Vertigo Milf

"Once you pop... Bahahaha. You mad cunt. Hoo... hoo... fuckin tu meke." He's holding his guts laughing so hard he spills his beer. "Once you pop, you just can't stop. Bahahahaha.".

Much, much later when he can hold a beer and drink from it without sniggering so badly that he splashes it on his face, I ask him, "So you right for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, twelve-thirty right?"

"Yup."

The following afternoon, I'm standing in the garage next to the Subaru reading some rather naughty messages from my Maori princess. We talk on the phone most nights, but she still thinks of little things through the day that need to be texted.

"Hey bruh. Hot chicky sliding in your dm's?"

"The hottest, Ricky."

"You just remember she way out your league, cuzzy."

As we pull up in the police carpark at Maroochydore for our appointment with Rebecca, he tells me, "Fairly nervous bruh."

"Mum used to tell me to check myself in the mirror and make sure I looked right. 'If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good, you do good.' Here, your ties a bit skewy."

I fix his tie for him and he checks himself in the reflection of the Subaru's windows before following me over the road to the lawyers office. The ultimate professional, Rebecca introduces herself and remains completely unphased by Ricky's facial tattoos.

"Very pleased to meet you Richard, we have a-"

"It's Ricky please. Richard makes me nervous and I'm already feeling a bit-"

Rebecca is a short ageless woman; I wouldn't call her plump, but she's short and her curves curve quite generously. She has a pretty 'girl-next-door' face with a smattering of freckles beneath her button nose and glasses. She also has one of those faces that absolutely lights up when she smiles as she does for Ricky.

"Please relax Ricky. I'm just an old woman, in a stuffy office with a big brain and a law degree. Now let's get these Operation Hydra arseholes off David and your backs. Oh, I also have a bit of a potty mouth when I'm not in court. Please forgive any outbursts."

"...warrant isn't fit to wipe my fucking arse with, the stupid cunts. Put them in plain clothes and they start thinking they're fucking Dick-fucking-Tracey. Why would they reasonably suspect that Dave would have fucking bikie shit. You maybe but what? Dave's storing it for you. Dumb fucks... Oh... Well, there you go... His Honour, Timothy Townsend. Fucking twat. Sorry. I did warn you."

Ricky is laughing quietly at her outburst. I'm used to her personal investment in legal matters. It's probably unhealthy but it makes her very effective.

"I'll look after this. A complaint to the commissioner should keep them honest. So, any questions Ricky. I really hope you have a much better understanding now of what they can and can't do."

"No, thanks siss. I mean, Rebecca. You been real helpful."

"Have you got a phone yet, Ricky? It's hard to get re-established."

"Nah not yet."

"Hang on."

We watch as she walks to a large silky oak antique cupboard and opens it to reveal a stash of mobile phones. She looks through them, smiles when she finds one that she wants and grabs a sim card from another drawer. She fiddles with it for a short while; inserting the sim and going through set up, then like she suddenly remembers we're still in the room she laughs and turns to hand it to Ricky.

"Here."

"I can't Rebecca."

"You can, I'll put it on his bill. Besides you need it. My phone number is in there under, 'Nasty Lawyer Bitch'. You ring if you get in any trouble, but don't send me any dick pics please. This guy last month. Oh man... Hear me?"

He looks at me and I nod.

"Thanks." He looks to his feet. "I'll get on my feet. Just takes a bit of time. Got an interview on the wharves..."

"Oh... Bec. Um, Ricky, I need to speak privately for a moment. Here." I hand him the car keys and he says his goodbyes and leaves me to my questions.

"Do you trust me, Ricky?" I ask on the way home.

"Enough. I know you well enough to trust you with my baby sister's heart but I probably wouldn't rob a bank with you."

"Do you trust me when it comes to your own well-being?"

"That's a kind of gay question." He laughs. "You gonna put your hand on my leg or something next?"

"Nah, you've been in jail a while. You'd probably like it."

He laughs and nudges me across the console with his elbow. "I get it you know. What she sees in you. You just don't judge and you got this weird big old heart. I bet it gets you in lots of trouble. You adopt many stray dogs as a young fella, Davo?"

"Enough."

"Many of them bite you?"

"A few. But... Alright. This is gonna be really out there for you, but be at my place at eight in the morning and just follow my lead. I promise if it all fucks up you can beat fuck out of me and bury me in the hangi hole."

"Fuck that, our mob need that. I'll just take you out the forestry and-"

"Crush my skull so the pigs can eat me?"

