Vertigo Milf

Wiping his eyes, he gathers himself carefully and sits back down. "I'm gonna have to call now and then for advice. I have some ideas I'm working on... Trying to get them together before I talk to the girls about them. This is... I'll never be able to thank you enough, so I'll put all my gratitude into making your company work."

"I know. And listen, I just introduced you to them. You got yourself the job. Don't ever sell yourself short."

"Meh. All this talking... I'm gonna go tell Nikko and them. They'll probably make a statue of you or something. Haha."

"Seriously, Ricky. I needed you. You're doing me and my company a favour."

"Bullshit, but thanks bruh. About fishing o'clock for you, isn't it?"

"Almost. I've got a couple of calls to make. Tell the kids they're welcome to join me in about thirty minutes."

When I closed the garage behind me and shouldered my fishing gear, there was a different car in the driveway at number twenty. Perhaps Hana hired a car. That made me a bit disappointed in myself. She could have used the Subaru and saved money if I hadn't been such an arse. In any case, I'm pinning all my hopes on one last giant leap of faith with fishing. Hoping simply that she comes fishing with the kids this afternoon and lets the rigging ring and so on.

I've been watching my feet as I amble deep in thought and looking up, she's already there, sitting on a fold out chair with her coke bottle fishing line watching me with her soulful dark eyes.

"Excuse me, hello." I say and laugh remembering the first time I heard those words. Her musical giggles fill my ears and quieten my heart.

She waves me over. "Hi. Kiss me."

"Now sit and fish." She says between heaving breaths after we separate. "Did you bring beer?"

"Haha. I'm not here to fuck spiders, gorgeous."

"Shh. Here." She hands me an envelope.

I raise an eyebrow in question.

"Cohabitation contract. Dudley says it's questionably legal, but it makes me comfortable knowing it's there. It was kind of helpful to put it together and get my thoughts straight this week... Just read."

"So... yes? Hana? Is this yes?"

"Read. Shh. Fish." Her eyes are serious on mine, so I cast my line, read and fish. And what I read fills my heart and breaks it all in one.

Essentially, it outlines her new contract with the mines and protects our separate assets and incomes.

"Wow... Work from home, quarterly audits, training... Glenda likes you."

"She's alright actually. She sat in with me while Bec checked my new contract and while I spoke with Dudley. Then she dropped me home. She's really sorry, David. So am I. I get really-"

"Scared. Like little Jo-jo?"

"Ha. I told her just to go fishing with you and it would all sort out."

"I know another little girl who gets terrified now and then. I love her too. And I'd never let anything hurt her."

"She knows. She's just a brat though. Ha." She snorts a little.

"Oh god, Ebony's rubbing off on you. You'll be sniggering like Eeyore in no time."

That just sets her off until she's exhausted all her nerves through laughter.

"I seriously just love your fucking guts out, David. I'm so sorry I couldn't take your calls."

"Yeah nah, that was..."

"Yeah, that was a bit of a shit go for you... That little girl had a tantrum and had to work out how it all fit together again."

"Actually, I think the little girl got a bit excited and the big girl gathered all her protective energy to keep her safe. But you forgot about a little boy who opened his heart up a bit. I've been kind of busy with him too."

"I've had to look after that little girl my whole life. Then my boys and this week I worked out I got to look after you too, spunky. When things get big, I get all cranky mumma pig. You ever seen a mumma pig backed into a corner? I know I hurt you. I just don't know how else to be." And then her smile is swallowed by sniffs and she rubs at her eyes. "So, I have a new contract. I'm going to be-'

"Pretty set up."

"Yeah."

"Your safety net."

"Hmm."

I stew on it all. I'm looking up at that parachute as I get closer and closer to the 'x' on the ground and so long as we both cling to fucking parachutes and safety nets, we're never going to fly. I balance the fragility of this moment with my frustration, until it just comes out despite how I want to hold it in.

"Fuck safety nets! And fuck this!" I hand her back her cohabitation thing a bit too roughly and tap furiously at my phone before telling her. "I'm a package deal Hana. Just like you told me once. I come with a bruised heart that's feeling full and whole again these days thanks to you and your mob. I come with a bunch of commitments and responsibilities. You spoke to Dudley. You only know what I'm worth on paper. But that's just numbers. It means nothing until it works for my people. You're the only woman I could imagine who would know how it feels to be in charge of that and all the people who depend on it. God, the only reason I need to go back out bush is that I've neglected it so long that it's in danger of folding and taking Kat's education, the girl's futures, the old peoples hard work for our family's future and god damn it! I have dreams for a future of my own again now. I... need you. You settle me. You make me work in here in again." I bang at my chest. "And you make me care about tomorrow... Fuck... I'm yelling... Sorry. So... So sorry."

