK?"

She gave herself a shake. "Yeah, sure. I mean, it's not like I didn't know she was a bitch." Kayleigh's voice wavered, and she wiped away a tear.

"Do you want to go?"

Kayleigh's chin left it, her mouth flattening. "No. She doesn't control me like that. I won't let her."

"Okay."

She took my arm and we headed back into the theater and found our seats. Kayleigh's hand slipped into mine, and I held it gently as the lights went down. I didn't pay a lot of attention to the rest of the ballet, being far more worried about what Kayleigh was thinking and feeling. Every time I glanced over she was staring straight forward, watching intently, but without the look of excited, innocent wonder she'd been wearing earlier.

She was quiet on the drive home, something that's been happening far too often recently, and when we got back she just sat there in the front seat of my car.

I tried to make my voice sound kind and compassionate. "Ready to go in?"

"I guess."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

She looked at me, pain stretching across her features. "Yeah, but, I don't think, um..."

"Hey," I brought her hand up to my mouth, kissing it gently. "Let's go get ready for bed." We climbed out and made our way through the front door, where Patches was waiting for us. Kayleigh brushed past her, dropping her clutch on the counter and heading for the bedroom. I hung my bag on the hook I usually did and went into the kitchen.

Patches mewed and jumped up on the counter next to me. She looked once towards the bedroom, where we could hear Kayleigh rustling around, and then turned back to me. I scratched her on the head. "I know, I'm worried too. Your mommy ran into Patricia tonight."

I was probably imagining it, but I swear Patches' ears flattened slightly at the sound of the name. I dropped a few kitty treats on the counter and changed her water, since it had a piece of kibble floating in it, before heading back to the bedroom as well.

Kayleigh walked out of the bathroom already in her pajamas, satin green and full length. She stepped closer to me, taking one of my hands. Her voice was small and sad. "I know what I said yesterday, but could we not?"

"Of course, that's fine, um," I bit my lip, " do you even want me to stay?"

She nodded, her eyes wet with tears. "Please don't go."

"OK, I won't." I pulled her into an embrace, and she pressed herself against me.

"I just, I need you to hold me tonight."

"That's fine," I pulled back slightly and kissed her forehead, "but I probably should change first."

Kayleigh left once. "Yeah, probably."

I kissed her gently on the lips, before turning around. "Unzip me?"

Kayleigh did so. "You look amazing in this dress."

"Thanks. You did, too, in yours." My smile reminded me I was wearing make up, which had to be washed off. I stepped out of my dress, laying it over Kayleigh's dressing chair, and opened the drawer in her bureau where I kept my things. We've never really made a formal decision about me getting a drawer. I guess it'd just sort of happened.

I kept a pair of sleep shorts and a comfy long T-shirt here for those nights when it was impossible to sleep nude, so I grabbed them and headed into the bathroom. When I finished I stopped in the doorway, spreading my arms. " Back to boring old me."

Kayleigh sat up in bed. "You look perfect." She slipped a hand out from under the covers and held it out to me. I crossed to my side and climbed in next to her, my arms going around my lover as she snuggled in.

"I'm sorry about tonight." Kayleigh sniffled.

"Sorry? You didn't do anything, and your ex's opinion of me isn't going to keep me up at night, I promise." I sighed. "I'm sorry you got ambushed like that."

"I swear, she always refused to go with me. Called it stupid, anti-feminist, a lot of other things. But those weren't the reasons at all. I just wasn't worth it." A tear slipped free, and I squeezed her tight. "And she was cheating on me the whole time, and I didn't notice until she didn't care anymore. I worked so hard to make her happy." Kayleigh's tears were flowing freely now, her voice wavering with emotion. "But she never wanted me. I was just, I don't know, what was I? Just a back up plan? Why? Why doesn't anyone ever want me?"

I held her close, whispering that I wanted her and other gentle reassurances. But inside my shame was burning, because I knew the truth. If Sally came to me tomorrow saying things I always dreamed of hearing her say, I very much doubted I wouldn't choose Sally. I even knew it wouldn't be the right choice, but I'd still make it. And as much as I told myself it didn't matter, because that would never happen, what that would do to Kayleigh made me sick inside.