"Yeah cuzzy. You know us mad kiwi's."

At eight I was a bleary-eyed mess. Not even the third coffee could really kick start my morning. Firstly, I was nervous about Ricky's feelings. I didn't want to fuck him over; he'd already had enough shit go on for him. Secondly, I'd been up until three in the morning, locating, obtaining and assembling data. It had been a titanic undertaking and I was only just getting started.

They don't knock anymore, they just do what Ricky does this morning these days; take the key from under the pot plant and call out, "Davo, ow." on their way through.

"What are we up to, little bruh?" He asks as I slide him a coffee.

"I have an idea. But... Look if nothing comes of it, you haven't lost anything, but if it works out then, good."

"Yeah nah, that's really clear. Thanks, cuz."

"Haha. Let's just call it, 'bring a brother to work' day. I'm taking you into my office."

"Cool."

We don't speak much after that because I'm navigating this hair brained idea.

"Ok, first stop." I tell him as I park outside Fridays on the wharf. "Clothes. If you're coming into my work, you're going to make a good impression on Trish and Laura. My partners. You'll probably like Laura. She's a bit of a bitch."

An hour later, I hand over five hundred and eighty dollars to the salesman and Ricky moves uncomfortably in a very understated but classy, pin-stripe suit.

"I didn't know we playing dress ups, Davo."

"If you look good-"

"You feel good and if you feel good you do good. I get it. But it's not really who I am is it?"

"We're playing blackjack backwards today, Ricky. Now go get changed in your jeans again."

"Right then, you the boss white boy."

"You work here?" He asks as I park in the underground.

"Yeah."

"Skux place."

"It's expensive but it's really accessible for clients, and the rich arseholes I find staff for seem to like it."

"I bet."

"Wait in here." I put him in the conference room and leave him looking out the windows at the view over the park and river.

"What are you doing in today?" Anna asks politely.

"Hi love. Can you get Trish and Laura in the conference room please."

"Sure."

Ricky's made two coffees when I return. "White and none, bruh?"

"Thanks mate."

"So what's the go? You gonna show me what you do all day or something? You showing off? You know we good Davo. You don't need to prove anything."

"Hi, David and um..." Trish is first to arrive.

"Trish, this is Richard Tohu. Richard, Trish. Please sit. I'll explain when Laura arrives."

Trish helps herself to coffee and offers half stale Arnott's family biscuits to us.

"Boss... Oh hi!" Laura smiles at Ricky. "You must be Hana's brother."

"Guilty, call me Ricky please."

"I'm Laura. I love your tattoos. Can I look?"

"I can't hide them lady." Ricky laughs as Laura walks closer and looks at the dark patterns on Ricky's face so intently I expect her to trace them with her fingers.

"So boss? Anna said you wanted something. I have a client at ten."

"Ok, so I wanted you both to meet Ricky. That's pretty much it. Here."

I passed them copies I'd obtained of Ricky's NZ and Australian criminal history.

"What's this for?" Trish frowns. "It's hardly any of our business."

"Ricky, um... The girls are reading your criminal history."

"Oh... Short story for them then."

"Laura, Trish, you'll see Ricky did six months with early parole for good behaviour on charges of-"

"Wounding with malicious intent, Grievous bodily harm. Wow. You got off lightly, that's a big- shit. Sorry." Trish says.

"Ricky, why'd you go to jail that time." I asked him seriously.

"What's this? What're..." he stares at me.

I nod and tell him, "Please. Backwards Ricky. Trust me."

"Hana... My baby sister. When she was born, she was the best thing I ever had. I loved that tiny girl so much. And then her Hunter's dad put her in hospital. Not just one time either. The last time though. She was unconscious when they pushed her out of a car at the hospital. It was two days before the swelling on her brain went down enough for them to bring her out of a coma. And her pretty face..."

"You found him?" Laura asks.

"I found him."

"Did it feel good?" Trish asks. "When you fucked him up? Did it feel good?"

"Nope. Not really. It was just a message. I don't actually like hurting people much, but violence is the only form of communication that some people understand." Ricky answered her carefully.

"And drug charges Ricky." I state. "Tell my business partners how you ended up doing two years for trafficking."

"Phew... That's a bit boring but-" Then he explained about club life and losing face and getting out and all sorts of politics and how it led to his decision to take the fall for someone else just to get free and make a new life.

"But you're out now. And you don't really do drugs, right?" Laura asks.