But she's holding me. Holding me and wiping my tears and holding that little boy inside tightly.

"Cash flow, spunky." She kisses my face over and over while I suck in deep breaths and settle. "Dudley told me about farming being financially spikey and cash flow poor, and I just wanted to make sure it all worked for us. I'm a planner. Everything has to be in its box. Growing up everything was so uncertain. What's?"

A big pontoon boat drifts towards the jetty having cut its motor.

"Oh. That's Disney." I open another beer and try to forget I was just having a big dummy spit.

"Hahaha. The little bitch... You been talking with Kat."

"Come on. Grab the chilly bin and-" She shows me her throat again as she laughs.

"It's a fucking esky, cuz. You in Australia now, eh." She teases me and holds my face as she laughs.

"They're all in on it." I answer her confusion when she realises the kids and Nikko are coming down the path to collect our gear. "Even Ricky. One of his old club mates runs this river cruise. Hates it but loves fishing. You like prawns if I remember properly?"

"Prawns, spunky?" She tosses her head back and laughs. "Almost as much as you."

I help her up on the boat and a smiling woman introduces herself and takes Hana's arm to help her steady herself.

"Hey kids. I'm Stacey and that grumpy old cunt is Wes. Beers up front in the esky. Get yourself a tube each and then hold on for a bit. Wes drives this fucking thing like he rides his bike when we're not on a charter."

"Thanks, Stacey." Hana tells her and they both help me on deck."

Wes waves a tattooed arm from down the back and the sheer size of him makes me hope this boat has some kind of positive flotation thing going on.

"Maybe grab a beer for him Davo, and I'll settle the lady in."

"Lady?" Hana giggles. "You put me, Davey, beer and fishing together and there's not going to be much fucking lady happening."

"Wes." He swaps hands on the tiller and shakes mine then takes his beer. "Thanks for this. We don't get to go for a bit of a fish much anymore. All work, no play."

"No. Thank you Wes. Ricky says you do cruises."

"Fucking cruises. Daft cunts wanting to look at sunsets and sip champagne. There are fish in this river."

"And prawns, I'm told."

"River-roaches are running hot after the big rain up stream. Don't get fucking time to have a chop at them though. Tourists and fuel bills and this is as much of a big night out for the missus and I as it is for you two. We couldn't afford to do this for ourselves. You're covering the fuel and the grog and paying for us to have a day off tomorrow... Cheers hey? She loves this stuff. Oh." He says conspiratorially, "We err... got things set like you wanted."

"Thanks mate."

"Nah. Ricky told me how you hooked him up. I don't know you, but if you're Ricky's brother then you're mine."

The hand that clapped me on my back almost drove the wind from me.

"You better get now. They'll start talking and then who knows what's gonna happen. Um... I drive fast. Tell your old lady to hold on. Two hundred and twenty horsepower and we just idle about all day. It's a fucking crime."

He swung us out into the deeper channel gently enough for Hana and me to find a spot up at the front holding onto the bow rail and sipping drinks. She had a cheeky pink champagne and I had a Boags. Ricky must have clued them in really well.

"I'm gonna start giggling and probably wee a bit." She laughed. "This is so damn 'you', Davey."

"Hey gorgeous. I think we both deserve a little bit of fun. This is just as much for me as it is for you. I need the Disney too, you know?"

"I know, spunky." She snuggles back into me as I hold her from behind and Wes feeds the boat some throttle.

"Oh my fucking god." Hana squeals and laughs simultaneously as we're thrust backwards. "Catch me Davey."

"You're not falling this time, gorgeous. We're learning how to fly. Here." I prise her right hand off the bow rail and stretch it out beside her. "I got you."

Without encouragement, she stretches both out arms out and plays her fingers on the wind that tosses her dark ringlets back against me.

"It's like that stupid movie. The one with the munted boat." She laughs and leans back on me.

We fly like a magic carpet over the still glassy-black waters and I hope Wes knows where he's going because I'm lost. Hana relaxes back into me and I'm equally lost in the warmth of her body against me after the last long week. It feels like I'm home again in the smell of her skin and the weight of her against me.