I held her close, and eventually the precious creature in my arms cried herself to sleep, and I prayed to a God I wasn't sure existed for the strength to love her like she deserved.

I woke with my arm still around her middle. She was facing away from me, but one of her hands was in mine. I inched nearer, closing the small space between us, and pressed my lips against the small patch of skin exposed at the base of her neck. I moved forward, pressing a second kiss behind her ear. My lover made a happy little noise, and she rolled towards me onto her back.

I continued my little pecks on her cheek, along her forehead, and then on the tip for nose. Kayleigh giggled and opened her lovely green eyes. "Hi."

"Hello. Good morning."

"Mmm, it's getting there." Her lips closed as she lifted her chin and pulled me down to her neck. Kayleigh cooed into the morning sunshine as I applied gentle suction there while covering her with my body.

She began to relax into my kisses and touches. Encouraged, I left her neck and moved down to her soft, flat belly, where I began unbuttoning her pajama top, worshiping each intoxicating patch of skin I revealed. After several wonderful minutes the last button gave way and I opened the garment, revealing Kayleigh's small breasts and delectable light brown nipples.

I took one into my mouth, making Kayleigh moan. Her hand went to the back of my head, massaging me through my hair and holding me to her.

"Oh, Bethany, that's so nice, mmm." I switched sides, earning another moan. After a while her palm moved to the top of my head and I got the inescapable sense she wished me lower, and I let her nipple pop free as I started to move my lips down her rib cage.

As I reached her navel she raised her shoulders so she could peel off her top and I swirled my tongue around the skin just above her bottoms. I held them with my fingers then she raised her hips, and the aforementioned garment joined its partner on the floor.

I eased Kayleigh's thighs apart, taking in the aroma of her arousal, pressing kisses against her soft inner thigh as I drew near her to her core. She blossomed before me, and I ran my tongue lazily over her swelling inner labia, earning a long, high moan for my effort. My eyes rolled back under their coverings as her exquisite flavor washed over me.

Kayleigh lifted her hips, pushing herself against my mouth, and I set to my work in earnest. I was in no hurry, spending at least fifteen minutes gently building her up before I, very deliberately, tipped her over the edge. She pushed against me, one hand tight in my hair, holding me to her as I sucked her clit in time with her very familiar rhythms.

I eased back as she settled down, knowing exactly how much stimulation her sensitive body could take at this moment, and how much time she would need before I could start taking her up the mountain again. It was amazing. I'd never been with anyone long enough to learn those things before, but now I could play Kayleigh's body like a fine instrument, giving her incredible levels of pleasure. At least, that's what she said, and I believed her, because I knew the reverse was true.

I brought Kayleigh to another intense orgasm, not needing nearly as much time for the second go, and as she stilled she reached for me. I crawled up over her body, kissing her deeply as I rested on her. When we broke apart she grinned wickedly at me.

"I can taste myself on you."

I let my tongue dart out and over my lips. "Mmm, yeah. You taste amazing."

Kayleigh giggled. "I'm really glad you like it."

"I love it." I kissed her again, and we cuddled in bed for the next half hour or so, until nature forced us out from under the covers.

The specter of Kayleigh's encounter with her ex slowly dissipated as we went about our day, making breakfast and snuggling on the couch watching Christmas movies.

Kayleigh leaned back against me as the credits to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation rolled across the screen. "So, what next?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. How about Home Alone?"

Kayleigh's face scrunched up. "That's not a Christmas movie."

"What? It's a movie, it happens at Christmas time. Ergo, a Christmas movie."

My girlfriend made a show of rolling her eyes at me. "No, in order for a movie to be a Christmas movie, the fact that it's Christmas has to be integral to the plot. In Home Alone they could have just as easily been leaving for a summer holiday."

"But Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci are casing houses because everyone is leaving for Christmas."

"They could be doing that in July, too."

"Well, it's funny, and I'm putting it on."

I spent the next two hours pointing out all the Christmassy bits, with Kayleigh launching her counter arguments. By the time it ended we were still cuddled together, locked in a spirited debate, which had ranged out to Die Hard and Lethal Weapon. I was more willing to concede on those points.

Eventually it was time to get ready for Kayleigh's friend's party. "I just bought a nice blouse and slacks. I hope that's OK. Although I guess I could wear that dress from last night again, if you want."