Vertigo Milf

"Pff... little cow." Ebby chuckles. "Can't get anything past her big ears. We've got ten grand put aside for procedures, but maternity leave is unpaid. I've only got six months long service because I swapped to State schools from private and we're still paying off the unit at Caloundra. Money will be tight."

"Oh. Haha."

"What's so funny arsehole?"

"Catherine. You'd never guess..." So, I told her about my accountants visit.

"We can't David! It's too much."

"Don't argue with 'me'." I put my hands up in surrender, "Just imagine saying 'no' to Catherine if she was sitting here right now. It was what she was putting it away for. For ivf for us. You know she's frowning down at you with that little wrinkle right here." I point to the centre of my forehead. Catherine had this tell whenever she was determined or angry. A vertical wrinkle in the centre of her forehead that blushed deep pink like a flame lit her face.

"Fuck you play dirty, little brother." She passes me another beer. "I love you for it, though. Wait till I tell the girls. Tan's been so up herself for having to say no and Kat... She'll be..."

Then Ebby holds her face and tears spill down.

"Hmmph." She grumps and wipes her face to smile at me. "I love you, David. And you too Catherine, wherever you are, you fucking bossy cow. I'm going to go wake that Tanya bitch up. She's soooo gonna shit. We'll work out how to get it back to you."

"Whatever siss. Just don't fret. Catherine would just want you as excited as she would have been if it was her. Go on now. I'm going to finish this and hit the fart-sack."

I'm wrapped in a cuddle when I stand and there are a few more sobs, then a happy giggle. "You'll hear the dumb dyke cheering from here I reckon. Love you."

It's only early still; probably just after nine when I drag one last stubby out to the verandah after my shower. The stars hold no wisdom for me tonight as I stare at the carpet of them above. Hushed voices banter playfully from deep inside the house and I smile at the girl's excitement. I can feel my own face curling into a smile as my heart stretches out over the horizon searching for Hana and the boys.

Sleep claims me almost instantly that night. Emotion and exhaustion conspire to throw me quickly into dreams. Dreams of family and happiness.

Then just as suddenly, I'm thrust into the new morning.

Kat holds coffee and beams beside my bed. Tan has thrown herself on top of me and buried her face into my neck while she outlines some mad payment scheme that they've dreamed up about putting payments back into a 'Catherine Cohen memorial trust' that was Kat's idea to support couples with ivf. They've imagined a huge scheme with accommodation and flight support for rural couples having to travel for consultation and procedures.

"Fucking hell, girls. Were you up all night?" I push Tan off and wipe my eyes and desperately crave the coffee I can smell.

"We might have been a bit excited. It will take us a couple of years to get enough of the hundred you offered us back in to get it kicked off, but we'll start applying for grants and get a not-for-profit thing registered." Ebony explains from the doorway. "It'll give me something to do while I'm stuck at home like a beached whale and frustrated."

"Two hundred and forty." I'm trying to catch up, but in my defence, I've been rudely awakened. For god's sake I still have morning wood and a lesbian is lying on me. There's only so much a man's mind can cope with in the morning.

"What?" Tan and Ebby chorus.

"Catherine's money. I've got no idea what to do with it. If you're going to start this thing; this Catherine Cohen thing, then do it properly. And the hundred was a gift not a loan. I told you that last night. Catherine would have insisted. Give me that fucking coffee and god's sake, Tan get off me. I still got..." Pointing towards my crotch gets a laugh from all three girls, "Jesus wept."

"Oh! Haha. I wondered what that was. Yech. Boys are so gross." She laughs off me and hugs Ebby. "Feed the man, honey. Kat, you pack a picnic. David, you can come with us if you want. We're going up to the bottle tree after breakfast to thank Cath and work out the details over a picnic."

It took three coffees, a big plate of liver and bacon gravy with mash and huge mug of orange juice before I was remotely worth talking to. From the conversation around me, I discovered what happens when you give three women a common cause and a way to honour the memory of someone they treasured. They chattered about their not for profit for ages

I had to put my foot down at one point though. "No. For the last time no. You simply cannot call the baby David or some weird non-binary version of that. What the fuck is a 'Davide' anyway? Just stop making some hero of me. Go up the hill and talk to that scheming witch up there that always had to have the last fucking word. Hahaha. God she'll be giggling in her grave fit to... Jesus, there's gonna be a fucking earthquake I reckon."

