Vertigo Milf

Laura is tapping a pen against her chin and watching me pointedly beneath her lidded eyes.

"You're a liability boss." She dumps on the table. "You're unfocused; your heart's not in it like it used to be. I know we swapped you up with your fourteen on - seven off, but truly... And I say this with all respect, you haven't been in the game for ages now."

Wham! I look to Trish. I value the opinion of these two women. They are equally as responsible for the success of this thing I created to distract me from my grief and keep me out of the mines as I am.

"Davey darling..." Trish smiles at me. "You know we love you, but this isn't your priority anymore. It hasn't been for a long time. Before you met Hana even. This has nothing to do with her. Well, a bit I guess, but think about it. How much more would the business benefit from someone as driven toward advancement and adaptation as you were when we first started working for you?"

"Fuck..." There are two little divots in your eyebrows, just above your nose that hold tiny nerve clusters which instantly relax you if you rub them or can cause someone immense pain if you punch them. I'm rubbing mine and smiling at the combination of incisive and intuitive personalities that I deliberately assembled nine years ago to help make my business successful.

"You're moving on, sugar." Trish smiles at me. "It's a good thing."

"But our business needs someone here full time." Laura stabs her pen at her notepad. "It's time for change. You know it. We know it. We just have to do it. So, the big question is, 'how'."

We sit and sip our morning coffees; I think they are waiting for a reaction from me. I'm processing slowly. There's an important load of heavy things to process and I can't just skim this. This little business turns over roughly six million a year in government job creation funding alone. On top of that there are kickbacks from long term hires and corporations who depend on our reliability. Our name is important. Our human resource logistics support multi-billion-dollar industries.

Part of me is hurt. I don't want to be the weak link in this chain.

Part of me can see it.

"I'll need an appointment with Dudley. We're going to have to prepare salary packages and position descriptions. I'm not... this is a bit of a wake-up call, but I'm not offended. It's time for me to think about the farm again and to put someone in here who can grow things. You're both right. It's a little hard to hear. Just give me a few days to get on board and we'll... evolve I guess."

"If you want a different perspective; one that's helped me while Laura and I have been thinking about how to bring this up, maybe think of it this way. You've done such a great job building the business that you've made yourself redundant." Trish smiles softly at me.

"That's a... kind way of looking at things, Trish. Can we wrap up? Schedule another meeting in a couple of days so I can meet with Dudley and so we can all do some thinking about how to restructure."

"How does nine a.m. Thursday sound, boss?" Laura grins and shows me her diary where it's already pencilled in. "We already spoke with Dudley; he's got this afternoon free and so do you."

"Remind me to give you both a pay rise."

"We may have looked at some fringe benefits already." Trish laughs. "You're covering our study debts as of October last year. Thanks heaps. You are not only generous but you're thoughtful. Talk to Dudley. If you were a bit more focused, you'd know these things."

"And Anabelle is working on P.D.'s already. She deserves a promotion. She's outgrown 'receptionist' to the point where she does a lot more management than admin these days." Laura taps her biro on her pad some more.

I'm still thinking about the meeting much later as I sit on the little jetty and soak up the kids and that feeling of belonging that they gift me. Jo-jo is taking a small bream off her hook all by herself and giggling as it flips and flaps when my phone rings.

"Alright muppet, I'm talking to you again."

"Hey Hana."

"I had a yarn with Nikko just now and it sounds like I should have been more worried for Ricky than you. Where'd you learn to fight anyway, spunky?"

"Oh, um... After the girls died, I was pretty angry a lot of the time, gorgeous. Alan got me to look at physical outlets. I did some mixed martial arts training up in Noosa for a few years. I'm... alright at it I guess."

"Full of surprises, Davo. And I thought you were a lover."

"Well, we're both paying for it now. My ribs feel like I got hit by a bus and my lip stings whenever I eat or drink. I really hurt Ricky's leg too. Feel pretty dumb for letting him get to me."

"Lucky I wasn't there, both you clowns ears would be boxed in now too. Anyway, I'm home Monday. Where do I get tickets for us and what do I need to pack?"

"Oh... You can sort costs out on the day, it's more like a charter, and just clothes for a few days. It'll be hot through the daytime and the nights don't cool down much. Not sure how we're all going to fit but Tanya suggested camping in the old wool shed. She's got swags and things organised."

"I'm a bit excited, spunky. Nervous too."

"You'll love them. They already love you."