"Look." She tells me excitedly as our passage disturbs a flock of seabirds that had nested for the evening. They fly in a spiralling 'v' against the failing sunset. She turns as she watches them fall behind us until her smiling brown, almost predatory eyes find mine. We kiss like people lost in the desert drink from an oasis. Nervously at first like it could be a mirage or tainted, then we gorge like we haven't drunk for days.

"I fucking love you Hana." I tell her when our bodies decide our lips have had enough.

"Oh god, David. This last fucking week. Tu meke, taku tane."

"Shh... We're here now."

We lurch a little as Wes throttles the boat down and I turn to look back and catch Wes and Stacey snuggling at the tiller and smiling at us.

"Hey kids, it's slow from here with the lights full on until we find the muddy water pushing down. Then we'll switch to electric and Ricky tells me you're alright with a cast net, pretty kid?"

"Oh fuck yes!" Hana laughs. "David." She turns my face to hers, "When I was tiny, Ricky taught me how to catch bait off the moorings with a net. You'll see. It's been a while, but..."

Then she buries her face in my chest and I can feel her shaking and sobbing.

"Come on, enough of that sooking." Stacey laughs and pulls Hana off me. "Give me a hand with dinner chicky?"

"Yes please. I'm excited and I'm embarrassing myself." Hana giggles.

"It's not much. I wanted to do some nice things like we do for the cruises but David said you both just eat like sparrows at night time. So we've got horse's doovers for you if you can help me get the alfoil off. It's usually a lot fancier."

"I can't even say the proper word, but it sounds perfect, Stacey."

"David?"

"Yeah, Wes."

"Can you hold us steady up this creek while I get the nets and buckets, mate?"

"Sure."

The giant motor grumbles at being tethered to a washless trolling speed as I watch the man mountain grab fifty litre tubs and assemble them on the foredeck while the girls set a feast on the picnic table kind of thing under the canopy in the middle of the seating area. Soon enough, Wes makes a throat cutting gesture to me and I wind the tiller until it clicks into neutral.

"Thanks mate. I got it from here. Err... Want to drop the anchor while we eat?"

"Sure."

Hana is gushing to Wes and Stacey about something to do with sheep when I have the anchor firmly snugged against the incoming tide and join them at the table.

"Have a spring roll." Hana rolls her eyes. "Fucking delicious, Davey. Oh, do the sauce."

"What's this with sheep, gorgeous?"

"Oh." She drops her eyes and smirks through a deep blush. "I was talking to the Mum's through the week when I needed to. Kat clued them in and they rang me in a panic. Sorry."

"So, you can't take my calls, but..."

"Yeah, shit go Davey. Sorry."

"The sheep though?"

"Yeah, Dudley was talking about how you haven't diversified the farm into multiple income streams and suggested I could help grow the farm economy by exploring markets and resources. There's a big move locally with all the hipsters and moneyed up urbanites towards-" She does hand parenthesis, "Artisan clothing... It's dumb as fuck, cuzzy but you make these kind of ugly utilitarian things and market how it's all handmade and ethical and so on and they throw buckets of cash at it."

"Right?" I'm still lost.

"She's taking up knitting!" Stacey almost doubles up laughing. "You're marrying a grandma!"

Wes bumps her with his elbow and frowns. My heart sort of skips a beat as I wonder if Hana's going to catch on to my plans and 'pack a sad' as she'd say and go back into her cave.

"I love knitting, Davey. My Nan showed me how when I was little and it relaxes me. This last week, I made two scarves and a beanie trying to calm down. So, anyway Tan reckons I could swap out your ram for a Merino and we could eat or sell the shedders and shear any woolly ones. Maybe, keep the ram and swap in a few ewes... Either way, Kat's going to do the social media marketing and Ebony is going to do the Ebay stuff while she's preggers. We advertise as ethically farmed, hand spun, hand knitted and see where it goes. If nothing else, it will keep me busy while I try and calm down about living in a giant castle with my fairy tale prince."

"You love knitting?" I stuff my mouth with more of the delicious finger food in case I say something to spook her.

"You should make Willy Warmers." Wes laughs. "I saw some knitted things like little socks at the markets once. Supposed to keep the old fella warm."

"Come here." I whisper and pull her chin to me. "I love that you're dreaming. I love you. This is going to be big. Big good."

"You just want to get in my pants." She laughs and shoulder bumps me.

"Who wouldn't?" Stacey giggles. "The way Wes has been perving all night, I won't have to fill his script this month."

"You old dugong!" Wes laughs. "Come on kids. Dave, help me tidy this up. Stace, maybe you and the pretty kid can get up top and see what you can see with the spotties hey?"