They all stopped and looked quietly at me. It was a moment I didn't understand. There were tears and smiles. Hands on hearts and a little Kat on my lap cuddling my neck.

"What?" I grumped, doubting my state of caffeination.

"You're talking about them." Ebby sniffs.

"Cracking jokes." Tan pats my cheek.

"We talk about them all the time, Uncle Dave but not when you're home cause it upsets you." Kat explains.

"Pppfffff..." I sigh. "If Hana were here, she'd tell you that they're our mob. That they're with the old people now and we tell their stories and keep them alive in our hearts. It's good. They're with me all the time now. I smile and remember little moments."

"Don't you fuck this up, Uncle Dave. Hana is good for you." Kat kisses my cheek. "Are you gonna come with us?"

"No, bub. I don't need to go up there anymore. They're not there. Just... They're here." I point at my heart. "And all around. I might go check out the homestead."

"You sure?" Ebby and Tan chorus like married couples everywhere.

"Yeah. I had some ideas about updating some of the electricals and maybe getting satellite or something. It'll be handy when I'm home. You know."

"Painters have been." Ebby tells me.

"Looks really nice." Tan continues.

"Lulu's room was brutal." Kat sobs on my shoulder. "I couldn't do it. Mum's had to. But now it's just empty and looks kind of beige."

"She's here now, bub. The room is empty because she's in here." I tap little Kat's chest and discover she's not so little anymore. At some point she's started growing breasts.

"Handsy much?" She laughs at my horror. "Couldn't resist. Sorry Uncle Dave, just... your face. Bloody priceless."

/`------------------------<><

The next couple of weeks drag by so damn slowly that I feel like taking a cattle jigger to them. What buoys me is fishing with the kids and occasional visits from Nikko and Mara. We're at that stage of family where visits are spontaneous and welcome. So, I'm not surprised when I get home at three-thirty on a Wednesday and find them all set up in the back yard.

It's been a sweltering thirty-seven degrees heat topped off with coastal humidity and I fully expected to find them making use of the pool. That's why they have keys. Well, not just for the pool you know, we're mob. It's been a long time since I've felt this connected and in danger of admitting to content happiness.

What I wasn't expecting is the greying Māori man with face tattoos who sternly watches me from his perch at the bar on the back patio.

"Davo. Come on meet Ricky. He's just home today." Amara welcomes me and the scowling ball of carefully contained man nods at me and rises. He's older than I expected; maybe fifty. There's not a wasted ounce of meat on him. He's a wiry man about my height. I was expecting a younger version of Nikko, to be honest.

"David Cohen, Ricky. Pleased to meet you." I return his nod and offer him my hand. He stares disdainfully at it a long while then looks to a furiously scowling Amara and acquiesces. His grip is firm but nonchalant.

"Richard. Only family call me Ricky." His voice is gravelly and curt.

"Noted, Richard. Would you like another beer? Nikko? Amara? I'm just gonna get changed. Help yourselves."

"Aw fuck this shit." Amara grumbles and shakes her head. "Fucken men. Nikko you.... Phew... You know... Kids. Here! You mob. Men's night tonight. We all going home. Who wants pizza."

Shrugging, I wander off inside to get changed out of work clothes and wonder at the chilly reception from a man who's clearly comfortable enough with me to sit in my back yard and drink my beer. "Fuck him." I decide. "He can take me or leave me."

But that doesn't sit quite right. He's Hana's brother and family. I'd like for him to accept me like they all do.

When I return, with an empty stubby cooler and make my way to the fridge I clearly interrupt a heated exchange between Nikko and 'Richard'. A bottle of Boags decides I should focus on it instead of the weird dynamic and I'm almost halfway through it when I catch something directed at me.

"What was that mate?" I look up and ask Richard, who stares with his chin up and lips curled in a sneer.

"You heard me cunt. Why you snoopin round the kids? You some kinda pedo?"

"Haha." The audacity makes me laugh out loud, "Listen bloke, you're Hana's brother and you're in my yard. Whatever problems you have you can take back home. I don't want any trouble with you."

I watch as he stands and stretches, and Nikko just smiles and shakes his head in a resigned fashion. Richard puts his beer carefully down on my bar and stalks toward me.

"I said, 'Are you some kind of fucking pedo, cunt?' Are you fucking deaf as well cuzzy?"

"You're off fucking tap mate. Time for you to fuck off home if you can't mind your-" That's as far as I got before he grabbed my throat with his left hand and pulled his right elbow back.