"The wool shed sounds fun. It'll be like being back on the shearing sheds. Do I still get fishing?"

"Oh..."

"I miss just sitting with you the whole time I'm away. Proper mess this go around. Big old softy."

"Yabbies."

"What?"

"No fish in the creek out there, but we can catch crayfish in the dams. You ever eaten yabbies?"

"Nope."

"You'll love them. Like prawns just sweeter. You want to say hi to the boys?"

"Yeah spunky, put them on. I'll hang up after, so I don't say anything dumb to you. Miss you a lot, old mate."

"Miss you too, gorgeous."

/`----------------------<><

It was a perfect morning for a short flight. A light sea breeze blew straight down the runway and I smiled at the windsock bouncing gently. Beyond it, a clear blue sky was driving the last of the sunrise back into the ocean as I loaded some needful things the girls had asked me to bring out for them.

Kat wanted me to bring her some swimwear she'd selected online from the lady's surf wear shop in the Sandcastles building. There were a couple of bottles of wine and a half ounce of weed for the big girls. They knew they'd have to limit weight this trip because I had passengers so the usual shopping and such got put on hold.

I'd already refuelled and done my pre-flights, so I scanned the maintenance records to waste a bit more time. It was this process that started my success with Cohen Human Logistics. Early on when I was learning to fly Dad's plane, I was told that my insurance would cost me less if I adopted a basic ISO system. Subsequently, learning that system and applying it to my start up business is probably one of the reasons I've been so successful.

Hana got in late last night and refused to let me pick her up from the airport, instead taking a taxi home to Amara's place so she could wake up there with the kids in the morning. They'd be here shortly for our seven-thirty take-off. She had sounded exhausted on the telephone last night when she rang to say goodnight.

"We're all so excited, spunky. The boys are mad, eh. Goin so heahea... We packed and ready and I got two little bundles asleep on the sofa with me already, just wish you were here."

"That'd be a squeeze, gorgeous. I've seen that sofa."

"Haha. So, Mudjimba early. I need my beauty sleep. Goodnight, taku tane."

"Ha. Ricky's been clueing me in a few words, Hana. Goodnight to you, my woman."

"Bastard. I'll get him in the morning. Night."

"Night."

I'm smiling at that memory as I close the logs and watch car headlights pull into the carpark. Nelly promised me she'd let Hana give her a hundred dollars for the 'charter'. She's a good chick; does a great job with the cleaning. I owe her anyway. She blows out the hanger and vacuums the interior of the little plane now and then. She was one of Mum's friends for years.

I can hear the boys before I can see them all. Their little voices ring and carry on the morning air.

"I wonder if it's that one."

"Nah Thommo, you can't do tricks in those ones. I reckon it's smaller."

"Pff, you two. There's not going to be any tricks."

"They did tricks at the thing."

"It was an air show and there'll be no damn tricks today or I'll just poop myself, boys. Now where did the lady say?"

"Over here, gorgeous." I call out to them and wave. Hana drops her bags and waves back.

"Uncle Davo!" I just love how my heart leaps with their excited voices when they find me on the jetty fishing, and this morning is no different. Until a tired looking Hana actually runs the last few metres to wrap me in a hug.

"God... I'm broken, spunky. I've missed you like... Hmmmmm." She groans into my neck and softens against me.

"Missed you too, gorgeous."

"Gross." Thomas giggles. "Erny, don't look."

Hunter just laughs and grabs my thigh in a hug. I learned from Ricky that Hunter's nickname 'Ern' or 'Erny' comes from a slang term for a hundred dollar note, 'Ern Ruddy'. When he was little, he pronounced his name 'Hundy'.

She steps back eventually and studies me carefully with her trademark gentle frown that squints her eyes enough to let you know she's scrutinising you but leaves a playful twist to the corners of her lips. "Your lip too munted for kisses?"

There's no point replying. I couldn't anyway, my lips are busy with hers.

"This a little plane, Uncle Davo. We all gonna fit?" Thomas asks seriously and with a deep sigh Hana leaves my lips wanting more and answers him.

"I'm sure the pilot knows what he's doing. I told you it wouldn't be like the big jet that time."

"Here, I'll get your things. We have to be belted in by quarter past so we can call the tower and taxi. Come on boys, lend me some muscles men."

Hana eyes me a bit suspiciously as we stow things. "You just... David, are you certain? They have to load them properly."