We spent a solid hour and a half moving with the line of dirty water as the tide pushed it back up the creek. My job was to hold the spotlight from up on the solid canopy top and to keep it on the school of prawns that effervesced the clearer water. It was hard to focus on the prawns. Hana's joy and skill with the big cast net was thoroughly distracting.

Stacey was busy tipping prawns into the central icebox with its slurry of iced salted water and cleaning the mullet while Wes and Hana took turns with the net. No matter what else happened this evening, Hana's excitement each time the net came back in heavy with prawn and the occasional mullet that were chasing them, was reward enough for me.

As we got further up into the mangroves, the catch dried up and Wes announced it was time for beer and a rest.

"Couple of lines at the back there. You kids put a prawn on and get them out quick smart. There'll be predators hanging around trying to catch the last of them." He winks at me then follows me forward when I move to fetch beers. "We'll do that thing now mate?"

"You know... No. It would just be showing off. She deserves a little old fashioned, I think."

"Your show old mate. It would have been nice to see the look on her face but."

"Yeah. But I think it would be too much after all the excitement."

"Come on. I wasn't kidding about the fish. I've caught Barramundi in the past. Big fellas chasing the stragglers who didn't get up in the shallows quick enough. Shit, look. She's on! That's the way Stace! You gotta love a chick who loves fishing."

"Hi." I tell Hana quietly as she stands at rail smiling into the night.

"Here hold this a second, spunky." She passes me her rod and her beer, then when my hands are full she wraps herself around me and snuggles into my chest. "This has been perfect. I should have let you take me on a date sooner. I can't remember when I've had this much fun. I'm going to shut-up and fish now before I say something dumb about forevers."

I kiss her head as she snatches her rod back and takes up the slack.

"Milf." I tell her quietly.

"Man, I love fishing." She laughs.

A tentative tug on my handline distracts me then the line burns through my hands and I forget myself as well as I battle my first fish for the evening.

"Bout nine o'clock, I reckon." Wes tells me. "Should be getting back. Tide's dropping now. We'll drop you two off and Stace and I might fish the run out."

Hana is helping Stacey clean the fish up front and packing them into one of the tubs with some ice. Between us, I've caught a nice flat head and two big bream and she's caught a whopping Trevally and a small Mangrove Jack that fought like a freight train without brakes. Wes and Stacey out fished us soundly so we're all going home with a good feed of prawns and fish.

"Say that again, I dare you." Wes chortles.

"Wesley!" Stacey warns. "If you don't stop laughing, you'll be cleaning your own deck for the rest of the month."

"Woah love. The pretty kid just said she'd clean my deck for me, Stace. Don't read anything into it... It's just her accent." He's bent double and Hana laughs along with him as she uses the deck hose to spray him playfully then continue cleaning the scales and such off the aluminium floor.

"If you had to buy that much fish in the shop it would cost you a couple of hundred dollars, not counting the prawns even, mate. We've had a pearler of a trip. It's paid for itself I reckon." Wes tells me as he pulls anchor and stows ropes.

"Yeah, it's been..." I just shake my head remembering Hana's joy.

"You hang on to her. Not too many women like fishing. Fewer still get their hands dirty like that. She's a keeper."

"I'm doing my best.'

"All we can do."

Hana snuggled in silently beside me on the couch at the front for the trip home. There was a far-off look of happy contentment in her eyes.

"I wish tonight didn't have to end." She smiled across at me. "If I forget to tell you later, I've had a brilliant time."

"Me too."

"You were just perving on some Milf all night."

"Fishing's not the same without her."

"You better hang on to her then, eh?"

"So, I'm told."

"Seriously, Davey. Hang on to me. You give me wings. You keep me flying. You believe in me when I worry and you... I just wish... I want so much... I'm... shut up." She slaps my chest and snuggles closer.

The rest of the short trip back to our jetty was silent; just the grumble of the big motor and the splashing of our wake as a soundtrack. There were moments when I wondered what she was thinking about and I'd turn to find her smiling at me.

As Wes brings the boat down off the plane and points us at the jetty, Hana lifts her face to mine and asks, "What are 'they' doing?"

"Helping us with the fish maybe." I smile as I make out her family waiting on the jetty. She waves to them as we pull in and I help Wes unload half the prawns into a bucket for us with our share of the fish. Hana gushes excitedly to her family about our night and Amara throws me a shrug and a raised eyebrow.