Kinetic memory launched my left hand to the wrist at my throat and my right elbow slammed into his tricep, breaking his grip on my throat and I shifted my hips inside his stance and watched as he stumbled backwards, and his eyes lit in a smile. His mouth twisted cruelly at the edges and his first punch swung wildly past my chin.

His second got me a glancing blow as I soaked it on the back of my forearm and grappled his neck into a clinch, hoping to limit how much damage he could do to me and how much I'd have to do to him to stop him. A barrage of uppercuts landed on my ribs and dropped my clinch. As I stepped away, I remembered coach's insisted, 'If they can't stand, they can't fight' and I dropped a savage knee into his perineal nerve.

That rocked him for a bit. The reprieve gave me just enough time to look to Nikko hoping for help. Instead, I just saw him smile broadly and nod.

At least now, Richard came at me with a little respect and a bit of limp. His first punch pulled as I blocked at it and then came back in under my guard to drive right into my solar plexus. I coughed and rode the flurry of punches that followed until I could find an opening that let me drive a knee high between his open elbows and return the favour.

Exploiting the opening, I spun his shoulders and got him in a lateral vascular neck restraint, took him to my back and locked my ankles inside his knees to stop him getting up or rolling. I held him there not wanting to black him out; hoping he'd just tap out. It was my mistake.

He somehow coiled his body up over my head and turned my lock into his. I fought him with all my breath until I felt my body losing strength. I drove a pointed knuckle deep into the pressure point behind his ear where his jaw met his skull and knew all I had to do was drive a heel into his inner thigh. He was weakening too.

Fuck it. Fuck this. I tapped his arm. Twice.

"Fucking tosser." I told him as soon as I had breath back.

My lip hurt. There was a tooth stuck through it. I tugged it free and stretched. Nothing felt broken.

"If you're gonna have a fucking go, don't pull your punches... 'Richhhherrrddd'." It's been years since I did any training, but I did remember enough to know that he'd held every punch. Just as I had.

"It's fucking Ricky, Davo. No one calls me Richard." He laughs and tries to stand. His left leg is a bit...

"Cockheads." Nikko laughed and helped me up. "Ricky, the white boy only tapped out cause he didn't want to leave you proper munted, you daft cunt."

And then suddenly it's all just too much for me. I burst into laughter. Short laughter. I still don't have that much breath and god... I need that beer. Nikko is laughing and talking on his phone. Ricky holds a hand out and joins me in laughter, so I help him to his feet.

"Muay thai? A bit of aikido... some wrestling. You ever do cage, white boy?"

"Nah, I was too short, Ricky. Gave away too much reach to be any good on the canvas."

He grabbed two more beers for us and handed me one. "Hana is my world, bruh. She got some mean cunts in her history. She tell you any of that?"

"A little."

"You ever meet any of those cunts, you open that can of white-boy Popeye whoop-arse you carrying around right up on them. Don't leave anything in the bank cuzzy, they wont."

"You two alright if I duck home for a minute, eh? Not gonna start slapping each other like high-school girls again, nah?"

"Fuck off cuzzy." Ricky laughs. "Just gonna hang out with me little bruh, here now."

Ricky pats my back affectionately as the big man leaves. We sit quietly for a bit, stretching out sore limbs and getting our breath back.

"So what're your plans now, Ricky? Going to be a bit cramped over at their place."

"Probably back on the boats, eh. It's about all that's left for me. Two goes around in the bin pretty much put paid to management work."

"Management?"

"What, just cause I got ink and a history doesn't mean I'm stupid." He sounds like he's pretending to be offended.

"I guess you get that judgement thing." I shrug. "I was just asking."

"It's like playing black jack, eh." He rubs his sore leg and stretches it. "This grogs alright. I'll drop a carton over Thursday after I've worked out my money."

"All good, mate. Help yourself."

"Chur cuzzy." He hands me another. "So I drop a resume on your desk. You turn it over and it's an eight. Degree in economics, post grad diploma in business, PHD in Human Resources. A few other industry certificates and such. Then-" He mimes turning over another card, "Another eight. One employer for close to twenty years. Three of those on trawlers, the rest rising through management to an executive position in HR."

"Jesus, Ricky. You probably got more letters after your name than mine has in it." I laugh.

"Then I show up for the interview." He pretends to flip another card. "It's an ace. I'm well dressed, polite and well spoken but I have ink all over me. I'm clearly Māori so you write that off as cultural and make the Ace a one and not a bust. There's still a chance, eh?"