"No. I smoke a little weed every now and then. When I was in the club, I did a lot of coke and that but... I got straight and well it's why I've been putting off going back on the trawlers. As soon as you get on a big school of fish, they start handing out the Duromine or worse. You can be going for thirty hours straight, and I just can't put myself back around that life. So, I'm hanging out with this loser and trying to make sure he doesn't fuck up this thing he's got going on with my sister."

"Thanks Ricky. Can you leave me with the girls for a tick. Go get changed, eh?"

He shrugged and left.

"So? Opinions?" I ask my two most trusted people.

"It's just fucked!" Laura says. "That beautiful man, God he's hot though right? He just did what he... Oh I'm fuming."

"Why was this important to you David. Isn't this a little awkward at the very least for him? We didn't need to know this stuff. You don't need our permission to date his sister."

"Trust me a little bit. I'm about to do that shake things up thing that Belle accused me of."

"Oh goody." Laura asks. "You were always so hard to keep up with. I loved it."

The door opens and Ricky walks back in wearing his new suit.

"Well, hello sailor!" Growls Laura. "What's this about, boss?"

"Partner, Laura... We're partners. But ladies, I'd like you to meet Richard Tohu."

"We already did." Laura screws her nose up. "I think 'you've' been doing drugs, David. Not Ricky."

"Not really. You haven't really met." I say and pass out two more pieces of paper.

"Holy shit." Laura says as she reads the first one.

"Phd?" Trish mouths and points at her piece of paper.

The girls are silent as they read and re-read the resume I had stayed up until three a.m. preparing for Ricky.

"David?"

"Trish?"

"Wait." She stands and scowls at Ricky and I, then leaves. Laura is mostly just ticking things on his resume with her pen.

"Here arsehole." Trish returns and dumps a copy of the position description she had emailed me yesterday on the desk in front of Ricky. "Read."

"I've already read this siss. David showed it to me yesterday."

"Good. Then you 'will' have an application including a handwritten cover letter on my desk by Friday this week. Hear me now?"

"Loud and clear lady."

"David, I presume you've already cleared this with Rebecca?"

"Yeah, he's fine except for international travel. That requires some kind of vetting by police. No crimes of dishonesty so zero business or other limitations."

"Here." Laura slides her phone across the desk.

"What siss?" Ricky asks her.

"Your number. You're taking me for dinner on Friday night. Wear that suit. I'm paying. You can make it up to me after." She winks.

Trish laughs as Ricky puts his number in Laura's phone.

When we got down to the car, Ricky sat and some kind of tsunami ran through him. He laughed and cried and thumped the dash till I thought the airbags would go off and he would go silent and look at me for long moments. When he settled, I drove him home in silence.

/`---------------<><

Learning to fly is mostly falling with grace.

"It's just an interview Hana. He hasn't got the job yet."

I can't really understand her through her tears. I can make out enough to follow conversation but there's noise in the background too.

"Give me that." Is a clear blokey voice though, that continues with, "I don't know who you are but you're making our smoko boss cry, cunt. Have a fucking good think about yourself, hear me?"

"Haha, the boys, Davey. They're a bit protective. Hang on, I'll take us out back."

She needs the blow-by-blow of the whole day before she finishes crying.

"He was crying when I spoke with him tonight, Davey. You even got all his university records and... No-one's ever done anything like that for our family. It doesn't even matter if he gets the job. We are workers, you know... That kind of underclass people. That stupid movie wasn't a long way off the mark. You know..."

"Cook me some fucking eggs woman."

"Yeah. And here I am..." She laughs. "Cooking fucking eggs, eh."

"You do a lot more than cook eggs, gorgeous. You run the site. Managers just run the coal. You run the people."

"So, I'm halfway through this swing and my stupid box is finished bleeding and this amazing guy does a really wonderful thing for my brother and I want to fuck him so bad..." She growls in frustration.

"Oh, about that. Um... I was talking with Glenda today and we're flying up to speak with Ron tomorrow. She's got a manilla folder full of emails she's printed out over the years. Lots of complaints."

"Oh shit. I wasn't trying to make trouble."

"She knows that. It just explains why Site Two has such a high turnover of female staff and she wants to affect some positive changes."

"Wait, you're coming up here?"

"I wondered when you'd catch on."

"Oh but. Policy. It's like boarding school here. Haha. Damn it. Grr... You look out white boy. Ha!"

"Glenda has booked us rooms in Emerald. She wants to speak with you at length about your operations and she needs some footnotes on Ron. He might be a dick, but he's reporting morale indicators and passing on your achievements."