"I've done this a few times now. She's a bit nose heavy so everything goes in the back of the- We're good, darlin. Come on guys, pile in and find a seat."

"David..." Hana shakes her head. "Don't we have seating arrangements? Are there other- oh, you said a charter. Come on then boys. David where should- does it matter they sit?"

"Relax Hana. Let them be." I smile at their excitement as they pick seats right behind the cockpit.

"Where should I sit?" She asks nervously.

"Hey. It's just us. How'd you like to sit right next to the pilot?"

"Serious?" She giggles.

"Dead serious."

"Oh god, David. I love flying. Really? Right up front. You sure?"

"I insist."

"You don't want to? I mean you paid. That cranky woman would only take a hundred from me."

"Go on. I just have to check a few things and then we're off. Get the boys belts adjusted and turn your phone off for me. No real reason, it's just distracting if it goes off. No real radio interference from them these days."

I pull the chocks away and stow them, then do a last-minute walk around before climbing aboard.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit up here? I'm a bit nervous now. Is the pilot here yet?"

"Yup. I'm sure and yup, I'm here."

"What?"

Her eyes look like saucers as she watches me assemble my harness and check instruments.

"Fuck me!" She growls then giggles. "You fuckin joking, white boy?"

"Flying's not a joking thing, gorgeous. Ladles and jelly-spoons," I make a funny voice and get the boys laughing, "This is your pilot speaking. We have perfect weather this morning for take-off. Please make sure your belts are fastened and hand luggage stowed. My hot stewardess is already buckled in, so she won't be doing the pre-flight safety speech."

I run through start up on auto.

Belts, cowl flaps, avionics off... Mixture rich, throttle closed, fuel pump on, prop clear. Hana's hand rests on my forearm and she throws her chin up and laughs from her diaphragm. "You boys goin to bed real early tonight, you hear?"

I re-prime the motor and start it again, then check oil pressure is green, turn the avionics on and do all the other things I usually do. 'Lean 1' for taxi, check the controls, make sure all the instruments are responsive and set trim. The throttles push us to seventeen hundred rpm and I check the magnetos. I remember Dad warning me that this whole process was more important than any skill a pilot had; it reminded you to get your head squarely in the game. Mistakes, missed checks in this moment compounded quickly. It was a series of windows that if you left a few open, an accident could fly right through.

So I put my race face on and engaged the moment.

I fucking love this involvement.

So many times back when I was horribly... 'munted' is a good word that I've learned recently. When the grief had me totally munted, I could lose myself in this process and the total involvement of flight. There was also that tiny elation of calculated risk that Alan explained was adrenaline and important to my healing.

"What are you smiling about, spunky?" Hana frowns at me. "Shouldn't you be-" She waves at the cockpit and laughs to herself.

"I'm saying 'munted' in my head these days. I think you've infected me." I smile deeply at her with all the emotions that seem to be rising like a tsunami wave swelling to swallow me. "You ready, gorgeous?"

"Tu meke." She giggles nervously.

"Ricky hasn't clued me in on that one yet." I tell her as I release brakes and taxi us.

"This thing..." Her fingers grip my shoulder tightly and she giggles. "Like fright, excitement, fear, too much. Like your whole body is shaking and it's all...Tu meke."

Prop - high revs.

Mixture - rich.

Rotate - fifty.

And off we go.

Boys giggle and a beautiful woman watches 'me' more intently than the rushing runway and earth dropping away from us and I wonder if I'm enough for her; if I even deserve the awe in her eyes. But fortunately, the business of the moment engages me more than the overwhelming feeling that the world is dropping out from underneath my heart just like my plane.

The feeling is the same every time. It's like you're cresting a hill too fast in a car and your stomach rises in your chest and you feel like you could just put your arms out... Just reach out and grab heaven and hold it.

But that's just flying. This thing my heart is doing as I listen to excited boys and all sorts of things her big tiger brown eyes are singing every time I look across... This is a vertigo of the heart.

"How do you always make me feel like a Disney princess, Davo?"

"Do some tricks! Do some Tricks, Uncle Davo!" Thommo laughs.

"Oh hell no." Hana laughs.

"Fuck that noise, bruh." Hunter says seriously as we climb higher and higher.

"I'm going to deny it. I'll tell everyone it was just excitement and nerves, but I fucking love your stupid guts out white boy. Don't you... Just keep catching me. Promise David. Promise."

