Waiting for the Exeter Express

"There's been an incident sir. The station is closed."

"What sort of incident? My wife's on the platform."

"I'm afraid that's all I can tell you sir. Now I must ask you to leave."

I had no idea what to do next and more out of routine than anything else, I went back to work. It's surprising how well you can function in a state of shock. It's a bit like a plane flying on automatic pilot. That's how I was, shutting out the possibilities and going through the motions of an afternoon's work.

At four pm the head of department came into my lab.

"Mr Johnson, you're wanted in my office. I'll cover the rest of this class and I'll sort out the rest of your day."

When I got to his office I wasn't surprised to find the same policeman I'd met at the station. Eugenia was standing next to him. He asked me to sit down and gave me the bad news. Witnesses had stated that a man had bid her a fond farewell on the platform. She appeared to be upset after he left. As the express roared through the station, she calmly turned and stepped off the platform into its path. She never stood a chance.

The funeral wasn't a big affair. James delivered the eulogy. I noticed a couple at the back of the church. Two people I didn't know. As the coffin was carried out I went over to thank them for coming. They tried to leave but the door was blocked by the coffin and pallbearers. As l offered my hand to thank them for coming, the man burst into tears and between sobs kept telling me how sorry he was.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Do I know you."

He continued to sob so his wife spoke for him. "No you don't know us Mr Johnson. My husband was driving the train. He's been like this ever since. I told him it was a bad idea, but he said he had to come."

I threw my arms around the man and hugged him. As I slapped him on the back I spoke to him. "It's not your fault old chap. She just used your train to do what she wanted to do. There was nothing you could do, nothing any of us could have done."

His wife squeezed my hand."Thank you "she said and led her husband away.

At the graveside there were more tears, some genuine some not. Both of my sons were obviously upset. The pastor said what he had to say though I heard none of it. We all threw our bits of soil down onto the coffin and one by one people drifted away. A light drizzle started to fall and I found myself alone looking down at the coffin.

"You know Ric this isn't the way it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be me lying down there, while you stood here gloating about moving Stiffdick into our house. For what it's worth I never considered the train driver either. I guess at that point I was being just as selfish as you."

"Don't worry, I'll look after our boys. You know they love you and I guess, in a way, so do I. I certainly didn't want it to end like this."

I threw a last handful of dirt onto the coffin and walked away. Eugenia was waiting for me at the churchyard gate. She was holding open the door of the limousine waiting to take us home. James and Peter were waiting in the car.

"You'll have to be strong for those two," she said. "And I'm going to be strong for you."

It was three weeks before the boys returned to university. Their colleges had urged them to take the full term, but I think they wanted to bury themselves in work. I insisted they spoke to the counsellor on a weekly basis.

With them gone I felt able to let my own grief out. As Eugenia reminded me, I had lost twenty two years of my life. I'd lost someone that I had loved and at one time had planned to grow old with. It was normal to feel the loss. Whenever I dissolved into tears, she was always there to support me. Of course that only made me love her more and within three months I asked her to marry me.

Mama, Papa and Iannis will be coming over for the wedding. If I were Neville I would be watching my back.