"History checks though, am I right? The card that busts you?"

"Every time."

"That's cruel."

"It is what it is. I wouldn't change it. I've paid my dues. Six months for doing what any brother would do for their sister. I'm on a watch list with Operation Hydra since I moved to the big island. The bikie laws came in and I'm pretty much assumed to be a criminal. Then two years for trafficking."

"That's a... Deal breaker for employment."

"Too right. But I'm clear and free of the club with no bad blood. Welcome back any time but no intentions of being told what to do ever again."

"How'd you end up... Hana says you got dropped in by the president."

"More or less. I'd been partying at the clubhouse the night before. He knew I wanted out and after twenty years, it wasn't really an issue, just had to be done with respect and a bit of theatre for the old-school boys. We'd planned a final cage fight. I was supposed to take a fall and some up and coming fella was going to be sarge at arms. But then the cops busted in the joint at four in the morning and all hell broke loose. Pedro had a shipment come in just off the wharves in a shipping container out the back. When they found him asleep next to it, he reckoned it wasn't his and he didn't know it was there."

"So what? They just pinned it on you?"

"Nah. I was already fucked for work. It would let me get out with a lot of respect from the club and I needed to get sober anyhow. Jail would be a cruise. I'd be untouchable. It just made sense."

"You're fucked now though." I shook my head just a laughing Nikko came out the sliding doors.

"Never truer words spoken, little bruh." He hands Ricky the mobile phone he's holding.

"Hello?" Ricky asks it and then holds it away from his ear and screws up his face. He pulls it back closer for a moment then shakes his head and sits it on the bar. "Hana..."

From six feet away, I can hear her voice raised, but can't understand the thick accent and obvious lapses into a language I can't understand. Ricky starts talking again like nothing is even happening.

"So, I gotta get down to Caloundra tomorrow and sort out my storage unit. Then maybe see the bank after lunch. Got some cash offshore after those last few months in the Timor Sea. That'll get me going. I might drop down the wharves and ask around about work in the arvo if I got time. Can I drop you off tomorrow and borrow your car, Nikko. Oh, hang on."

He picks up the phone casually, "Yeah nah, of course I'm still listening, baby girl. No, he's fine."

Then he winces again and holds the phone at arm's length. "She sure got some good lungs that little girl. I remember when she was a tiny baby, she'd scream the house down like that."

Nikko laughs and pulls out a little tobacco tin and a pipe. He packs a cone and offers it to Ricky who lights it and coughs a few times. "Hold up, cuz."

He passes me the pipe and picks up the phone again. "Baby girl, you know I wouldn't hurt your man. I needed to know he'd look after you."

Then the phone gets placed on the bar again and Ricky sniggers as he reaches for the pipe. "You so fucked white boy. You probably next, bruh."

A short time later Ricky's phone surprises us all by ringing as it sits on the bar.

"Richard Tohu speak- oh..." He holds the phone away from his ear until it quietens. "Serious, it must have disconnected. I'll put him on."

He passes a finger across his throat in warning as he passes it to me and shrugs.

"Hana?" I ask.

"Hmmph."

"We're good, gorgeous. No-one's hurt. Ricky just-"

"Shut-up! I'm not talking to you... Seriously you... you... Not until... Not until I'm talking to you again. You promise you not hurt, eh? I'll punch you in the dick if you lie to me."

"Split lip."

"That's all?"

"I think so. My ribs are a bit sore but nothing broken."

"Good. Now fuck off. I'm not talking to you. Fucking stupid men. Don't fucking ring me, hear?"

"Miss you, gorgeous. Stop worrying."

"I said fuck off." The phone hangs up.

"She's not talking to me." I tell the boys who snigger like wasted donkeys.

"You sure about this, bruh?" Ricky asks as they leave later. He waves the keys to the Landcruiser at me.

"Yeah. You can get what you need out of storage and put it in the garage. I'll just take the Subaru up to work in the morning.

"Chur bruh." I am rewarded a brief hug and a back slap as he leaves. Nikko winks at me and pulls the door closed behind him.

/`-----------------------<><

We have these meetings once a quarter. Trish, Laura and I sit down and examine a few basics according to an ISO management model I adopted early on because I had, to use another acronym, 'NFI' about running a business. We examine finances, management, resources, systems, non-conformances and basically pull apart our operations and fine tune things.