"Gotcha." It's a bit curt given her outburst but in my defence, I'm balancing the prop back into twenty-three thousand revs where it likes to be, setting the mixture and closing cowls. There's a bit to think about.

"Did?" I look across.

"Didn't say a thing, arsehole. Here, watch where you goin, cuzzy." She laughs at my serious face and points out the cockpit in front of us.

"Holy fucking shitballs!" Hunter says as he looks out his window.

"Potty mouth on my little fella when get gets a bit excited." Hana laughs.

"Look how little them houses are, Mumma."

About forty minutes later we're passing over the Colomboola area. The boys are asleep; lulled by the drone of the motor and their waning over-excitement.

"It can get a bit bumpy around here, gorgeous. Lots of thermals from the cleared ground and some mechanical effect of the shape of the mine site down there. There'll be some thumps and bumps but nothing to worry about. It's just temporary. We're at about ten thousand feet so it shouldn't be too bad."

As predicted we soon hit a bit of rough air that mostly just buffets the light plane and tends to tip the nose up.

"You can fly around this area but it uses a lot of fuel and adds an extra thirty minutes." I tell a pale looking Hana who grips her harness with white knuckled fury.

"Just look at the road fuckwit. The... out there... look out there."

There are a few more pockets of disturbed air over the next ten minutes or so and Hana seems rather averse to my amusement.

"If you crash this thing, I'll crawl to your bleeding corpse and kill you all over again, David. Watch out there. Don't look at me... and stop laughing!"

"Sorry. You're face though. Hey! Don't dead arm the pilot!" She scowls as I take my hands off the controls to rub my shoulder where she's punched me.

"David! Hold the thing!"

"Auto-pilot's on, gorgeous. If you put your hands on the controls in front of you, you'll feel it flying the plane. Go on. Try it. We're coming up to a slight change in course that will help line us up with Bymount. You should be able to feel it-"

"Ooh!" Her pretty face lights up as the controls move in her hands. "I feel like I'm driving."

"Flying."

"Whatever. I've been sitting here impressed with you being a pilot and everything but a computer is flying and you're just a poser."

"More or less. You were bound to work it out eventually." I laugh at her teasing. Her enjoyment is beautiful to watch. Her lips twist in a mischief filled smiled and her eyes dance as she watches the instruments move while we alter coarse. She's so engrossed that I can't help myself. I close my eyes and pretend I've fallen asleep.

"David! Hey arsehole!" She pushes me roughly. "Oh, I'm gonna... you thought Ricky was something. Wait till we land."

She's smirking despite her threatened violence. "Sleeping sounds like a good idea though, spunky. I hate that sofa and those boys kick like donkeys. Wake me up before we land so I can fix myself before I meet your family?"

"Sure. Those seats recline. We're about an hour away now."

I'm rewarded with a quick kiss as she shimmies out of her seat and ducks back behind the sleeping boys.

My mind wanders as I begin descent. I'm distracted by thoughts of the re-shuffle at work. The meeting with Dudley had been positive but the whole corporate structure could be modified to affect positive change. I don't really worry a single point but try to let myself picture our operations from an external perspective.

"Are we landing now, Uncle Davo?" A sleepy Thomas wipes his eyes beside me in the aisle.

"Sure are buddy. Hey, go back and give mummy a bit of a wake up then you can come up here and help me land."

"True?"

"Of course. I need someone to look out for kangaroos and cattle. Maybe wake Hunter up too and make sure everyone has their belts on mate."

By the time I've brought us gently down to about fifteen hundred feet, Thomas is strapped in beside me with his hands on the controls and a huge grin on his face.

"See that dam out the right-hand side? That's the corner of the property closest to the road. Ebony and Tanya's cottage is... Can you see?"

"Next to the big shed, David?" Hana asks.

"Yup that's it. I usually land in Roma and they pick me up from there, but Tanya has slashed and cleaned up the air-strip. I'll need to buzz it a couple of times just to make sure there's no cattle or roos. It's over there on the high side of the creek. Can you-"

"The long rectangle patch, Uncle Davo?"

"That's it Thomas. Which way is the orange thing pointing? The wind sock."

"Haha. Socks for wind? Uncle Davo gone heahea." Hunter laughs to himself.

"Kind of pointing to that end." Thomas tells me.

"Good well, we'll come in from that end. I'll swing us around."

"Woohoo!" Thomas cheers as I bank and pull us around. "I told you he'd do tricks, bruh."