"So we..."

"You'll have to slum it in my room, I'm sorry."

"Overnight?"

"Best I can do."

"Mid swing date night. Yes fuckers! The boys will be so jealous."

"The boys?"

"Oh, they know all about you."

"Love you, Hana. I gotta go. Kind of exhausted after today."

"You said it."

"I've said it before."

"You've 'almost' said it."

"You know it anyway."

"See you tomorrow."

"Night spunky."

Glenda loves flying; just hates take off. The moment she strapped herself into the seat furthest to the rear and pulled a curtain across a window, she dropped a diazepam and left me to it. She knows that I can't fly at night on a recreational licence which is when she usually chooses to fly, but she agreed to my offer to fly up more as a personal favour to me so that I had an excuse to stay up there.

The flight was long and rough and hardly even occurred to me. All I was thinking about was Hana. It had only been a week, but my heart and body mocked me all the way. Right up until a deep, too-many-cigarettes voice asks, "Who is this girl, David?"

"Shit Glenda." I laugh. "You're usually asleep."

"It's been bugging me. Let me fly."

Auto pilot is on, so I just release the controls with which I haven't really been doing anything other than distracting myself.

"Who is she? Brief me. From the beginning." Her gruff persona hides the softest heart. She's built huge walls around herself so that she could climb the corporate wall and brute force her way inside since her father died and left it to her. So when Glenda says, "Brief me." You start at the beginning and brief the woman.

"You're a fuckwit." Is her equally brief summary. "David when we first met, you had a contract with Greenscope for HR. What did I do?"

"Got me on board."

"How?"

"Offered me a contract I couldn't refuse."

"So this woman and her little men that are, and these are your words, in the 'dream' box. What have you offered them?"

"Me... You know, my time I guess..."

"And that's a 'lot' mate, don't get me wrong... But given her past, this 'safety net' is really important, right?"

"Yeah. I love seeing her kick these goals for herself. She's such a powerful unit."

"You're a fuckwit." She laughs. "Offer her a better contract. Wouldn't you like to see her kicking those goals for both of you? I did when I first met you. You were going great on your own and it was impressive, but I wanted your mind working for me, feeding me solid workers and looking after them. I got it because I gave you what you needed which was?"

"An opportunity." Glenda had given me a contract with an upfront that let me build the company and a no fail clause.

"The lovely girl thinks she needs something to fall back on, just like you did. But what you both need is a trampoline. Give it to her. Give her a launching pad. God knows Dad kept me down my whole life waiting for one of the boys to step up. Give her a leg up. Now turn that auto shit off. Insurance won't let me do this anymore. Only you."

So we turn auto pilot off and I watch the joy on Glenda's face as she makes small changes to our direction. "I want to fly past Rolleston and see the old place on Ten Chain Road. Fuel is good, Dave?"

"Plenty of Fuel, Glenda."

"If I was twenty years younger, I'd fight her for a go at you dickhead." She laughs and swings us a little further west.

"You'd lose, Glenda. She's..." I was going to say, 'ferocious.

"Fucking gorgeous. I've pulled her personnel's."

A half hour later I hold the controls and simply steady her approach and landing, "You still got it."

"Oh David... Dad used to do that with me. Help me. Make me feel like I was doing it myself. Thank you."

"I was only riding your nerves for you. You did it all yourself. Get some fucking hours up Glenda..."

"Cheeky cunt. Come on. Let's go kick some arse and cut some grass."

"Er..."

"Yeah, I don't really know what that meant either. I'm just all jacked up on flying. Come on. I told Ron to have Hana and himself here precisely at three or he'd be a smeared stain under a haul truck."

She taxis us without any assistance and runs through shut down without a spoken word. I point at a couple of lights and instruments, and she nods. Then we open doors and a smiling woman launches into my arms before I can even get my arms open and she holds me so damn tightly.

"This would be Hana?" Glenda laughs.

"Mrs Steinbolt. I'm so embarrassed but I miss him like..." Hana looks up from my neck where her face is buried.

"It's Glenda, sweetheart."

"Oh... I..."

"If you value your job, you'll call me Glenda. Am I crystal?"

"Yes Glenda. Thanks for... My Davey... here..."

"Shh." I tell the mop of hair that surrounds me.

"Ronald." Glenda acknowledges him.

"Hi Glenda."

"Mrs Steinbolt, please. I still sign your pay cheques. For the time being, at least. Did you get the beer?"